It was the next morning. "Campers!" Chris announced over the loudspeakers. "Welcome to the semi-finals! Today, we reward our challengers with a buffet of all your favorite foods!"
Confessional: Gwen
She was drawing in her notebook. "So I actually made it to the Final Four. Just goes to show you how far a bad attitude can get you."
Confessional: Heather
She was powdering her nose with makeup. "Whatever. I knew I'd make it to the end. Big shocker! I just can't believe Weird Goth Girl made it."
Confessional: Mike
He was filing his claws. "I figured my unique skill set would get me pretty far in the competition, but it's a bit depressing that some of my friends aren't here, too." He sighed.
Confessional: Dave
He was putting hand sanitizer on his hands. "Well, well, the Final Four. I honestly can't believe someone like me would make it that far. But now that I have, there's no going back now. I'm in it to win it!"
End Confessionals
"Mmm," Gwen gushed as she ate a piece of meatloaf. "This food is actually pretty good."
"About time Chris treated us well," Heather commented as she used a pair of chopsticks to eat some rice and teriyaki chicken.
"What's that, Dave?" Gwen asked him as he ate some vegetables.
"Ratatouille," Dave replied after finishing his bite. "My mom used to fix this when I was little." He gave a sad smile. "It's been a while since she made it, though," he sighed.
"Something happen?" Mike muffled, spewing out bites of his deer meat.
"Ew, Mike!" Dave gagged. "Eat with your mouth closed!"
"Sorry, man." Mike lifted a glass of clear liquid but Heather swiped it away. "I wouldn't drink that," he advised her.
"Like you can tell me what I can and can't eat and drink," Heather shot back. She took a sip but immediately spat it out. "This water's too bitter!"
"It's not water," Mike corrected. "It's the deliciously pungent taste of...vinegar." Heather kept coughing. "You are a freak," she told Mike between coughs.
"Meh," Mike shrugged, "Been called worse."
Confessional: Gwen
She was still sketching in her notebook. "Yeah, the money would be awesome, but you know what would be sweeter? Making sure Heather loses."
Confessional: Heather
"Luckily, I'm up against the freakshow, the animal and Germaphobe, so they may as well just give me the check. I mean, come on. I think we all know who's gonna win."
Confessional: Mike
"Frankly, I don't care who gets into the finale. Me getting there would be pretty neat, and I'll give a few props for Heather. She makes a pretty good rival."
Confessional: Gwen
"If I win, I'm gonna buy Camp Wawanakwa so I can burn it down and turn it into a graveyard."
Confessional: Dave
"Considering Chris said this was the semi-finals, he'll either make the finale have three people or make the semi-final another double elimination. Though I'm not sure how I'll fare with either option."
Confessional: Heather
"When I win, I'm thinking of my own spin-off series, 'The World According to Heather'."
Confessional: Mike
"But honestly, Gwen and Dave deserve the money more than I do. I'm not sure what to do at this point."
Confessional: Gwen
"Personally, I've had enough drama to last me a lifetime. I mean, Dave's cool and Mike's okay, but over two and a half months with Heather was about as much fun as a mouthful of impacted molars."
Confessional: Heather
"Sure, over eight weeks with these losers is cause for insanity, but at least the mothership knows where Gwen is now so they can retrieve her. Dave will be at home with Greenpeace, and the local animal control shelter can bag and tag Mike like the dog he is."
Confessional: Dave
"I never won a competition before. The closest I've ever gotten was when my mom and I won third place in the local gardening competition." He sighed as he wiped away a tear. "I really miss her."
Confessional: Heather
"Sure, Mike has won a few times thanks to his strengths, but he also has a few weaknesses to exploit."
Confessional: Mike
"I think...maybe I should help get Heather out, then forfeit so Gwen and Dave can win the million dollars. I mean, I never came here for the money. Besides, I don't even know what to do with that kind of wealth!"
Confessional: Heather
"And Dave's a complete coward! Chickens can take a cue from him."
Confessional: Dave
"I'm not sure if I can win this. I mean, the next challenge will probably be some disgusting eating thing or mud-wrestling or something along those lines."
