The Comedic Anomalies
Disclaimer: I do not own Freezing or any of its characters! Lim Dall-young does! The only ones I do own are Evan, Noah and Josh!
Chapter 1: The Chaotic First Meeting
A black Honda civic pulled into a dirt parking lot. No other cars were there, however, a bus was parked nearby. Three young guys stepped out. Two of them had long hair and were dressed in skinny jeans with metal band t-shirts to go with it. One of them had piercings with a Protest the Hero shirt on. The second one had a Carach Angren shirt and a sad frown on his face. The third one had similar attire, but with dark kakis and a The Ruins of Beverast shirt on.
"This the place?" one of them asked.
"Looks like it," another replied.
The three walked down to the large clubhouse not too far from where they parked. There, they were welcomed by a woman who looked like she was in her mid to late thirties. She walked down the front steps with a warming smile.
"Hello," the woman greeted. "My name is Margaret Lindman. I am the head administrator here. I believe you are the three young men who are joining us?"
"That would be us," the depressed looking one said.
"Sorry if we're a little late," one of them apologized. "Our flights were delayed and-"
"Say no more, it is quite alright," Margaret said. "How was the drive here?" she asked.
"Absolutely terrible," the guy with piercings replied. "I was bored out of my fucking skull and there's no Wi-Fi up here so I could not use the internet, which made me very sad. On top of that I had to poop really badly but Evan here would not stop to let me."
The guy with The Ruins of Beverast shirt spoke up.
"Josh, I told you we were a few minutes away, my guy," Evan said. "You couldn't have waited until we got here?"
"No, I couldn't, Evan! You fucking suck!" Josh said.
"Excuse me, do you need to use the bathroom? There are two here in the clubhouse?" Margaret asked.
"No, I pooped out his window when we were driving, I'm fine now," Josh replied.
Margaret was taken aback by the answer but regained her composure and scanned the three.
"Judging by your attire, you are fans of metal?" she asked.
"Oh yeah," all three responded in unison.
She smiled. Another woman appeared. She had short brown hair and two huge mountain peaks that the three guys tried hard not to stare at.
"I'd like to introduce the counselor Yu-Mi Kim. She is the only counselor here, so you are to go to her if you have any questions or concerns," Margaret explained. "However, you can also come to me for anything as well. We have a first aid nurse here named Elize Schmitz, however, she is busy at the moment, but you will see her around."
Yu-Mi smiled.
"It's nice to meet you all," Yu-Mi said.
Evan spoke first.
"Hi, Ms. Kim," he said. "My name's Evan. These are my two friends Josh and Noah."
Evan pointed to the guy with the piercings and then to Noah, whose frown was still present, but gave a half smile.
"You can just call me Yu-Mi," she said kindly.
"So, we heard this is a place of relaxation of some sort?" Noah questioned.
"That's right. There are quite a few others here. They are in the pavilion right now. Come with Margaret and I and we can all get started," Yu-Mi said. "Also, I believe one of you contacted Margaret about your reasons for joining?"
"Yes, I did," Evan said. "You saw the documents signed by our boss?"
"Yes, we received those," Yu-Mi said.
"I have them on file in the main office," Margaret said.
"Cool, cool," Evan said.
"Well, let's get going. You can introduce yourselves when we get to the pavilion," Margaret said.
The three followed Yu-Mi and Margaret past the clubhouse and across the way to the pavilion up ahead. When they entered, all eyes turned to them. The three couldn't believe what they saw. The whole place was filled with girls.
"Girls, may I have your attention please?" Yu-Mi spoke. "We are about to get started. The last three members have arrived. Let's all line our chairs in a circle," she said.
"What is this an AA meeting?" Noah joked to his friends.
"Well, it's better than being at work," Josh said.
"Let's join, shall we?" Evan said.
The guys sat down in the last three available chairs. Evan sat between a girl with long red hair put up into a ponytail and a long-haired blonde girl. Josh sat across from Evan, but in between Yu-Mi and a girl with dark indigo color hair at medium length set into a ponytail. Lastly, Noah sat between a long yellowish blonde-haired girl and a dark blue haired girl whose hair was coiled up in a weird fashion. She also had a small symbol marked on her left cheek.
"Ok, let us begin," Margaret started. "Welcome. You are here to rest up for the summer and to relax to regain your strength. We have three new members joining us. Why don't you three introduce yourselves?"
