Lana intercepted Sister Leliana before she could leave, knowing she didn't want to be alone. She placed a hand over hers, which was resting on the door knob, and lifted it gently in her own, intertwining their fingers. Hawke looked at her then, placing a hand on her cheek and brushing away a small tear which had fallen as she remembered The Hero of Ferelden.
"Don't go," Lana said softly, staring into her swimming, bright blue eyes. "I want you to stay..."
A lump formed in Leliana's throat. Truth be told she wanted nothing more than to do as she asked, but it was so hard to feel like she wasn't betraying her lost love. She glanced down at Hawke's full, red lips, anticipating kissing them once more. The thought drove her crazy with desire. She looked back into her eyes.
"I...Lana, please..."
Leliana felt Isabela press herself up against her from behind then, gently sliding a hand around her lower abdomen. She inhaled deeply, closing her eyes, trying to resist her arousal... but it was proving difficult now. The two women had taken it upon themselves to satisfy her loneliness in the best way they knew how, and she knew that both would be worth it. Her entire body was aching with longing at the thought of how close they were to her. Isabela's breath was hot on the back of her neck, her hand caressing along her body slowly. Lana's was warm on her face, catching another tear which had escaped. It had been so long since Leliana had been touched that way, years since she had made love to The Hero of Ferelden...and now she never would again. That thought made her feel more alone than she ever had in her entire life.
"We can't let you go through this alone, Sweetness," Isabela whispered in her ear, feeling Leliana's head lean back slightly as she held her, "This is difficult for me, knowing you two have a past, but...seeing as we've all been here before anyway..."
Leliana's heart fluttered wildly. She was afraid to open her eyes, afraid it would make her more conscious and break her from this torturous spell the two women seemed to have over her. Lana could see the conflict in her face. She wants this...but she's also afraid to let go of the Warden. Unable to look at that grief which so reflected her own on Leliana's beautiful features, Hawke leaned in slowly, and tenderly pressed her lips against hers.
Isabela watched over Leliana's shoulder as she held her. Even though it aroused her, she tried to ignore the other feelings inside, knowing this had been her idea in the first place. But the way Leliana kissed Hawke confirmed the pirate's suspicions that the two of them had had much more than simply sex back in Lothering. There was passion there, the kind of passion that only accompanied feelings, and the kind that Isabela herself had discovered only recently when she and Hawke had finally put their differences aside and she had thrown herself into love for the first time in her life.
As Leliana and Hawke continued kissing, the pirate then smiled to herself then. She leaned down and began a trail of kisses along Sister Leliana's exposed neck, remembering that it wasn't just Lana who had permission to misbehave. Leliana let out a moan and sunk back into Isabela's embrace, feeling her resolve weaken. She couldn't believe she was letting this happen. But she had gone without for too long, and the Grey Warden was never coming back, no matter how much she loved her. So when Isabela's fingers slipped down across her navel and under her breeches she knew there was no way she had the power to resist.
"Holy Maker!" she gasped, breaking from her kiss with Lana as the situation overcame her. Hawke chuckled, knowing Isabela's adventurous hands were doing some exploring already. She wrapped her arms around them both, caressing the pirate's familiar curves. Seeing Leliana's eyes were still closed as she lost herself, Hawke then turned her attention to the grinning pirate over her shoulder.
"You get to work fast," she teased, feeling Leliana's heaving bosom press up against hers. Isabela chuckled, glancing down, hearing her continuous moans.
"You would know," she joked, staring back into Lana's chocolate-brown eyes.
The two of them kissed passionately then, with Sister Nightingale sandwiched between them. Hawke backed the others away from the door slightly. She ran her hands under Leliana's shirt and rubbed them along her breasts as her tongue massaged Isabela's. There was an impatience about the three women that no one understood. It was exciting. Leliana could feel hands manipulate her from all angles and blindly found the waistband of Hawke's pants. Her fingers slid past the thin line of hair before reaching the destination and getting an approving groan from Lana.
"Mmm..."
"Hawke..."
"Mmmmm..."
"Hawke?"
"Yes..."
"HAWKE!"
Lana's eyes flung open. She had been speaking out loud, she knew it. She felt a hand brush across her forehead as thought taking her temperature and closed her eyes again, letting out a contented moan.
