SORRY FOR THE DELAY...HAPPY READING XD
Hawke dragged her feet along the uneven pavement in Lowtown, her head hung, large, heavy raindrops falling heavily onto her shoulders. She had never been more sick and tired of Kirkwall than in the last three years. Knight Commander Meredith had her firmly in her pocket and she was manipulating her at every turn, getting her to do her dirty work in the city in exchange for her sister's life and Anders' safety. First Isabela, now Meredith...Am I always going to be someone's puppet? The amount of apostates she had either killed or handed over to the Templars in the last year alone under Meredith's orders was criminal. The guilt and hypocrisy had been eating away at Hawke's conscience as she thought about all the damage she had caused the mage's families, inflicting the same pain on them that had been done to her own family all those years ago when Bethany had been torn away from them.
But she had no choice. Even though her sister hated her, Hawke would not fail her again. So if that meant selling her soul and working for the Templars, then she would do it. Even if Bethany never found out what she did, Hawke felt she owed it to her. So every time she handed over an apostate to the Templars, Hawke pushed the guilt to the back of her mind and reminded herself why she was doing it: To keep her little sister safe.
Lana sighed and shook the wetness from her hair as she pushed open the door to The Hanged Man. The warmth of the fire inside assaulted her face and she shivered a little, feeling the cold disappear rapidly. She crossed the tavern and put her things down on a nearby table before walking to the bar, pushing her worries to the back of her mind and looking forward to a well-earned pint. As she made her way to order a drink she was intercepted by a familiar-looking dwarf.
"Oh, not now Varric, please," Hawke groaned, her face falling, "I've had a really shit day and I just wan-"
"Hawke, I don't think you want to be here right now," he said, blocking Lana's attempts at escape. After several seconds of him mirroring her, Lana stopped trying to go around him then and looked down, seeing the seriousness on his face.
"What do you mean?" she asked curiously, her eyes narrowing. Anything that makes Varric's face look like that can't be good. Varric grimaced, as though what he had to say would be painful. Lana heard him sigh.
"Just go home, Hawke," he pled, "...Unless you want that shit day of yours to get worse. Trust me."
Lana was in no mood for riddles. She was so exhausted. "Just tell me what the deal is, Varric or get out of my way. I really need a drink to drown my guilt. I put three apostates in the Gallows today, Three! That's three more families I have torn apart for my own selfish needs and those of my sister. So if you have something to say then spit it out, otherwise I'm going to go through you in order to get a drink."
"All right..." he relented, shaking his head, "Don't say I didn't warn you."
The dwarf nodded his head to the other side of the bar behind him, gesturing towards a woman. She was standing alone, mulling over the contents of a mug in her hand. A bottle of port rested on the counter beside her. Lana froze when she saw her. Her breath caught. The woman hadn't been seen in three years. Three years! And now here she was. Other than wearing a black corset and a red bandana on her arm she looked completely unchanged. Varric watched Lana's face change as she stared at the familiar figure. He could see the pain and betrayal forming, that which Lana had tried so hard to hide from them all since the day the Qunari left Kirkwall. The dwarf frowned, not wanting his friend to get hurt any more than she already was. Even though Hawke had been concealing it well, it was obvious that she missed Isabela. Everyone knew it, though no one ever mentioned it to her. Seeing now, the look on Lana's face, Varric knew that their suspicions had been correct.
Lana was still frozen in the middle of the floor. She didn't know what to do. What do you say to someone after three years? After they disappeared without a trace? She continued to stare, stunned to see the woman she had thought endlessly about before her. Andraste's Ass...Finally recovering from the shock, Lana turned and rushed back to her table, dwarf in tow. She began to grab her things as quickly as she could, her hands shaking uncontrollably.
"I have to get out of here..." she said, more to herself than Varric. Varric watched Lana frantically try to pack up her stuff. He could see how flustered she was. It wasn't like her. He couldn't take it anymore.