Confessional: Heather
"Thankfully, Gwen has no strength. She's just a low-rent gutter punk with dragon breath and ugly hair."
Confessional: Gwen
"Heather's strength is obviously her bottomless pit of mean. I'm banking on her massive ego to be her downfall."
Confessional: Dave
"I might as well just suck it up if I have to go toe-to-toe with the germy, dirty challenge." He gulped.
End Confessionals
"Campers," Chris announced as Gwen, Dave, Mike and Heather sat in some seats with crates in front of them, "Welcome to the semi-finals. The producers ran out of insane ways of torturing you, so, they asked the ousted campers for ideas. Turns out they had a lot. They provided us with the sickest, most twisted and insane dares imaginable in TDI's version of...Spin the Bottle!" A wheel with a huge bottle and everyone past competitors' pictures on the back was shown. "Starting with Izzy, Amy, Samey, Sol, Trent, Cameron, Cody, Staci, Zoey, Jasmine, Justin...Noah, Rodney, Helga, Topher, Leshawna, Max, Lindsay, Beth, Lightning, Sierra, Leonard, Ella, Owen, Tyler, Dakota, Sam, Harold, Sky, Shawn, DJ, B, Sugar, Austin, Geoff, Bridgette, Dawn, Phoebe, Beardo, Duncan, Destiny, Greg, Jo, Courtney, Alejandro, Brick, Eva, Katie and Sadie, Scott, and the homeschooled misogynistic country boy, Ezekiel. Put them all together and we've got a high-stakes game of I Triple Dog Dare You!"
"What is this, grade five?" Heather complained. "Why don't we just do seven minutes of heaven in a tacky basement closet?"
"Forget it," Mike told her. "Me and Dave are already taken."
"Each player will take turns spinning the bottle," Chris explained. "The camper that you land on determines the dare you'll perform. You can take the dare yourself and win a 'Get Out Of Dare' Freebie, or inflict the dare on a fellow camper in hopes of booting them out."
"And if we refuse to do the dare?" Dave asked.
"Oh, not a good option. The first two that chicken out of their dare will be sent directly to the Dock of Shame, board the Boat of Losers, do not go to bonfire, do not collect marshmallow, and do not get to win one million dollars."
Confessional: Gwen
"Wow, a sudden-death double elimination? Good one."
End Confessional
"Okay," Chris announced, "Who's ready to humiliate themselves first?" Everyone got nervous looks. "Oh, what the heck?" Gwen decided as she walked over to the wheel. "Let's get this over with."
Confessional: Chris
"Okay, so here's the deal. Chef and I have a little side bet going. Whoever pukes first has to pony up a hundred bucks."
End Confessional
Gwen spun the bottle, and the end landed on Duncan. "Duncan's dare," Chris announced, "Lick Owen's armpit." Everyone got horrified looks. "But Owen isn't here, so..." Mike pointed out.
"Already handled," Chris told him. "Roll him in, interns!" Two female interns rolled Owen on a trolley. The girl on the left had short dark hair, a blue sweatshirt, black pants and blue sneakers. The girl on the right had blond hair down to her shoulders, a pink tank top under a plaid intern vest, black jeans, black fingerless gloves, pink sneakers, and a pink guitar wrapped around her. "Owen here's running wild," the girl on the left rapped, "Cause the dares involving him sure aren't mild!"
"That's a good rap, Nikki," Owen complimented as he stepped off the trolley. "Don't you think so, Helen?"
"No doubt," the girl in the right nodded, "But that doesn't mean I'm losing my bet. In something like this, Dave'll probably be out first."
"You didn't see the dares they'll play," Nikki countered, "Mike will lose, that's what I say."
"We'll see about that."
"Moving on," Chris cut in, "Gwen, you can perform the dare yourself or dare one of your competitors to do it. Either way, someone's licking some armpit in the next minute."
"I triple dog dare Heather," Gwen decided with a grin. Heather got a horrified look as Owen walked up and lifted his arm. "You could imagine you're licking an ice-cream cone," Owen suggested.
"Shut up, Owen!" Heather lashed at him.
