Author's Note: I know it's been forever since I've written an update. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get back to this. I hope I still have readers.

Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine. I only borrow them. Please don't sue me, because thanks to my fabulous job, I don't have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of.

Olivia's Dark Nights

Chapter 20

Elliot knew there was definitely something up with Olivia. For weeks now, Olivia had barely gotten out of bed. She went to her mandated appointments, came home, and got straight into her pajamas. She was constantly mumbling something about having a terrible headache and being nauseous. Whenever Elliot suggested she see a doctor, she shot him one of her death glares. She insisted that she had seen enough doctors in the past few weeks to last her a lifetime. Elliot knew Olivia was stubborn. He couldn't push much harder without her blowing up. For now, he would just take a step back and keep a close eye on her.

Olivia had been visiting the precinct a few times a week, but her visits had become less and less frequent. The squad had begun to notice.

"Elliot, where's that partner of yours? She ain't been around too much lately," Fin said to Elliot.

"She hasn't been feeling well again. I'm at my wits end. She has been feeling like hell for a few weeks now, but won't go to a doctor. You know how she can be."

Fin nodded. "Just keep an eye on her. We don't want a repeat of what happened."

Elliot shook his head. He was almost certain Olivia hadn't been cutting herself lately. He had seen her naked just yesterday when she got out of the shower. There were no fresh cuts. She hadn't looked physically well for quite a while now, so Elliot couldn't use that to gauge her condition.

"I hope she doesn't have the swine flu. It's all over the news. People put off being treated, and wind up 6 feet under," Munch said.

"Shut up Munch," Fin said obviously annoyed. "She doesn't have the swine flu. The entire squad was vaccinated against the seasonal flu, and the swine flu.

"Olivia wasn't. She kept avoiding Melinda until she finally gave up. Olivia insisted she didn't need the vaccine because she never gets sick," Elliot said rolling his eyes. "I wonder if Melinda would mind paying a house call," Elliot said thoughtfully.

Olivia laid in her bed with the down comforter pulled over her head. The ray of light streaming in through the wooden blinds was annoying her, but she was too comfortable to get up to adjust the window treatment. It was already 11 AM, and she hadn't even gotten out of bed yet. Like most mornings, her head was pounding, and her stomach churning. She knew there was a problem, yet she continued lying to herself that there was nothing wrong. In her mind, if she ignored everything it would go away. She slowly crawled out from under the white fluffy comforter. She had an appointment with the food police in an hour. She hadn't written in her food journal for a few days now. She was sure she'd receive a verbal lashing when she arrived at her nutritionist's office. She'd lie and say she had been eating well, and had just forgotten to record the entries. Truth be told, she hadn't eaten much the past few days. She was entirely too nauseous to keep much down.

Forty minutes later, Olivia was dressed in dark jeans that used to be fitted, and a cashmere charcoal grey cowl neck sweater. Normally she wouldn't go out without her hair and makeup done, but today she didn't have the strength. She was a second away from cancelling her appointment with Doctor Hecht. She wondered to herself why she was putting herself through this; all of these appointments with shrinks and food cops. She wondered if it was really worth it. Was she even getting any better? Everyday she thought about jumping off the roof of her apartment building, and ending it all. That was a little secret she kept to herself. She knew if she admitted it out loud to her therapist, she'd be back in the nut house faster then she could slap a tick. Olivia zipped up her jacket and grabbed her bag and keys as there was a knock on the door.

"Who the hell is knocking on my door? Everyone I know should be at work."

Olivia threw her bag over her shoulder, and unlocked the door.

"Melinda," Olivia asked, surprised at the doctor's presence. "What are you doing here in the middle of the day? Shouldn't you be in the morgue cutting someone up?"

Melinda smiled. "Every once in a while a doctor has to make a house call."

"I hate to disappoint you, but I was just on my way out. I have an appointment with my nutritionist."

"I know. I thought you could use a ride."

Olivia knew Melinda was up to something.

"Why would she drive all the way to my apartment in the middle of the day just to give me a ride up town," she thought to herself.

Olivia eyed Melinda suspiciously. "Alright Melinda, if you don't mind."

She followed Melinda cautiously to her car. Olivia knew she was up to something. Melinda was up to her elbows in corpses and lab work at the morgue. She hardly had the time for social calls in the middle of the work day.

"How have you been Olivia? I haven't seen much of you lately. With this swine flu outbreak, and the general craziness in this city, the entire public health office has been a zoo."

"I'm good. Feeling a lot better lately," Olivia lied.

Melinda knew this was her opportunity. She wasn't one for beating around the bush.

"Olivia are you really feeling better? You look like hell. Elliot told me you haven't been acting like yourself."

"That bastard," Olivia thought to herself. Ratting her out to Melinda was like reporting her to IAB.

Melinda could see the fire burning behind Olivia's eyes.

"Don't be angry Liv. Elliot's worried; Rightfully so after what you've been through recently. What's going on with you?"

Olivia didn't know what to say. She could see the concern in Melinda's eyes.

She didn't want to talk about it. She felt a lump form in the back of her throat. She wanted to hold everything back. She wanted to smile, and pretend all was right in her world. Her emotions had other plans. Tears started welling up in her eyes.

" I….I…don't know what to say," Olivia said sobbing.

Melinda pulled into a parking space. She turned to face Olivia.

"Liv, what's going on? You know you can trust me."

At this point Olivia was sobbing uncontrollably. "Melinda I'm pregnant. I don't know who the father is."

Melinda's reached over to hug Olivia. Olivia was crying so hard she could barely breathe.

"This wasn't supposed to happen. I took the emergency contraception! All these years I've wanted a baby of my own, and then it happens like this! Just as things were going so well with Elliot and I."

Olivia was gasping for air.

Melinda took Olivia's hands in her own. "Liv, calm down. Are you 100% sure that you're pregnant?"

"I took a few box tests, and my OB confirmed it yesterday afternoon. Melinda, I don't know whose it is….1 of the men from the shore, or…"

"Or who Olivia," Melinda asked even though she was pretty sure she already knew the answer.

"Elliot," Olivia said in a very low tone. "We've been together since I came home. We weren't that careful. Melinda, what am I going to do? I can't have a baby like this. I feel like I've become a slut straight off of Jerry Springer."

Melinda didn't know what to say. She certainly didn't expect this. "How far along are you?"

"About eight weeks."

"Melinda could see the fear on Olivia's pale face. She didn't have any advice to offer that wasn't a cliché.

"Olivia, have you spoken to Elliot?"

"No, you're the first person I've told. I can't tell anyone. I'm too ashamed."

"Have you made any decisions?"

"Melinda, I feel so numb I can't even think. All I can do is lay in bed and hide."

"You know that isn't going to change anything Olivia. You need to make a decision for both you and that baby. Olivia, you know I'm here if you"

Olivia wiped her tears. "Thanks Melinda. That means a lot."

"Olivia, why don't you skip your appointment? We'll go for a cup of tea. Talk some more."

She smiled slightly, and wiped her tears with the back of her hand. "Okay, as long as you have the time. I can call and cancel my appointment."

As Melinda drove, Olivia thought to herself about her true plan. Her dark secret that she would have to keep until the time was right.