Josh and Noah directed their attention towards Evan, who stood up.
"What's up, everyone?" he greeted. "My name's Evan. I've joined here for three reasons, one, to get rid of a major roadblock I've had in my songwriting for my metal project and two, so I can meet new people."
The girls began to chatter quietly.
"What kind of metal do you play?" the girl with red hair next to him asked.
"Mainly black metal. I also like to do some acoustic stuff," Evan answered. "Third reason, which is the biggest one, my best friend of ten years passed away recently, so I've come here to clear my head and shake that off."
The girls gasped.
"Oh, I'm very sorry to hear that!" a girl with short light brown hair said. "I can only imagine what you must be going through."
"Yes," another girl with straight red hair, who sat two chairs down from Evan said. "I feel your pain. I too lost a dear friend."
"Sorry for your loss," Margaret said, smiling.
"Thank you," Evan replied.
"Who's next?" Yu-Mi said.
Josh got up next.
"Sup," he said. "Name's Joshua but you can call me Josh or whatever, I don't really care. I also play metal but I'm in a full, like, four-piece band, we play death metal and grindcore and we're called Cerebral Prolapse. I know the name makes no fucking sense whatsoever. My life is complete hell for the most part, except when I eat, poop and sleep and when I play with my band, that aside my life is basically like Grown Ups Four. And uhhhhhh yeah, I also wanna kill myself."
Josh sat down as the girls stared at him in absolute befuddlement.
"Y-you want to kill yourself?" Yu-Mi asked, perplexed.
"Pretty much," Josh replied.
"Uhhh, why?" Yu-Mi continued.
"Like I said, I hate my life, my job, where I live, people that I have to deal with on a daily basis…yeah," Josh said. "But I guess being a person seems to be fitting punishment for a piece of shit like me."
"My word," Margaret said.
"So that's it? That's all you have to say? Nothing positive?" a girl with a unique style magenta colored hair asked.
"Yeah," Josh repeated simply.
"How can you say that about yourself?" the girl with short light brown hair and her eyes closed asked.
"Yeah, don't you have anything good to say at all," a girl with straight black hair followed up.
"Because it's true and no I really don't," Josh said. "Well actually my bands I'm proud of, but nothing else besides that."
"Well…moving on," Yu-Mi said.
Noah spoke up next.
"Hey, I'm Noah. I am also into metal. I used to be in some projects in the past but I'm not in anything right now. Also, I too want to die," Noah said.
More silence.
"Have you two considered seeking therapy?" Margaret asked seriously.
"We are waaaayyy beyond fucking therapy," Josh said.
"Can you please watch your language, Joshua?" Margaret said.
"Oh yeah, sorry," Josh said.
"Not therapy but I'm on a ton of medications if that's better?" Noah said smiling this time.
This earned more stares from the girls. Margaret turned towards Evan.
"How in the world did you ever make friends with these two?" she asked.
"We all work together in the same place." Evan responded.
"Where do you work?" she asked.
"Multi-chain music store called Guitar Center," Evan said.
"Which sucks ass so badly," Josh added.
"Why so? That sounds like a fun job," Yu-Mi said.
"Not my job. I'm the customer service manager there and most of the customers are horrible," Josh said. "Like complete and total assholes."
"What about you, Noah?" Margaret asked.
"Why I want to die, or about my job?" Noah asked.
"Both," Margaret answered.
"About the dying part, because I'm depressed, and I faced abuse in my younger years, and because of that I don't laugh or smile easily," Noah said. "About work, similar to what Joshua said."
"Have both of you ever thought about relinquishing your negative thoughts and seeking forgiveness and serenity through the higher power?" Margaret asked.
Josh and Noah were silent for a few seconds, then burst out into laughter.
"May I ask what is so funny?" Margaret said.
"Both Noah and I are complete atheists. Just throwing that out there," Josh said. "If we did have any type of religion, we would most likely be satanists."
"Oh yeah," Noah chimed in. "You're barking up the wrong tree with that."
"How can you say such a thing?" Margaret said.
Both shrugged.
"Oh dear." she said, then turned towards Evan. "What about you, Evan?"
"I was taught about religion by my grandparents, but as I got older, I started developing my own beliefs. So now, I would consider myself more spiritual," Evan replied.
Margaret smiled.
"I really think you two boys should follow Evan's example," Margaret said.
"Uhhhhh, I don't know about that," Josh said.
"Why?" Noah snorted.