"More nightmares?" Isabela asked softly from beside her. She stared down at her worriedly. Sunlight was streaming in through the bedroom window, causing Hawke's eyes to feel strained under their lids. Voices could be heard downstairs in the Estate and the hustle and bustle of the Market Square was echoing up from the city below. There was a thin layer of sweat on Lana's face and her bruised features were only really starting to heal now. Meredith really did a number on her, the pirate thought angrily. She herself was slightly bruised from the fight a few days ago but was able to get out of bed at least. Hawke however had been crippled by her newly-mended broken ribs and tortured by nightmares as she slipped in and out of a feverish sleep.
"Not this time," Hawke replied, thankfully. No, that had definitely been more of a lifetime dream than a nightmare. She smiled to herself, trying to recall the finer points before she had been woken up.
Suddenly a warm hand slipped under the night gown Hawke was wearing, and slid up the inside of her thigh, feeling the wetness between her legs. She jumped and opened her eyes in shock.
"What the-"
"A wet dream!" the pirate exclaimed, frowning at her and rubbing the evidence on the bed cover. "A wet dream! Do you mean to tell me that for the last three days I have been worried sick about you as you moan and thrash around in your sleep while you've simply been drifting off to have the time of your life without me?"
Hawke chuckled before she could stop herself. She shook her head and stopped laughing at once at the look on Isabela's face.
"No!" she replied, frowning up at the pirate, "I just...well last night was...different...than my other dreams."
Isabela raised her eyebrows sceptically. "You better not be messing with me, Hawke...because I'm going to be really pissed if I've been sitting here acting like a devoted housewife while you've been screwing one nine ways 'til Sunday in your head."
Lana sniggered, "I promise," she said, smiling, "That was the only one...And it was a bit of a gift from The Maker considering my other dreams have included flashbacks of being lashed with a massive metal chain and images the Knight-Commander murdering my sister in nine different ways."
The pirate exhaled then and flopped back down on the bed beside her, lying on her stomach. "Good," she said, leaning on her arm and staring at Hawke, "So, tell me about it."
Hawke hesitated, "Uh...really?"
"Uh yes!" the pirate replied, surprised she even asked, "I love hearing about a good old wet dream, you know that...Sometimes they're even better than real life."
Hawke chuckled, "I...I'm not sure you want to hear this one."
"Was I in it?" Isabela asked excitedly. Hawke smiled.
"Yes," she replied, rolling her eyes.
"Then I definitely want to hear it! Dreamworld Isabela is always ten times better in bed than regular Isabela...because nobody can control her in there, not even me."
Lana laughed as hard as her tender ribcage would allow. "Regular Isabela can't be controlled much either," she reminded her, "Didn't we once have sex on top of broken glass?"
The pirate chuckled and placed a hand over Hawke's, which was massaging her sore side. "I'll not forget that in a hurry," she said, grinning cheekily at her. "I've still got the scars...but stop trying to distract me. Wet dream story! Now!"
"Uhm...," Hawke stalled trying to think of details, "We weren't alone..."
"Ooooo! Saucy!" the Rivaini exclaimed, her grin widening, "Who else was there? Was it a man?"
Hawke cringed. "Ughh, hardly. Dreamworld Isabela might be more adventurous, but Dreamworld Hawke is still very much into women...and that's a good thing too seeing as there were two of them at her fingertips in this particular scene."
"So who was the other?" Isabela demanded impatiently, "Come on, Hawke you're killing me here!"
Lana cursed inwardly. I really don't want to tell her this. She's already jealous enough as it is.
"It...uhm...was Le..."
Hawke mumbled the name very low and turned her gaze away, not willing to meet Isabela's amber eyes. The pirate looked up at her.
"Who?" she asked again, confused. Hawke sighed and stared at the ceiling.
"Leliana," she said, wincing a little.
Isabela's hands stopped massaging Lana's side then. She straightened up and looked at her.
"What?"
Hawke turned back to her apologetically. "It was Leliana. We were... having a threesome together because...because Leliana felt lonely after the Hero of Ferelden's death."
Isabela sighed. She turned onto her back then and sat up, pulling the covers back around her and leaning her back against the headboard. Lana used her arms to slide up in the bed and did the same, grimacing slightly from the pain she still felt after her torture. She wished she hadn't of said anything now.
