Chapter Thirty - Ode to Nano
[Dan's P.O.V.]
Standing in front of the mirror, I'm having trouble trying to do my tie. I mean it seems like its so easy to do, but yet its so complicated all wrapped up into one. My frustration is apparent because lets face it, it's enough to make anyone upset. I can hear Waldorf sit up in the bed making it known that she's awake, while I'm stuck trying to get this damn tie together. It's been two days since she's come home from the hospital and she's been emotional throughout her final days in the hospital and her coming home, but nothing that I can't really handlse since it's to be expected after the events that have transpired. Eliot has put in a real effort to help out even more so around the penthouse, so much so that I'm a little worried that an alien has come and took over his body. I'm just really happy that he's around because its made it easier being at work knowing that he is here to keep her company. Today, though….today is my struggle. Today I just really am having a hard time with this tie and I think it's a sign from the heavens to just face the fact that I'm not meant to leave the penthouse today. Luckily my stories have been doing well enough that Perry has backed off a bit on me, but I'm still working like crazy from home just to keep the magazine safe. Taking my tie off as I head back into the bedroom, throwing the ball onto the floor, I flop in the bed to her dismay.
"Aren't you suppose to be going to work?" Blair asked as she just looked down at me
"Yes, but no" I replied
"How is it a yes, but no?" Blair asked "Either your going to work or your not going to work?" she then asked before I crawled up towards her to give her a quick kiss on the lips before taking a seat beside her on the bed
"I want to hang out with you today" I smiled up at her as she just looked down at me with the usual disgust that I had once seen so often when we could barely sort of stand each other "Aw, you looks so cute" I teased her as I tried to pinch her cheeks
"Go!" Blair groaned as she tried to push me out of the bed "Go to work" she said
"Nope, I'm staying here with my lady" I said as I laughed
"Your lady wants you to go to work" Blair replied
"No, I find that hard to believe. So what are we going to do today?" I asked her
"Humphrey, I don't need a babysit…." Blair said realizing that she had used the word baby, which for the past couple of days we had managed not to use "I don't want you to stick around because of me. Go to work, I don't want Perry coming after me with his pogo stick" she told me
"He's not going to come after you" I replied finding that scenario highly unlikely "Besides, I miss our do nothing days. You remember that day when we just did nothing but have sex, watch movies, have sex, and then eat pizza?" I asked her as she couldn't help but laugh at that memory "See, I knew I could make you laugh" I smiled as I pushed away a strand of hair from her face
"Yes, you have managed to do that. I really don't want you to miss work though, you've been camped out on your lap top all night long just doing your stories and I just don't want…" Blair said before I cut her off
"That's a job, you're my girlfriend…my possible wife, your important to me" I replied "I love my job, I honestly do, but my tie has let me know that I can't go in today" I told her
"Your tie?" Blair asked me
"Yes, my tie. It's very handing in the life lessons" I laughed "Look, just let me stay here today and I promise that I will go to work tomorrow" I compromised with her
"Fine, but your not controlling the television" Blair told me as she picked up the remote control
"Yes, because I'm eager to watch the latest debacle called daytime television" I replied
"That's strike one!" Blair declared
"How is that strike one?" I asked her
"The knock on daytime television" Blair quickly replied
"You hate daytime television?" I replied finding it confusing that she was all of sudden an advocate for daytime
"I've come to appreciate over my time off from work. If you can't appreciate it then go to work" Blair said as she hit me on the arm
"Fine, fine. I accept that is daytime" I said "But I was thinking that since I was off today or taking the day off…" I said before she interrupted me
"That's exactly why I didn't want you to take the day off, because I knew you were thinking" Blair sighed
"I know, I suck" I told her as I grabbed her hand "But I think we've avoided it as much as possible. So since I love you so very much, I think what will make you feel better is if we just get rid of the elephant in the room" I said
"I thought we all ready got rid of the elephant? If you see so many elephants then maybe you should go get checked out Humphrey" Blair replied sarcastically
"I'm seeing so many elephants that it's becoming a freakin zoo in here" I replied
"Is that your attempt of making me feel better?" Blair asked not finding my weak attempt of a semi-joke not funny at all
"Yes, my attempt to make you feel better" I told her as I began to unbutton my dress shirt "But it's also my attempt of taking this unnecessary burden off of you" I then said
"You know, these are the times I miss they dysfunctional type of relationship that Chuck offered because there was no in depth conversations about feelings or any elephants being in the room" Blair said
"And we see how well that turned out for you" I joked "Look, just give me the day and I promise after today then we won't have to talk about it" I said
"What do you want to know? I mean I've told you everything that happened, what more do we have to talk about?" Blair asked
"Uh, I don't know…how about us being parents?" I said "I guess, I'm trying to get my head around the idea of us and kids. I mean I know where we stand with us and marriage, but us and kids…not so much" I told her
"You know. You just want to drag this out" Blair sighed
"That's not my intention" I told her before she just looked at me
"I just…just give me some time" Blair said before she quickly got out of bed and made her way into the bathroom, making sure that I wouldn't come in behind her, she locked the door as I just sat there feeling like this was going to be a long day
[Blair's P.O.V.]
