Hey Super Star Wars Fans!
I hope the Force is with you today.
So who is a big fan of the Expanded Universe/Legends? Much of my inspiration comes from those books. Speaking of inspiration, the following chapter is what sparked this entire series. I, like most fans, have had qualms with the Jedi Order's ways. And through this, a story started developing in my head. So much so that I had to write it down.
And here we are.
Chapter Eight
Kyra raised her blade up horizontally, blocking Ahsoka's two-bladed downward strike, then backed up. The Togruta pressed the advantage, swinging one lightsaber around, then spinning and attacking with her second blade, and finally spinning again, executing one wide arcing slice. Kyra blocked the first two strikes beautifully, taking measured steps backwards. The third strike came much faster than the first two. She cursed inwardly at falling for the varying-speed-of-attacks-trick and had to leap over the blade instead of blocking it.
Ahsoka, so agile in her movements, closed the distance while Kyra was still descending, she flicked one blade casually up, which Kyra barely blocked just as her feet were hitting the floor, completely off balance, and then Ahsoka brought her other saber across in quick slice to Kyra's wrist.
"Kriff," Kyra muttered, and turned her back to Ahsoka, taking a few steps away. I'm not just losing to a youngling; I'm getting destroyed by her. That's twice in a row.
The whisper came again, quick and incisive. "You are no Jedi."
The despair invaded. Dread and fear flooded her insides, fogging up her ability to focus. Suffocating her.
"Again," Aedan called out, the words sending a knife through her heart.
Please not again, she thought. She turned around and glanced at him. He stood there stoically, arms crossed over his chest, a blank look on his face. How could he be so uncaring? Can't he see how badly I'm struggling?
Kyra walked back towards Ahsoka, whose sabers were down at her side. She looked at her friend, and saw the understanding in her eyes, the sadness. "I'm sorry," Ahsoka mouthed, "Are you okay?"
Kyra nodded, squeezing her eyes shut, trying to keep the tears from falling. But when she closed her eyes, she saw the mask. Sa'kard's mask. Saw the sword slowly being pulled from Orrick's torso. And the fear grabbed hold. He haunts me when I sleep, and torments me when I'm awake.
Her eyes flashed open, and Ahsoka's look of concern and compassion helped. How can she realize what I'm going through, and my own Master can't?
Ahsoka continued staring, her blue eyes full of worry and question.
Kyra took a deep breath and shook her head. "Don't hold back," she whispered.
Ahsoka nodded.
"Begin," Aedan said from her left, and Kyra attacked swiftly, diverting from her normal tactics. She linked several strikes together, hoping to overwhelm the quick Togruta, who normally struggled with defense. But every cut was met and turned away, or Ahsoka simply spun, ducked, or slipped away from the attack. It was a thing of beauty. Had Kyra not been in her own personal hell, she would have been impressed.
Kyra continued on offense and went for a wide feint, followed by a quick stab aimed at Ahsoka's torso. She didn't fall for the feint and merely twisted her body, letting the blade pass by, and then she stepped forward, placing her right foot behind Kyra's foot, and simply applied pressure to her upper body, sending Kyra toppling to the ground. Before Kyra's back hit the ground, a blade was leveled just above her throat.
"I yield," Kyra said, and then let her head fall back to the mat with a thump.
Ahsoka took a knee next her and was about to speak.
Kyra cut her off, "Don't even think about apologizing. You were brilliant."
The Togruta just bowed her head, ignoring the comment, evidently far more concerned with her friend.
"That's enough for today," Aedan said. "I'll see you tomorrow." Then he turned and walked out without another word.
Kyra stared at him as he left the room, blinking away her tears. She hung her head and huffed. "You are no jedi." The whisper came again, biting deep like a blade.
"I can't do this," she whispered.
Ahsoka sat down next to Kyra. "Don't say that." she said. "Of course, you can. You've done so well and taught me so much."
"We've been practicing for weeks, Ahsoka, sparring nearly every afternoon and while you've excelled, I haven't improved at all, maybe even gotten worse."
"What's holding you back?"
"I...I don't know."
Ahsoka stared for a moment, then moved closer, and wrapped her arm around Kyra's shoulders. The gesture, though simple, was potent in its effect on Kyra. The sentimentality and honesty behind it were something she was so unaccustomed to. All she had ever been taught was that this was wrong, that affection for a friend was attachment, and attachment was forbidden.
How in Malachor could this be a bad thing?
