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Chapter 19 - Confessions.
Dov waited in the car watching Andy and the street simultaneously while she bounded up the stairs and knocked on Sam's door.
He insisted that he would wait until she went inside, if she went inside.
When Sam opened the door he was really stunned to find Andy standing there looking like she thought she was making a mistake.
"You okay?" He asked without hesitation. She wasn't supposed to be out in the street, he'd collaborated with Callaghan on her protection detail.
"I'm fine, got time for a coffee?".
Sam stepped aside and Andy turned to wave at Epstein before she stepped inside.
The air around them seemed to shift to common ground when they made it into the lounge and Sam gestured for her to sit down.
Sarah had just left and he was about to leave to see if he could find Andy because he was done with the case and done hedging around the things running through his head.
"Want that coffee?" Sam said for lack of anything else to say as he stood watching her look around the room while trying to scrape some courage together to say whatever it was she wanted to get out into the open.
"I um, didn't come here for coffee" she admitted looking directly at him.
Sam raised an eyebrow at her blatant declaration. He figured that they'd do the whole coffee thing first.
"I came to say thank you, for getting me back. And I'm sorry I was so cold towards you, it was just so... Overwhelming. I'm glad you're home and okay Sam".
"Just glad?". He didn't mean for the challenge to slip out, but he had hope that somehow it would more than just a glad.
"More than glad". Andy blushed, her face showing herself unguarded in the moment.
She looked so much better, the swelling and bruising had subsided and she almost looked like her old self.
"Why... Why did you come for me Sam?" The mood shifted in an instant when she asked that. Sam knew it was the real reason he found her standing on his doorstep.
Sam walked up to her, took her good hand in his and led her to the couch where he sat down and tugged her with him.
She didn't show any indication of wanting to reclaim her hand, so he kept hold of it.
Sam stared straight ahead before looking down and opening his mouth. It was time to tell her everything. "Cassie Od'd at sixteen and I felt responsible. I knew that she wasn't herself but I never guessed that she was dabbling in drugs" Sam took a breather.
"She was hanging with some guys I fenced stolen car parts to, and when I asked her what she was doing she said that she was living, and told me to stay out of it. I left it alone after that and three weeks later she was gone". Sam drew in a really long breath. Andy was squeezing his hand like she was feeling how hard it was for him to do this.
"The day she died, I felt that something was wrong. We always had this connection... If she felt sick I knew it. If she was sad I was miserable". Sam let out a small smile and a whispered chuckle at how lame that sounded.
People always spoke about the unseen connection that twins had, he had lived it and sometime wondered what the point of it all had been.
Sam sneaked a glance up at Andy to find her eyes misted over. She also had questions hiding in them.
"The list was found a few weeks before I got shot on the drug sweep. I passed out and woke up two days later and Callaghan told me that I had said 'let me die and send me under' when he got to me. So, he did".
Judging by Andy's face she didn't know that Sam had asked for the op or to what extent Callaghan's help ran.
"When I was in, the doors just kept opening and we got swallowed further and further into the underworld. I went with it because making a bust like this is unheard of. I couldn't pass it up because I kept thinking about how many Cassie's I could save".
Andy had given him her undivided attention, but he could see that nothing he had said had answered her question. The silent one that she just didn't know how to ask.
"I never... I didn't think you would..." Okay so that didn't come out as planned.
"Didn't think I'd take it so badly?" Andy answered for him.
"I thought it changed, because we changed" Sam said letting his own guard down. He could feel it slipping, but he wanted her to see it.
Andy looked away and tugged her hand back as if Sam's skin had scorched hers. She let out a groan like she was suddenly facing uncertainty.
"You Sam, you changed" she whispered and shuffled around like she was about to stand up and walk out the door. He could see her mind conjuring up thoughts like he perhaps thought that she didn't love him enough to miss him when he 'died'.
"That's not what I said. I didn't say that you didn't feel enough, or that you didn't feel anything. I just didn't know that you felt that much then" Sam said the second she found her feet and took a step to the side, away from him.
Sam found his own feet and turned to face her his hands next to his sides in body language that was meant to scream that he wasn't defensive, he was open to carrying on with this conversation.
"I changed because it wasn't enough anymore Andy. It was never enough because I always wanted more. Nights when you weren't here I couldn't sleep. Mornings waking up without you were frustrating and empty. How was I supposed to...".