"Minus the B.O."
"I'm warning you!" Heather nervously licked Owen's armpit. "Oh, and the pit hair," Owen added. Heather gagged before falling over. "That was so sick!" Chris exclaimed as he and Chef looked over her. "I nearly puked!" Chef eyed him. "Nearly."
Heather removed an armpit hair from her tongue before spinning the wheel. It soon landed on Ezekiel. "Ezekiel's dare is...chew your own toenail slowly."
"Gwen!" Heather declared. "I dare Gwen!" Chef put down a chair. "Don't choke on it, honey," Heather taunted to Gwen as she walked up. Gwen removed her boot and she sat down. Chef clipped off a toenail and handed it on a platter to Gwen. She bit into it, to the other's disgust, and began to chew it. "Uh-uh-uh," Heather corrected to Gwen, "He said chew it slowly." Gwen slowed down her chewing before swallowing the toenail. "There," Gwen said. "Satisfied?"
"Very," Heather smugly replied. "I'm just picturing Trent watching this, and something tells me he won't be eager to lock lips with you anytime soon."
"Oh, and Alejandro will be so happy to kiss your pit breath," Mike lashed back as he walked over to the bottle. "Anyway, I don't care what the dare is, I'll do it. Bring it." He spun the bottle, which landed on Austin. "Austin's dare," Chris announced, "Let Mud drag you through the wheelbarrow leg of the Oopstacle Course."
"Mud?" Mike asked, confused.
"That's what he named the pig we had to relay," Dave informed him. Mike got a worried look. "Oh, no," he gulped. A moment later, Mike was strapped into a harness while Mud was standing at the start of the path of grease. Chris blew his air horn, spooking the pig into running. "WHOA!" Mike shouted as he was pulled off his feet and dragged through the grease. "Slow down! AH!" Mud suddenly stopped, flinging Mike off and making him crash into a large boulder. "Sweet Sirius, that hurts," Mike groaned as he slid down.
"Mike wins the first Freebie," Chris announced as he placed a bottle at Mike's seat. "Dave, you're up." Dave gulped before stepping up. He spun the wheel, which landed on Beth. "Beth," Chris announced, "Rechewing a wad of Harold's gum." Dave nervously eyed the chewed gum in the jar. "Just watch," Helen whispered to Nikki, "He'll either say no or he'll say-"
"I WILL take the dare!" Dave declared.
"Ew!" Gwen and Heather gagged.
"Dude, it's chewed gum," Chris pointed out, "Harold's chewed gum."
"It must be pretty special if he saved it," Owen giggled.
Confessional: Dave
"I figured it's only going to get more gross from here, so I might as well start building up some grosness resistance. But if I start belching the alphabet or performing armpit farts, then I know I have officially lost my head."
End Confessional
Chef held up the wad of gum on a pair of pliers. Dave closed his eyes and began to chew the gum, to everyone's shock. "It's fruity," he noted, "With some citrus. And...a crunchy center?" He realized what the 'center' was as the camera zoomed in on Harold picking his nose. Chris and Chef gagged as Dave blew out a bubble, which popped all over him. "Dave wins a Freebie," Chris announced.
"Does it come with a tetanus shot?" Dave weakly asked before passing out.
Confessional: Gwen
"This could be harder than I thought."
End Confessional
(cue commercial)
"Welcome back to TDI's semi-finals," Chris announced, "And a challenge we like to call I Triple Dog Dare You. Gwen, you're up next." Gwen spun the bottle, landing on Cody. "Drop a tray of ice cubes into your undies and let them melt," Chris said.
"That's it?" Gwen asked. "I can handle that." Chef passed a bucket of ice to her. She grabbed a handful and put them in her underwear. "Now that's one cool chick with a frosty 'tude," Chris teased, "Chilling by the-"
"Just give me the stupid Freebie!" Gwen interrupted as she grabbed the bottle.
"My turn," Heather declared, "And I'm taking the dare. I don't care what it is!" Se spun the bottle, which landed on Tyler.
