Chapter 70: What If?
"Stop looking at your fucking watch. It won't hurry anything up." Alex said, sitting in the chair just as nervous as Derek, but didn't let it show.
"It has been 5 fucking hours." Derek grumbled, standing up out of the chair he was sitting in.
"At least Ellis decided to wait by herself. I couldn't have taken that bitch in here for this long." Alex said, rolling his eyes.
"Meredith seems okay having her here." Derek said, thinking about their conversations over the last day. They had the chance to have a few over the last day. The last conversation they had alone was this morning for a few minutes, enough for them to see the fears of the other without verbalizing.
"She is hoping her mother will a be a mother for once. That is all Meredith wants, is her mother's approval. That is what anyone wants out of a parent, but some don't ever get it, no matter how hard we try. That is what you can't understand." Alex said forcefully with a hard look on his face.
Derek sensed Alex was in a similar situation as Meredith. Meredith had made enough comments that Derek knew Alex and Meredith were like siblings due to similar upbringings. It was like a bond they shared that others couldn't understand. Derek started his pace again, his mind overloaded with possibilities. He couldn't help but think about what all of this could mean. He didn't even want to think about it. "What if…" Derek whispered to himself.
"What?" Alex asked quickly hearing something come from Derek.
"Nothing." Derek sat down, plopping into the chair frustrated. He loved Meredith and wanted the best for her. He had heard the doctors as much as Alex. There was a good chance of her never walking again and/or worse. He would not admit it to anyone how terrified he was.
"She will be okay." Alex said as if he could read Derek's mind.
"We don't know that." Derek said matter-of-factly.
"She is a fighter. She will get through this." Alex wished he could truly believe these words.
Derek let a hint of a smile cross his lips, "She is a fighter. There is no doubt about that." His smile faded completely, and he said very quietly, "But what if fighting isn't enough."
"It has to be." Alex said with a shadow of doubt over him.
Derek ran his hand through his hair, something that he has been doing every few minutes it seemed. "What does this mean for her career?" He wondered. It was something he wanted to know, but was too scared to say anything or ask anyone else.
Alex didn't really want to answer this question. This was something he didn't prefer to think about. He was pretty sure he knew the answer. "There will be a few options, none of which will allow her to fly again." Alex said gravely.
"What sort of options?" Derek was pretty sure he knew the answer to this question, but wanted clarification.
Alex sighed loudly. This was actually something he and Meredith had talked about the day before when they had a few minutes alone to talk. She had asked him what he thought, confirming the same thing she had assumed as well. "They will probably offer her a desk job, possibly a teaching job, or she will be discharged." One thing he hadn't planned for is the look on Meredith's face when this was considered in their conversation. He could tell by the look on Derek's face, he was thinking along the same lines.
"Could she handle something like that?" Derek wondered not knowing this part of Meredith as well as Alex.
"I think there is only one reason she could." Alex knew if it wasn't for the possibility of being completely with Derek, she would be dying inside. But, as she said yesterday, it wasn't the worst thing that could happen.
"Hm." Derek thought to himself. He wondered if she would really be okay with not flying. He knew the thrill she got from flying and without that, he wondered what kind of person she would become. He also knew how much her mother's reputation weighed in on her career. She didn't have to say a lot for him to know that.
Before either of them could say anything else, they heard from the door, "She is almost out of surgery. Things seem to be going well so far or as much as I can get out of these people here." She said almost as if she were a robot with no emotion.
Derek and Alex were both glad to hear something being that in the 5 hours, they have gotten nothing. "Thanks for the update, Ellis." Derek spoke quietly breathing a little easier.
"I figured you would be interested. I am going to run down and grab something to eat. Would either of you like anything? I am sure you haven't eaten." Ellis spoke with a hint of care in her voice.
"I am fine." Alex said quickly.
"I think I will pass for now." Derek knew he couldn't eat until after he saw Meredith awake.
"You both need to eat something." Ellis reminded them.
"Why don't you worry about yourself and let us worry about ourselves." Alex said pointedly at Ellis.
"Fine. Starve. That will do everyone a lot of good." Ellis left the waiting room on that note.
Derek looked to Alex, "Why do you have to be such an ass?"
"You don't have a fucking clue. You haven't seen her as much as I have go through the shit she has." Alex said quickly.
Derek didn't say a word. He knew the one time he saw her fall apart after Ellis had been there, it was bad. He couldn't imagine going through that more than once. He just knew one thing, as long as he was there, he would protect her. If Ellis ever tried to pull the shit she has done in the past, she would be dealing with the wrath of Derek, but for now, it seemed Ellis was really trying. He knew it meant a lot to Meredith even though he could tell her guard was up when Ellis was around.
"Family for Meredith Grey?" They heard a flat voice from the door.
Derek jumped up immediately with Alex on his tail. "Yes, we are here."
They waited for the doctor to say something, anything while his expression was neutral, like he was trained to do.