A/N: Sorry I'm a day late, things have been massively hectic. Due to some factors I'll explain at the beginning, chapters are going to be MUCH shorter (between 2,000 and 3,000 words) and cover MUCH less of the episode but appear MORE frequently for the next month. I'm going to be outrageously busy but I don't want to abandon you for a whole month, so I'm going to give you little doses every few days when I have a chance to update. Cool? And things should return to normal (three parts to an episode, long chapters) in December. Sorry for the inconsistency but at least I'm not leaving you dry, giving you smaller but faster doses of sarcasm.
Also, I now have a Twitter. I still don't understand how Twitter works or what it means to Tweet but I'm going to try and learn. If you want to keep up with updates or if you want to know if a chapter is going to be late or get a sneak peek, look up Emachinescat (lizzie_le_fay at hotmail dot com) on Twitter and follow me—make sure you let me know if you're a reader, though! :)
Thanks to Fenedra, lily forever, Tianne, Jesyka15SunnyGirl, sarahluvsdwrh, Yukka Sam, Kitty O, and Christina B for reviewing this time around! And thanks, HR, for expressing your opinion, but I regret to say that you are vastly outnumbered—you are one reviewer out of many that find me un-funny. That's fine; it's your own opinion and I won't begrudge you for it. But if you don't find me amusing, you don't have to read. :)
Reflections
Chapter Six: Gwaine Part 1
Has anyone ever heard of NaNoWriMo? If you haven't, it stands for National Novel Writing Month, which is the month of November. Basically, it is where you write a certain amount of words per day in order to write a 50,000 word novel by the end of November. It doesn't cost anything, and it's TOTALLY cool…it's what all the nerds are doing these days. And yes, I just called myself a nerd. If spending 11,000 words talking about one episode of "Merlin" doesn't qualify me as a nerd, then I don't know what does. Actually, a pack of my friends at school and I are now officially "The Nerd Herd." Pretty rockin', huh? I'm thinking about amending it to "The Epic Nerd Herd…OF DOOM," though. I'll have to get a majority vote from the others though. I'll let you know if my new name is accepted by my fellow nerds.
Anyway, why was I asking about NaNoWriMo? Because I am going to do it. Yes, I, Emachinescat, proud member of The Epic Nerd Herd…OF DOOM, am going to write a 50,000 word novel (not fan-fiction) by the end of November. Why do you all care? Well, since November is going to be my busiest month at school (two papers due, a presentation, many tests, and then finals the first week of December) and I'll be writing a novel, I am not going to have nearly as much time on my hands as I do now—and I barely have any time as it is! That's not to say that I won't be updating this in November, but the posting of new chapters will probably be a bit sporadic and less predictable because I'll be super-busy doing everything else. This means that updates will be shorter, possibly more frequent, though, and cover less of the episode than usual. There could be a great many parts to Gwaine but I don't want to leave you hanging so I'll post something. Probably around 2,000 words in November. I apologize. But after NaNoWriMo is over and I'm on Christmas break, things should level out again, deal? Okay. 'Nuff said about that.
Let's get on with what we came here for—the gloriousness that is Gwaine, the Ooberly Hot Guy of Doom!
GWAINE
Our episode starts out with Merlin and Arthur trotting out of the woods and towards a bar. Wait. Let me clarify something here. Merlin and Arthur are on their respective horses, and the horses are trotting. Merlin and Arthur aren't trotting. My man (aka Merlin) and his super hunky sidekick (Arthur) do not trot. Merlin sneaks, scurries, trips, stumbles, and dashes, but he does not trot. And Arthur may strut, swagger, march, run, and skip (come on, you know he skips when his knights aren't around—skipping is fun and if I were Arthur I'd skip too), but he does not trot.
So the horses are trotting and Merlin and Arthur are on top of the horses, and therefore trotting by default.
I think I made that WAY more complicated than it needed to be.
Arthur has his crossbow in one hand. Merlin has a dead turkey or some other such edible member of the bird species in one of his hands. Apparently we are supposed to put two and two together and figure out that either Merlin and Arthur just got back from a hunting trip, or Merlin's new pet, Timmy the Turkey has fallen gravely ill, and Arthur just put his life on the line in order to find a physician that can cure poor, ailing Timmy of his feather infestation of doom-like proportions.