I have to admit that hiding away in the bathroom did feel like a good idea, but that has become to cliché for me. The bathroom hideway…its been done, and I can't do repeats. I'm a little timid to get into talking about our interests of children because I feel like the wounds are still so fresh. Humphrey has been sweet though these past couple of days, he wouldn't say it but I know that he's getting worn down with all the hours that he's putting in on trying to finish his story as well as pick up another author for the magazine. All of this is just so frustrating and mentally draining. Coming out of the bedroom, I quickly walk over to Humphrey, who is still sitting in the same spot on the bed, and I pull him into a deep and passionate kiss. God, it feels good to have his lips up against mine…sometimes for a minute or so I forget what it feels like, I know that sounds so corny but its true. His lips have this sort of cherry taste to them that make them even more forbidden to me. Although I'm in no shape or form ready to have sex just yet, I want him like I've always have. He's so frustrating and annoying, but I want him in the worse possible way and that's pleasing to the mind because I think I fear the day I'll stop wanting him the most than anything in this world….well not anything, but you get what I'm trying to say. Breaking the kiss, he leans forward to kiss the top of my forehead in a soothing manner that lets me know that he'll wait however long before we're intimate again. Believe me, it won't take too long but for now we have to wait and do the hard part I guess.
"You love me?" Dan asks me and I swear it feels like a stupid question
"I love you" I replied as I hit him on the chest "Why would you ask me that?" I then asked
"No reason. I just like hearing the great Blair Waldorf admit that she loves Lonely Boy" Dan smiled
"In public, that might not happen. Behind closed doors, I love you more than life itself" I teased
"Sarcasm back, so this must mean your feeling better" Dan concluded
"I'm feeling better than yesterday if that's what your getting at" I said
"That's a step" Dan said "Look, I know that this is a subject that you want to be done with but I just don't want to miss a step here. I want to know where your head is at" he said
"I know, and I understand" I replied "I'm just afraid that you might not like my response, and I'm afraid that…I'm afraid it will unleash some harsh truth for myself" I told him
"I'm ready to have the tough conversations, but it won't change my feelings for you" Dan said as I took a seat beside him on the bed as he rubbed my back "So…that day" he said trying to break the ice
"That day" I replied
"Did you know that you were pregnant?" Dan asked
"Originally I thought I was sick from that sushi, but my inadvertent trip to the kitchen where Eliot was changed that idea" I said
"Somehow I knew he'd tie into this" Dan said as he guided us both back, so that we were laying back on the bed just staring up at the ceiling
"He pointed out all the signs and it just became clear that I could be. So I was going to the store to pick up a test, stopped by my moms house on the way back…took the test, but I never looked at the stick" I told him as the events of that day just came flooding back to me "I had tried to make myself look but I just couldn't look at the stick, so I tried calling you but…I just never looked" I said as tears welled up in my eyes
"Were you waiting for me?" Dan asked
"I wish I could say that I was, but I wasn't waiting for you" I told him as I let go of his hand so that I could cover my eyes "I didn't look because I didn't want to believe it could be true….I didn't want to be pregnant" I said as he turned on his side to look at me
"Were you scared? Were you nervous?…I'm not understanding why you didn't want to be?" Dan asked
"Because I just didn't want to be. In my mind I was all over the place that the prospect of being pregnant just sent me out of whack. But when I finally had a moment to think about it all, I just realized that I didn't want to be pregnant" I said as tears streamed down my face "I sound so horrible right now" I cried
"Your not horrible" Dan said as he brushed away a tear
"By not wanting the baby in the first place, I basically gave our baby a death sentence. The way I see it, I caused that accident to happen" I said in between tears
"No, that's not true. The idiot driving the car is the cause of us losing the baby" Dan told me before I quickly sat up in the bed
"If I would have accepted the fact that I was pregnant and woman up to at least look at the stick then I could have protected the baby. I could have done more than what I did, but instead I set things in motion by not wanting the baby in the first place" I told him
