"Bethany!?" Leliana exclaimed in disbelief. She was just as overwhelmed to see her again, as she had been with Lana.
"Leliana?" Bethany replied, even more stunned. She looked from her sister to Isabela, then back again. "What the-If someone doesn't tell me what's going on right now-"
"I'm sorry you had to find out this way," Lana said, regretfully. Bethany's face was even more perplexed.
"I-I-Find what out?" she asked, shaking her head, becoming more confused by the second. "I mean...you and...and Isabela...then Leliana! Here!...sleeping together...I...What!?"
The entire party stared between the four women, unsure of what exactly was going on. Aveline was glaring at Isabela, furious with her for her outburst. She had never expected this, even of her. But the pirate never could pass up making a scene. And now Hawke was in more shit than she had ever been in her life (and that was saying something). She didn't deserve this, and even Isabela knew it. The pirate saw the look on Bethany's face...on Hawke's. She had never meant for any of this to happen. She was just so angry at Lana for what she was apparently doing with Leliana. Like it or not, she was jealous. Her pride had gotten the better of her and she wanted to see Lana humiliated, the way she had been after the amount of apologies she had made for her past screw ups. No one makes me grovel like that! No one makes me feel guilty for being who I am. I'm not going to apologise for being myself. Filthy hypocrites!
As it turned out though, Lady Elegant had been spinning her a tale from the very beginning, simply trying to seduce her. The woman didn't take it well at all when Isabela passed up on sex with her and left her naked in the fancy bedroom, even after she thought Hawke had been kissing another woman to get back at her. In the end she just couldn't do it. She hadn't been lying when she told Hawke that she had been her last 'conquest'. Pathetic! Three years hung up on the same person who can't even look at me anymore... What happened to you Isabela? Queen of the Eastern Seas, my ass!
Elegant's threat still lingered in the pirate's mind, the bitter words she had yelled after her as she ran back down the hallway as fast as she could for fear she would give in to Elegant's demands and her own weakness of never being able to say no. Not a good idea to make an enemy of a woman who handles poisons on a daily basis. I'll need to watch what I drink in future. Despite this warning thought, the pirate had downed four glasses of red wine as soon as she rejoined the party, trying to rid her mind of Lana Hawke and all that came with her. Of course, all the alcohol did was intensify the Rivaini's thoughts, and cause her to spill her guts to a confused Lana in front of the entire party, before revealing the secret of Hawke's sexuality to an unknowing family member yet again. Balls...I should never have come back to Kirkwall.
"Look Bethany, it's not what you think..." Isabela began, trying to undo her blunder. "Lana and I are just..." Her words faded into nothing. She didn't know what they were anymore.
"We should have told you," Leliana continued, in her delicate Orlesian accent. "But it was difficult. I was with the Chantry and..."
"I thought you were my friend," Bethany said to Leliana, hurt, "I cried for you when we left Lothering, thinking you were dead...and all this time..."
"It wasn't like that!" Leliana said, shaking her head, "I'm so sorry, Bethany. I was your friend, I still am!... What I had with your sister was just something else entirely."
Lana saw the unforgiving look in her little sister's eyes. She couldn't find the words to explain this all to her. The lies, the deceit, the back stabbing...Maybe she was no better than Isabela when it came to screwing over those she cared about. Maybe that's why I was attracted to her in the first place. We're not all that different, even now. Bethany looked at her again, as though wondering why she hadn't said anything more.
"Lana?" she asked, waiting expectantly.
Hawke felt the eyes of every single person in the courtyard on her. She was burning under their gaze. A bead of sweat dropped down her forehead which she wiped away with the back of her hand.
"Let's talk in private, Bethany," she said, almost pleading with her.
"No," Bethany replied firmly, her voice as cold as ice. "Whatever you have to say, you can say it here."
"Maybe that's not the best choice, Bethany," Aveline interrupted, "She's right. Go and talk some place quiet."
"Why? What else has she got to hide?"
