The morning after, Hawke found herself lying in her bed, unable to recall how she got there. She brought a hand to her head and rubbed her temple, trying to stop the room from spinning. Suddenly it all came rushing back. Her mother, Bethany, Aveline...Isabela. I'm losing it. She opened her eyes, not wanting to relive it all again. Hawke had no idea what she was doing anymore. Her head was all over the place. After years of flirting and near misses, she had finally given in and slept with Isabela last night. But there was no logical explanation behind her decision (if indeed that's what it was). She still had feelings for the pirate, without a doubt, even after all the pain Isabela had caused her. However, none of that had even entered into the equation last night. Why did I go through with it? It was Isabela's actions which confused Lana more though.
As they lay in bed together, Hawke felt safe. She had managed to put her problems to the back of her mind for the time being and just enjoyed spending the night with someone who cared about her, never haing felt so lonely before in her life. But once the Rivaini had put her arm around her as she started to cry, Lana realised that she had just succumbed to pity sex. She'd finally scraped the bottom of the barrel and it was all she could to do get out of there. Isabela was never one to cuddle. She had said so herself on multiple occasions. 'Cuddling and sex just don't mix...but sailing and sex, they go hand in hand'. So why did she even try? Hawke realised at that point that she had completely lost all her self-control and she had lashed out at the only person who was nearby. Her mind just wasn't thinking rationally at the minute. Try seeing your mother mutilated by a necromancer and see how you feel! But that was no reason to hurt Isabela, who had comforted her the only way she knew how. Somehow, Hawke had to apologise to her.
Lana straightened up and swung her legs over the edge of the bed, feeling a little queezy. She leaned forwards, resting her arms on her knees and exhaled. Nausea crept over her and she broke into a cool sweat under her nightshirt. I'm never drinking again. She knew that wasn't going to happen though. She went through those thoughts every time she woke up feeling like shit after a few too many the night before. But she realised that she had to stop drinking so much at least. Bethany was right. Lana got to her feet then and made her way to the water closet, wondering how she was ever going to make this up to Isabela.
Isabela rolled over and opened her eyes. Her entire room in The Hanged Man was in tatters after last nights 'events' with Hawke. There was glass, coin, clothes and alcohol spilt all over the floor and the rickety table was overturned and lying upside down beside two knocked over stools. The pirate got up and walked over to her little cupboard in nothing but her skin, trying to avoid standing on the broken glass in her bare feet (even though she had been rolling around in it with Hawke last night). If it doesn't happen during sex then it's just not worth the pain. She pulled out a small bottle of whiskey she saved for rainy days, poured a small amount into one of the remaining unbroken mugs and raised it to her lips, lost in thought.
Last night when Hawke had run out on her, she was fuming. Someone had finally done to her what she had been doing to others for years. She had been used. And it didn't feel good. Bitch. As she lay in bed alone afterwards though, Isabela realised that she couldn't stay mad at Hawke for long. The woman hadn't been herself since Leandra. It was obviously still fresh in her mind. Maker, it was only two days ago! Isabela did feel sorry for Lana, and although last night was anything but pity sex, she could see why Hawke's irrational mind seemed to think it was. It was the wrong time for me to tell her I...liked her.
The pirate could barely even utter the words in her own head. She slammed her empty mug down onto the top of the cupboard, frustrated with herself. Andraste's tits, what was I thinking? Isabela never spoke of feelings to anyone. She was pretty inexperienced when it came to talking about how she felt (though she made up for it in other ways). But even she knew that the day after someone sees the last of their family being brutally murdered in front of their eyes, it's never a good time to talk about love. Especially seeing as I'm not going to be around for much longer anyway...Not if Castillon has anything to say about it. Hawke was right in the end. The pirate had finally gotten what she wanted last night. And I don't want anything more. Just sex, she tried to convince herself. And if the sex was as good as last night then more sex after that. Satisfied with her conclusion of denial, the pirate grabbed her clothes off the floor and put them on, before leaving her room and descending to the tavern below.
