Six weeks. Six weeks was all it had taken for them to end up here, Finn thought as he lay in Rachel's bed staring up at the ceiling fan. Her body shifted into his as he played the moments over in his mind. Her voice moving him in a theatre full of people. The way she danced and spun around him all night. A kiss on the sidewalk. A sigh escaped his lips as what followed invaded his memory. It was a kiss on the sidewalk that set his soul on fire, that made him feel something, something he hadn't felt in ages. And he had let himself get lost in that feeling. What it had lead too was a tangle of lips on lips, skin on skin, warmth and sunlight. The way she sighed and moaned underneath him. Her body withering as his skin quivered under her touch. Heat and passion. Reckless abandon. Desire. Need. And longing. A pure longing to feel that connection to each other. A connection that he had often wondered if he'd ever truly let go of, a connection that after tonight he wondered if it had ever went away. Finn let out a sigh of his own as the thought triggered sensations that took over his body and mind. If he's let himself he could get drunk on the fresh memories in his mind. The feeling that washed over him as he replayed the night was one he could only describe to himself as something real. He reached his arm up and moved his hand from Rachel's back and behind his head. Her body shifted and tucked in against his and he felt her fingers move and dance a pattern over his bare chest before the sensation of her lips touched his skin.
The silence in the room had made her wonder if he was even awake. Sleep hadn't even been an option for her after everything that had happened that evening. She had merely been lying awake memorizing the feeling of his skin against hers, the way their legs were tangled together, and the sound of his breathing. She wanted to freeze the moment in time and stay in it forever. When she felt him move Rachel pressed her lips softly to his chest before he looked up to his face. "Are you okay?" She softly asked breaking the silence of the night. The look on his face was unreadable and it made her wonder if there was regret buried deep in his eyes that were staring up at the ceiling. The last thing she wanted was for him to regret their night. The last thing she wanted was for him to leave in the morning and run away, the way she couldn't help but feel he might.
Finn kept his eyes on the ceiling fan as he licked his lips and blew out a breath. He tried to force his mind to go blank. He tried to force himself to focus on Rachel's body against his and the way he wanted to just bury himself inside her and hold on to the feelings he'd felt then. But the mind wouldn't let him, his emotions wouldn't let him. It was as if she'd opened a flood gate and there was nothing he could do it stop it. His eyes squeezed closed as he reached his free hand to rub down her shoulder, the action more to comfort and calm himself than her. "Right before spring semester midterms started our senior year Alison found out she was pregnant. And I didn't freak out or anything. I was happy, I was thrilled. Steve and I were already putting the wheels in motion to open up the store. All I saw was future in front of me. I was dreaming. And they weren't big dreams but I was dreaming. And then," He stopped to choke back a lump in his throat and close his eyes. "Then when she lost the baby... It went away. Before I would close my eyes and see the future and after that I would close my eyes and just see darkness." His expression tightened and his face scrunched up as he tried to fight away the emotions that flooded forward on him. Emotions he's tried not to feel back then. Emotions he didn't want to feel right then.
Rachel reached up to brush away the hint of a tear that was started to fall from the corner of his eye. She wasn't sure what to say or even if she should speak at all. So she simply brushed the tear from his eye and ran her hand down his face. Something in her knowing he'd never opened up to anyone else the way he was opening up to her.
Finn felt his skin quiver and then relax under Rachel's touch; the simple action urged him to continue on. "It was only darkness when I closed my eyes so I figured maybe I wasn't supposed to ever dream. Because all dreaming had ever done for me was break my heart. Everything I had ever loved, everything I ever thought I could call mine... It had all been taken from me." His jaw clenched and he swallowed several times as the hand behind his head bunched his hair up into his fist. "So I gave up. I stopped caring. I stopped giving a fuck about anyone around me. Myself included. Myself especially. I didn't care that I was hurting people who loved me because as far as I was concerned they were better off not caring about me. I blamed myself for everything that had every happened because it kept happening to me so it had to be my fault. For some reason I didn't deserve to be happy." The last of his words came out as a bitter spit and his face displayed a self loathing. He took a hard swallow and in vain tried to choke back the bitterness, "When Alison brought me divorce papers, and I didn't even try to fight her on it. Didn't even bother to read them. I signed the papers right there in front of her. Then I drove out to Lake Cowan and threw my wedding ring as hard as I could into it. On the way back home I stopped got some Jack and a case beer. I stayed drunk for I don't even know how long. I would get up, go to the store, then go back to the apartment and drink. I just wanted to stay numb." His voice had dropped from angry to just above a whisper and bleeding with pain. "And I've stayed comfortably numb for a long time. I replaced drinking with a house. A house I could pour my energy into and make my own little spot in the world. Like four walls I could lock myself inside and no one could ever touch me. I can go home, turn the lock on that door and it's just all gone. It's all locked out."