"Bethany..." Aveline said placing a gentle hand on her arm. She nodded at her in encouragement. Bethany's jaw tightened. She was so angry. She stared at Aveline, then at Varric who also nodded. After several seconds she sighed.
"Fine," she said, turning back to her sister. "You have ten minutes...Then I'm gone...Forever this time."
Lana stared at her dejectedly. Forever? The word cut her deeply. I never wanted this. Hawke turned to Leliana helplessly, wondering what she should do. The woman saw the fear in Lana's brown eyes. She was scared out of her wits at what would happen when she entered what might be her final conversation with all that was left of her family. Leliana wished to The Maker that she could help her out. Apparently the once beautiful relationship between the two sisters had soured over the years. Leliana had never heard Bethany sound so cold. It was so different from the cheerful, charming little girl she had been in the past. It was such a shame it had come to this.
As Lana made to follow after Bethany, Isabela reached out and grabbed her arm. Hawke shook her off roughly and rounded on her, her eyes stinging with tears. She could see the regret in the pirate's eyes but found she had little sympathy for her.
"Hawke, I..."
Lana shook her head slowly, staring at her in disgust.
"What did I ever do to you?" she asked weakly.
Isabela swallowed over a lump in her throat. She could feel her own eyes filling up at the simple question. No, not here! Not in front of all these people! When it became apparent that the pirate wasn't going to reply, Hawke gave her one last look and turned her back on her, following Bethany towards the gates of Chateau Haine.
As soon as the two sisters disappeared, the entire party turned their gaze to Isabela. She glared back at them all, feeling about an inch tall. The Rivaini could see the judgemental stares, see the disapproving expressions upon the faces of the nobles, and even those of her friends.
"WHAT?" she yelled, holding out her arms, her fury getting the better of her. "WHAT ARE YOU ALL STARING AT?"
The crowd began to mutter to each other, seeing the crazed look on the pirate's face. Some began shaking their heads.
"DON'T YOU DARE JUDGE ME!" Isabela shouted, pointing her finger at them. "NONE OF YOU ARE ANY BETTER, HEAR ME? NONE OF YOU!...Bastards!"
As the muttering continued, Isabela turned to Leliana, shaking in fury. The alcohol had almost worn off now and she knew she would regret this in the morning. Andraste's Ass, she regretted it already. But it couldn't be undone. And she couldn't take the nobles staring any longer. As Leliana made to reach out to her, the pirate ignored her outstretched arm and began to walk away.
"Isabela!" Leliana cried after her, watching her run off towards the giant double doors of the Chateau entrance, "Isabela, wait!"
The pirate didn't look back.
"So how long has this been going on for?" Bethany asked, as Lana closed the gates to Chateau Haine. Night had fallen around them without anyone noticing. The lanterns by the entrance were full of dancing flames, which reflected off the tears in Lana's eyes.
"You mean how long with Leliana?" she asked, "There was never a relationship to begin with."
"I mean how long have you been sleeping with women!?" Bethany corrected, angrily.
Lana sighed, "Always..."
Bethany shook her head in disbelief and sat herself down on a nearby rock. She didn't speak for several seconds. Finally she looked up, her harsh expression having softened a little.
"Why didn't you tell me, Lana?" she asked, her voice finally returning to its normal level. "I thought we told each other everything...I told you everything. Why would you hide something that important about yourself from me?"
Hawke exhaled and sat herself down beside her sister, staring at the ground. She shrugged.
"I don't know," she replied, truthfully, "I guess I...thought you wouldn't approve or...I don't know, disown me. Mother already thought I was a stain on the family, I didn't need to give her another reason...And if I thought there was a chance I would lose you Bethany, I never wanted to take that risk...You're my best friend, or...at least you were."
Bethany felt pity for her older sister. "This isn't exactly how I imagined we would be when we grew up," she admitted, "But a lot has happened over the last number of years. We're different people now, Lana."