She leaned closer to Ahsoka. "Thank you," she whispered.
"I'll always be there for you."
Kyra chuckled, "Aren't I supposed to be the one saying that?"
"Nope, we're a team, and share the responsibility. Plus, I'm Togrutan," she shrugged, "pack mentality is basically ingrained into my psyche."
Kyra smiled, tears still falling. "Don't Togruta packs typically leave the weak behind?"
Ahsoka shook her head, "Well, one, you're not weak, just going through a rough patch. And two, if I left you behind than I'd be a pack of one."
That caused Kyra to do a double take.
The young Togruta shrugged, "You're all I have," she said, staring down at the floor.
Moved by the revelation, Kyra reached out and put her hand on Ahsokas orange skin. "Thank you," she whispered. "But you have Master Kahl too."
Ahsoka smiled, "I know, but he's so...grumpy sometimes. He'll just be an honorary member of our pack."
Kyra quickly covered her mouth, trying to stifle the laughter, but failed causing Ahsoka to giggle in response. "He has been quite the irritable grizzly gundark lately."
Still laughing, Ahsoka nodded, "Just without the ears."
"Exactly."
Ahsoka stood up, and held out her hand, "Come on, let's go get dinner. I hear it's nerf nuggets tonight."
Kyra took her hand, and got to her feet, feeling marginally better. "Lead the way."
The next day, after a morning where Aedan and Kyra barely said a word to each other all throughout their workout, another failed meditation session, and a trite deflection drill with remotes, the two met in one of the sparring rooms for their late afternoon session, but Ahsoka was not present.
"It's just us today," Aedan said.
Kyra did little to hide her disappointment. She was struggling to hide her hopelessness. She had nightmares last night again, causing her to be afraid to fall back asleep. So, she assessed her situation. While she had gotten stronger and faster and fitter, and her lightsaber technique was exceptional, she was having more and more trouble finding the force, even with Aedan's calming mantra of "Find your peace." It was just no longer there. Sa'Kard's demon mask kept creeping into her thoughts. And it was driving her insane.
"Jedi aren't afraid. They don't have nightmares. They aren't weak. You are no Jedi."
She heard this over and over, incessantly. Whispers in the night. Malicious murmurs anytime she closed her eyes. She felt like the force was avoiding her, like it knew how emotional she was getting, how compromised she was, and had deemed her unworthy of its power. And there stood Aedan, calm and collected as always, and never. Freaking. Opening up to her. Ever. She tried relaxing, but nothing worked. No peace came to her, only flashes of a silver and black sword, Sa'kards unnervingly casual approach, or her master's dead eyes. She couldn't take it any longer.
So, when Aedan brandished his training saber, she surged forward, teeth gritted, and attacked. He calmly parried the blows. She struck with everything she had, and soon shouts and curses began echoing through the room. Her footwork became sloppy, her cuts jerky and awkward. She was off balance, but she continued forward, pressing the attack, her rage and fury fueling her strikes. Aedan merely played defense, nonchalantly intercepting her swings. She screamed, aiming a slice right at his head. He ducked under it, stepped forward, and slammed his blade down on top of hers as she tried to swing again. Her training saber fell to the ground, but she immediately transitioned to hand to hand, and tackled him to the mat. Aedan pulled her into his guard, his legs wrapped around her hips, controlling her center of gravity. She began raining punches down. No technique. No precision. Just anger filled punches. Aedan, still relaxed as ever, parried, and ducked, and dodged the strikes, until she over committed on a hook, and he just shifted his hips, and pushed against her shoulder, sending her rolling to Aedan's right. He quickly got on top of her hips now, and then pinned her wrists to the ground, their faces a mere foot apart.
Kyra struggled for a few seconds, thrashing about, but she was going nowhere. Realizing this, she stopped resisting, and the fight went out of her. Aedan released her, sat off to the side. and she immediately covered her eyes and began crying. The crying turned to weeping, and then to sobbing. She couldn't handle this. She was coming apart at the seams.
"Kyra," he whispered, putting his hand on her shoulder, but she brushed it off, and continued crying.
"It's okay, Kyra. I'm here for you. I know you're going through a tough time. I'm here to help."
"No, you're not," She responded venomously, "You don't help at all. You just train me, but you never let me in. You never see what's going on inside here," she said putting to her head, "or here," tapping her chest. "How can you not see that I've been dying inside?"
"I've seen that since the first day we had together."