Lana walked with Varric, Fenris and Aveline to The Hanged Man after a hard days work. Unable to sit around moping all day she had thought it best to get on with things. Bethany had been told of their mother's fate and she hadn't replied. Hawke was worried about her. She needed a distraction and a few battles certainly did the job. Pity I ended up finding the Viscount's son dead in the Chantry. Just once I'd like to have a day without seeing a dead body. Aveline had accepted her apology this morning without question, for her accusations last night. Lana had expected a lecture but she got nothing in return. She wished people would stop treating her as though she was some fragile doll. She had done her crying. Leandra was gone and she was never coming back. There was no use sitting around thinking about it.
"What's got you slumming it with us today, Av?" Hawke joked. The Guardswoman purposely tried to avoid The Hanged Man when she could. Hawke couldn't understand why. The Guardswoman could make half her wages on the riff raff which hung about in there. A drink in one hand, chains in the other, rounding up the scum like cattle while enjoying herself simultaneously. That's how I'd do her job anyway.
"I...I thought you might like some company," she replied, averting her eyes. Hawke sighed.
"I'm a big girl, Aveline. You don't have to look after me...I'm fine," she replied as convincingly as she could, trying to hide the irritation in her voice. The redhead was going to question her about her mother sooner or later, she knew it. Aveline was all about talking about feelings and problems. Maker's Breath, for such an iron lady on the outside, she's just a big softie on the inside! Hawke smiled to herself then. If she said that out loud there would be an Aveline-shaped bruise on her arm right about now.
"Hawke, it's only been three days!" the Guardswoman replied, looking at Lana as though she was insane. Hawke shrugged.
"And...? What do you want me to do?" she asked with a grin, "Shall I cry on your shoulder? Do you want to comfort me with kisses and pat my head, whispering in my ear that everything will be alright? Or shall I blow my runny nose into your tissue and have you put me to bed and sing me a lullaby to make the bad dreams go away?"
Varric and Fenris burst out laughing as Hawke gave Aveline a cheeky grin. The Captain rolled her eyes, furious.
"You know Hawke, it takes forty-two muscles in my face to frown, but it only takes four to reach out and smack you across the side of the head!" Aveline retorted. This made Lana and the other two laugh even harder. Maker, the guardswoman hated it when Hawke deflected serious issues with humour.
"Ouch, that's more like it, Captain!" Lana replied, satisfied with Aveline's answer. "Pick your spot, I know you want to!"
"Don't tempt me," Aveline replied sourly, "I think you'd just enjoy it too much though. I still don't understand how you can joke about something this serious so soon! She was your mother, Hawke!"
Hawke sighed, "Sometimes Aveline, there are things which happen that are so serious... all you can do is joke about them...Either that or go insane."
"I hear that," Varric agreed. Fenris nodded, understanding as well. Aveline looked at them all like they were nuts.
"Well, you won't hear me joke about Wesley anytime soon," she said grimly.
"But you don't talk about him either," Lana countered. Aveline considered this.
"You have a point," she agreed reluctantly, nodding her head, "I'll leave you be then."
"Thanks," Hawke said, smiling at her and throwing her a wink. "You're so kind."
Fenris reached out and opened the door to The Hanged Man and they took their favourite table in the corner in front of the fire. As soon as Hawke sat down facing Aveline, something caught her attention over the Guardswoman's shoulder. She glanced past the redhead and her eyes found Isabela, standing on her own at her usual spot beside the bar. She froze. A sudden image shot through her mind of the two of them naked, writhing and squirming together on the glass-covered, bedroom floor, breasts pressed together, breathing heavily, moaning, feeling the glass cut into their skin...
"Hawke?"
Lana snapped out of her flashback and turned to Varric, realising she hadn't heard a word he'd just said. "Ah...What?"
"I'm getting the drinks in. What'll it be?" he asked again, confused she hadn't heard him the first time. Hawke hesitated.
"Oh...um...I'm still a bit hung-over from last night, Varric. Nothing for me," she replied. The dwarf looked shocked. It was the first time he had ever heard her deny a drink. He shrugged then.