Lana looked up at her. "I never once forgot about you Bethany," she revealed, wondering why her sister was saying these things, "No matter how much I changed over the years I always tried to do what was best for you, even when you were in the Circle. Maker's Breath, I'm handing apostates over to the Templars under Meredith's orders just to keep you alive!"
"What!" Bethany exclaimed in disbelief. Her sister was working with Templars...for her?
"Exactly!" Lana exclaimed, getting to her feet as her anger flared, "And now all because of my sexuality you are going to turn your back on me?...Make's me wonder why I even bother..."
"That's not why I'm angry!" Bethany yelled, getting to her feet as well. "Maker's Breath, Lana! I'll always love you no matter what your interests. Just because you prefer women to men doesn't change that fact!"
Hawke turned back to her in shock, "Really?" she asked.
"Really," Bethany assured her. "I just don't understand why you couldn't tell me this before...Maybe we weren't as close as I'd thought after all..."
"You weren't exactly completely truthful with me either!" Lana countered. Why did she always have to be the one who 'screwed up'?
"Since when!?" Bethany demanded, "When have I ever lied to you like this? You hid your true self from me for all the time I have known you. You slept with my friends behind my back! You've been living two separate lives, Lana!...and apparently I don't fit into either of them!"
"You lied to me about Anders," Lana said quietly. Bethany hesitated. Her sister had hit the nail on the head. "You promised me you would stay away from him, Bethany. You promised me you wouldn't have anything to do with his manifesto...And look what happened..."
"You were just angry with me because I disobeyed you!" Bethany challenged. Hawke was outraged.
"How dare you!" she exclaimed. "Everything I did was to protect you! To keep you safe from the blasted Templars!"
"Bullshit!" Bethany spat, "They would have found me eventually. It was sheer luck that they didn't before, nothing more!"
"You can't be serious!" Lana replied, her blood boiling, "I worked my ass of trying to keep you out of the Circle...All my bloody life, Bethany!"
"Well, maybe you should have just let me go!" Bethany yelled. Lana was stunned. She exhaled, catching her breath and sat herself back down on the rock. She ran a hand through her hair and looked up at her little sister.
"Is that really what you would have wanted?" she asked gently, "To have grown up in the Circle with your own kind...To have never known me as anything other than a name in your file?"
Bethany sighed, staring at her sister regretfully. "That's not what I meant, Lana," she replied, lowering her voice as well. She sat down beside her once more and placed a hand on her arm. Lana ignored it.
"Isn't it?...You know what, I'm glad we had this chance to get everything out in the open," she said hoarsely. She got to her feet and walked away a few paces before turning back to her sister. It took her a while to speak over the lump in her throat. "At least now I know what you really think of me, Bethany. Now I can stop worrying about you everyday...Because it's clear to me now, since the day the Templars took you, you've never even given me a seconds thought."
Bethany didn't know how to respond. It was true she had cursed Lana the day she found out their mother was dead. But that didn't mean she had stopped loving her. Taking her silence as a sign, Hawke reached under the collar of her shirt and pulled the red bandana from around her neck, holding it in her hand.
"You once gave me this for luck, remember?" she asked, painfully, staring down at it. Bethany was astounded. She had no idea her sister still had it after all these years.
"Lana..." she breathed, realising then just how much her sister had missed her. She had given it to her just before Hawke had left for The Deep Road's Expedition. Ever since that day their entire lives had been turned upside down. A tear fell down Bethany's face, followed by many more. In that moment she regretted how cold she had been to the only person who had loved her unconditionally her entire life.
Lana's fist closed around the bandana. She snorted and looked back up at her sister's tear stained face.
"I suppose you'll want it back then, since I clearly don't mean anything to you anymore...I only wore it ever single damn day that you were gone..."
She tossed the bandana at her sister's feet giving her one last look. With that, Lana turned her back on her little sister and walked back towards the party.
"Lana?...LANA!"
Hawke ignored Bethany's numerous cries after her with great difficulty, fighting the urge to turn around. But she was done.