"How come you always dream about Leliana?" Isabela asked after several seconds, her forehead creased as she stared at the bedroom door, "How come you never have any wet dreams about me?"
"You were there!" Hawke said, confused. The pirate huffed.
"Yes but how come I wasn't the centre of attention instead of her?" she asked, hurt. "I was more like a footnote I bet...probably only bloody there to represent your guilty conscience. You and Sister Leliana go and have sweet, passionate sex together while I watch impotently from afar."
"Aww, Isabela," Lana said, chuckling, running a hand down her arm and taking her hand in hers. "Are you seriously jealous of Leliana because I had a dream about her?"
The pirate exhaled grumpily and stared down at Lana's hand in hers. "I'm not jealous!" she said grimly, avoiding Hawke's eyes on her. "I'm just wondering why you're still dreaming about her after all these years, Hawke. Maybe she has something that I don't."
Hawke kissed the pirate's bare shoulder and squeezed her hand, "I've been dreaming about you for years," she corrected, "That's the first dream I've had about Leliana in Maker knows how long...And trust me, you were doing a lot more in it than simply watching."
The pirate snorted, "Trust..." she repeated, her jaw tightening. Why do I have to be so damn insecure? What's wrong with me? The pirate couldn't help but feel that she was right to be though. Leliana and Lana had already kissed once behind her back. But Hawke had backed off. Yet she still didn't tell me about what happened. She doesn't know that I saw. Maybe because it didn't mean anything. Or maybe because it did...
The pirate released Hawke's hand and slid out of the bed without looking at her then. She couldn't stand the fact that Leliana might have been better for her than she was.
"Where are you going?" Lana asked confused. She had never seen Isabela get out of bed in such a hurry. The pirate began to put on her clothes (having a little difficulty getting her injured shoulder in though her shirt). Hawke frowned. "Please don't tell me you're angry with me about this?"
"No I..." the pirate turned to her then, "Yes actually, I kind of am!"
"What?...It was a dream, Isabela! I can't control what I dream about, can you?"
The pirate groaned and spun to face her. "That's not the point, Hawke!" she shouted angrily, waving her arms, "I just think it's clear you're starting to have second thoughts about wanting me instead of her."
"That's not it at all! How could you say such a thing? I love you!" Hawke replied, stunned. She tried to straighten up but her ribs were too tender. She gasped in pain.
"I don't know if I'm over reacting here," Isabela continued, putting on her boots, "But this is why I never let myself fall in love in the first place...because once someone better comes along I always seem to get pushed to the side. Who wants great sex with a pirate when they can 'settle down' and talk about feelings with someone else? Balls, how did I not see this one coming? I can't sit here any longer and make an even bigger fool of myself."
"You are insane! I knew you were going to do this!" Lana said furiously.
"Do what?" the Rivaini asked, throwing her an angry glare.
"Flip out!" Hawke yelled, feeling the blood pump wildly in her veins, "Get cold feet! It was only a matter of bloody time before you got scared of the seriousness of our relationship and ran off over something stupid! I'm surprised we even lasted this long!"
"I'm not scared," the pirate screamed angrily, "And I'm not running off!"
Hawke flipped her legs off the side of the bed and heaved herself up with all her strength, determined not to let her leave. She groaned in pain and held her side.
"Stay in bed, Hawke. You'll hurt yourself," Isabela said, her tone softening a little as she glanced over her shoulder at her.
"Don't you walk out that door, Bela!" Hawke warned, ignoring all caution and manoeuvring herself round the bed to get to her. "Don't you dare walk out on me after everything we've been through! Especially when I haven't done anything wrong!"
The pirate gave a long hard sigh.
"Just get back into bed before you do yourself another injury!," she yelled, getting to her feet and going to the door. Lana stretched out and grabbed her wrist as she passed, stopping her from leaving and almost doubling over with the effort.
"Ugh, shit!" she hissed, holding her side and grimacing in pain. Her breathing became burdened. Isabela reached down and caught her before she hit the floor and did herself more damage.
"Oh Hawke, you're so stupid sometimes," Isabela said, though her voice was heavy with concern. She guided her over to the bed and tucked her in carefully, seeing the blood return to her face thankfully.
"Please don't go," Hawke said hoarsely, staring up at her with sad eyes.