"I don't believe that. Things just don't work like that Waldorf, where we don't want something and then wola! Their gone….it doesn't work like that" Dan told me
"Well I sure as hell made it possible" I said "You want to know the worst part…when I heard that we had lost the baby, I had the audacity to feel sad, to feel like I lost, when I did this" I told him
"No, you felt because your human. You had a human reaction, you had a normal reaction. This isn't your fault" Dan said
"Okay, so lets re-do the moment. I wake up thinking I'm sick because of the sushi because I was too stupid to see the signs that I was pregnant. A teenage boy has to basically alert me to the fact. Take the test and I don't look at the stick…what would have been the plan then? I all ready put the baby at risk by not looking because if I would have looked then I would have known to protect the baby, to take the steps of bringing a healthy baby to term…" I said before Dan just shook his head in disbelief as he rose from the bed
"This just really feels like your trying to defend the asshole that hit you, like your excusing that person by deflecting blame on to yourself. It's like you've concocted this whole scenario in your head where you were this horrible person, who could care less about this possible life in your stomach, so you knowingly got in a taxi that was predestined to get in a accident so you could get rid of the problem" Dan said a little annoyed with me
"Might as well have" I replied
"Might as well have? Blair, this isn't your fault. This in no shape or form is your fault. You were the victim, you were the one that lost in the end because what you fail to realize is that I see the effect this has had on you. I see the effect this has had on us, you don't act that way if you were trying to get rid of the problem. You act the way you've been acting because you lost" Dan told me
"Don't tell me what is and what isn't my fault? Your not in my head, you don't know how I feel!" I yelled at him
"No, I don't but I'm not just going to let you sit here and blame yourself for this" Dan replied
"So is there any doubt in your mind about if I did everything I could to protect this child? Did you even have one slither of a thought, where you truly questioned me as a mother?" I asked him
"No. I never thought that because I was never given the option to think that. I was just a bystander in this and when I was finally let in on the fact that I was going to be a parent, it was gone in a nanosecond" Dan reasoned as my heart nearly broke even more so as I listened to his words
"Look, I wish that I could believe you and say that I'm free from blame in all this but I can't….every time I close my eyes I have this image of what our baby could have looked like and all I see is it getting further and further away from me" I said nearly sobbing as I told him "So I can't get to the point where I'm blame free because I should have looked, I should have waited for you, I should have done a lot of things" I cried before he pulled my face towards his as we both cried
"I don't blame you. I will never blame you for this" Dan cried "I love you. I still love you, okay….that hasn't changed and won't change" he told me before he kissed my forehead
[Dan's P.O.V.]
What felt like an hours worth of tears, we eventually ended up falling asleep on the bed. Tangled up within each other, I spent a few moments just caressing her face as she slept just thinking to myself as to how we got here. It seems like every time we find a path that is a bit easy and steady for the course of travel, then out of nowhere there comes another incident setting us back. Some part of me wishes that Chuck was behind this latest debacle because then I'd know where to concentrate my anger and hate towards, but this…this just feels like a guessing game in which if I had any clue then I'd be after the person. I have so much pint up hate inside of me that I do find myself thinking of ways of how to make that son of a bitch pay, the thoughts are so bad that I can literally feel myself knocking at hell's door. Detective Martin, who has been assigned to the case, has asked if I wanted to press charges and during that time I couldn't really give an answer, but that day in which it really hit me…that day when it finally started to sink in….I gave the go ahead for him to go ahead with things. He hasn't promised anything but I get the feeling that he's just as determined to find the person as I am. I can't stay in one spot, I have to get up because all this thinking is just driving me crazy. Getting up from the bed, I begin to hear Waldorf begin to stir awake and in her groggy tone she inquires what I am about to do. I of course have no clear cut intention of really doing anything today, but we end up soaking in the bathtub.