"LANA PLEASE!...PLEASE!"
Hawke wiped away the tear which had streamed down her cheek. Her sister could call all she wanted though. She couldn't take it anymore. This time it was her who was walking away.
"Rough night?"
Tallis appeared around a dark corner inside the Chateau Haine, seeing Isabela sitting against a wall, doing nothing in particular. The pirate looked up at her and smiled as best she could. Truth be told she would rather be left alone.
"Where'd you get off to?" she asked, seeing the mischievous look on the elf's face. She knew that look. It was the look one wore when they had discovered treasure. Tallis seated herself down beside her, wiping away a layer of sweat on her forehead. She was breathing heavily as though she had been running. The elf dangled a key in front of her face.
"I found the vault," she informed Isabela, smirking at her.
"Took you long enough," the pirate teased, "I'd have sniffed it out in a second. I'm pretty sure that key doesn't fit other wise you wouldn't be sitting here empty-handed with me."
"The key only leads us there. I assumed you had more experience stealing things which don't belong to you," Tallis replied with a grin. Isabela groaned.
"So you've heard then?" she asked, knowing full well what she was getting at.
"You're the one who stole the Qunari relic right? The Tome of Koslun?"
Isabela nodded. "That's right. What of it?"
"Did you read it?" Tallis asked interestedly.
"In between running for my life? Of course I did," Isabela replied, sarcastically.
"Ah, sarcasm is one of the many demands of the Qun, did you know that?"
"No it isn't," Isabela replied. Tallis chuckled.
"So you did read it, then."
Isabela rolled her eyes. She got me there.
"So how come you're sitting here on your own in the semi-darkness?" Tallis asked, "I take it this Orlesian party was no different than all the rest? They are pretty boring."
The pirate snorted. "On the contrary, I think this little gathering will be remembered for years to come...And that's even before you steal this jewel. I can only assume the nobles were entertained."
Tallis chuckled. "What happened? Did someone mix up one of the cheeses and cause an uproar?"
Isabela sniggered. "That's one way to describe it, I suppose," she joked. After several seconds Tallis noticed her face fall. The pirate sighed and stared at the ground.
"So I assume it had something to do with you and Hawke then?" the elf guessed. Isabela was wearing the same look as she had done earlier that day when she and Hawke had been bickering on the Wyvern hunt. Only now she looked ten times worse.
"None of your business," Isabela replied, feeling no desire to talk about it. Tallis snorted.
"Suit yourself. If it was as eventful as you've described though I'm sure I'll find out another way," she said. Isabela groaned.
"Fine!...Yes, it was about Hawke..." Isabela relented.
"You really like her don't you?" Tallis observed. Isabela chuckled.
"Oh come on, Sweet Thing. Do you really think someone like me would fall for a woman like Hawke?"
Tallis wasn't fooled however. "I used to be like you, you know. I told myself if I never cared about anyone or anything, I could never be hurt. Life would be fun".
"Don't try to empathise with me, elf," Isabela replied, hating when people tried to put themselves in her place. Like anyone has done half the shit I have. "You don't know me."
"I know your type," Tallis countered, "A nomad, always keeping others at a distance. You think your life will be better off alone, that life will be great with only yourself to worry about. I thought the same thing, Isabela. But it wasn't. There was a hole inside me and nothing I did ever filled it."
Isabela chuckled. "Oh, that one's too easy," she said, noticing the potential sexual innuendo. She had a talent for picking them out, even if they weren't dangling in front of her like this. Maker, I miss the old days of flirting with Hawke, both of us getting drunk in The Hanged Man with Varric and winding Aveline up...Back when everything was less complicated.
"Not everything should be easy," Tallis continued, misreading her response. "Don't you wonder what it would be like? A life with meaning, with purpose?"
Isabela looked at her. Andraste's Ass she sounds like one of the damn Qunari! "I... have a purpose," the pirate replied, "Or rather...I had a purpose."