Andy took a step backwards, her leg knocking into the table behind her causing her to nearly stumble over. Her face was cast in shock like he'd slapped her at hearing him say it wasn't enough. Two seconds later it changed to a look of complete and utter bewilderment when he said he wanted more.
"Sam, you broke up with me".
"It was a stupid mistake Andy. I got scared okay. And I didn't want you to run".
"Why would I run Sam?".
Sam took two strides towards Andy, reached out and took her hand before pulling her through his house until he reached his bedroom and stopped them in front of his dresser.
Letting go of her hand Sam spun away and rummaged in his top drawer before he turned to face her.
"This is why I got scared, and pulled away. This is why I was scared you'd run. We dated what? Like nine months? And this was my next move, my next step until Oliver's divorce came through. The thought of you saying no or wanting out later had me more scared than I've ever been"
Sam reached out again and took hold of her hand. He lifted it up and set something square shaped down in it before his hands wrapped her fingers around it.
"I was thinking about the more, I wanted... Want with you, but I had no idea if you wanted more than what we had". Sam dropped her hand, stepped around her and left her personal space as well as his bedroom.
He had totally overstepped his boundaries and right now he didn't even want to see her face when she opened that box and then told him where to shove it.
He intended on telling her everything, overreaching was not really a part of the plan but it all happened so fast and he just totally lost control.
Sam was in his kitchen, his hands braced on the counter top, his head hanging, when he heard her emerge from his bedroom.
Andy stopped behind him, her arm reaching passed him as her hand went out to gently set the box down on the counter between his hands.
"I didn't look" she whispered before Sam felt her move away.
Her tone sounded star struck, and lost in awe.
He expected some kind of different reaction from her than the one that he was getting, but once again she managed to surprise him.
Pushing off the counter, Sam tried to school his features as he sought her out and tried to get a read on her.
Besides the fact that she was blood red, he had absolutely nothing to go on.
"I had no idea..." Andy let it hang when she figured out that he already knew that. He never wanted her to know it, but now- it had somehow slipped out.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean..." Sam said it the same time she spoke but cut it off too. He scrubbed a hand over his face in frustration and closed his eyes to block Andy's face from his sight. Whenever she was around, he just couldn't seem to think straight. It was their best attribute, and their biggest flaw.
"So, you thought I'd say no" she stated it rather than asked it, her voice finding a familiar sense of misery to it.
"Nope" Sam let his eyes open and seek her out. "I said I was afraid you would".
Sam leaned back and rested against the edge of the counter. Were they really having this conversation?
Andy opened her mouth to say something, but her phone chimed. So did Sam's somewhere close by.
Reaching for it Andy fiddled with some buttons while Sam watched her.
Whatever she had just read in the text she got made her really happy, a carefree smile crossing her face.
"It's over" she said letting her face tilt up to see Sam. "Nico handed himself in".
Sam let out a relieved breath. He had honestly never thought that it would be over. They couldn't find Nico anywhere, and nobody had seen him. Word was out that he was still looking for Sam and Andy but if he handed himself in there was less chance that anyone would come after them.
Sam found himself smiling just as Andy's phone rang and she answered.
He hated having to listen to one sided conversations.
"Okay, see you now". Was what she said before her call ended.
"Traci's on her way".
Great, so now their conversations and confessions session was over.
"Wanna come to the Penny with us?"
Sam appreciated her asking him, but she needed time with Nash now that she had been given some new found freedom to leave her home.
"Rain check?" Sam said in an attempt to clutch at straws.
"So, um?". She was trying to rekindle their conversation, but it's momentum was lost.
Sam was about to say something but Nash hit the horn when she pulled up outside. She was probably already driving to Andy's when she called.
"See you tomorrow?" Andy asked as she traced steps towards the door. She was back on shift tomorrow, although she would be stuck on desk for a while.
"Yup" Sam said and opened the door for her.
She waved awkwardly at him before hitting the stairs at a run, but she stopped just before getting into the car to give him one last look.
Sam went inside and closed the door, the world feeling like a better place in some departments anyway.
He was about to turn the TV on when his phone went off a second time alerting him to a second new text so he went looking for it.
A slow smile took residence up over his lips when he saw a text from Andy.
Opening the icon, he practically stopped breathing when he read 'I was afraid too. Afraid you'd never ask'.
*****thanks for reading! Seems we're getting somewhere now!
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Jelly Bean Jenna©