"I'm not walking out on you Hawke," Isabela said, calmly now, kissing her on the forehead, "I overreacted, Sweetness. I'm sorry...I'm just...going to go for a walk."
She straightened up and headed for the door.
"Do you still love me?" Hawke called after her.
"Yes!" Isabela shouted over her shoulder from the hallway. Of course I do, you stupid wench.
"Are you still mad at me?" came Lana's voice again.
"Yes!" Isabela yelled more forcefully from the top of the stairs. "Maker's Balls, just get some rest, Hawke! I'll see you when I get back."
The others in the living area glanced up at Isabela's stony face as she left the Estate, having evidently just heard her argument with Hawke upstairs. Leliana gave Varric an awkward glance, before placing the tray of lunch she had prepared for Lana in his arms. By the sounds of it that argument involved her in some way, although she didn't hear her name. Feeling uneasy Leliana grabbed her coat from the rack on the wall and ran out the door after the Rivaini.
"Hey, wait up!"
Isabela turned back, half expecting to see Hawke running after her once more and was ready to scold her for getting out of bed again. To her dismay, Leliana was smiling at her instead. Ok, control yourself Isabela. She hasn't actually done anything wrong.
"What's up?" the pirate asked, waiting until she caught up then beginning to walk again.
"We haven't really had the chance to talk much since you and Lana got back from the party the other night," Leliana said, falling into step beside her. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine," Isabela answered, "It'll take more than a dagger in the shoulder to keep me down, Sweetness. You know that."
Leliana chuckled. "Hmm, yes. I seemed to remember that brawl back at The Pearl all those years ago. You certainly taught those men a lesson or two. I was impressed."
Isabela chuckled. "I always aim to please," she said, throwing her a wink. "Anyway, have you heard anything about Bethany?"
"She's safe for now. My contacts are still watching out for her. Unfortunately this is one of those situations where we can't act until the deed actually happens, seeing as we didn't hear the start of the meeting. The good thing is that it gives you and Lana some time to recover though," Leliana said, eyeing up a pair of pretty shoes as the two women passed a market stall. "Oh, I think I'll just stop for a nosy," she said excitedly.
Isabela chuckled and followed her over to the Orlesian man's stall, watching her as she browsed his wares.
"That's true," she continued, knowing neither she nor Hawke were up for a battle right now after their ordeal, "But it's killing Hawke not being able to act just yet. She's chomping at the bit in that bed. I can't get her to stay in it at all."
"I never thought you'd have trouble keeping a woman in bed, Isabela," Leliana teased, as she tried a pair of shoes on. The pirate sighed at the joked. I do when they're thinking of other women...Balls! I thought I was past all this jealousy! She pushed the thought from her mind and checked out the numerous hats hanging over head, seeing a captain's one she rather liked. Ah, forget it. I don't see myself leaving Kirkwall anytime soon. She watched Leliana's face light up as she purchased a pair of platform shoes with embellishments on the front.
"Nice choice," the pirate said, as they walked away. Leliana chuckled.
"I just have a weakness for pretty shoes," she replied, smiling, "It's so frivolous of me, I know."
"It's good though," the pirate continued, grinning at her, "That's the first real smile I've seen on your face in days."
Leliana's smile faltered a little then. She stared down at her purchase, realising that they would never be enough to mend her broken heart.
"You really miss her don't you?" Isabela asked gently, not oblivious to the effect her words had and wishing she hadn't of said anything now. Leliana nodded sadly.
"Yes, a great deal. I cannot fully express the admiration I had for her, or the depth of my affection. ...Sometimes I wake in the night and think she's still there."
A lump formed in Isabela's throat. She didn't know what to say, feeling inadequate as usual in these types of situations. Andraste's ass, I'm angry because I have to share Hawke's affections with her, while she's too busy grieving for her lost love to even notice either of us. I'm such a tit!
"I'm...sorry, you know...for your... loss," the pirate managed. Maker's Breath, that sounded like the most insensitive condolence in history. See! This is why I don't do this kind of thing! Leliana smiled at her none the less.
"Thank you, Isabela. That's kind of you to say," she replied, "It's all just so fresh in my mind I...I can't really talk about it to anyone...well, except Hawke...Which I gather has led to problems between you two, no?"
Isabela gave her a guilty look."Eh...sort of," she said awkwardly.