"Hawke?" Tallis asked, even though she already had a feeling she was correct. Isabela turned away and got to her feet then.
"The girly chat's over," she replied, taking a look around their surroundings. "I don't want to talk about this anymore. Let's go get this damned jewel and get out of this pompous Orlesian pit."
"Fine. But we need to find Hawke first," Tallis said, getting to her feet. "I need her help." Isabela sighed in disagreement. Great
"Fine," she said bitterly, "Lead on then. The sooner I get out of this place the better."
Lana leaned over the edge of the fountain, staring into its depths. The party had long since moved indoors, with only Leliana remaining behind. Lana had brushed off Varric and Aveline, ordering them to leave her be and take Merrill inside to have a good time. The little elf had rarely ventured outside her house in the last three years, seeing as Isabela hadn't been around and Hawke herself hadn't the time since she started working for Meredith.
Lana pulled a silver caprice she had collected from her pocket and threw it into the fountain, wishing silently that she could turn back time to the good old days, when all she had to worry about was which drink to order and what woman to bed. Mother used to love those coins. She sighed, trying to come to terms with what she had just done. I abandoned my little sister. She had no idea if she had made the right choice. All Lana knew was that she couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't keep trying to win back her sisters love and getting nothing in return. It was killing her inside. A gentle hand placed itself on her back then.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Leliana asked gently, rubbing her back. Lana couldn't reply, for fear of what would happen if she opened her mouth. Instead she continued staring into the water, trying to compose herself. This was too much to deal with right now on top of everything else. Leliana could feel Hawke's heavy breaths, as she tried to hold herself together. Suddenly a small sob escaped her.
"Hey," Leliana soothed, her heart breaking at the sound. Lana had always been so strong. "Come here...Shh..."
Lana allowed herself to be turned around and felt Leliana's arms wrap around her. She buried her face in the woman's chest feeling the tears escape against her will. Her entire body heaved as she wept, in too much pain to feel embarrassed. Leliana kissed the top of her head and tried to hold her together. She never thought she would see the day when Bethany and Lana were not friends. Their relationship had been beautiful to watch during the two years she had spent in Lothering. She had often wondered what it would be like to have a sister like that. The hardships forced on them by the Blight had clearly torn them apart though, almost literally. It just showed how deep their relationship had been if someone as strong as Lana could be reduced to tears over its demise.
After several minutes, Leliana pulled back slightly and tilted Lana's face up to hers. The woman's face was soaked with tears and her lips were trembling. She was beside herself with despair. Unable to stop herself, Leliana leaned in slowly, and gently placed her lips on hers.
Lana closed her eyes, tasting the sweetness of Leliana's tongue cajoling against her own. She felt the warm hand caressing her cheek and wanted nothing more than to stay in that moment forever. It was almost impossible to believe that something so amazing could still exist in this world. The kiss was just as intoxicating as it had been that first time in Lothering all those years ago. For those brief few seconds, all of Hawke's troubles had vanished. Her heart felt lighter, the weight having been lifted momentarily.
They pulled apart then. Lana rested her head against Leliana's, felling the woman's warm breath on her face. Leliana held her close, wishing she could do something to take away her pain. In another life they would have been prefect together. But both of their hearts belonged to another, and as hard as that was to bear, it couldn't be undone. They stood in each other's embrace, eyes closed, swaying slightly to the faint sound of classical music which was echoing from inside the Chateau. It was another few minutes before either of them spoke, content enough to just be close to each other.
"Do you love Isabela?" Leliana whispered finally. It was clear to her now after the pirate's recent outburst that she was the woman Lana had spoken of before.
Silence followed her question.
"Lana?" Leliana said, opening her eyes and pulling her head back slightly. She brushed a lock of Hawke's hair away from her face and stared into the deep, swimming, chocolate-brown eyes. "Do you?" she asked again.