"Look, stop!" he said, grabbing her arms. "Relax. Here..." He held out a nearby chair for her, "Sit down ...I'll get you that drink."
Lana eased herself onto the chair, running a hand through her hair and exhaling harshly. What a stressful day it had been. This was the last thing she needed. She glanced up at Isabela again. The pirate still hadn't noticed she was here. She stood with her back to the tavern as she normally did. It was like the woman hadn't moved from her regular spot at the bar at all. But she had. So why in The Maker's name was she back?
Feeling angry now, Lana got to her feet. This is ridiculous! Get a grip Lana...Why should I be the one afraid of seeing her? She's the one who left. She's the one who used me then discarded our friendship like it meant nothing! Sick of being a plaything for others and then being tossed to the side, Hawke decided she wanted some answers now. She'd had enough. How dare Isabela come back and act as though she had never been gone? Surely she knew she would run into me here! Typical! Still thinking of no one but herself. Before Varric could return with her drink, Lana braced herself and crossed the tavern towards Isabela.
She stopped behind her, her sweating hands balled into fists.
"Waiting for someone?"
Isabela jumped at the sound of Hawke's voice. She hadn't heard that voice in ages. It sounded different now, almost foreign.
"Not particularly," the pirate replied, not even turning around to greet her.
"Well, sober up," Lana ordered, "We need to talk."
Isabela sighed, "I'm sober," she said dryly, pouring more port into her mug, "And no...we don't."
Hawke gritted her teeth in anger and moved in beside her. As Isabela made to raise the mug to her lips, Lana reached out and grabbed her arm, forcing it back on the counter roughly. The contents spilled over the sides. Varric looked up over the other side of the bar, an anxious look on his face. This had clearly been what he wanted to avoid. The muscle in Isabela's jaw twitched as she stared down at the hand on her arm. But Lana didn't remove it.
"Three years," Hawke said, shaking her head, "Three years...and that's all you have to say to me?"
The pirate brushed her off roughly, still avoiding her eyes.
"What else is there?" she asked, her tone uncaring, "You don't need me anymore. You're the Champion of Kirkwall after all."
Lana noticed the heavy sarcasm in her voice.
"Oh, shut up," she replied bitterly, "I didn't ask for the title."
"Meanwhile I'm still just the selfish, pirate whore responsible for the whole mess," Isabela continued resentfully.
"You're just afraid of being anything else!" Hawke countered. "You're still using the same excuse for your actions all those years ago."
"I told you then, Hawke, that I'm not going to change who I am...not even for you," Isabela spat, "So if that's what you're here for, to try and spout some bullshit speech to me about what a good person I am inside and how I just make bad decisions then you can forget it, oh Champion of Kirkwall. You and I have nothing in common anymore."
Hawke's face hardened. "That's not why I'm here. I'm done trying to get through to you. You brought this on yourself...And I'm glad to hear I'm such a big joke to you. Cheers, Bela."
"Ah Hawke, don't be like that," Isabela replied, regretting what she said immediately. Her face softened. She looked up at her at last. Their eyes met. Maker's breath, she doesn't look good. There was no usual positive energy coming from Hawke like there had been in the past. Her face was lined with stress and she seemed tenser than Isabela had ever remembered her being. The last three years mustn't have been kind to her. But when are they ever where Hawke is concerned? And I suppose I'm to blame a little...well maybe more than a little.
"Don't tell me how to be Isabela," Hawke responded angrily, shaking her head, "I'm tired of being nothing more than a mere stepping stone for others. I'm tired of doing everyone's dirty work while they sit back and laugh at the puppet."
"I'm not laughing," Isabela said, surprised at how different Hawke seemed to be now. Normally she would have responded with a joke, or an insult as equal. "And I don't think you're a puppet."
"Well I seemed to be yours for more than I care to remember," Hawke replied.
