A/N: Thanks for being patient with me, guys. Here's Goblin's Gold, Part 2 of 3! Enjoy and please REVIEW! :D
Reflections
Chapter Four: Goblin's Gold Part 2 of 3
Wow. It has been one heck of a week, y'all. If anyone is interested in my personal health, then you'll be intrigued to hear that apparently I am abnormally weak from the waist down and I went to the doctor yesterday so that they could take a ton of blood to try and figure out what my deal is. On top of that, they're pretty positive I have mono. So basically, to foreshadow about what we're going to talk about today, my head feels like a drum and my mouth…well, it doesn't feel like a badger's armpit, exactly. Actually, my mouth is fine. It's just my head…and my throat…and I'm achy all over…and I have like NO strength…but my mouth is fine. Yay for non-badger armpit mouths! (If you haven't seen Goblin's Gold by now, which I hope you have, you'll understand what all this badger nonsense is about a little later in this post!)
Sorry. Again, I'm babbling about the kind of stuff that I'm not supposed to be babbling about. I'll get on topic here. Promise.
Wow. Sorry, I'm having trouble getting my mind off of the new episode of Merlin I just watched, The Crystal Cave. It was really heart-wrenching…painful to watch…man, I need a pick-up, because right now I feel an unresisting urge to lie on my couch watching soap operas and eating ice cream by the gallons. MAN—that episode was deep!
Anyway. Okay. Back to the hilariousness of my continuation of Goblin's Gold.
Before I start, Christina B was the winner of the "How Many Words Can You Make Out Of CENRED?" contest, with a grand total of seven words! Go, Christina! And our vocabularies should grow by two words, because apparently there are such words as "dern" and "derne," although my spell check doesn't seem to think so. Ah well, what does Microsoft Word know? After all (as we learned from chapter three), it didn't even recognize hippo-pot-o-monstroses-quipp-edalio-phobia, which, by the way, means a fear of big words. A big woot-woot to Tianne who knew what it meant. That just cracks me up, though. The irony! (WARNING: EMCAT WILL DIGRESS IN 5…4…3…2…1…)
(DIGRESSION IN PROGRESS)
RANDOM PERSON #1: What are you afraid of?
RANDOM PERSON #2: I'm afraid of big words. I'm a hippo-pot-o-monstrooooaaaaahhhhh! Help, help, it's a big word! Save me!
RANDOM PERSON #2: Wow. You're afraid of your own phobia. Now that's deep.
KING UTHER: I have anatidaephobia.
RANDOM PERSON #2: What the heck is that?
KING UTHER: (a haunted, terrified expression on his face) The fear that somewhere, somehow…a duck is watching me.
RANDOM PERSON #1: Quack.
KING UTHER: (Screams and faints)
RANDOM PERSON #2: Now that was funny!
Yes, that was a totally pointless and stupid conversation. And yes, as you can probably tell that I made it up on the spot. But seriously—there really is a fear called anatideaphobia, which is the fear that somewhere, somehow, a duck is watching you. All I got to say to that is there are some pretty messed up people in this world! (DIGRESSION COMPLETE)
Okay, back on topic—the CENRED word contest. Christina B, I am working on composing a poem for you about pop tarts and their place in the celestial universe. You can expect it in your inbox very soon, and if you wish it, I can post it in the next chapter for all to see as well! Cheers!
Alright, so, as usual, thanks to all the amazing peeps that reviewed chapter three—Tianne, lily forever, sarahluvsdwrh, Christina B, and Kitty O! You guys made my week. You ROCK my SOCK—seriously, I only have one sock. The other one, I fear, is lost forever in the soul sucking darkness of my dryer, bless its sole. Get it? Sole? Okay, okay, sorry. The time for corny jokes has passed. To the episode!
GOBLIN'S GOLD, CON'T
I actually thought about giving a quick run-down of the first part of the episode at the beginning of this second post, but then I figured that if someone is too lazy to push the freaking "back" button and go read chapter three first, then it's not my problem and I should just get on with the episode. Especially since I have a feeling that most of you have already read the last part and probably want me to GET THE HECK ON WITH THIS! Okay, okay…you don't have to yell…Geez.