Confessional: Heather
"There's no way I was letting those nerdlings get ahead of me. I mean, how bad could the dare be? I'd already licked Owen's armpit!"
End Confessional
Heather stared in horror as Owen laid on a huge plate and Chef filled his belly button with grape jelly until it was full. "Sorry," Owen said.
"Shut up, Owen!" Heather yelled at him.
"Twice in a row's gotta stink."
"I mean it!"
"Especially since I never wash in there." Heather gagged. "Not cause I don't want to," Owen continued, "I just forget." Heather gathered her strength before slurping all the grape jelly out. "Hey," Owen told the stunned Heather, "You didn't puke this time!" Heather simply gagged. "You still cool?" Chris asked Chef, who nervously nodded yes. A moment later, Heather was on a stretcher with breathing equipment. "Okay," Chris announced, "We'll give Heather a few more minutes on life support before we start the next round."
"Snacks while you guys watch the fun," Nikki announced as she carried a plate of sandwiches over, "PB&J, anyone?" Heather puked at the mention of it. "Her loss," Nikki shrugged. "What about you guys?"
"I could eat," Owen replied as he and Helen grabbed a sandwich.
"Cheers," Helen giggled as she and Owen toasted their snack.
Confessional: Nikki and Helen
"Me, Nikki and the other interns saw the clips of the show," Helen said. "We know what Heather put everyone through."
"Anyone else would've done the same," Nikki added, "If it knocks down Heather's desire for fame. Um, that rhyme could be a bit better."
"Oh, come on. It was great." Helen gave Nikki a hug, making her smile.
End Confessional
Mike spun the wheel next, landing on Jo. "Let the squid tree spin you around after downing a chocolate milkshake," Chris announced. Mike gagged at this. "Being tossed around like a rag doll by that pig was brutal enough," he told Chris as he held back his puke, "But I don't want to add nausea to that mixure. I think I'll use my Freebie on this one."
"Not a bad choice," Dave commented. "Trust me, I've been there."
Confessional: Mike
"Is it me, or was that challenge made for me? As in, to specifically get me out. I mean, anyone who knows me knows that chocolate makes me hurl."
End Confessional
Dave spun the wheel next, landing on Izzy. "Yeah, Izzy!" Owen exclaimed. "Give us a good one!"
"Give a purple nurple to a sleeping bear," Chris said.
"Um, sure," Dave replied. "I can handle that."
"Dude, are you sure about that?" Mike asked him, slightly worried.
"I've got this." Dave suddenly blanked. "What's a purple nurple?"
"Better start preparing your will," Mike told him, "And pray that Helga isn't watching this." A moment later, Dave was creeping into a bear cave. "Easy, bear," he told it, "I'm just gonna do a quick pinch right-" The bear tore him up after he performed the dare, and he ran out screaming. Later, Chris was handing the dazed Dave a second Freebie. Gwen spun the wheel next, landing on Harold. "Lick Owen's toe jam," Chris said, making her eye Heather.
"Oh," Owen realized, "Is that what that black gunk is?"
"I'll use my Freebie," Heather decided.
"Good call," Chris agreed. Heather spun next, landing on Geoff. "Drink powdered fruit punch from the communal toilet," Chris announced. Heather pointed at Gwen. "Quite the predicament, Gwen," Chris commented, "Do you use the Freebie, or do I save it for an even sicker dare down the road?" Gwen got a nervous look before plugging her nose. "I'm going in," she nasally decided.
Confessional: Chris
"So totally sick. Chef's going down!"
End Confessional
In the bathrooms, Chris dumped some powdered fruit punch down a toilet before mixing it with a plunger. "No way," Chris commented to Gwen, "That's so gross!" He chuckled as he passed her a straw. Gwen leaned down and took a long sip with the straw. She gagged before running off and puking. Chris and Chef also gagged, but they swallowed their puke, to their disgust.
Mike walked up to the wheel next. "At this rate," Heather taunted to Gwen, "Trent's gonna need a fumigation squad just to-" Gwen burped in her face, silencing her. Mike spun next, landing on Ella. "Ha!" he laughed. "An easy one. C'mon, Chris, give it to me."