Isabela hesitated. She saw the hurt on Hawke's face, the bitterness. It was then that the pirate realised that she wasn't the only person to blame for it being there.
"And now?" she asked, concerned.
Hawke sighed and shook her head. She leaned on the bar with her elbows, her head bowed.
"Now I'm another's...only at least this time it's with good reason."
"Who's?"
"None of your business," Hawke replied, ashamed.
"And Bethany?" Isabela pressed. "How is she doing?"
Lana snorted. "Don't act like you care..."
The pirate reached out and touched Hawke's arm. "I do care," she said, her brow creased in worry. "What's happened?"
"What, you mean since you left?" Lana continued, her tone becoming harsher, "Oh I don't know...Let's see...The Templar's own me, apparently I don't have a sister anymore, Gamlen is bleeding me dry and as I'm first choice for the City Guard everyone thinks they can dump their shit on me. The only place I had to relax was here...so thank you so much for ruining it for me. I'm sorry I don't have another heart for you to break in return."
Isabela's jaw dropped. Shit, I'm a complete idiot for asking. Seems like Hawke is still a magnet for trouble then. Why am I not surprised?
"I'm sorry..." she said softly, rubbing Hawke's arm. Lana shook her off. She was colder now, colder than the pirate could ever remember her being. She cursed herself for leaving all those years ago, especially leaving the way she did.
"That another lie, Bela?" Lana asked, glaring up at her, "Because I don't know how much more of them I can take..."
"I am sorry," the Rivaini replied, wanting to reach out to her again. "Really..."
"Why should I believe you? Why should I believe anything that comes out of your mouth?" Hawke asked, disgustedly, "And anyway...I didn't come here for your sympathy...I just want to know why?"
"Why what?" Isabela asked, confused.
"Why you left!" Lana said impatiently, looking up at her.
Isabela's jaw tightened. She stared back into Hawke's chocolate-brown eyes and her breath caught. She had forgotten the effect they seemed to have on her. Over three years and the woman still possessed the power to woo her with a single glance (even if that glance was icier than before). After several seconds of hesitation the pirate finally found the words.
"Because I had to figure this all out in my head..."
"And have you?" Lana pressed, her brown eyes boring into Isabela's amber ones. After several seconds of silence, Isabela averted her eyes and stared once more into her mug of port, not knowing what to say. Hawke sighed. "Then I guess you were right..." she continued, "We don't have anything to talk about..."
Lana pushed up off the bar and made her way toward the door, too distracted to even remember her things were back at her table. Isabela looked up, seeing her leave.
"Hawke wait!" she called after her. She raised herself from the bar and raced after her, out the door of The Hanged Man and into the cold, damp night. As Lana tried to race off, the pirate caught up with her and grabbed her arm, spinning her around to face her.
"Don't walk away," she pled. The rain was pouring down around them, heavier than before. Within seconds they were both soaked to the skin. Both women stared at each other, trying to catch their breaths. "Just...Don't..."
"Why?" Lana asked, shrugging, "Isn't that what we do?...Tell each other how we feel, then one of us walks away leaving the other to pick up the pieces?"
"Look I..I..." Isabela's eyes darted from side to side, as though trying to find the words to say, "I didn't... mean to stay away for so long," she continued, looking back at Lana now, "I'm sorry...Balls...Seems like all we do is communicate in apologies now..."
"I don't want your apology," Lana replied, pulling her arm out of Isabela's grasp. She stared into her eyes, her expression cold. "I just want you to know that you have missed your chance..."
Hawke's words hit Isabela like a tonne of bricks.
"Have I...?"
The rain poured down harder as the two women stood staring at each other in the night. Isabela's question lingered in the air, echoing off the walls of the surrounding buildings. Lana could feel her eyes burning with tears as she stared into the manipulative pirate's face.
"Why don't you come back in three years and tell me..."
With her final words, Hawke turned on her heel and raced through the night before Isabela could try to follow. The pirate watched after her with regret, wishing desperately that she could have turned back time and changed the past.