I personally figured it was the latter, because I would love to see Merlin's internal struggle as he tries to cope with the fact that despite how far he and Arthur went to save poor Timmy, the bird was destined to die. Merlin would have a heart-wrenching dialogue with Arthur, that goes something like this:
MERLIN: (sniffles) Timmy? TIMMY? NOOOOO, TIMMY!
ARTHUR: What's wrong, Merlin?
MERLIN: Timmy is…well, he's…I…he's…(defeated whimper) dead.
ARTHUR: You sure?
MERLIN: (sniffles) I…think so.
ARTHUR: (pulls out crossbow) Well, let's just make sure, shall we? (Aims crossbow at Timmy)
TIMMY: (lets out a weak, pitiful gobble)
MERLIN: Arthur, wait, he's—
ARTHUR: (is in the zone, and doesn't hear Merlin—shoots Timmy)
TIMMY: (dies)
MERLIN: (whimpers)
ARTHUR: (pats Merlin on the back) There. Now you know for sure he's dead.
MERLIN: (glares at Arthur) Timmy…
ARTHUR: It's okay, Merlin, I know you're upset. But don't worry, I know exactly what will make you feel better after your bird-buddy's untimely and horrible death—let's go to a tavern and get ourselves drunk—always makes me feel better when I kill turkeys on the hunt.
MERLIN: (enthusiastically) Okay!
That would explain all of the context clues we've been given: (1) Arthur with his crossbow out, (2) Merlin with a dead turkey, and (3) their arrival (where they are not trotting) to a tavern. See? Perfect logic. Tell me you didn't think that was how the episode was going to begin.
Then Arthur the Prat-Master decides to dash all my hopes and expectations for the episode by turning to Merlin and saying, "Do you know what you need after a hard days hunt?"
Darn. So there was no Timmy the Turkey. Unless the turkey Arthur shot on the hunt and made Merlin carry was actually named Timmy, which would be a real coincidence.
By the way, did you know that Colin Morgan (Merlin) is a vegetarian? Sorry, random.
Merlin's response is, "Sleep." I don't blame him. Hunting makes me tired, too. I don't hunt. But writing about Arthur and Merlin hunting makes me exhausted, so I can only imagine how tired those two are.
Arthur has other ideas. "A nice, cold tankard of mead."
Ah, so even though the Timmy the Turkey scenario didn't happen, Arthur's solution is still "get drunk." Hm. That's interesting…I wonder what other advice Arthur can give…
MERLIN: Arthur, I just got shot by the enemy's crossbow. It think I'm dying. What do I do?
ARTHUR: Get a nice, cold tankard of mead.
UTHER: Arthur, that duck is following me again. It's watching me, I know it! What can I do?
ARTHUR: Get a nice, cold tankard of mead.
SIR LEON: Arthur, Cenred's men are attacking the kingdom from the east, Morgause is attacking from the west. Mordred is using a plastic kiddy spoon from his Happy Meal to tunnel under the city walls. The Existential Dragon is attacking from the air. We're surrounded on all sides. Camelot is about to fall. What should we do?
ARTHUR: Get a nice, cold tankard of mead.
EMACHINESCAT: Arthur, I need help with my Algebra homework. What is the square root of pi?
ARTHUR: Get a nice, cold tankard of mead.
EMACHINESCAT: *facepalm*
So there you have it. Auntie Arthur's Advice Column—write in if you have a question, and he'll answer in all his wise wisdom and knowledgeable knowledge and junk.
So anyway, as Arthur and Merlin dismount, Arthur says that there's no better place to measure the mood of your people. Uh…how's that again, Arthur?
If I wanted to measure the mood of my people, I'd go somewhere where they aren't, I dunno, drunk out of their minds. I mean, I've never been drunk myself (and heaven help me and anyone else near me if I ever DO somehow manage to consume an alcoholic beverage), but don't people say a load of crap that they don't mean half the time when they're drunk? Either that, or they get really philosophical. And friendly. At least, that's what I've heard.