Part two of this lovely episode begins with Gaius the Goblin (whose nickname is Gaius W., remember?) giving a great, big, nasty belch right at the screen. It could probably be rated a 7, maybe a 7.5. I mean, it was gross, but I've seen better. (In all honesty, I've done better—I've at least reached a 9, and I have a feeling that if someone gave me a particularly bubbly glass of root beer, I could top the scale at 11.898! But I'm not rude—promise. Just sayin'.)
Er…anyway. So apparently Gaius W. had a bit too much to drink last night after beating that big body builder dude at arm wrestling. By the way, I don't believe I mentioned it in the last post, but after getting the money he won off of beating that guy, Gaius W. licked it. LICKED IT! There is just something VERY disturbing about seeing a droopy old man (no offense, Richard Wilson) licking pieces of gold like they are the last pickled tuna fish on earth. Why couldn't he show his appreciation for his gold some other way, like by nuzzling it with his nose or composing a simple but heartfelt power-ballad for it? Is all the tongue-to-gold action necessary? That's sick.
But that's beside the point. I guess Gaius W. is free to do what he likes in his own time, no matter how utterly revolting it is, and despite how many disturbing nightmares he gives poor, innocent little children. That tongue…blech!
Merlin comes down the stairs from his room and sees Gaius who is very clearly hung over. That's something you don't see every day! If I were Merlin, instead of acting concerned for his well-being, I would have had my digital video camera out and the video of Gaius the Hung Over Physician that Licks His Gold would have been all over YouTube by now. Instead, though, Merlin says, "You look terrible." He then asks how much Gaius W. (although, if you'll remember, he still thinks he's just Gaius, with no W. at the end) drank last night.
Gaius W.'s response is, "You don't look so good yourself; what's your excuse?"
Hey now, Gaius W. That's akin to treason in my world, saying that Merlin doesn't look good—bite your tongue! Okay, okay. I admit—that was a pretty funny, albeit mean, remark. And yes, I did laugh. I guess I, too, would be offended if my ward trotted down the stairs in the morning and told me I looked horrible. I probably would say the same thing, except there would more than likely be a few "OF DOOMs" thrown in there somewhere.
This, however, is out of Gaius's character. Merlin seems shocked that his guardian would speak to him in such a way. He's like, "What?" Oh, yeah, that was a good, smart-butt reply, Merlin. That'll really keep him on his toes. What. I think that's going to win the sarcastic, witty comeback of the year award. NOT! (Now, that sarcasm, right there—that just might!)
Gaius shushes Merlin and says that he has a head like the inside of a drum and a mouth like a badger's armpit. Ha! Told you I wasn't making things up! That just leaves me to wonder…how on EARTH does Gaius W. know what a badger's armpit tastes like? Maybe goblins lick other things besides gold. Maybe they lick other strange things, like badgers' armpits and naked mole rat babies. I mean, I could be wrong, but how else would he know what a badger's armpit tastes like? These goblins are pretty nasty little buggers, if you ask me.
Gaius W. orders Merlin to go fetch his breakfast and shoos him away. Although Merlin seems to find this odd, he doesn't exactly question this sudden and drastic change of character. After all, if my mom started telling me I was ugly and made me run out to Wal-Mart and get her breakfast, I wouldn't be worried at all. I would just go along with it, and maybe even say what.
After Merlin leaves, bewildered (the poor dear has no idea that his guardian has turned into a gold-licking maniac of doom), Gaius burps again and then pulls out the chest of gold that Merlin took from Arthur's room after Arthur's brave but futile duel with the bed drapery. And guess what he does? He licks the gold. WHY can't he do something else? ANYTHING else? He could sniff it. Or stick it in his ear. Or…well, the other options are too disturbing to put into words, so maybe licking the gold is better than some of the other things he could do. Um…(sing-song voice) AWK-WARD…
And then…enter Morgana! Dun-dun-DUN!
When she speaks, her voice is all high and stupid. It's so obvious that she's playing innocent. I mean, come on. Does raising the pitch of your voice actually make you seem less suspicious? *scoffs* Come on, Morgana. First the smirks, then the high-pitched voice. If no one knows that you are an evil lying she-witch of doom by now, they will soon enough with your crappy façade! Leave Camelot, Morgana. Leave and don't come back until you've taken some acting lessons and that anger management class we talked about the post before last.
I cannot possibly paraphrase this butt-kicking conversation of doom that follows, so I'm going to give it to you, word for word.
MORGANA: Gaius?