"Get up, Hawke. Greet the day!"
Lana screwed up her face as Aveline flung open the curtains in her bedroom, allowing the light to shine through the window and blind her tired eyes.
"Ughh, give me a break, Av," she moaned, "I woke up without a hangover today for a change, don't I get a reward?"
"You're reward is my foot up your ass," the Guardswoman replied, "When would you like it?"
"Tomorrow morning," Hawke moaned, rolling over and closing her eyes again.
"Don't you get smart with me," Aveline scolded, "Now get yourself out of bed and get dressed."
"Go away, Av," Hawke sang back, relaxing into another sleep. Suddenly the blankets were yanked off her.
"Ah, you bitch! It's bloody freezing!" Lana yelled, jumping up. She was wearing nothing but her underwear.
"Good, you're up now. I set your clothes out for you. Don't take too long," Aveline replied, still holding the blankets, lest Hawke try to steal them back.
"What's got you so cheerful and upbeat today?" Lana asked grumpily.
"Nothing..." Aveline answered, beginning to fold the sheets in her arms. Hawke straightened up, a wicked grin appearing on her face. She gasped.
"You got your paragon pampered last night, didn't you!?" she exclaimed.
"WHAT!?" Aveline yelled.
Hawke's grin widened cheekily, "Donnic dampened your Divine, didn't he? Did a little Deep Roads exploration? Tasted your forbidden fruits? Ate your deep mushroom?"
Aveline's face turned a horrible shade of red. "I...I don't know what you're talking about..."
Hawke laughed triumphantly, "I knew it!" she shouted, still laughing at the look on Aveline's face. "I'm surprised you're up so early though. Didn't he tire you out?"
The redness on Aveline's face deepened, much to Hawke's delight.
"Or does Donnic's stamina not live up to expectations?" she continued, "Nothing left in the tank?...so to speak..."
"He has plenty in the 'tank', if you must know!" Aveline retorted angrily, offended. Hawke grinned evilly.
"Oh really? Going to try and make little City Guard babies?" she joked, "Carry them around under your heavy armor for nine months then sign them up for duty?"
"Oh, shut up!" the guardswoman snapped.
"Is that what Donnic says?" Lana continued, knowing she was close to hitting her mark, "Or does he tell you? Or...maybe he gags you...hmm..."
"Hawke..."Aveline warned, her anger bubbling. She glared at the mischievous woman before her who was thoroughly enjoying herself now.
"Maybe...you two play heros and heroines..." Lana said with a smile, "'Donnic the Daring dashes into the room, cocksure and ready for action. He spots the muscled, red-headed prisoner, tied to the bedpost in nothing but her smalls. Aveline smiles with delight as her knight in shining, City Guard armor comes to save her at last. She shanks his Jory so hard-'"
"SHUT UP!" Aveline yelled, lunging out with the folded blankets and hitting every inch of Hawke she could find. "SHUT UP, SHUT UP!"
Lana burst out laughing and jumped out of bed, protecting herself, trying to get away from the raging Guard Captain as she attacked her with the heavy, rolled up blankets. They were so heavy it was like being hit with a bag of oranges. Yes, that has happened me once or twice, believe it or not.
"You're a mischievous, annoying, little imp, Lana Hawke!" she yelled, swinging the blanket roll as hard as she could. She could still hear Hawke's giggles underneath. "STOP LAUGHING!"
This only made Lana laugh even more. "Is that...what Donnic told you...when he showed you his-"
WACK
Hawke's head felt like it was cleaved in two. Her eyes watered. Aveline had properly hit her this time. She could feel the shape of her armored fist forming on the side of her head. The guardswoman stopped flailing the blanket roll about and both women froze.
"Ouch..." came Lana's groan of response. She reached a hand up to her head and held the welt, feeling it pulse underneath her touch.
"Sorry..."Aveline breathed, trying to catch her breath, "I was... instinct..."