"Suit yourself. More for the rest of us!" he said, walking towards Isabela at the bar. The pirate turned to greet him. She stared over at the table he was gesturing to and her gaze caught Lana's then. Hawke averted her eyes at once. Am I blushing? She shook her head. How in Andraste's name am I going to explain what happened last night?
"Hawke?"
Lana looked up again. Aveline had been speaking to her this time and she hadn't heard a thing. She and Fenris were staring at her curiously.
"What?" she asked absentmindedly, looking at either of them.
"I said how come you're not drinking? It's not like you," Aveline continued. Hawke blanked out of the conversation once more as Varric walked back from the bar, drinks in hand, Isabela in tow. Her eyes met Lana's then and they both stared at each other as she approached, each of them unsure how this was going to go. Hawke swallowed hard.
"HAWKE!" Aveline pressed, disliking being ignored. Lana wasn't paying attention at all now, though.
Varric seated himself at the table, however Isabela remained standing beside it, leaning on the back of a Aveline's chair. She and Lana hadn't taken their eyes off each other.
"Drink?" the Rivaini asked simply. Lana opened her hands in a welcoming gesture.
"Join us if you want," she replied. Isabela smirked and shook her head.
"I have a bottle of port by the bar," she said pointedly. The others were looking at them curiously. They had never heard them speak so carefully to each other. Normally conversations in The Hanged Man between Hawke and Isabela either made people's skin crawl or made them quiver with excitement. Now though, they were being very dry to each other. Lana bit her lip, hesitating a little, before nodding and getting to her feet. I'm for it now!
"I though you were too hung-over to drink?" Varric asked confused. "Or is my coin not good enough for you?"
Hawke cringed at his words. Talk of Varric's coin had come up last night with Isabela, she was sure of it...A whole two sovereign's worth. Lana refrained from answering him and slid out from behind the table. The others watched her follow Isabela back to her spot at the bar, wondering what this was all about. The pirate, indifferent to their staring, poured her a mug of port and handed it to her. Their fingers grazed momentarily as Hawke took the mug from her, sending shivers down her spine.
"Look...," she began, not knowing where to start. Isabela knocked back her drink and placed the mug back onto the bar as Lana looked down at hers, swirling it around the cup. "I...I'm sor-"
"You don't have to apologise," Isabela interrupted bluntly. Lana looked up at her then, seeing she was smirking. "I had fun."
Lana snorted, "So did I..."
"Then let's leave it at that, shall we?" Isabela asked, pouring herself another drink. Shit, I hope she doesn't remember what I said last night.
"I shouldn't have handed you that coin," Lana said regretfully, cringing once more. Why did I even bring up that damn bet?
"I shouldn't have thrown it at you," the pirate joked, "I could have bought a bottle of The Hanged Man's finest with that."
They both chuckled. Lana placed her untouched drink back onto the bar. Isabela gave her a weird look.
"What, you don't like it now?" she asked. Lana shook her head.
"I do but...I'm trying to cut down," she replied, looking down gloomily at the redy-brown liquid in her mug, "The way my head is right now...I don't think I would be able to deal with it. Last night proved that."
Isabela frowned, seeing the pain on Lana's face. She remembered seeing her in tears last night as she left her room. As much as Hawke was trying to act like everything was normal, it was not. Isabela had a feeling it was only visible to her though. She was the only one who could see through the humour Lana used as a wall to shield against her grief. Because I do it too.
"Hmm, I see what you mean," the pirate joked. "Your head was terrible last night."
Lana looked up then, seeing the pirate's cheeky smirk, "I didn't give you head," she replied confused.
Isabela chuckled, "Exactly," she teased. Hawke rolled her eyes and they both laughed.
"You know yours wasn't exactly mind-blowing either," she replied.
"Ooo nice word play," the pirate said, her smirk getting wider. "And don't lie to me...I can always tell."
Lana laughed. Isabela was too cocky for her own good.
"I got something for you, by the way," Hawke said just remembering. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a tiny ship in a bottle, handing it to her.