GAIUS W.: Yes, yes, what is it? (ooh, crabby—apparently someone doesn't want to be interrupted during their "alone time" with their gold…)
MORGANA: I couldn't sleep last night. (Hmmm…couldn't be because your conscience is keeping you awake and because you are an evil lying she-witch of DOOM, now could it?) My healing bracelet's been stolen.
GAIUS W.: Oh…tragedy and travesty! (Gaius W. quickly turns around and shuts his chest of treasures because—lo and behold—Morgana's bracelet is right there on the top.) Whoever stole it should be hanged, flogged, and hanged again. (Uh, wow, Gaius W. That's a pretty nasty future you've got planned for yourself. I think maybe you need to go see a goblin psychiatrist for your masochistic tendencies.)
MORGANA: I was hoping you could give me a sleeping draft?
GAIUS W.: A sleeping draft? Can't you count sheep like everyone else? (Okay, I've gotta admit—Gaius W.'s got a rockin' sense of sarcasm.) Why are you bothering me with such things? Shoo! (Uh, Gaius W., I should warn you. As obnoxious and obvious as Morgana is, she IS an evil lying she-witch of doom. Tread carefully or you and your wonderful sarcasm will be lost for all time.)
MORGANA: I don't know why you're being like this, Gaius. I'm the king's ward, and you shall do as I ask.
GAIUS W.: Ooooh, shall I now? (This is where it gets good and I was all like maybe Goblin Gaius is actually good for something other than smarmy remarks and licking things. He's also exceptionally good at telling off lying evil she witches of doom.) I can see deep into your heart and it's cold. Cold as stone. You play Uther's loving ward, you play it so well. You fool him, but you don't fool me. You would see Uther dead and Camelot destroyed. (Oh, you nailed it on the head, Gaius W. Fist bump. Holla!)
Finally, Gaius W. does give Morgana her sleeping draft…but only AFTER doing some sort of magic to it that causes it to turn purple and get all bubbly. Whatever he's doing to it, I'm PRETTY sure he didn't just turn it into grape soda, but I'm certain the results of said potion will be highly farty—eh, I mean, funny. Of course. Funny. *clears throat* Anycrap.
Gaius W. gets the brilliant idea of going around and administering remedies for illnesses he makes up on the spot. Of course, the greedy little goblin doesn't give them out for free—he charges a gold coin for each so-called "remedy."
The first person he visits is this random man with a broken rib. This scene was pretty amazing because Gaius W. had this guy's arms held up in the air and was making him say, "Ah-ooh-ah-ooh-ah-OOH!" I don't know what it is, but there is just something extremely hilarious about making people look silly.
Like this one time, I was at a high school football game with my best friend, and it was so cold outside. Like, almost as cold as Morgana's heart—yeah, I went there. Her next-door neighbor had driven us to the game, but he was an SRO officer so he was one of the last to leave, and his truck was locked, so April and I had to wait outside of his truck in the cold for, like, ever. I managed to make myself feel better though, because I told April, "You know, it's been proven that jumping up and down on one foot can actually make you warmer." So, to my disbelief and amusement, she started jumping up and down on one foot. So I said, "And it also helps if you jump in a circle." And she started jumping in a flipping circle! Finally, I said, "Now, say, 'I look like a dork!'" And she was like, "I look like a—HEY!" It was SOOO funny! I have to agree with Gaius W. here—it is a bit fun to mess with people.
But NOT to the extent that Gaius W. does it—he convinces the man and his wife that the dude is going to die unless he gets the treatment, and that his wife will live out the rest of her life alone and die a bitter old lady, which is "no less that you deserve." Ouch. The look on that poor woman's face—(giggle). No, I'm not laughing. Promise. It is NOT funny. *snort*
And so, we get a montage, complete with perky music, of Gaius W. going around and selling these false potions to everyone for a gold coin. And every time he gets a coin he proceeds to (A) lick it, (B) lick his lips, or (C) start to lick the coin or his lips but then stop because he notices someone looking at him strangely.
He even goes to Gwen, selling her the same purple, bubbly potion that he gave Morgana. Gwen is taken aback when he refuses to give her the treatment without her giving him a gold coin, but when he threatens about big, pussy boils and her nose dripping with snot, she gives in. If I were her, I'd be talking to SOMEONE about the changes in Gaius instead of just giving him an odd look. That's the same thing Merlin did—come on people, QUESTION this development. Don't just say "what" and watch Gaius W. with an odd expression on your face as he licks a gold coin and scurries out of your house with your hard-earned moolah. Amateurs.