Leliana cringed slightly. "I apologise," she said earnestly, "I heard your argument earlier."
"Yeah, you and half of Kirkwall," Isabela said, rolling her eyes and exhaling. Leliana chuckled. They both turned and headed down the steps towards Lowtown.
"I wouldn't worry," she said, shaking her head, "The Hero of Ferelden and I used to have countless arguments at camp during the Blight. It's a lot easier to be overheard when all you have separating you from everyone else is a tent wall. We were only arguing through stress and worry most of the time, but it didn't stop everyone from picking up on it and Wynne, our old mage friend, trying to give us some advice."
Isabela chuckled.
"I can't tell you how many arguments Hawke and I have had in front of the others. I even punched her in the face once."
"Really?" Leliana asked, stunned, "Maker's Breath Isabela!"
"That was before we were in a relationship though," the pirate added chuckling, "This is all still pretty new to both of us...I don't know what to do most of the time. The only thing I'm good at is the sex...Actually that's pretty much all Hawke's good at too coming to think about it. Neither of us have a clue how this is supposed to work. All there is between us is sex and...unsaid things."
Leliana gave her a sympathetic smile. "You two were made for each other," she said kindly. "But you're right. A real relationship's got to be based on something more than just sex. There must be something holding you together, Isabela. You mustn't think that way."
Isabela sighed as she opened the door to The Hanged Man and led Leliana over to her favourite spot at the bar.
"She was a lot like you back in Lothering, you know" Leliana continued, as the pirate ordered them an ale each, "Always getting into scrapes, seducing woman after woman, and doing all that with a cheeky sense of humour at her disposal."
Isabela chuckled, remembering how Lana used to be all those years ago when they had first met. "I know. That's part of the reason I liked her company so much...But she's had a hard life. I mean, we all have, but Hawke?" the pirate gave Leliana a grave look, "You're lucky you didn't see her straight after her mother died...And she still hasn't opened that bedroom door of hers! It's driving me insane!"
"Why so?" Leliana asked, confused.
"Because her mother was a bitch! She didn't deserve a daughter like Hawke! I guess that's another thing we've got in common, two mothers that couldn't give a damn about us. At least my mother had the decency to sell me off and cut all ties though, Hawke was tortured for years by that old hag."
Leliana frowned. "I got the impression Lana and her mother got along well back in Lothering."
"They did," Isabela continued, taking a long sip of her ale, "Or so I'm told anyway. But since the Blight her mother hated her. She blamed her for everything, used her and manipulated her to get that damn Estate back and did nothing but make Hawke's life a living hell...Yet Hawke kept going back to her. It infuriated me! I tried to get her to stop but she wouldn't listen. And then, in the end Leandra asked for forgiveness for it all as she lay dying in Hawke's arms...and Hawke never got the chance to reply before she croaked it. She's been kicking herself about it ever since."
Leliana swallowed her ale and watched Isabela's face wrinkle in anger as she thought of Leandra Hawke.
"I had no idea," she replied, stunned by this revelation, "When I saw Lana back at Chateau Haine for the first time in years I knew the time passed had not been kind to her but...I never thought...this."
"The worst part of it all is that I can do nothing to comfort her," Isabela rued, staring into the depths of her mug, "I'm just so bad with feelings and all that bullshit...I mean," she looked up at her, "Don't get me wrong, I've tried to be better at it. Makers Breath it took me years to finally admit I was in love with her...but I guess that's why I'm getting angry about things I shouldn't...I'm just worried in case she'll find someone who'll understand her better than me...and she'll leave me."
Isabela felt ashamed to admit it, especially to the person whom she was subtly referring to but she had to get it off her chest. It had been driving her insane. Leliana placed a hand on her arm.
"Isabela," she said gently, "Lana loves you."
"But she loves you too," the pirate blurted out before she could stop herself. Leliana blanched.
"What? Is that what's bothering you?" she asked. To the pirate's surprise, Leliana chuckled a little. "Blood of Andraste, she doesn't love me!"
"What?" Isabela asked confused. "Are you trying to tell me you don't love her?"
"I..." Leliana faltered, "No...I'm trying to tell you that she doesn't love me." The woman's face fell and she stared into the depths of her mug, swirling the last of her ale.
"You love her?" Isabela asked, realising her worst nightmare was coming true.