"Oh what's this?" Isabela asked, taking it in her hand. The Rivaini gasped. "Maker, isn't that just the cutest thing?"
Hawke smirked, "You can't see it, but below decks there's a prefect replica of you, and a dozen greased up sailors in attendance."
The pirate chuckled, "You tease," she said, laughing, shoving Hawke playfully on the arm, "I'm sure there isn't."
Hawke sighed. "I wanted to thank you in some way for...well, recently," she said, trying to avoid reliving it all again. "I don't know what would have happened to me if I only had Aveline to comfort me."
Isabela laughed, "The Big Girl would have had you wrapped under her iron wing, encouraging you to break down in tears, reliving each happy moment you spent with Leandra."
They both laughed. "No doubt," Hawke replied, shaking her head. She looked up at Isabela then, their eyes meeting. "Just when you think you've finally hit bottom...someone tosses you an anchor."
The pirate smiled and reached out to touch her face, "You're stealing all my analogies, Sweet thing" she joked. Lana grinned.
"Thought you'd like that one."
Isabela chuckled, "For what it's worth," she began, moving closer, "I'm glad I could be of use."
"You were...In more ways than one," Hawke said quietly, their faces drawing nearer. She heard Isabela laughed quietly as she leaned in. Their lips met then, bring with them all the memories of last night. Hawke felt the Rivaini's hand slid along her lower back, pulling her closer. She didn't care that they were in the middle of a crowded tavern, surrounded by their friends and pervy, drunken scoundrels. Lana reached up and touched the Rivaini's cheek as their lips moved together. She could taste the sweet wine off Isabela's tongue as it pressed against her own. Then-
"MAKER'S BREATH!"
Both women were forced apart by rough hands as Aveline stepped in between them. Without even looking at Hawke, the brutish Guardswoman shoved Isabela back roughly, before squaring up into her face.
"How dare you prey on her when she is this vulnerable?" Aveline spat. Isabela frowned.
"WHAT!?" she exclaimed, "Get your stinking hands off me, Griffon Lips!"
"I mean it, Whore!" Aveline growled, "You stay away from her! The last thing she needs right now is to be associated with the likes of you!"
Isabela shoved Aveline back then. Hawke quickly jumped in as she saw the pirate reach for her dagger.
"All right! Cut it out!" Lana yelled angrily, realising the whole tavern was watching them.
"I'll cut her out!" Isabela shouted, staring at Aveline with loathing. "Cut her a nice smile with my dagger...ear to ear!" The Guardswoman glared at her, her nostrils flaring.
"Maker's Breath, are you two ever going to get along? I'm tired of this shit!" Lana spat, still holding each of them back as they tried to get at each other.
"Hawke doesn't need you to babysit her, Big Girl," the Rivaini growled through gritted teeth, ignoring Lana.
"I'm not babysitting her. I'm trying to protect her from poxy tarts like you!" the Guardswoman yelled.
Isabela laughed, "Please, Aveline. I reckon you're just jealous!"
Aveline snorted, "Of you? As if!"
"Or maybe the fact that you haven't even had anyone look at you in years...let alone kiss you!" Isabela mocked, "You're splitting hairs over Hawke, while wishing someone would split yours!"
"I've had enough of your loose lips!" Aveline raged, "Like many I'm sure!"
"Hawke hasn't," Isabela joked, "In fact we were just getting started before you got your big steel-covered bollocks in the way!"
Lana was surprised that smoke wasn't coming out of the Guardswoman's ears by now. Her face was a furious red and she was still struggling to get at the teasing pirate behind Hawke.
"Take it down a notch, Aveline," Corff interrupted from behind the bar, "Or am I going to have to throw you out as well now?"
At his words the redhead stopped squirming and relaxed, though still glaring at Isabela who was smirking cheekily at her. Come on, Big Girl, give me your best shot! Lana turned to Aveline then.
"What in Andraste's Ass was that about?" she demanded.
"Why were you kissing her of all things, Hawke?" Aveline asked angrily.
"It's none of your damn business, Av!" Hawke replied.