(Giggle) This next scene is pure, uncontested, absolute, apocalyptic BRILLIANCE. I LOLed and proceeded to rewind and rewatch over and over and over and over and…well, you get the point.
Armed with another vile of the grape soda potion, Gaius W. goes to cure Uther of his baldness. *snort* Okay, gimme a minute, I can't breathe. This is just TOO epic. (laughs so hard my spleen has a conniption) HA! Okay, okay. I can do this. I can…I…
Oh, holy crap! Focus, Liz. Just breathe and focus. You can get through this. You HAVE to get through this. Whew. (giggle)
Alright. So.
Gaius W. gives the grape soda to Uther to drink. The rest of it he puts on his head and proceeds to *snort* pat the potion all over Uther's bald noggin. (giggle) That looked like so much fun! I mean, who doesn't want to poke around on Anthony Head's bald head? And then…giggle…Gaius W. starts slapping his head! And not a gentle "tap," no, I mean slapping so hard that his head his thrown to the side.
In a slightly mortified voice, Uther says, "Is it really necessary to slap my head like that?" At this point, I absolutely lost it. I'm sorry…I can't describe this scene. It's just too epic for someone of my meager writing abilities to portray accurately. It's like someone who has never seen a mortifyingly terrible concert trying to accurately describe a Hannah Montana concert. It just doesn't work. You just have to watch the scene yourself. *snort* Crap, I'm losing it again.
THREE HOURS LATER
Okay, I think I can semi-function now. Basically, what happened was that Gaius W. slapped King Uther's hairless head like he was playing a bongo drum. And the look of pure, giddy joy on his face(Gaius W.'s face that is. The look on Uther's face was more or less "just kill me now" which made me happy.)…man, what I would give to be able to take his place right there. *wistful sigh* Ah, well.
In order to get full enjoyment out of this scene of epic epicosity, this pure parade of awesomosotude (thanks to Tianne for this awesome word she learned from her son), I suggest that you watch it at least five times in a row, if not more. If you are having a bad day, this remedy should ALWAYS make you feel better, unless, of course, you are a pelodaphobic, which means you are afraid of bald people. I'm not sure if there's a phobia for watching old men slap a bald man's head, but there should be. Ha!
Switching scenes…
Gaius W. is in his chambers having another game of tonsil hockey with his gold coins when Merlin walks in! Yay, it's Merlin! Hopefully he won't say, "Oh, look at that, Gaius's personality has changed even more drastically and he's all but snogging gold coins. Where's my pie?"
Thankfully, Merlin isn't that gullible, and realizes that Gaius is the goblin. He says, "You're the goblin!"
At first Gaius W. tries to deny it, but Merlin the Amazing sees right through his phony façade. There's my guy—I never doubted him for a second! *feverishly tries to hide last few paragraphs* Nope, didn't doubt him at all! Merlin says, "I know Gaius as well as I know myself and you're not him!"
Really, Merlin? Really? If you know him so well, why did you not figure out that he's possessed by a gold-licking goblin of doom sooner? You know, after he called you stupid and smacked you on the head? Or when he, you know, told you that you were less than gorgeous (which, by the way is a total and utter and complete lie)? Or when he started charging people for fake illnesses? It actually takes you seeing him slobbering all over the gold that you guys never bothered to give back to Arthur after his (giggle) harrowing battle with the canopy for you to figure out Gaius is actually Gaius W.? Ah, well, if he weren't so gullible at times, he wouldn't be Merlin. He'd be Steve. And Steve is no fun. Trust me.
So Gaius W. stops trying to pretend and acknowledges that what Merlin accused him of is true. And then he goes on to say, "How do you like my new body? It's a bit old and creaky, but it's ever so much fun." At this point, I am quite honestly at a loss for words. I'll, uh, take your word for it, Gaius W. You really don't have to go into any details whatsoever about what makes Gaius's body so much fun or how you figured out how much fun it is. That's something for you to bring up with your therapist. Ugh, this is moving into really disturbing territory, so…
HEY LOOK A DISTRACTION! -
Okay, now that we are all good and distracted from what could have turned into a very…traumatic…discussion about…eh…DISTRACTION AGAIN! -
Right. So Merlin tries to convince Gaius W. to convert back into plain old Gaius, but Gaius W. isn't feeling it. He says he likes it inside of Gaius…which is another area I'm just not going to touch on. Apparently he likes the freedom, the gold, the beer…did he mention the gold?
