Yeah, I wasn't even sure what I was thinking writing this one.
The Two New Zealands
Nothing annoyed Australia more than when the two New Zealands decided to play "which one is which". Really, the fact they looked so alike made it near impossible. And even if he guessed right, they never let him know it. That, he guessed, was the benefit of looking androgynous: neither female nor male. They could dress as the other gender and nobody would be able to tell. One was lying out on the couch, the other sitting near their head. "Hey Oz", they said in perfect unison. So perfect it was like they had rehearsed it a hundred times over. Knowing them, they probably did.
"Kiwis", he replied with a curt nod. Australia realized he was at something of a disadvantage. Two against one? There was no chance. Roo-rooter jokes would be flying at him from two directions, and there was no back up to be found. Good job sis. Thanks for staying at home.
"What's wrong Aussie? You don't look too good", the Kiwi lying down remarked, smirk on their face. Oh, that smirk was so infuriating. That 'I know something you don't' kind.
The seated Kiwi smiled. "Yeah bru. You look sick. Maybe you should lie down aye?" The Australian's mouth instantly tightened into a straight line. There was no way he was going to lose this time. No. Way.
"You aren't going to be able to guess which one is which today. We're much better than last time", the seated Kiwi said, grinning wide. Damn them and their loose clothing. Damn their almost identical looks. At least his sister looked different to him, these two seemed to pride themselves on looking the same. Both Kiwis loved playing the game with anyone, because they knew that should they get it right, it was only out of luck rather than actually being able to tell them apart.
"Hey, Kiwi. Wanna play rugby?" The chick wasn't going to respond to that, was she? To his surprise, both nodded and replied with a "Sure, why not?" They were good. Too good.
The Aussie was going to have to be better, much better. "Okay. Ah. You shag sheep". Surely only the guy would respond to that, right? Surely. He was the more short-tempered one of the two, so if anyone was going to react angrily to that comment, it would be him, not her.
They both scowled and flipped the bird at him in annoyance. "I do not. Shut up bloody roo rooter". Well, maybe that assumption was kind of… wrong. How the hell did they manage to do that in such perfect sync? It was pretty freaky once he thought about it.
"Okay then… Ah…" Now he really wished his sister was here. She could probably tell them apart easily. Maybe. But for now he was pretty much on his own. Leaning in, Australia went to each Kiwi's chest. And neither of them reacted at all, which was weird because last time one had.
Feeling somewhat desperate, he flipped a coin. If the coin said so, he could only hope it was true. Really, the question thing clearly wasn't working so it felt like a last resort. "The one lying down is the chick!" Australia blurted out. Both Kiwis snickered. The Australian realised he had chosen wrong. Dammit coin. Dammit.
"Ah, no. No I'm not". The Kiwi on the couch sat up and lifted their shirt, revealing that he was not a girl. The other Kiwi began to laugh, pointing at him.
"You're never going to be able to tell us apart now!"
Next time they played 'guess the Kiwi', Australia decided it was probably better not to rely on a coin flip to tell them apart. Odds were he'd get it wrong. And to be honest, he didn't think his pride could take being wrong one more time.