"I don't know," Chris slyly told him, "It's pretty bad."
"Bubblegum's a complete pacifist. She can't think of anything bad."
"Really? Ella's dare is...wear the armor from the Phobia challenge for an entire minute."
"WHAT?!" Mike cried out. Chef sat the armor on a stand. "Wait a minute," Helen realized, "Wasn't that armor part of Mike's phobia?"
"So," Chris asked the nervous Mike, "What will it be? Complete the dare, or walk the Dock of Shame?" Mike eyed the silvery armor, then the Dock of Shame, then the armor again. "I can't do it!" he cried out. "It's just...too much for me."
"Aw, little Wolfie's whimping out," Heather teased.
"I'm not a-" As Mike stomped his feet in protest, the suit of armor fell on top of him. "AHH!" he screamed out in pain. "GET IT OFF!" He managed to toss the armor off of him, with the others staring in horror at the boy's look. "B-be honest, guys," Mike squeaked out, "Is it bad?"
"Oh, yeah," Dave gulped as he saw the red burns all over Mike's exposed skin.
"Mike, head onto the Boat of Losers," Chris announced.
"Yeah, yeah," Mike replied with annoyance as he scratched his wounds. "Just be lucky I'm not a sore loser." He soon walked off. "Looks like I won the bet," Nikki told Helen. "You know what that means. Ten bucks and-" She passed her a mop. "Bathroom duty."
"Well now," Chris continued, "With one camper out, we still have plenty of challenges to get another out. Dave, you're up next." Dave let out a breath as he spun the bottle, landing on Scott. "Eat dog food," Chris said.
"Wow," Owen breathed out as he hugged Dave, "You're getting all the good ones."
"Might as well get it over with," Dave shrugged.
Confessional: Dave
"Actually, this dare is not new to me. When I was feeding my dog Mops after I gave him his morning walk, I tripped when he wrapped the leash around my legs. Some of the dog food got in my mouth by accident. The weird bit was that it wasn't half-bad. At least compared to Chef's gruel."
End Confessional
"Dude, you have two Freebies you can use," Chris pointed out, "Better yet, you could dare an opponent, like say, one without a Freebie?" Heather just glared at him. "You still have a bit of jelly on your lower lip," Gwen teased.
"Oh, go stick your face back in the toilet," Heather whipped back.
"No, no," Dave told Chris, "I'll do the dare. It'll only get worse from here, right?" He quickly ate the dog food before gulping it down. "It's, um, meaty-tasting," he commented. This was the breaking point as Chris puked. He passed a hundred bucks to Chef, who grinned until he puked as well. Gwen, Heather, Nikki and Helen followed suit. "Man, that was sick!" Helen gagged. "And not in a good way."
Confessional: Chris
"Okay, that was so gross!" He puked again. "Is there nothing these freaks won't do?!"
End Confessional
A montage of the various dares were played. For Sugar's dare, Heather had to be fed raw eggs by Chef. For Leshawna's dare, Gwen had to tightrope across an alligator pond while wearing steaks and hams. For Cameron's dare, Dave had to dress up like a baby. For Anne-Maria's dare, Gwen had to kiss a dead fish, making Chris puke and Chef gag. For Alejandro's dare, Dave had to wear a beard of live bees for a certain amount of time. For Sol's dare, Heather had to fight Mr Big Teeths. "I can't believe no one else has dropped out yet," Nikki commented. "Those challenges are nasty and brutal!"
"I can't believe Dave has twenty Freebies," Helen added as she saw the Freebies on Dave's seat.
"Great job, man!" Owen congratulated Dave as he hugged him. He then played 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' on the bottles. "Gwen and Heather have squat," Chris announced, "But not to worry. There's still plenty to be motivated about." Owen played 'Shave and a Haircut', ending with two armpit farts. "Owen," Dave scolded, "I'm barely holding my gag reflex back." Gwen suddenly pulled him over. "If you help me take down Heather," she whispered, "I'll share my winnings with you."
"But what if you don't win?" Dave asked her.
"I'll help set up a date with you and Sky?"