"I'm trying to look out for you," the Guardswoman said sincerely, "That slattern is bad news and she's already hurt you once. How could you be so stupid?"
Lana could feel herself getting angry. "You are not my mother, Aveline Valen. Stop acting like it!"
"No...You're mother would be spinning in her gr-"
Before Lana could stop herself she lashed out and struck the Guard Captain across the face, unable to believe what she had been about to say. Aveline realised it too, and saw the surprise in Lana's eyes as she looked down at her hand as though it had acted of its own accord. What have I done? The Guardswoman straightened up, feeling the burning sensation of Hawke's hand on her already red cheeks.
"I guess I deserved that one," she replied bitterly, feeling the sting with her hand. She was embarrassed with what she had been about to say. "Sorry, Hawke."
"Listen to me, Aveline," Lana said furiously, placing a firm hand on her shoulder, "And listen to me good...You are my closest friend and I have known you for many years...but it's not up to you to fill the shoes of my mother."
"I know," Aveline sighed, "And I'm sorry...I'm just trying to look out for you."
"I know," Hawke said gently, smiling at her. "And I appreciate it. Just... don't ever interrupt me mid-kiss again...unless I'm kissing a man."
Her other companions burst out laughing then, including Isabela. The tense atmosphere was cured at once. See, jokes are great in all situations. Aveline sighed and rolled her eyes. "Fine," she relented, realising her hatred for Isabela had made her over step her boundaries where Hawke was concerned.
"Good," Lana sighed with relief, turning back to the bar. Aveline threw Isabela one final glare before she and the others turned and walked back to their table, leaving the pirate to lean against the bar beside Hawke.
"Bitch," she said angrily, "I was enjoying that kiss."
Lana chuckled, "So was I..."
The two women looked over at each other, brown eyes meeting amber ones. A moment of silence passed between them. Why did things always have to be complicated? Why couldn't both of them be able to love each other at the same time? One of them was always running away, for one reason or another. They had both been trying to win the game, without even realising what the game meant. Or maybe there was no game anymore. Isabela thought that after seducing Hawke, she would feel differently. That it would simply be a one night stand to top all of the others in her past. But she felt something entirely the opposite. Something she had never experienced before, and she could feel herself withdrawing away from it.
"Did you mean what you said...?" Hawke asked softly, "...Last night?"
Isabela hesitated. She swallowed over the lump in her throat. "About what?" she replied, playing dumb. Lana sighed. Isabela wasn't going to make this easy for her. When did she ever?
"About starting to feel ...something... for me?"
The Rivaini tore her gaze from Lana's then and poured herself another drink. Balls, I knew this was going to come up! She picked up the mug, ready to raise it to her lips, when all of a sudden Hawke's hand reached out and covered it, pinning it to the bar, stopping her.
"Isabela..."
The pirate sighed. Hawke wasn't going to let this drop. She turned back to her, meeting her eyes again, "No," she said firmly, "I didn't mean it."
Hawke stared at her, feeling foolish for even having asked. Isabela fought hard to stare into her eyes and make her believe her lie. Lana couldn't see through the deception. Of course it had just been said out of pity. She exhaled then, feeling stupid for doubting her original thought and released Isabela's arm, looking away from her. Isabela raised the mug to her lips then, swallowing down the remains of her port. She glanced at Lana out of the corner of her eyes, wondering if she should have told her the truth. No, she has too much going on at the minute...the way she had lashed out last night proved it...I don't want any of this anyway, no matter what I feel.
"I'm sorry, Hawke," she said regretfully, placing a hand on her arm, "But either way, I don't regret what happened between us."
Lana snorted lightly, "Me either," she replied. Isabela smiled.
"Well...Good...If you ever want to do it again..."
The pirate retracted her hand then and leaned over the bar, alongside Hawke, satisfied with the easy outcome. Oh, you're such a coward Bela. After all these years and you finally found someone who you can stand to be around...and now you're running away. The Rivaini sighed and took one last glance at Lana. It's for the best...She doesn't need a screw up like me messing her up anymore than she already is. Better I lied than told the truth. That way, we both win.