Disbelief marred her face. Then anger. She jumped to her feet, and looked as if she was about to run out of the room. "And you let me suffer all this time?" she asked through clenched teeth.
"I'm sorry, Kyra. I've clearly gone about things in the wrong way. I..." he shook his head. "I thought that pushing you to your limits would keep your mind off what happened and would force you to adapt. Clearly, that is not the case," he pinched the bridge of his nose, and then sighed. "Will you come and sit with me?"
She shook her head. "How can I? And how can I trust you now, knowing that you watched me break down and did nothing to help."
"Kyra, I suffered every day that you did." Aedan said.
"What?" Kyra asked.
"Just trust me," Aedan said.
"You keep asking me to do that, but haven't given me much reason to."
"Have you not improved, Padawan?"
She hung her head, "I just thought I'd be more."
"More what?" he asked, "And why do you want more? So, you can be the most powerful Jedi, and be the talk of the temple?"
"No," she said, "Of course not."
"Then why?"
"So, I can save people," she said defiantly. Then she hung her head, and whispered, "So I don't lose anyone else."
Aedan nodded his head solemnly, "I know."
"Do you?" Kyra said, putting her hands on her hips.
"Please, Padawan. Sit."
Reluctantly, Kyra sat down in front of him, but kept her eyes on the floor.
"You miss Orrick." At that she looked up sharply, gathering some sort of denial, but then she looked back down in shame. The admission broke her down even more.
"Kyra, I miss him too. Far more than I've let on. I miss him because he was my friend, because I grew attached to him. Just as you did. Just as you're growing attached to Ahsoka."
"But attachment is forbidden," she said weakly through her tears.
"Correct," Aedan said, "And that is where we have failed as an order."
Kyra's eyes widened, "What?"
"How the council, or any Jedi for that matter, expects one individual to spend every single day with another for around ten years and not grow attached is absurd. Knights and their Padawans train together, eat together, meditate together, and fight together. A force bond even forms between them. Restricting an emotional attachment is wrong and has caused more harm than good."
Kyra was dumbstruck.
"Kyra, it is okay to feel emotion. It is okay to be sad that he has passed. It is okay to be afraid. And it is okay to be angry at the one who killed him."
"That's not what the Masters teach!" Kyra nearly yelled, "That's not what the code says!"
Aedan closed his eyes and shook his head. "Your old Master and I had our differences, but he trusted me. Will you try and hear me out? Please."
She let out an exasperated sigh, which Aedan found far too endearing, and then nodded.
"Thank you," he said, "Now grab your robe, we're going out."
"Out?"
Aedan led her out of the temple and into the sheer vivacity of the sprawling city. He immediately sensed Kyra's bewilderment and turned to look at her. Her eyes were wide, darting this way and that, seeking anything and everything that may hold answers, or pose more questions. She even lifted her nose up to the and sniffed, trying to soak up as much as she could from the environment. She finally noticed Aedan was watching her, and bit her lip, and looked down at the ground.
"You have been outside the temple before, right?"
Kyra bit her lip, "Yes, but..."
"Not often?" he asked.
She shook her head. "And never at night."
"Come on, Padawan," he said with a smile, "There's much more to see."
They walked on through the city streets, several times Aedan had to wait up for her as she would fall behind looking up, mouth agape, at the monstrous sky-piercing buildings that they walked among, or at the many lanes of traffic with thousands upon thousands of starships traveling the way.
After walking several blocks, strolling through the Federal District, Aedan turned a corner and the walkway expanded into a wide-open plaza. A grand fountain with glowing blue lights marked the center, and a variety of shops, bars, and restaurants surrounded the plaza square. The place was alive with people and music and lights.
He walked them to a restaurant with an outdoor patio that had an unobstructed view of the plaza. A waiter took them to their seats and they both sat down, gazing out at the bright shining world around them.
She was clearly overwhelmed by the bustling square, and all its lights, sounds, smells, and antics. Aedan watched her intently, seeing her eyes dart this way and that. Her thoughts shown plainly on her face. Fascination, confusion, fear, and wonder. The corners of her mouth turned up, her lips parted, and teeth bared. She couldn't hold back the smile, and her eyes gleamed. She looked impossibly beautiful.
Aedan quickly shook his head. That was the wrong line of thinking. As much as he was trying to teach her to live, he could not go down that path himself. She needed him to be a teacher, and a friend. That is all. Plus, she was too young.