"Yes..." Lana whispered back, finally admitting to herself that she still did. She averted her eyes, feeling foolish for revealing it, especially after Isabela's latest stunt. Leliana tucked her fingers under Lana's chin and titled her face up to look at her again. She gazed once more into those brown eyes and smiled.
"Then don't let her get away again," she whispered back.
Lana lost herself in Sister Leliana's blue eyes, knowing the woman was speaking from her own experience. The Grey Warden had disappeared on her. However, Lana knew that even though Leliana was convinced the Hero of Ferelden still loved her, she missed her more than anything. But it didn't have to be this way for Hawke and Isabela. This was what Leliana was trying to make her see. There was still a chance for them to make things right, however difficult that might be. It was either that, or let the almost-relationship die before it could ever truly come alive.
As if on cue, the door to the Chateau opened, behind them. The classical music, louder now, drifted out into the massive courtyard, breaking up the tender moment between the two women. They pulled apart and looked up to see Tallis and Isabela walking towards them. The pirate tried to hide her suspicion at the private moment she and Tallis had evidently just spoiled. Lana hid her face, trying to wipe away her tears before the others noticed, but it didn't escape Isabela. I suppose the situation with Bethany didn't go well then. Maker, Little Hawke is getting as bad as me when it comes to making Lana's life a misery.
"Tallis?" Leliana exclaimed in surprise.
"Leliana!" Tallis replied in a weird tone. "It's...so lovely to see you again."
Isabela groaned.
"Oh please don't tell me you've slept with her as well," she blurted out before she could stop herself. Leliana's face flushed a beetroot-red colour.
"Um...No," Tallis replied, turning up her nose.
"I get the distinct impression you two have...met before though," Hawke said, having regained her composure. She grinned at Leliana, who chuckled nervously.
"Oh briefly," Tallis replied "A long time ago."
"Haven't we all?" Isabela joked, taking a quick glance at Lana for her reaction. To her surprise Hawke was looking at her as well. She was still grinning slightly. Is...she really smiling at me? As soon as the thought entered the Rivaini's head, Lana turned away and her face fell again. Bugger, Maybe not...Wishful thinking, Isabela.
"You meet all sorts of people in Orlais," Leliana said, breaking the awkward silence, "It keeps life exciting."
"I'll bet," Isabela chimed in again, wearing her usual smirk. Hawke cleared her throat, staring off into the distance.
"Well, I'm...glad we had this chance to chat," Tallis replied uncomfortably.
"Yes," Leliana replied, just as uncomfortable, "It...was...nice."
"Indeed," Tallis said, "But, I'm afraid I have to steal Hawke for a bit. We have some...catching up to do. I'm afraid we have to leave."
Lana saw the pointed look the elf was giving her and knew it had something to do with this so-called Heart of The Many which they were planning on stealing. So this is the part where I 'excuse myself' from the party and creep around in places where I shouldn't be.
"Yes," she replied, nodding to show she understood. "We'll go get the others."
She turned to Leliana, who looked sad that she had to leave. Lana smiled at her and they hugged again, tighter than ever as though neither wanted to let go. Isabela bit her tongue and looked away, not realising Tallis was watching her for her reaction. Oh balls, it's only a hug. What in The Maker's name is wrong with me?...Uuf, don't open that door...
"Take care, Lana," Leliana said in her ear, "I'll miss you."
"You too," Hawke replied, kissing her on the cheek, "I hope you find her again."
"Thank you," she whispered, "And remember what I said."
"I will," Hawke whispered back.
They finally pulled apart (before Isabela threw another fit of jealousy) and Hawke reluctantly began to walk away, followed by her companions. After a few steps she turned back.
"Will I ever see you again?" she asked hopefully. Leliana gave her a huge smile.
"Who knows?" she asked, staring into her eyes, "If The Maker wills it...then I'll be there waiting for you."
Hawke smiled back, "Goodbye Leliana. It's been a pleasure."
With that, she turned away and headed back towards the Chateau, praying to The Maker for the first time in her life that it wouldn't be the last time she would see Sister Leliana.