This chapter's a bit of a filler but it had to be included...
Justin felt like shit. He'd been curled up on the sofa all afternoon, Emmett one side, Deb the other, and they were sharing a tub of ice cream with three large spoons, watching a marathon of girly rom-coms and bitching about men incessantly.
"They're bastards," Emmett said sucking a large dollop of ice cream off his spoon. "Only after one thing and then they're gone."
"Too right," Debbie agreed. "They never want a conversation or a commitment."
"If I were a girl," Emmett said decidedly, "I'd be a lesbian." Then after some thought he added, "if I didn't, you know, have to eat pussy," he shuddered dramatically and in any other circumstance, Justin thought he would probably have laughed. But he just sat watching some generic blonde girl fall into the arms of some generic brunet with perfect pecs. It was the same story over and over with just the tiniest of changes. Boy meets girl, girl loves boy, boy loves girl; they get married and live happily ever after.
Oh to be a hetero … or a hero in a Hollywood rom-com, life was so easy for them. He sighed, scooped up some more ice cream and ate it dejectedly. It wasn't helping. He let the spoon fall back into the tub with a splat and allowed his head to loll back, onto Emmett's shoulder. He closed his eyes and tried not to think about the fact Brian had left or how all this girly ice-cream and man-hating was driving him mad. He just needed to be up and doing something, something productive, like looking for Hunter.
"Sweetie," Emmett said carefully, noting the pained expression on his young friend's face. "He's not worth it. Honestly."
"No," agreed Debbie. "He's just a selfish asshole, who never cared about anyone but himself."
"That's not true," Justin shook his head slowly. "He cared about Michael. He cared about you too, Deb. And you Em. He thought Ted was some kind of genius," he smiled as he remembered the way Brian used to praise Ted whenever the man was out of ear shot. "He helped his friend Marv out so that he could live the fairytale happily-ever-after with his boyfriend and god knows how many other people he looked out for on the way … and me," he whispered, staring at something on the wall that no one else could see. "He loved me."
Justin didn't miss the sceptical look that Emmett and Debbie shared. He was miserable, not blind. He didn't miss the forced, lying tone in Debbie's voice as she squeezed his hand and placated him.
"Of course he did, baby," she soothed.
Justin just squeezed his eyes tight. She really thought that after everything that had happened Brian had only been tagging him along because he was an easy fuck. Had she not seen the way he was with him in the attic? The way he'd said 'I love you' the night he'd been arrested. The way he'd begged Justin to promise him he'd stay safe, the way he'd looked and said 'I love you' last night when they'd made love. The pain in his eyes when he'd had to say his final goodbye. And then he realized that 'no', Debbie hadn't seen any of that. No one had. Brian hadn't let anyone know how he felt about Justin except Justin himself and now he had to cling on to that truth with both hands because no one around him was going to reassure him.
Just then, happy music coming from the television signaled the end of the film and brought Justin with a thud back to the 'getting-over-Brian-party' that he seemed to be stuck in at the moment.
"Ooo," Emmett clapped his hands together as he picked up the next DVD. "10 Things I Hate About You," he smiled, "this will cheer you up."
Justin doubted that very much but he forced a smile and Emmett beamed back at him, going over to the TV to change the movies over.
"Christ," Ted groaned as he came down the stairs for the first time since Emmett and Debbie had sprung this movie-marathon on Justin after lunch. "Is this still going on?"
"Teddy," Emmett scolded, putting his hands over Justin's ears as though he were a particularly sensitive child. "We're cheering up Justin, no negativity." He removed his hands from Justin and smiled encouragingly at him. "You're feeling better already, aren't you sweetie?"
"Sure," Justin nodded slightly but he didn't sound convincing even in his own ears but in Emmett's ears, he must have sounded fine.
"See," the queen beamed. "It's helping." Then to Ted, he added, "why don't you join us?"
"No … thank you," the older man declined politely. "I only came down here to ask if we could put the news on for a few minutes. I want to know what they're saying about Brian's release."
"Ted," Emmett frowned immediately and the older man looked naturally confused. "We're not saying his name."
"What? Why?" He asked, and then following Emmett's completely unsubtle point to the youngest member of the family, he said, "oh … sorry, Justin."
"It's okay, honestly." And that was the first honest thing Justin had said for a while. "Have they mentioned the case at all yet today?"
"Only on the internet," Ted answered, flicking the smaller kitchen television on. "They said that Brian's been released following the discovery of some important evidence."
"Like the fact I'm still alive," Justin smiled a little.