"Why would you not want God in your life?" Margaret asked.
"Why?" Noah laughed. "Because my life sucks that's why."
"What would that have to do with believing in God?" Margaret continued.
"I don't see any evidence at all," Noah said.
"Why?" Margaret asked.
"Because He hasn't even made the attempt to make my life better," Noah said. "Think about it, being God, he has the free will to make not only mine and Josh's life better, but the whole world better. There is so much shit going on in this world right now that is what I just said, shit. Maybe if half the crap that happens in both of our lives would disappear and the memories of our past would fade away, then I believe that I would be happy. That aside, I see no proof that God really exists."
Everyone was completely dumbfounded.
"How can you even begin to say that? God only helps those who helps themselves, Noah," Margaret said. "Haven't you ever heard of that saying? If you cannot help yourself by making you happy then He will not be able to help you."
"You're the one millionth person to tell me that, and I still have yet to meet someone to say that same exact thing and change my mind," he said. "Which you, among others, have failed."
"If you open yourself up to God and accept him, maybe you would be much happier," she continued.
"Maybe I would be happy?" Noah questioned.
"Yes," Margaret said.
"You practically mauled me just now about not believing in God. Now you're saying maybe I'll be happy if I accepted Him?" Noah said.
"I was just saying is all. That doesn't mean anything," Margaret said.
"Look, I'm just telling you what I think, alright. You asked me a question and I gave you an answer. If you don't like the answer, well then that's your problem," Noah said. "Oh, and by the way, before you start spurting bullshit about how 'people should be happy and accept God', make sure you believe that first before you say it."
Margaret gasped.
"How dare you," she sneered. "How dare you insult me and His good name like that."
"How did I insult both of you?" Noah asked. "I just told what I thought. If you didn't want to hear that, then you shouldn't have asked me in the first place."
"Noah, I think you should stop," Yu-Mi said.
"Ok, I want to make this very clear. I do not, repeat, DO NOT believe in God," Noah said. "Plain and simple, don't know how to explain it any other way."
"How do you deal with these two fools on a daily basis?" Margaret asked Evan.
"I've been working with them for the past four years. I just let them talk and I tune them out," Evan said. "You know? I just live with it, and I don't let it bother me. Actually, I was supposed to come here alone. Those two caught wind of our boss giving me the summer off and they begged him to let them join me"
"Evan, you do know we're sitting right here, right?" Josh asked.
"Duh! Do ya tink so?" Evan joked, causing the girls to laugh.
"Shut up, Evan," Josh chuckled.
"Ah come on Josh I was just "joshin'" ya?" Evan joked again, causing another uproar of laughter.
"Evan, I'm gonna stab you in your throat!" Josh said, smiling.
"Ouch," Evan said, putting his hand up to his throat.
Margaret smiled at the scene.
"I just thought I shed some light here by making us laugh," Evan said.
"Thank you, Evan," Margaret said.
"I feel bad you have to work with these two," the girl with magenta hair said.
"Seriously! Are you two just complainers looking for sympathy or what?" a girl with red hair put up in pigtails asked.
"Ganessa," Yu-Mi said.
"I mean really," Ganessa continued. "All you two have done is just sit here and complain about your lives. I haven't heard either of you say one good thing about yourselves. If you were expecting sympathy from me then you are sadly mistaken. I mean, why would I ever have sympathy for anyone, especially people like you two. So far, you have proven yourselves to be losers who have nothing to offer society. If you want my advice, I think you two should man up. If you both want to die so badly then why don't you kill yourselves and just get it over with. I surely won't stop you."
"Ganessa that's enough!" Yu-Mi shouted.
"She's right, you know," Noah said.
"All of you, that's enough!" Margaret said.
Everyone went silent. After a moment of silence went by, PPPPPPPRRRRRRRRTTTTTTT. Evan, Noah and the girls turned towards Josh, who just farted.
"Excuse me," Josh smiled.
Margaret got up from her chair.
"I think I'd like to end the meeting. Unfortunately, we didn't get a lot accomplished here today, but there is always tomorrow. I will see you all at dinner tonight. Evan, you two, meet me at the main office. I will give you your assigned rooms."
Margaret walked out of the pavilion.
"Ugh, God!" Yu-Mi said waving her hand in front of her face, staring directly at Josh.
"Yeah, that stinks," the girl with the dark indigo hair said.
"Sorry," Josh said again.
Chapter 1 end