Merlin gets all defensive and hot and says something along the lines of, "If you hurt Gaius, I'll rip your face off, PUNK!" (Okay, sadly, he doesn't say that, but he does say he'll kill him if he hurts Gaius.)
And the goblin is all like, "Um…dude. Really? Think about it, Merlin. I'm Gaius. Gaius is Gaius. We're both Gaius. Which means if you try to hurt Gaius, you'll kill Gaius. Savvy?"
At which point, Merlin's head explodes from all of the confusion.
Just kidding, that didn't happen, although if you can somehow interpret what I made the goblin say, then you have Gaius W.'s response to Merlin's threat. Good luck trying to work that one out!
After giving his little speech, Gaius W. leaves the room, but not before stopping at Merlin and smacking him lightly on the side of his face. At this point, if I were Merlin, I'd be like, "Okay, this is the throwdown, smackdown time, you freak! No one pats my face but Emachinescat! Got that…LOSER SQUARED?" And you know he'd totally say it if he wasn't worried about Gaius killing Gaius.
THE THRONE ROOM…
Hahahahahahahahaha! This is just TOO amazing! Ha! Wowie, this is grand…and a tad embarrassing to watch and I'm sure it was a bit embarrassing to Angel Colby, Katie McGrath, and Anthony Head as well. But who cares? As long as we get some sort of childish amusement out of it, who cares if the actors are too mortified to ever leave their homes again?
No, really, I'm just kidding. It's REALLY not that bad.
I'm going to warn you ahead of time that there are several "issues" about this episode that I've read that I'm going to go into in this post, and the upcoming scene is one of them. You can agree with me or not, it really doesn't matter to me. You have a right to your opinion. But I am going to tell you what I saw and how I interpreted it because it is my story and so there. Cool? Seriously, though—it's fine if you don't agree. Just know that I am right. Haha, just kidding. Anyway…
There are several wonderfully amusing things about this particular scene.
#1: Uther is wearing some sort of "dog ear" cap that is supposedly meant to protect his dignity and not show that he is bald. Uh, Uther, sorry to be the bearer of bad news—actually, since it's Uther, I couldn't care less, actually—but that hat's not doing your dignity much help. And FYI—just because everyone in the room isn't laughing in front of you, there's a pretty big chance they're making fun of you and your new hat behind your back. I even heard that some of the servants made bald caps and are sporting them around saying, "Hey look at me, I'm Uther Pendragon—fear me!" Ha, just kidding—I'm the one who's been doing that.
#2: Apparently that purple potion produced prudently by a petty and preposterous goblin proved to be a farting potion. (Yeah, I know I totally killed the alliteration there, but seriously, there's not a synonym to letting out gas that starts with "p" unless you count poot but that word is just so undignified.) Gwen is the first to let'er rip and she is SO embarrassed because Arthur saw…heard…and…smelled it. Then it's Morgana's turn to relieve herself at which point a knight that has been in love with her for ages but never had a chance to use his favorite corny pickup line on her says, "Hey, baby, did you break wind? Cause you're blowing me away!" Ha, just kidding…no one loves Morgana. That's why she's an evil lying she-witch of (you guessed it) doom. Then—this is pure genius—Uther puts his foot on the gas pedal and really gets the show on the road. PPPPHHHHTTT! Ha! Yes, I know it's silly. And it's immature. And it is a bit embarrassing to watch. But who cares? This leads me to rant number one:
RANT NUMBER ONE: I saw many comments about the episode saying that this scene was stupid and immature and low brow humor. Uh…come on, you guys…lighten up! Don't pretend you've never farted in public and then been mortified! I'll even admit to it—I've done it before, at church nonetheless. Let me tell you, it was NOT a pleasant experience. I felt like I could just dig a hole right there under the youth group room and die in it. THAT'S how humiliating it was! And I actually liked that they put the characters in this kind of mundane situation! They're always portrayed as being these figures of legend that can do no wrong and are all great and noble yada yada yada. This REALLY put a touch of normalcy to the show—granted, in a rather unorthodox way—and showed another, more realistic side of the characters. A side that says, "Yeah. That's right. I'm human. I fart. Get over it, sucka!" Come on, those haters need to take a little trip to reality world, where everyone farts, even the king. Get over it. Gosh! It's really not as bad as some people would make it out to be. Of course, again, this is just my humble (right) opinion, so you don't (do) have to take it to heart.