Lana started to snigger again. She had more jokes but Aveline had been pushed beyond her limit today. I'll save them for later. She got to her feet, trying not to laugh and steadied herself.
"Damn it, Av, I'm seeing stars," she moaned, trying to adjust her vision a little.
"Good!" the guardswoman replied, "Maybe tomorrow you'll think twice about teasing me!"
"It's alright. It's Varric's turn tomorrow anyway."
Lana felt another slap to the side of the head, lighter than the first one but still with enough force to make her grimace again.
"Get dressed," Aveline ordered. "I'll meet you down stairs."
Hawke pulled on her clothes and descended the stairs on the Estate half an hour later. Aveline was standing in the living area, pouring over the letters on Hawke's desk which Bodhan had left before he went to get the shopping.
"Little nosy, aren't you?" Lana joked, walking up behind her.
"Hawke some of these are dated weeks ago," the Guard Captain admonished, "Why haven't you opened them?"
"Are any from Bethany?" Lana asked.
"No."
"Then I don't care..."
Aveline turned back to her friend, seeing the sad look on her face as she began to pour herself a glass of whiskey. There had been no word from the youngest Hawke since the day the Qunari left Kirkwall. Aveline worried for her safety, they all did...but none more so than Lana. Everyone knew it was killing her working for Meredith, but it just proved that Hawke really would do anything to protect her little sister. It was admirable, but Hawke didn't see it that way. She saw it as her duty to make up for her past failures. Bethany was the only one she had left. If she failed now, she had nothing.
"Don't you ever stop drinking?" Aveline asked, seeing her knock back her glass in one.
"I didn't drink last night," Lana said shrugging, "I'm making up for it this morning."
"How come?" Aveline wondered, "Didn't you go to The Hanged Man after we rounded up that last apostate?"
"I did..."Lana admitted, "But I left early..."
"Shocking!" Aveline stated, her tone heavy with sarcasm, "What genius found a way to force you to go home without even one drink? I'd like to kiss them."
Lana gave her a smirk, "I am so glad you asked it that way, Av...It was Isabela."
The Guard Captain's eyes widened and her jaw dropped. "What!?"
Hawke nodded, "She's back..." she said grimly.
Aveline watched her friend go to the nearest chair and sit herself down. She couldn't believe her ears.
"I take it the reunion didn't go well then?" she asked, a little worried. Hawke shrugged uncaringly.
"I didn't expect it to," she answered, "I didn't even think I would see her again."
"And now that you have?"
Lana looked up, confused, "I don't understand..."
"Do you still have feelings for her?"
Aveline saw Hawke hesitate. She bit her lip.
"I...no...I mean...I don't know...maybe..."
"That's a 'yes' Hawke," Aveline informed her. "And if you feel this way then you shouldn't let her go again."
Lana looked up in complete shock. "You're the last person I thought I would hear tell me that! What happened to 'you're making a mistake', 'don't touch that filthy, pirate whore', 'I can't believe you could even kiss her, never mind sleep with her'..."
"Is that really what I sound like?" Aveline asked, when Lana was done impersonating her in a horrible voice. Lana smirked cheekily.
"More or less...I'm still working on some dialogue for you though," she joked.
Aveline rolled her eyes. She dreaded to ask what kind of dialogue. "Anyway...Hawke it doesn't take a genius to work out how miserable you have been these past few years...You miss her..."
Lana shook her head. "No, I don't. Isabela can go and rot for all I care."
"Don't lie to me," Aveline said sceptically. Hawke got to her feet and began to pace the floor.
"Look, I don't want to talk about this, ok?" she said, turning back to Aveline.
"Fine," the Guardswoman answered, "As long as you do one thing..."
Lana sighed, "Fine...What?"
Aveline grinned at her and held up the open letter in her hand. It had very fancy writing and looked to be some sort of invitation.
"Come with me and Varric to this party in Chateau Haine."