"Mm," Ted frowned as the headlines ran across the bottom of the screen. He pointed to the one about Brian. "Not exactly," he sighed.
Justin gasped as the words 'Brian Kinney released on bail as Police searching for evidence in the OUTlaws hideout in West Virginia find suicide note in the boy's writing' rolled across the bottom of the screen. The reporter went on to explain that the suicide note had meant the date of Brian's trial was being swapped with another undisclosed trial.
"That'll be Rikert's" Ted explained. Then noting the pained expression on the kid's face, he asked anxiously, "you okay?" He wasn't able to cope with queen outs or fits of tears. He'd probably just panic and throw tissues at the kid until it stopped.
"I'm okay," Justin answered quietly. Ted knew he wasn't okay but if Justin wanted to pretend then the least he could do was pretend too. "I mean," Justin continued, "Brian said they were going to drop the murder charges. I guess this was the only way." Justin shrugged and forced a bit of a smile.
"I guess so," Ted nodded. He looked at the younger man and finally found himself trying to offer words of comfort. He didn't know why. Maybe because he actually sort of liked the kid, or perhaps because Justin just looked so miserable or perhaps because it just seemed like the right thing to do.
"He did love you, you know," he said confidently.
Justin smiled a little. "Yeah," he asked. "How can you tell?" He almost laughed. Then he sighed heavily and sat in the dining chair next to Ted. "Debbie and Emmett think it was all in my head. I mean, they haven't said it but … I can tell."
"Well, Debbie didn't see you together at the house and Emmett loves a drama," Ted smiled fondly and Justin couldn't help smile too. "But you knew," he continued firmly. "And Michael knew, that's why he acted the way he did." Justin just nodded mutedly. He was sure Ted was right, at least he thought he was sure. "And," the older man added, "he wouldn't have said it if he didn't mean it."
Justin's eyes shot up to meet the older man's; they were squinting a little with confusion. "How do you know he said it?"
"Last night," Ted answered scrunching his face up a little. "I'm in the room next to you and the walls are kind of thin. He said it loud enough for both of us."
Justin laughed. Actually laughed and he sort of felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders if only a little.
"I guess you're right," Justin agreed
"This is just his way," Ted nodded, "whenever anything big happens, whenever there's something crucial or important, he pulls the elusive Brian Kinney act and disappears. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you and it doesn't mean he won't come back."
"Well, if he does come back he'll end up in prison," Justin sighed. "I don't want that. I'd rather know he's in Madagascar fucking lots of beautiful men on the beach and … fighting off a lemur that's trying to steal his $200 Prada shoes," he smiled.
Ted chuckled a little and patted the younger man clumsily on the back, "I'm sure he'd rather be fucking you," he said and Justin smirked a little. Suddenly, Justin flung his arms around the older man's neck. Ted looked more than a little confused by the gesture and patted Justin somewhat awkwardly on the back.
"Now," the kid said when he'd pulled back. "We need to find Hunter. We have a week until Rikert's trial."
Finally, he thought, something to take his mind off Brian. Now, he finally felt like he was going to make steps towards the justice Jason Kemp and he himself, deserved.
::
A week, that was all they had to relocate Hunter and persuade him to stand up in court. They all split up, searching all over Pittsburgh and then the neighbouring cities. Ted even drove the entire length of Pennsylvania trying to locate the boy but no one had seen him. It was totally hopeless like looking for a specific piece of hay in a haystack.
Each day they all came back disappointed and dejected, they ate some dinner, fell into bed and start the gruelling process all over again (you might want to put in here 'the next day'). It was on the third day that Justin decided to take the Corvette and drive back to Carnegie Mellon to speak to Professor Bruckner. He hid at the back of the room and listened again to three people arguing about how to bridge gaps with heteros. Only this time, Hunter had been replaced by the pink-haired lesbian and Ben seemed even less in control than the first time. It would have been amusing if Justin hadn't been desperate to get out of there and find Hunter. Ben, of course, recognized Justin's disguise and purposely hung about after the lecture to wait for him. But yet again, it was a disappointing dead-end. Ben hadn't seen Hunter since he'd taken him home from Deb's.
"Oh well, thanks anyway," Justin sighed but as he reached the door, Ben said something that made him stop dead in his tracks.
"Michael's sorry you know."
Justin almost laughed at the absurdity of the comment. He turned back to look at the other man. "For getting Brian arrested or for nearly killing me?"
"He's a changed man," Ben insisted. "He was in a bad place then, but he's come through it now. He writes to me all the time and all he ever says is how sorry he is about what happened."