After this little escapade, Gaius W. returns to his chambers, laughing up a storm. Of course, I'm laughing with him because the look on Uther's face when he farted in front of his council while simultaneously being bald AND wearing a dopey hat of stupidness was epic. Teehee. I'm STILL giggling about that one. Anyway, Merlin beat him there and is waiting for him, and let's just say that our favorite wizard is LESS than happy. Actually, you can say that he's MORE than mad, which, if I know my quadratic formulas correctly, implies that he is equal to furious.
Quick review: Merlin LESS THAN :) AND Merlin GREATER THAN :( THEREFORE Merlin EQUAL TO :[ Either that, or pi equals mc squared. Not sure. It's been a long time since I've taken algebra. Anyway, back on topic, because it's about to get good (and by good, I mean bad…but in an awesome, epic way that only the show Merlin can produce)!
Anyway, back to Merlin's anger at Gaius W. I am going to give you two scenarios, and you guys get to guess which one of them was the real conversation, and which one was the conversation that would have been if I were Merlin.
Ready?
Scenario #1
MERLIN: (looks mad)
GAIUS W.: Tell me you didn't think that was funny.
MERLIN: Okay. I didn't think that was funny.
GAIUS W.: Seriously? Not even a teeny-weeny bit?
MERLIN: No. (snorts)
GAIUS W.: You are a rotten liar.
MERLIN: Okay, so it was a little funny (bursts out into peals of uncontrollable laughter)…Oh my word, did you see Uther's face? I thought he'd never stop blushing! I have to say, Gaius W., you're pretty rockin'.
GAIUS W.: Sweet. Wanna be best friends?
MERLIN: Nah, because Arthur's cooler than you. Besides, I need my old fuddy-duddy of a guardian back. So…bye! AVADA KEDAVRA—begone, you goblin of DOOM, and ne'er return! (moonwalks out of the room) Bow chicka wow wow, chicka wow wow!
Scenario #2
MERLIN: (looks mad)
GAIUS W.: Tell me you didn't think that was funny.
MERLIN: (glares at him)
GAIUS W.: Not even a little bit?
MERLIN: (continues to glare at him)
GAIUS W.: A teeny-weeny bit?
MERLIN: If you carry on like this, you're going to get Gaius killed.
GAIUS W.: Merlin, you underestimate me. I have cured Uther of his farting and his baldness. Yes, he tells me he is forever in my debt, I am a genius!
MERLIN: This has to stop!
GAUIS W.: I see no reason why. Now if you're quite finished, I'm going to the tavern.
I know, I know, guys. This was an insanely difficult, borderline impossible challenge. Many of you will go mad trying to figure out which one is me and which one is Merlin. Be that as it may, it's a risk I'm willing to take.
Anyway. So next Merlin does something quite silly. He uses magic to close the door just as Gaius W. is about to stroll on out. *sigh* Merlin, Merlin, Merlin. Why on earth would you let that goblin know that you have magic? Didn't Gaius warn you that goblins are dangerous? Do you not think that if you present yourself as an actual threat that the goblin will strike out at you? Come on, Merlin, darling! THINK! Poor guy really isn't using the old noggin this episode. He shoulda had a V8 *SMACK*
Gaius W. is like, "Oh, you have a secret, too. Hmmm…well, that's cool…I gotta go find a way to plan your demise now so that you won't hinder me on my mad quest for gold and power, alright? See ya at your funeral!"
Okay, so he doesn't say that. But he didn't have to. It should have been obvious. *double facepalm*
Merlin tells Gaius W. to leave Gaius's body or he'll regret it, but once again, there's a problem—if he hurts Gaius W., he's hurting Gaius because Gaius W. is inside of Gaius and likes it in there because Gaius's body is fun. *shudder*
Gaius W. reminds Merlin, "I can hurt you," –uses magic to hurl a huge knife right at Merlin's face—"but you can't hurt me without hurting Gaius." Yep. I just covered that, thanks. Uh, the recap was nice I guess. Dramatic. *clears throat*
Merlin tells Gaius W. that he won't rest until he finds a way to force him out of Gaius's body. From the expression on Gaius W.'s face at this news, the news that there is a powerful wizard out hunting for a way to exorcise him out of his fun new body, it seems as if Merlin has risen from a 7.5 on the THREAT-O-GRAM to a big honkin' 10. By the way, on the normal THREAT-O-GRAM, 10 is the highest number. Just thought I'd clarify since they don't sell THREAT-O-GRAMs in Wal-Marts any longer.