"Do you think the world is against us? I mean do you think everyone is banding together to just destroy us?" Blair asked as she rested her head against my chest
"No, I don't think people really care about us that much. We're old hat" I laugh to myself
"Haven't heard anything from Chuck lately, so we must be old hat" Blair said
"Good old Charles Bass" I laughed "You know hearing that name isn't as sickening as it once was" I replied as I begin to play with her fingers
"I know, I'm proud of you for that" Blair laughed
"I should get extra bonus points" I smiled before she leaned up to give me a kiss
"You will" Blair said "I'm just glad we have moved past the Serena ordeal" she then teased
"Oh! I knew that was coming, I really did" I laughed
"I'm just saying, you spent half of your existence being in love with Serena" Blair said
"Yes, that is true, but I ended up with the bitter best friend….that's just my luck" I joked before she pinched me "I take it back. I take it back" I declared just wanting the pinching to stop
"Now that we've discussed the dreaded exes, how are you feeling?" Blair asks
"About the earlier topic?" I asked her
"Yes, the earlier topic" Blair said
"I really don't think that matters. My main concern is you" I told her
"It matters, your feelings semi- matter to me" Blair joked
"Sadly I believe that" I said "But I'm fine" I told her
"Your such a horrible liar, I mean that wasn't even smooth on any level" Blair replied "So we should just back it up and try it again" she told me
"Okay, I'm handling it. I'm scared for you and how your taking it. I'm sad because we did lose a child, even though it wasn't a full grown child…I'm still feeling like we lost" I told her
"Who'd ever think we'd get this worked up over a nanosecond baby" Blair sighed
"That's the name, nanosecond, nano does sound better though" I laughed weakly to myself as the pain still existed even though I didn't want it to
"Nano Unisex Waldorf-Humphrey" Blair named our unborn child
"Unisex as a middle name sounds horrible" I said "I can't even believe we're joking about this" I sighed
"Because we have to, in order for us to deal and move on…we have to get passed this" Blair said as she massaged the back of my neck
"I just didn't think it would be this hard" I told her
"Yeah, but we're growing….who knows, I might even like you come ten years from now" Blair said as I just laughed
"Is it wrong to hate someone you don't even know?" I asked as massaged her shoulders
"It's possible, but hate takes up too much energy" Blair replied
"Yeah, I know that but I just feel like the more I try to get over it, the more I realize what I could have lost, and that scares me to think I could have lost you" I told her "I know it takes energy but I just hate this person so much" I told her
"Hypothetically, if you were to someday learn of who did this, what would you do?" Blair asked
"Hypothetically?" I asked
"Yes" Blair quickly replied
"I honestly feel like I could kill the person, who did this. I'm not trying to sound like I'm psychotic but that's how much hate I have" I told her
"Yeah, this is why I don't like the idea of you hating someone. I can understand scheming, but not hate….hate can make you do things you can't come back from" Blair replied
"Normally I'd agree with that statement but rationality would go out the window if I ever were to find out who did this to you" I told her as I felt her tense up "You still sore?" I then asked
"Yeah, my body tenses up from time to time" Blair told me "I think I should get out….I just remembered that I have to take my medicine and I don't want to be late on that" she said before she rose from the tub while I used my hand to help guide her out so that she wouldn't slip
[Blair's P.O.V.]
Hearing Humphrey talk about revenge like that really just made me tense inside, so much that my body couldn't even hide the natural reaction. I could hear Eliot's constant pleas of him telling me to just tell him the truth, but to hear him talk like that….I couldn't now. I did imagine at some point that I would have to but it just seemed like every minute my mind would change to where I was going to say something to not telling him. It was well into the evening, when we had managed to throw on some clothes and head into the kitchen. Dan of course was always hungry so he was all ready sifting through take out menu's trying to figure out what he wanted to eat. I wasn't quite sure what I wanted but I guess thinking about food might actually take my mind off of everything. Breaking away from his take out menu search, he came up from behind me and began to kiss my neck. It felt good, I mean maybe sex could take my mind off of things….hell it could take anyone's mind off of the worst of things. Leaning back against his body, he leaned down to capture my lips as he quickly deepened the kiss. I know we had some time to go before sex but I really felt like we were getting closer to having sex. I mean I was trying to rack my brain on how to end this because this was becoming dangerously close, just as I was trying to find my reasoning a door knock came to the door. Quickly breaking away from the kiss, I nearly ran over to the door to open it up, but it just immediately felt like I was being hit from different angles because the very person I was hoping to avoid, just stood there with a bag filled with food along with Lilly, like nothing ever happened.