Justin's jaw locked and he shook his head angrily. "He can be as sorry as he wants. I really don't care. Because of him, I have a fucked up hand and Brian is … god knows where."
"I told him I thought that'd you'd forgive him," Ben said steadily.
"Well, you shouldn't make promises that I can't keep," Justin snarled and he stormed out of the room in absolute fury.
He was so angry that he was actually shaking. Forgive Michael. He'd never forgive Michael. Never. How could Ben even expect that? He was so angry he couldn't drive for a long time. His cramping up hand and his headache throbbing behind his eyes had paralyzed him and left him sitting in the car with his head on the steering wheel wishing that everything would just go back to how it was when they were in the house. It wasn't until some grumpy old woman banged on the window to ask him what the hell he was doing that he finally decided to make the trip back to Debbie's
He ended up getting back a lot later than he'd expected and Debbie was beside herself with worry but apart from that it had turned out to be yet another dissatisfying day with no clues as to where Hunter could be.
::
The day before the trial, Horvath turned up at the house with the lawyer who'd taken the case. Melanie Marcus, who had been the appointed lawyer in the Brian Kinney case, had also taken on this case not only because they were linked but because she was desperate to be involved in one of those landmark, corruption of the police cases. She was ambitious; she wanted her name to be next to cases that would be referred to in years to come.
She'd introduced herself to the men and then she smiled at Justin.
"So," she'd said casually, "you're not dead."
"Not yet," Justin smiled. "Though it seems like plenty of people wish that wasn't the case."
"Mm," she nodded, pulling some papers from her briefcase, "I'm sure it feels like that sometimes. I don't really have to brief you too much," she said. "The mere fact that you're alive is going to be a kick in the teeth for Rikert's lawyer who's still claiming that you're buried." Then she frowned and read through the notes. She looked up hopefully, "you didn't see Rikert do anything suspicious, did you?" Justin told her no and she almost looked like she was going to burst into tears of frustration.
"I don't know how the hell they expect me to win this when my witness disappears at the last second," she groaned but she remained optimistic generally as she briefed him on the questions she was going to be asking. "Just be honest" was her advice. She told them all that with the truth, she thought that every chance of causing enough of an uproar to have Rikert and Stockwell fired if nothing else but Justin couldn't help feel that wasn't enough.
That night had felt like the last supper. Debbie had cooked lots of food but nearly all of it had gone into Tupperware to be reheated for another day. No one had been stupid enough to miss Ms. Marcus' anxious expression as she read through her notes. The whole trial and her whole case was pretty much built around Hunter's statement and now he'd gone it was just a whole load of conspiracy theories with a whole lack of evidence.
"Big day tomorrow," Deb had said trying to lift the mood but she was greeted with nothing more than the odd nod of a head. So she tried again, "everyone's going to know you're still alive Justin. You might get to see your mother. That would be nice, wouldn't it?" Justin nodded mutedly. He hadn't even thought about seeing his mother. That felt like the smallest detail in the world compared to everything else that could happen tomorrow.
"Ms. Marcus seemed like she knew what she was talking about though, huh?" Debbie tried yet again to spark a conversation. "All that talk about past cases and testimonies and evidence; that all sounded positive."
"Not really," Ted frowned. "She said she couldn't find many past cases and the evidence was limited." He took a sip of his beer and sighed. "We may as well start packing for prison."
"Or Madagascar," Emmett suggested. "I hear it's lovely this time of year."
Justin sniffed a little and Emmett quickly apologized. Justin just shook his head. "It's Madagascar Em, not death. I'm okay that he's gone, honestly." Then he took a sip of beer and slammed the bottle on the table. "Actually," he growled, "I'm not okay with it. I'm so fucking angry with him. I just know that he'd have known where to look for Hunter. And he could have told everyone what Stockwell told him about the deal and…." He let out a frustrated roar and slammed his hand on the table. "Shit," he breathed. Then to everyone, "sorry. I guess I'm just a bit worked up about tomorrow."
"That's probably it," Debbie agreed.
"I might just take a Xanax and go to bed," he smiled. "I'll see you all in the morning."
"Night, baby," Emmett smiled, as the younger man kissed him on the cheek before disappearing up the stairs.
"Poor kid," Emmett sighed. "To have all this on your shoulders at only nineteen."
"He'll be okay," Debbie said confidently. "He's a strong boy. Now, I think maybe it's time we were all making our way to bed. We've all got a big day tomorrow."
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