"Recite the first line of the Jedi code," he said, waking her from her revelry.
Kyra flinched, not realizing she was lost in her thoughts. Redness flooded her cheeks. She was embarrassed at being caught. Now, a frown marked her face.
Once again, she thinks she's failing.
Aedan contemplated the dilemma. Was this wrong, to go against what she had been taught her whole life? No, she was coming undone. She feels things so intensely, her fear and doubt will be her ruin if I don't help.
"There is no emotion, there is only peace."
"Right, so the code implies that emotion is negative, and that peace is the opposite," Aedan said, "Look at the two friends there greeting each other near the bar next door." They both looked at two young men shaking hands warmly, smiling, and laughing in joyful camaraderie. Kyra saw them, and he felt her resonance in the force bloom.
"See them through the Force, Kyra. Close your eyes." He saw her do just that, and sink into her focus.
"What do you see? What do you sense around them and between them?"
"The…Force."
"Exactly. Is it light or dark?"
"Light."
"Now look at those children over there" he gestured to a group of children—one human, one Zabrak, and one Rodian. All running around, playing, and laughing.
"Is the force with them as well?"
"Yes," she whispered.
"Dark or light said?"
"Pure light," she said with a smile.
"What does Master Yoda say about us, that we are what kind of beings?"
"Luminous beings are we," she said in her best Yoda impression.
He couldn't help but chuckle, "Now look at the couple near the fountain." A human man and a female Twi-lek were hugging, kissing, and smiling as widely as their faces could permit. "It's the same, isn't it? The light side surrounds them,"
Kyra blushed as she saw them, but still nodded.
"Forget what the rest says, what are the last few words of the Code?"
"There is the force."
"There is only the force. It's in all things, and it responds in kind. It returns only what you give it. The Sith or Dark Jedi, or anyone that turns to the dark side are weak because they gained power the easy way. It is easy to be angry, and hard to forgive. It is easy to be afraid, and very hard to be brave. It is easy to give into temptation, and the hardest thing in the world to stay disciplined. But those that forgive, that are brave, and that are disciplined are stronger because they surmounted the struggle.
"I do believe in the code, but a person without emotion is more like a droid, and that's not what the galaxy needs. The galaxy needs people, especially Jedi, to be more than that. To come alive. To be heroic servants and to be relatable.
She blinked a few times, then looked away, taking in his words, and seemingly rolling them around in her head. "Okay, well what about the third line, about passion?" It was hard for her to ask that.
"The romantic couple, was there passion there?"
"Yes."
"Was it wrong?"
"No."
"No, not at all," he agreed.
"But for a Jedi it is different."
Aedan nodded, "Very true, like everything in life there must be balance. And passion, or a romantic relationship, can hinder a Jedi's mission, or ultimate goal."
"And what is a Jedi's ultimate goal?"
"To protect the innocent and help those in need. Fight against injustice and vanquish evil. To keep the dark at bay and serve the will of the force. That comes first. We were given the ability to make a difference and so it is our duty, our destiny, to use it for good. But to deprive or prohibit anyone, even a Jedi, from emotion, from feeling joy, sadness, or love, and from forming relationships is just wrong, and a recipe for disaster."
"But Jedi must be held to a higher standard."
"Absolutely. But that higher standard shouldn't be eliminating emotion, attachment, or love. It should mean that we harness and control these emotions better and use them for good. That we can still feel but maintain our focus. That should be our higher standard.
"I know this is a lot to consider. I don't expect you to think the same as I do. You are completely free to follow your own path, and I will continue to train you to the best of my ability. But I just want you to realize that's its ok to feel emotions. That doesn't make you unworthy or a bad Jedi. It's just our responsibility to be in control of these emotions.
"But all that being said, this is what I want you to know and believe most of all: You, Kyra, are going to be a great Jedi knight. It doesn't matter that you are naturally powerful. What matters is that you have a fantastic work ethic. You are intelligent and wise. But most importantly you have a big heart. You're quick to laugh and even quicker to lend a hand, no matter what. You bring light to every room, which is the epitome of a Jedi."
Kyra just stared at him, unable to speak. So, before she even tried to, Aedan said, "Come on, let's get a drink."
"A drink?" Kyra asked. "What kind of drink?"
"Well, this place is known for its refreshing beverages, so I'd figured we'd try one, though we'll have to go the non-alcoholic route obviously."
Kyra smiled widely, "Sounds great, Master."