"Not exactly," Leliana said, giving her an apologetic look, "I just...I like her a great deal. I have done since we first met back in Lothering...But that doesn't mean anything, Isabela, I promise. We're just...old flames...nothing more than friends now. My heart will forever belong to another...as will hers."
Isabela looked at her closely, as though trying to spot the deceit. "So you're not trying to steal her?" she asked, suspiciously, "Because you know I'll have to kill you if you are."
Leliana chuckled, "Of course not! Holy Maker, is that really what you think of me?"
Isabela relaxed slightly then, "No, I...Balls, can we just forget this conversation ever happened? I feel like a complete twat."
Leliana squeezed her arm, "Of course. I'm so happy to see you both together you know. I'm sorry if I implied otherwise. I just have a lot on my mind. I'm glad we had this chance to talk about this before I left."
"When are you leaving?" Isabela asked, surprised. Maker's bloody backside, if I'd have known that I wouldn't have had to bring this shit up at all!
"Soon," Leliana replied simply, "Depending on pending events. I'm wanted back in Orlais to prepare for what's coming."
Isabela relaxed even more then. She smiled at Sister Nightingale. "That's a shame. It's been good seeing you again, Leliana. I mean that."
"You too, Isabela. I'll always be thankful for that night we shared back at The Pearl," Leliana replied, throwing her a cheeky grin.
The pirate winked, "Me too. To the Hero of Ferelden, without whom it wouldn't have been possible!" she said raising her mug.
Leliana smiled, "To the Hero of Ferelden,! May she find her way to The Maker's side..."
"...and be waiting for you there," Isabela finished. They clinked mugs and downed the last of their drink.
"HAWKE!"
Lana almost jumped out of her skin as Aveline appeared in the doorway. Twenty minutes ago she had climbed her way downstairs in her Estate to join Varric and Fenris in a game of Diamondback and much needed round of whiskey.
"Hey Av!" Lana called, waving her inside, "Fancy a game? I'll let you win!"
The Guardswoman wasn't easily distracted however. She marched into the living area and folded her arms.
"Get your ass upstairs right this second, Lana Hawke! That injury isn't going to heal at all if you keep moving around like this," she scolded.
"Well, technically...if I go back upstairs that's more unnecessary moving around, Av," Hawke said, grinning cheekily at her. "So I think I'll just stay here with my friends."
"Andraste's ass you will! Don't you get smart with me!"
"But Mother I've just started," Hawke teased, "Don't I get to be smart for just a little while longer?"
"Not on my watch. Now get back up those stairs and lie down!" Aveline growled, pointing at the staircase.
"What if I don't? Are you going to tell Father on me?" Lana joked, smirking cheekily, "Is Daddy Donnic going to spank me for being a bad girl?"
"Hawke..." The vein on Aveline's forehead was reaching danger zone again, a position it seemed to be permanently when Hawke, Varric or Isabela spoke to her.
"Or maybe it's Mother who's the naughty one," Hawke continued, to the enjoyment of the others, "Donnic must have shoved his large stick up your ass this morning to make you this angry, eh Av?"
Fenris choked on his whiskey and Varric clapped him on the back, sniggering into his own mug. As Hawke went to raise her mug to her lips Aveline snatched it from her weak grasp.
"Can you please stop referring to my sex life with Donnic? I find it quite disturbing."
"Disturbing?" Lana repeated in mock seriousness, "Why, whatever do you mean, Aveline? Does Guardsman Donnic like to fly his freak flag? A bit too much S and M?"
"I...don't even know what that is," Aveline said, as the others buckled over with laughter. She snatched a second mug of whiskey from Lana's grasp then. "Just get your ass up those stairs, Hawke. You need rest, not cheap whiskey!"
"Did someone say cheap whiskey?"
Lana's heart lightened at that voice. Isabela had appeared in the doorway. She was holding what looked to be another bottle of The Hanged Man's finest. Varric and Fenris cheered appreciatively.
"Get on in here Rivaini! I'm about to deal," the dwarf called out. He tossed a few more cards out on the table in expectation. Isabela entered and kicked off her boots but did not sit down however.
"Sorry, Varric. Hawke's been a very bad girl and she needs to be put to bed."
The elf and the dwarf sniggered as Lana groaned.
"Oh come on! You too?" she complained. "Just let me sit a little while."
