A.N. Well, I had something else planned for this death, but I thought it was just a tid bit too serious. I thought it might actually make you cry! Yes, I know that's a shocker since most of you are reading this to seeEdward to die, but still. It was quite a read, that death. So I decided to go with something more...funny. Ha ha

Enjoy! I wrote this just for you. Yes, even YOU!

Disclaimer: Who cares about disclaimers? Oh, I'm sure the person I singled out above wants to know if I own Twilight or not. So no, YOU, I don't own Twilight.

Death five: The Monster in the Lake

Our couple of the hour was walking along the lake shore. Edward sighed.

"What is it, dear Edward?" Bella asked, petting his pretty little head.

"It's just...I haven't seen our daughter in so long. I must see her, dear Bella! I must!" Bella leaned back, shocked.

"Okay, okay. Calm down. We'll go back now if you want to, jeez. I thought we were having 'quality time' together as man and wife, but I guess not!" Bella wrenched her hand away and started to storm away.

Edward looked at her back, distressed and confused. "I thought you didn't PMS anymore?"

Bella whipped around, pissed. "You bastard!" And she turned around again, all dramatically of course. You can't have drama without the right amount of zazz in all your entrances and exits.

"Bella! Bella, dear, wait!" Edward got up to follow her, quickly grabbing her arm and stopping her. "I didn't mean it, I swear! I love you, I want to spend time with you right now, not Nessie."

Bella still looked appalled. "Oh, so now your daughter isn't important anymore? You're a terrible father!" She ripped her hand away from him again.

Edward growled. "Knock it off! Yes, my daughter is important! I thought you wanted to spend quality time together as man and wife?"

Bella had tears start to prick her eyes. "No, Edward! We need to spend time with our daughter. Together. As a family! Why can't you understand?"

Edward stared for a moment, shook his head, then stared some more. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Bella sniffled (the tears escaped) "You bastard!" She started to storm off again.

"Really, are you sure it isn't that time of the month? I don't even know what you're so angry at!" Edward threw his hands up, exasperated.

Bella turned around yet again. "Edward Cullen, I hate you! I think I made a mistake when I chose you over Jacob..."

Edward threw his hands up. "Whoa, whoa, WHOA! What are you talking about? I thought we were talking about Nessie! What – " but he never got to finish his sentence. Maybe it was Bella's menstrual cycle that woke it, or maybe it was the fact that Edward kept saying its name, but either way, it woke up, and it woke up pissed.

The Lochness monster splashed out of the water, RAWRing at all that saw it emerge. The monster went straight to the red-haired man. Spectators say that, even though the lake monster went for a man, he screamed like a girl. They say that there was a blood curling scream a little after the killing of the man/girl. Whatever 'it' was.

-0-0-0-0-

Bella walked through the thresh hold in a daze. "Bella? Bella, what's wrong? Where's Edward?" Jacob started to pester her. She was too quiet, her eyes too vacant. Jacob called everyone downstairs.

Soon, all the Cullen's had assembled around Bella. "Bella?" Jasper shook her. "Bella, where is Edward?"

"Dead," she whispered, no preamble.

"Dead?" Alice gasped. Esme gasped and buried her head in Carlisle's shoulder.

"How?" Emmett choked out.

"N-Nessie." Bella was barely heard.

Just then, Renesmee walked in.

"Hey mommy! What's wrong?" Bella, still shocked about her loss, started to walk outside in a daze. Everyone else stared wide eyed at the daughter of Bella and Edward.

Then, oh so slowly, they started to back away...