After Merlin stalks dramatically out of the room to do something—which we find out a little later is actually trying to find Arthur so he can tell him about Gaius W., presumably—Gaius W. takes a little trip to the library, where he meets up with our little librarian friend, who says that he's been meaning to talk to Gaius about a terrible pain in his leg. Gaius W.'s response? He looks the librarian up and down and says, "It's hardly surprising, when it has to support that enormous gut. Lose some weight, fatty."
Okay, that's mean. I know it is. But, still…I laughed. Hahahahaha! It's one of those things where if you don't laugh, you'll implode trying to keep yourself from laughing. You've heard "If I don't laugh, I'll cry," right? Well, this was more of a case of, "If I don't laugh, I'll die."
Gaius W. trots on his merry way leaving a poor, suddenly weight-conscious librarian to start hunting around the library for a weight-watcher's book.
Gaius W. goes to the secret room where Merlin found him when he was just a wee, green, mean, lean Arthur W.-machine. What? Too much? Sorry.
Remember that magic book that Merlin saw at the beginning of the episode? Well, pay close attention here, because it took me several times watching the episode to make the connection. He picks up the book and leaves with it. THIS WILL COME IN AGAIN VERY SOON.
Meanwhile, Merlin is on the hunt—for Arthur. He's most likely about to either tell the prince that Gaius is a goblin or ask him what the square root of zero is. Arthur comes walking down the hallway, flanked by two tough-looking guards, and Merlin says, "Arthur! I have to talk to you."
I have to admit, I did not see what was coming next. Out of all the sneaky, evil things Gaius W. could have done, I was NOT expecting this! Arthur is looking hurt, confused, and regretful. And then he says, "Arrest him."
The scene broke my heart because the emotions were so real and emotional and so well played and, well, frankly, unexpected in this cheery of an episode, but who cares? When Arthur tells them to arrest Merlin, he looks down and can't seem to look Merlin in the eye. You can SO tell that he is majorly conflicted and that he doesn't want to be in this situation any more than Merlin does. (More on this tirade in the upcoming rant. Stay tuned!)
Merlin looks like he's going to laugh it off and says, "What?" The guards go forward and grab his arms and Merlin says, "Arthur, what are you doing?" The look of betrayal on both Merlin and Arthur's faces just about drove me to tears! These two incredible actors are killing me here!
The guards follow Arthur into the throne room, where pretty much everyone that matters and a few people who just don't matter are assembled. Merlin is being escorted by both guards. When they reach the king, the guards let him go and Arthur stands off to the side.
Uther seems very ticked off and he asks if Merlin is responsible for the "afflictions" that he and other members of the court have suffered. ("Afflictions"? Come on, Uther be a man and admit that you're a gassy, bald-headed weirdo of DOOM. You were having these problems WAY before Gaius W. came into the picture. OOOH, BURN!) Merlin, yet again, says "What?" This is the third time Merlin has said "what" in this episode. First, it was to Gaius W. Second, it was to Arthur. Third, it was to Uther. And frankly, the usage of the word "what," no matter how sweet it sounded coming from his lips, did him no good. Maybe if he had said something else like, "Whom?" or "Huh?" or "Spider-monkey!" he wouldn't be in this situation.
He says no, but Uther just tells Gaius W. to give him something. It is a magic book, a book of spells, that Gaius W. claims to have found in Merlin's room.
Just to clarify: This is NOT the magic book that Merlin keeps hidden under the floorboard. NOT that magic book. This is the magic book that Gaius W. went and took from the library after calling the librarian fat. He did not really find this book in Merlin's room. The other one is still there, safe and sound. Got it? Okay, good.
Maybe it was just me, but I found that really hard to follow. It took me a while to work that one out, so I thought I'd go into explaining overtime to help you avoid the same fate.
Merlin says that he's lying and that he's not Gaius. My heart went "plop" at his next words. "He's been possessed—by a gob..lin." That little pause between the "gob" and the "lin" was absolutely precious! I just about squeed so loud that Colin Morgan and Bradley James heard it while filming Merlin and said, "What was that?" It was that cute!