"You know how to drive a hard bargain. Plus, I want this challenge to be over with. Deal! Chris, can I split half my Freebies with Gwen?"
"Uh, sure," Chris answered. Gwen took half of Dave's Freebies. "Hello!" Heather complained. "Ix-nay on the onspiricy-cay. That is totally unfair! Get out your rule book and do your rule-checky thing! They're obviously gonna gang up and whoop me with dares. There has to be a rule about this kind of thing!"
"Sorry," Chris told her, "Them's the rules. Not a rule to be had. Nada." Heather just groaned in frustration. Gwen spun next, landing on Courtney. "Drink a blended puree of Chef's mystery meat," Chris said.
"Eenie, meenie, minie, Heather," Gwen decided. Heather nervously gulped down the pitcher, though it looked like she was about to puke. A montage of Heather's dares played, from being in a pool of leeches to acting like a chicken to even slapping herself. As a bruised Heather spun the wheel, Dave and Gwen happily held up their Freebies. She then had to eat a live cockroach, making Nikki and Helen gag, kiss Chef's sock puppet as everyone watched, and be fired into pig poop after some was put on her head.
Gwen spun next, landing on Lindsay. "Finally, I catch a break," Heather breathed out. "There is no way Lindsay could think of anything bad."
"That's exactly what Mike said about Ella," Nikki commented.
"Ooh, I've been waiting for Lindsay's dare," Helen squealed. "Hey, Chris, can I tell Heather what she'll have to do?"
"Yeah, right," Chris scoffed, "But you're not gonna like this one. Have your head shaved by Chef."
"WHAT?!" Heather gasped. Gwen and Dave shared a high-five. "Lindsay rules!" Gwen cheered.
"What's it going to be, Heather?" Chris asked her as she was seated in a chair. "Are you going to do the dare, or the Walk of Shame?" Heather eyed the razor in Chef's hand, then the Boat of Losers Mike was on, then the razor, then the million dollar case, then the razor again. As Chef went closer with the razor, Heather kicked it out of his hand, making it fly in the air before landing on Heather's head. "NOOO!" she cried out as it shaved her head, leaving only a few stands. "Wha-?!"
"Wow," Chris blandly stated, "Well, that was an unfortunate accident. Looks like Heather's out."
"What are you talking about?!" Heather protested. "He shaved MY HEAD!"
"True, but you didn't actually accept the dare. If you had, you'd still be bald, but at least you'd be in the game."
"That was harsh," Owen told the cheerful Gwen and Dave, "Tough break." Heather let out a scream that could be heard from Playa de Losers. "Sounds like Heather has been eliminated," Dawn calmly said, with Leshawna nodding in agreement. Heather grabbed Chris by his shirt. "Sorry," he told her, "Them's the rules."
"I THOUGHT YOU SAID THERE WEREN'T ANY RULES!" Heather angrily told him.
"Yeah, it's complicated, but here's the rub. You lose, they win."
"We won!" Gwen cheered while Dave did a victory dance.
"WHOO-HOO!" Owen cheered as he hugged Nikki and Helen.
"Fine," Heather spat out, "But you'll be hearing from my lawyers!" She stormed off. "I know," Chris said as he tossed a pair of keys to Chef, "It's gonna be a long ride." Soon, Heather was standing next to Mike on the Boat of Losers. "A long ride to court when I sue you for everything you've got!" she spat out. The boat drove off. "And then there were two," Chris narrated as Gwen and Dave smiled. "Tune in to see who will win one...million...dollars on Total...Drama...Island!"
"You want drama?!" Heather shouted. "You'll be penniless! Jobless! Your name will be mud on every block from here to Cape Breton!"
"Oh, shut it already!" Mike snapped at her.
And we have our finalists! This has to be one of my favorite episodes from Island, if not the whole series. And how Heather got her karma is probably the best out of the villains.
The interns Nikki and Helen are OCs created by LaCuevademisgustos.
And the finale will be the next chapter! Who are you rooting for? Team Gwen or Team Dave? Until next time, this is Dunsparce519 sayig enjoy and have a safe and happy Fourth of July!