"Dad. Lilly. What are you guys doing here?" Dan said as he came up to the door
"We figured that you two would be hungry, so we packed up some food and brought it over" Rufus smiled
"Yeah, of course. We were actually just trying to figure out what to eat, but since I smell some of my favorites, I think we have a winner" Dan smiled as he opened the door wider so that they could come in "Come in" he then told them while I just stood like a statue trying to determine whether to cry or act normal
"We hope we're not imposing on you" Lilly said
"No, your not imposing on us. Were you guys just hanging around the house?" Dan asked as he went right to stuffing his face as soon as the food hit the counter. Damn his need to eat all the time I began to think to myself as I hesitantly made my way over towards them
"We went to brunch this morning, and then I had the urge to cook some pasta" Rufus laughed "Then I thought you guys might want some" he said
"Well you were right" Dan smiled
"So how are you feeling Blair?" Lilly asked as I grabbed a water from the fridge
"I'm feeling better. Not something you can get over so easily, you know" I replied trying to avoid eye contact with Rufus
"Well you should get as much rest as possible. Do you have any follow up doctors appointments?" Rufus asked so casually in a way that just left me stunned
"Yeah, in a few days. Until then its bed rest for the remainder of the week then back to work" Dan said as he rubbed my back
"Work must sound good to you" Lilly laughed as she munched on some of the food
"Yeah, I miss work" I said shyly
"Well you should just enjoy your days off. Get yourself together before heading back to the grind of things" Rufus said as he looked at me
"I….uh…I need to go to my moms" I quickly said as I walked over to grab my coat
"Blair" Dan said as I stopped dead in my tracks
"No, its okay. I'm sure that you guys probably wanted to lounge around the house and just relax" Rufus told Dan as I still had my back to them. In that moment I could imagine myself turning around to say something snide, but in all actuality I just felt like curling up in a ball and breaking down into tears because it was like I was reliving my nightmare all over again. I could see his face and now I was just waiting for the car to crash into me. With my eyes clenched shut, the door opened causing me to leap back in fear. Realizing that it was just Eliot, the young boy looked worried that he had scared me but once he looked up to see Rufus standing in the kitchen, it all began to sink in.
"Hey everybody" Eliot said awkwardly as he walked over towards me
"Eliot, now we have a full house" Rufus laughed as I could tell that Eliot found this just as strange as I did, but the full house hadn't been complete yet, and with Eric's arrival…it started to become a full house and I began to wonder if more of the Humphrey bunch was going to come over "And now Eric. I'm starting to think we're going to have a party" he laughed so freely
"Are you okay?" Dan asked as he walked over towards me
"I just…I need to get some fresh air" I said softly as he caressed my face
"We could just go out for a walk or something. We don't have to stay" Dan said
"I don't need you hovering Humphrey!" I said becoming annoyed with just about everything
"Hovering? We're back to that again" Dan said
"No, I just…you're an easy target" I reasoned with him
"Figured that much. Look, I will just thank dad and Lilly for the food and then we can go out. I knew you'd probably want to go out" Dan told me
"No, no. Uh…stay with your dad. I…I want you to spend time with your dad" I told him just trying not to lose my mind all in the process of speaking because each word I said just felt like a hundred pound weight that I was trying to carry out of my mouth
"I actually have to go to the park, there is something about the hot dogs down there that are better than the average…so she can come with me" Eliot suggested
"What are you doing at the park this late?" Dan then asked him
"I like the hot dogs" Eliot replied and hearing it the second time just made me realize that he was lying so that he could help me out
"That sounds good" I quickly replied before I walked passed them both and headed over towards the door
"Are you sure you don't want me to come with you? I can go with you" Dan asked
"Be with your father" I replied closing my eyes tight
"Okay" Dan said a bit unsure if he should let me go or just force himself on me, but I didn't give him that option once I just left the penthouse.
[Jenny's P.O.V.]