Anyway, Merlin tries to convince Uther that Gaius isn't really Gaius but that he's actually Gaius W. Uther isn't buying it, but you can tell by the look on Arthur's face that he WANTS to believe Merlin so badly. Then Uther sentences him to death (bad Uther—BAD!). Which leads me to…
RANT #2
Arthur cares. I've heard so many people say that he's heartless and didn't even seem to care that Merlin was going to be executed. Uh, hello, could you not SEE the agony on his face? He believed Merlin, he cares about Merlin, and he wasn't going to let Merlin die. It's obvious by the way he starts to protest but then stops himself, and by the way he reacted to all that went on. He couldn't very well protest to his father in front of the entire council could he? That would be even worse for Merlin's health! He IS a prince and he DOES have duties, and he can't just outright say "Yo Dad, you STINK!" No, he has to be subtle and get PROOF. If he didn't care, would he have done what we're going to talk about in the next post? I don't think so. And anyway, this episode shouldn't be the deciding factor on how Arthur will react to Merlin. I must say, if Arthur accepts Merlin whenever he does learn the truth without struggling internally with what he's going to do, and maybe even making a few mistakes before realizing how important his friendship with Merlin is, I'm going to be rather disappointed. If Arthur says, "Hey, cool, man, so can you make me taller?" when Merlin reveals his secret, I will be sad because it will be extremely anti-climactic. Okay. Rant over.
Sorry. I've just been wanting to vent this for I don't know how long and you guys seemed like the perfect ventees. Ha!
So they drag Merlin out and Gaius W. does this funny little wave goodbye. I still don't see how NO ONE in the entire room (remember, half of Camelot is there) did not see his smug gesture. Plot hole #2, bless this lovely show. Even if people were focused on the poor, adorable servant being dragged to the dungeons, SOMEONE should have noticed SOMETHING. I mean, come on!
Oh, and just so you know—Morgana was smirking evilly this whole time, but by now it doesn't surprise me, so let's move on.
After getting Merlin sentenced to death, Gaius W. hops over to the tavern and celebrates by picking a fight with Sir Leon, then apologizing and buying him something to drink, and putting something in that drink before giving it to him. *sigh* Gaius W., you're no longer my friend. You crossed the line when you tried to get my Merlin killed, and now you're spiking people's drinks? Heaven help the person who comes into the tavern to find Leon standing on the bar doing a stirring rendition of the Barney song.
In the dungeon, the guard guarding Merlin falls asleep (yay for sleepy slackers!) and Merlin uses magic to make the keys fly to him. Uh, here's a thought—why not use magic to unlock the door and then swipe the keys as you're leaving so it looks like you've stolen the keys to get yourself out? Must you go through all the theatrics of making the keys fly through the air and almost get you caught by clanking on the ground? Of course you must.
With the guards out looking for him, Merlin needs to hide, so of course, he heads on over to Gwen's house and lets himself in.
"Hey, Gwen, I just broke into your house after escaping from the dungeon for breaking the law, and I'm going to chill here for a while. Oh, and if you get caught harboring me, you'll die, too. So what's for breakfast?"
I had to wonder what Merlin was thinking there, but then I remembered what good friends he and Gwen are and how much they've helped each other (although that friendship was all but non-existent in season 2, yay for bringing it back!), and I realized that Gwen has got to be the only person he can trust.
Gwen hears a noise, grabs a candle holder thing after getting out of bed, and about brains Merlin when he pops out from behind her and covers her mouth. She sees that it's him and does a sweet little smile/sigh thing.
And that's where part 2 of Goblin's Gold ends! Tune in next time for Goblin's Gold Episode 3: Gold, Snogging, and Gold Snogging. It's going to be scandalous, you don't want to miss it!
Stats:
Burn Meter 5000
Part 2: Arthur 0, Merlin 0
This episode so far: Arthur 1, Merlin 1
Total: Arthur 16, Merlin 13
Shirtless Arthur Scenes:
Part 2: 0
This episode so far: 1
Total: 3
Smirk-O-Meter
Part 2: 2
This Episode so far: 2
Total: 22
A/N: Hope you liked part 2, it about killed me getting it done! I'm sick and I should be asleep, LOL! So please READ and REVIEW! Part 3 will be here somewhere between 1 and 7 days. Liz is out—PEACE!
PS- REVIEW! My awesomness compels you to obey me and REVIEW!
That is all. ;)