The pirate didn't answer but simply handed her the bottle of whiskey to distract her and then scooped her off the chair into her arms before she could resist. Stunned, Hawke wrapped her arm around her neck. Isabela's breath tickled her face as they stared at each other momentarily, inches apart. Varric wolf-whistled loudly.
"Ancestors, Rivaini! You gonna cross over the threshold with her next?" he joked. The pirate chuckled as she walked over to the stairs with her.
"Hawke and I have already crossed over many thresholds together Varric. Too many..."
The dwarf's wheezing laugh followed them up the stairs. "That's how you do it Aveline," he said to the astounded Guardswoman, as they all watched Isabela skilfully carry Hawke to the landing above as though she weighed nothing (injured shoulder or no), "Hand Hawke a bottle of whiskey and she's anybody's."
"I'll have to remember that," the redhead replied, still in shock that Isabela had just agreed with her on something and been a good influence on Hawke instead of bad (minus the bottle of whiskey).
The pirate kicked open Hawke's bedroom door and walked with her over to the bed, placing her down gently in the semi-darkness. Before she could back away, Lana pressed her lips against hers, kissing her deeply for several seconds. She dropped the whiskey bottle onto the bed and ran her hand through the pirate's hair.
"I'm so glad you came back," she whispered sadly when they broke apart. Isabela caressed her neck, their faces hovering together, eyes closed.
"I told you I would, Sweetness," she replied softly, kissing her once more. "It was just a stupid fight, that's all."
"Are you still mad at me about that dream?" Hawke asked, rubbing her nose against Isabela's affectionately.
"It was never about the dream, Hawke," Isabela whispered back, breathing in her sweet scent.
"Then Leliana?" Lana asked worriedly. The pirate froze. She kissed her once more before finally straightening up and beginning to tuck her into bed, avoiding her eyes. She said nothing for a few moments, while Lana watched her nervously.
"It's not just Leliana," Isabela finally said, breaking the tense silence. She took the bottle of whiskey off the bed and sat it on the nightstand, then flattened the covers out around Hawke and went to walk away. Lana grabbed her hand tightly.
"We promised we wouldn't do this remember?" she whispered, staring up at her, "We promised we wouldn't walk away from each other again when things got tough, Bela."
Isabela turned back to her.
"We're fine, Sweetness," she lied, "Get some sleep."
"We're not fine!" Hawke countered hoarsely, tightening her grip on her hand as she tried to release her. "So tell me...because I don't understand what I've done wrong."
Lana's voice broke on the last words. Isabela felt like shit as she saw the pain in her eyes. She sat down on the bed beside her and leaned over, running a hand through the woman's hair.
"You haven't done anything wrong, Hawke," she whispered, staring deeply into her eyes.
"Then why are you angry with me?"
Isabela sighed. "I'm angry with myself," she said truthfully, tracing her finger along Hawke's cheek where a small tear had escaped, and scooping it up. "I just...don't know how to help you. I don't know how to be there for you."
"What do you mean?" Hawke asked confused.
"It's just...Balls, I knew there was more to a relationship than just sex but...I thought it would come naturally to me if I was ever in one."
Hawke touched her face. "You're doing fine, Bela," she said, "More than fine."
"Don't lie to me, Hawke. Maker, it was only a few months ago that you told me you were still grieving for your mother and...well, everything else, and I haven't even attempted to help you through any of it. That bloody bedroom door out there acts as a constant reminder to me every time I walk past it! I can't believe you still haven't opened it! It's driving me crazy that that ungrateful bitch still has a hold over you and, I can do nothing about it!"
Hawke tightened up instantly at the mention of her mother's bedroom, which hadn't been touched since she was brutally murdered all those years ago. The thought of going through her stuff always gave Lana the chills. She had just blocked out every memory of Leandra Hawke entirely, trying to push her to the back of her mind. But the back of a mind has no exit. It just hordes things you don't want to deal with and stores them up until one day they all come spilling out and demand to be dealt with all at once. But this time Isabela had dragged them up suddenly, and in a rather cruel fashion.
Hawke's hand fell from the pirate's face and dropped limply to her side. Her face momentarily reminded Isabela of that blank, emptiness she had worn the day Leandra had died.
"I'm so sorry," the pirate said immediately, cursing her harsh words, "I didn't mean for it to come out like that."