Rachel fought back her own tears as he spoke. The thought of him in so much pain made her heart shatter, but she knew this wasn't the time for such selfishness. So she fought away the tears and instead reached up and gently caressed her fingers through the side of his hair.
"Rachel I can't tell you the last time I let myself really feel anything. I can't tell you the last time I was happy. Honestly happy," He reached his hand from behind his head and pressed his fingers to his eyes from and moment before sliding the hand down his face and moved it until his fingers reached her chin. "Until you showed up at my store." His fingers tilted her face up to meet his eyes as he cleared his throat. "It was the last thing I expected but when I saw you... I was happy. And right now, with you here, I'm happy. I've been so lonely and so lost and I never even realized it until right now because right now I'm happy." His voice cracked and Finn quickly cleared his throat to cover the emotion before he looked down at her. His eyes crinkled and her gave her a close lip smile unsure as he still tried to fight back the emotion. Rachel bit her lip at him for a moment before she gave way to a full smile and that was all it took to melt his armor. The tears of a million emotions he'd held back for years fell forward through his clinched eyes and tight expression.
His words, and the way he'd spoke had been enough to make her heart break for him. Rachel let out a soft breath against his chest. She had always been one to talk but at that moment she didn't have the words to comfort him. She didn't have the words to explain everything he's been through or save him from the pain he'd felt. A pang of guilt ran through her gut as she realized the happiness she had caused was what was forcing his fought off emotions to fight to break through. Her hand reached and caressed his face to wipe away the fresh tears. She ran the hand still wet with his tears down his chest and used it to push herself up. "Stay." She whispered as she moved her lips to kiss away the tears she hadn't been able to catch. Her mouth moved and began to pepper his face with soft kisses, her lips cleaning the salty tears from his face. "I don't care for how long. Stay forever if you want," he whispered and moved her lips to meet his mouth as he willing accepted her kiss.
Finn's hand reached into the soft locks of her hair as she moved herself over him and he lifted his body up to meet her. Again the feeling of warmth and sunlight and the taste of honey filled his senses. He was feeling again. Six weeks was all it had taken for them to get her. Six weeks was all it had taken for Rachel Berry to make him feel again. She had broken passed his resistance and made him feel again. He flipped them over and stopped to look down into her eyes. Eyes that seemed to look into his soul. Eyes that had always accepted him for who he was damage and all. Finn moved his head and pressed his forehead to hers as he nodded softly in response to her request. Tomorrow they would draw the curtains and it would be a new day, with new emotions and things to figure out. Tonight he wasn't going to let any of that matter. Tonight he was happy and for the second time he was going to let himself give in and get lost in Rachel Berry.
00000
The smell of coffee lingered through the house as Alison slipped on a robe and followed the smell to the kitchen the way she did every morning. Usually by this point in the morning Steve was long gone. The only sign he had been in there kitchen would be the fresh pot of coffee and a sweet post it note attached to the handle. But as she turned the corner into the kitchen her eyes were met with a rare Tuesday morning sight. "Morning," she mumbled in her sweet sleepy voice as she made her way to fix herself a cup of coffee. "I thought you'd be gone. It's Tuesday, you don't have to go pick up Finn?"
"No need," Steve cleared his throat and took a long sip of his coffee to finish off the cup. "Finn called about an hour ago. He's taking a vacation."
"Vacation? He hasn't taken a vacation since you two opened the store. Not even when we invited him. That just means he's not ready to come home from New York. Obviously Rachel got to him and he's not ready to leave." She cocked her head to the side and gave her husband a grin.
Steve shrugged his shoulders and poured himself another cup of coffee. "I guess not. But that doesn't stop business from running." He said flatly.
Alison leaned against the counter for a moment before she walked over and ran her fingers through Steve's hair, "You can make do just fine without him. He always does when we go on vacation, you'll do the same. This is a good thing. Rachel, she's good for him. Really good if he's leaving Ohio and taking vacation on his own accord."
A deep breath left Steve's lungs as he tilted his head into her hands before he shook it at her. "I know. And I was all for it. I still am but... I know Finn as well as anyone and I don't know," he paused to shake his head as his nose scrunched up. "I just... I know Finn and I have a bad feeling about this." He shrugged again trying to brush the feeling off as he moved to wash his coffee cup out in the sink.
Her eyebrow went up for a moment as he turned his back to her, "I'm going to go get Jace up and ready. You go to work," she walked forward to kiss him on the cheek. "And you're feeling? I'm sure it's just because it's something we're not used to. I'm sure it's wrong."
Steve turned the water off and let his cup fall into the sink as he felt Alison pull away from him and quickly disappear into the hallway. "I so hope so," he quietly said to himself.