How long does it take to get up to the penthouse suites here. I feel like every time I look at the floor lights that I'm always stuck on the same number. It feels like I'm entering the den of hell with these slow rides up, which is to be expected because I'm practically working for the devil. Chuck Bass is a memorable character, but he's a character that has only been to one person and that would be himself. Though his love for Blair is a loyalty unlike something I've ever known, but sometimes I feel it teeters under unhealthy even for him. Stepping off the elevator, I make my way inside the penthouse to see him sitting in the living room area entertaining guests. The normal guest would just wait until the host is finished, but I know his tired game, I know what he's appearing to be more than he even realizes. Heading into the kitchen, I grab a drink from the fridge which forces him to pull away from his guests to address my presence. My cell phone keeps going off and I don't have to really look to know who is calling me because I'm almost sure that it was the same person.
"You really need to stop just popping in. I'm talking with my board" Chuck told me
"I need to know did you take care of the problem?" I asked as I took a sip of my drink
"That couldn't be a phone call?" Chuck asked
"I needed to see your face so I can tell if it's a lie or not" I told him
"Next time, pick up a phone and call…and yes, I took care of it. Tell your dad to take his car to this shop" Chuck said as he pulled a business card out of his pocket to hand over to me
"Seems legit" I laughed as I looked at the card
"Legit? You wouldn't know anything about legit" Chuck replied
"Just because I don't have a company, it doesn't mean I'm not legit" I told him
"I think that's exactly what it means" Chuck said "How is she?" he then asked
"The ex love of your life, she's home. She's recovering" I told him
"Recovering from what your father has done…" Chuck said
"But somehow you had no problem with it, when it took away my niece or nephew" I quickly fired back at him
"You make it seem like I had a party, when I heard the news. I don't take Blair's pain as a source for pleasure" Chuck said
"Please, you made a habit of it…it was the disturbing essence of your relationship" I laughed
"She wouldn't have been happy being the doe eyed mother, she's not mother material" Chuck replied
"Because you know her so well" I told him
"Cute" Chuck said sarcastically "And you? Where's my half of the deal?" he asked
"Relax, I've all ready talked to Ross and he's set up a meeting with Javier to discuss joining this new magazine….since when did you become a writer?" I then asked
"What? You think I right ode to Blair Waldorf's?" Chuck asked
"Probably" I laughed
"Wrong! This is all a ploy to take down Humdrum Humphrey's mediocre job" Chuck said
"Let me guess. You want him to be poor again that way Blair, who's use to the finer things in life will grow tired of penny pinching, and will come running back to the swift arm of Chuck Bass" I told him
"Your actually smart" Chuck said
"Oh, I'm smarter than you think" I replied
"Well I hope you'll stick around long enough to comfort him in the unemployment line" Chuck said as he began to munch on some cookies
"I don't know, I think I'm not going to like what Humdrum Humphrey does to your pretty little face, when he realizes that your still spending your free time trying to destroy him" I told him
"Oh, but it would be classic to see the explosion he'll have once he learns that you've been helping me. I mean you returned because I called for you, you actually came back for me…because you hate the idea of Blair and Dan just as much as I do" Chuck said
"But I have good intent" I replied
"That's like when a murderer shoots and kills someone, they're back up defense is because I had good intent" Chuck laughed "Your just as much in this as I am, so stop making it seem like you're a saint wrapped in the arms of a devil" he said
"I love my brother. Do I want him with Blair? Not a chance in hell, but I'm not that desperate" I told him "Maybe you should practice the art of letting go, it'll do wonders for you" I then said
"Tried it, I got bored" Chuck quickly replied "Look, I would love to continue this sparring session of the words but I have a feeling that daddy may be wondering where you are, so get yourself together and go comfort daddy so that he won't grow a conscience and ruin his pathetic relationship with his son" he told me
"And yet he has a relationship to call pathetic" I said before I threw my soda can in the trash before I gladly made my way out
[Blair's P.O.V.]
It felt good to get out. I mean being in the same room with Rufus would have taken a lot out of me, and I'm not quite sure I've mastered my emotions yet to be around him. Eliot and I discussed the awkwardness of being in there, but I mostly just tried to change the conversation because the only way I'm going to get comfortable with this secret is if I stop talking about it. Seeing Rufus today just made me feel like I was back in that taxi again, where I had no choice but to let him hit me. It would take a while to get used to him, but I have to for Dan's sake. He's given up so much to be with me and having him give up his father would just be too much. No, I have to get over this and make this dysfunctional family work because if I'm ever going to work with Humphrey then I have to get used to the family. It's kind of like those movies where the family hates the new girl, but soon warms up to her but I just have the twist of the father in law killing my unborn child and not stepping up to take responsibilities of his actions. I'm sure we'll all laugh about this over Thanksgiving someday. Taking my coat off to put on the coat rack, all I wanted to do was just get into bed and forget this whole day so I could prepare for the next day. Opening the door to the bedroom, I was surprised to see Dan dressed up in his black suit and tie. Looking at him with confusion, I then notice the candles that were forming a circle.