"I..." Hawke choked, "I c-can't bear the thought of going into her room," she said, her voice shaking with fear. "S-s-seeing her clothes, her portrait of C-Carver and knowing she's...I...Isabela..."
"Ssssh, Sweetness," the pirate whispered as more tears fell from Lana's eyes and streaked onto the pillow. I can't believe I was so cruel to her just then. "I know, I know...I'm sorry, I just want to help you...and I feel like I can't do it well enough."
Hawke inhaled sharply and tried to compose herself. "What makes you say that?"
"I'm just frustrated," the pirate continued, "and when Leliana came a long and I saw you two kiss in The Hanged Man I-I just thought you would realise how much better she is at this whole relationship thing than me and..."
Isabela straightened up then and turned away, holding her head in her hand. She felt as if it was about to explode with the amount of emotions which had jumped into it. Maker, this is new. Lana's mouth fell open.
"You saw us kiss?" she asked, stunned, sliding into a sitting position, "Why didn't you say anything?"
"Why didn't you?" Isabela asked, turning back to her.
Hawke swallowed hard.
"It didn't mean anything to me," she said, her voice rising again, "You must believe me! If you saw it then you'll know that I speak the truth, I-"
"Ssshhhh," Isabela cooed softly once more, seeing she was getting stressed up. "I'm not blaming you, Hawke. I saw what happened, and I heard what you said."
"But you blame her?" Hawke asked.
Isabela shook her head, still not looking at her. "Not at all. I'm just...jealous," she admitted, feeling foolish.
"Of what?" Lana asked, "Bela, look at me...Please..."
Isabela reluctantly stared into her eyes. "That she can get into your head and I can't, Hawke. I'm rubbish at this sort of thing. At relationships in general. Andraste's tits, I'm only after making you cry! I don't want to do that! I never want to do that!"
A moment of silence passed between them. Lana lost herself in the Rivaini's eyes as they danced in the candlelight. She could see how helpless the pirate looked. She's really changed...I never would have thought it possible.
"I don't want you in my head Isabela," she said finally, caressing the pirate's cheek. "I want you in my heart."
"But Leliana-"
"Leliana is not you!" Hawke implored, trying to make that point very clear, "I want you, Isabela, not her, no matter how much she gets into my head. You are the most important thing to me. Don't you get that?"
"I do but, it doesn't make any sense! I'm nothing but a pirate thief who has shagged half of Thedas!" Isabela continued. "And you're a bloody Champion of Kirkwall, descended from noble blood!"
"It doesn't have to make sense!" Lana said frantically taking her face in both hands, "Maker, it never has to make sense...Sense is for people who don't have what we have. They will never understand us and I couldn't give a bloody damn what they think!...I just know what I feel in my heart, Bela, not my head...and I love you...So stop searching for a reason why I don't and just accept it!"
Isabela felt herself melt under the warm hands on her face. A warm tear streaked down her face as she stared into Lana's eyes. Maker's Breath, that was...Without another word the pirate pressed her lips to hers, feeling slightly dazed at her words. She pushed her weight back on her gently and lay herself down on the bed beside her, sinking into her embrace. Lana loosened the cover and threw it over her so that their bodies were pressed together warmly. She had never wanted to hold her as much in her entire life, feeling as though for the first time Isabela had been truly exposed to her and she saw her for what she was underneath all that armor.
After several irresistible minutes, the two women broke apart and held each other close. Isabela lay her head on Lana's shoulder and traced her hand along her chest, caressing her skin gently with her fingers.
"You know, I think even if we did have sex right now, it would still only be the second best thing that has happened me tonight," she whispered, staring at the woman's bosom. She felt Hawke chuckle under her.
"Look at you, you're finally growing up," she teased gently. "It's not all about sex anymore."
Isabela smiled.
"It is still about sex, Sweetness...I think I'm just...finally in an adult relationship now, where I can appreciate the other stuff too," she replied proudly.
"Like what?" Hawke asked gently, stroking her arm as she held her and stared up at the ceiling.
"Like this," Isabela said simply, closing her eyes. Lana snorted.
"You don't want to do naughty things to me tonight?" she teased. Isabela chuckled.
"We can do naughty things to each other some other night, Sweetness. For now though, I'm just content enough to lie here with you."