So if they go into the tavern and a big, hairy, drunk guy says, "I'm in a pink, flowery, sunshiny mood and I want to find a goldfish named Frannie to coddle and snuggle," is that REALLY an accurate measure of his mood? I hope not, for the big, hairy, drunk dude's sake.
Anyway, Merlin seems to have the same reservations I do—he says, "This is one of those moments where I tell you something isn't a good idea but you ignore me, isn't it?" I'd say that calls for a point to Merlin. Pretty sassy if you ask me. I can be sassy too. Merlin and I have so much in common. That's why we're gonna get married. Once we're legally betrothed, we'll spread our likeminded sassiness throughout Camelot and Narnia and Hogwarts and D'hara and Candyland and Arkansas. We'll be known everywhere as the Sassyfrass Kids. Okay, forget it, this is getting beyond the realm of stupidity. It's borderline idiocy.
Uh, where was I?
Right. Merlin got a point for his sassy comment to Arthur. And the conversation/witty banter of doom ensues thusly:
ARTHUR: (grins) You're learning, Merlin. Slowly, but…you're learning. (Oooh, good one! Point Arthur.)
MERLIN: (makes a face) Stupidhead. (No, Merlin didn't call Artie a stupidhead. But that would've been pretty epic.)
ARTHUR: Now, remember, in here, you're not my servant. (What is he, then? Your friend? Your distant cousin five times removed? Your pet platypus? Or your father's cousin's uncle's brother's first grade teacher's mother-in-law's ex-plumber of DOOM?) I'm just a simple peasant like everyone else. (A peasant? So stereotypical, not EVERYONE is a peasant. There's the jocks and the cheerleaders and the Goths and the nerds, too—seriously. Ever noticed the high school hierarchy in Camelot? Jocks- Arthur and the knights. Cheerleaders- Gwen and every other girl who falls for the prince. Goths- Merlin (okay, so Merlin's not a Goth but he played one in Dr. Who, well Colin did anyway, so it still counts). Nerds- Gaius. Evil lying she-witches of apocalyptic portions OF DOOM- Morgana and Morgause, the nasties. Sorry. Another rabbit trail.)
MERLIN: (smirks—oh, no, now he's doing it too! Oh my gosh, it's contagious—Smirky's Syndrome is spreading sporadically! (try saying that five times fast) Curse Morgana for spreading her smirkiness. At least Merlin looks adorkable smirking though. Morgana just looks like she has gas.) The simple part's right. (OOOH, Boo-Yah! Point to the Merlin-ator, the Mervolous Merlin, the Mer-Man (and no he's not part fish. But if he was, he would be an epically awesome half-fish of doom.))
ARTHUR: What?
MERLIN: I said, "The sun is very bright."
ARTHUR: (squints up at the sky) Yeah, yeah it is. (I love the dude, but Arthur is a dwonk, bless him.)
Um, I know this is JUST the beginning of the episode, and that the title sequence hasn't even THOUGHT about coming on yet, but this is all I can muster for now—I am so flipping busy, you'd think I was Merlin on one of Arthur's bad days! Geez. My schoolwork, my health, and my unhealthy obsession and determination to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days have all co-collaborated toward the common goal of stealing every precious second of time I have! It's a conspiracy!
Stats:
Burn Meter 5000:
Part 1: Arthur 1, Merlin 2
This Episode so far: Arthur 1, Merlin 2
Total: Arthur 17, Merlin 16
Shirtless Arthur Scenes:
Part 3: 0
This Episode so far: 0
Total: 3
A/N: That's it for now! Again, sorry with the inconsistency in the parts/chapter length. I never meant for it to happen but life is life and I would hate to leave you all with nothing to laugh at.
I'll update within the next few days and until then, please feel free to REVIEW, eat massive amounts of stick butter, conjure the Dark Mark over Uther's bedroom…just whatever you do—BEWARE of the smirk—it's contagious.
By the way, I'm going to be an evil lying she-witch of doom for Halloween. Yep. I'm going as Morgana. Oh the ever-loving irony.
~Emachinescat ^..^