"Uh, you do know we're not having sex for the next six weeks, right?" I told him
"Yes, I'm painfully aware of that but this isn't about our in between the sheet action. This is about putting an end to our grieving" Dan said "I figured if we just got out, then we'll be able to move on" he said
"So basically this is a funeral?" I asked him
"Basically. What are you thinking?" Dan asked
"I'm thinking we've officially become a strange couple, but then again we've been the odd ball for some time" I said as I closed the door behind me "I'm not even dressed for our so called funeral" I told him
"I think your perfect just the way you are" Dan smiled knowing he was pulling out the stops on that one
"These six weeks are going to be bad for you" I laughed before I realized I was laughing at a funeral, so I quickly covered my mouth
"It's okay, he or she would have loved to hear you laugh" Dan said as he took my hand to walk me over to the center of the circle where we sat and looked at the shoebox
"What's in the box?" I asked
"Little momento's of baby Nano" Dan said as he opened the box to go through it. Handing me a piece of cloth to start off the tokens
"Wait, is this a piece of my bed sheets?" I asked him as I began to recognize the cloth
"I'm guessing when baby Nano was conceived was the day that we were in your room, and I have to say that was a memorable session in your bed" Dan laughed
"I would hope so" I laughed "What else do you have in there?" I asked him
"I have this!" Dan declared as he handed me the wrapper to my philly cheese steak "Who knew that this would be your indicator of being pregnancy. This day you put on onions and mustard…" he said before I immediately cut him off
"You wouldn't kiss me for anything" I laughed "I had to switch to relish because it didn't make my breath smell" I continued to laugh
"Yeah, kissing you wasn't what I wanted I planned to do" Dan laughed "I think for that day it actually seemed like we broke up, and you were just obsessed with trying to kiss me" he laughed
"I did not" I said as I hit him in the arm before I pulled out a brochure of Lathermore exhibit "I loved this exhibit" I smiled as I looked through the brochure
"You kept talking about it, so I'm pretty sure Nano knew all about Lathermore" Dan smiled as tears began to well up in my eyes
"Thank you for this. I really appreciate this" I cried as he pulled me towards him
"I know" Dan whispered to me as he closed the box "I like to think that if we honor Nano then we'll realize all those moments rather than the bad. That person took something from us, but they won't take anything else from us" he told me as I rested on his shoulder "So do you want to give the eulogy?" he then asked
"I guess" I replied nervously "What do I say?" I then asked
"Anything" Dan told me "Anything will be fine" he smiled as he held my hand "And now to speak about Nano Unisex Waldorf- Humphrey is he or she's mother" he introduced me
"Nano was such a pleasant embryo" I said awkwardly "Nano was probably the perfect child, I mean he never gave me the horrid morning sickness or made me pee a lot…well I did pee a little more than usual, but not enough to be annoyed. I really would have loved to meet you…see if you look like me. I could have taken you shopping, art exhibits, photo shoots….all the stuff that would have made me the clear favorite between Humphrey and I…" I said before Dan interrupted
"Uh, I am here" Dan said
"Humphrey don't interrupt me" I snapped at him while all he could do was laugh to himself "I know that I wasn't ready for you, but I would and I do love you…I want to give you the things I never had, tell you the stories that I heard as a child" I said as a smile came to my face "Your dad even wrote me a story…its actually really good because it is about me" I laughed "But he's a great writer and he has this knack for finding the best in people even when you don't think there is nothing there. He tells corny jokes and sometimes they're funny but he would have made you laugh, he always finds a way to. I really think you would have been proud of us as parents because you would have been loved and cherished" I said beginning to cry even more as Dan rubbed my back "I love you and I'm sorry" I finished off
"You know your mom is really amazing" Dan said as he was tearing up a bit himself "I wish we could have given you a better name, but I know you would have liked it. I love you, you know that, and I hope that you will know that you were loved and are something special" he said before we both began to blow out the candles that surrounded us.