A.N. So how many of you wanted a Harry Potter one? Maybe most of you, I'm not sure. But here it is! Now, when I think of a Harry Potter fic, I think of Hogwarts and such, so I figured that's what you would think too. Well, this one isn't like that. So I hope you all like it.

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I try to write one creatively every time, but I don't think people have two thumbs and give a crap anymore. So...I don't own Twilight! Was that uncreative enough for you?

Death Eleven: I Got Your Life in My Hands! I Got Your Life in My Hands!

"Edward..."

"Yes?" The couple was walking down the street on their way to the book store.

"D–this is gonna sound like a silly question but...Did you stalk me?"

"What?"

"You know: follow me around, learn my schedule, fantasize about fu – "

"Ah! Uh...No. Why would I do that?" Edward started to get sketchy. How did she find out? What took her so long?

"I was just curious." The rest of the way was in silence. Until a snake showed up on their path. "Eek!" Bella shrieked, and Edward threw himself in front of Bella.

"Stay back...snake!"

The snake materialized into a man. Bella started. "Batman?"

"No! Ralph Fiennes."

"You look too evil to have the name Ralph Fiennes."

"My name is pronounced 'Ray Fines'," the snake man said.

"But that's not how it's spelled! It's spelled R-A-L-"

"I know how it's spelled!" Ralph/Ray rubbed his temples. "You know what? Just call me Voldemort. Oh, but wait!" Voldemort glared at Edward. "Your hubby already knew that, didn't he?"

"You know him?" Bella frowned, trying to figure out how this strange man knew her husband. Then she noticed something. "What happened to your nose?"

That seemed to anger him more than he already was. "My nose? My nose? This little bastard stole my nose!"

"You stole his nose? How?"

Voldemort snorted out of his slits. "How did he steal my nose...how else do people steal noses?" He started to pace furiously, his cloak flapping this way and that. His voice had grown in anger and volume, and Bella shrank in size.

"He put his stupid middle finger and index finger knuckles around my nose and just plucked if off! Just like that! Then, proud of his victory, he started taunting me. 'I got your nose! I got your nose!'" He stopped and pulled out a stick. He grinned evilly. "Well, now it's payback time."

Bella, still confused as to why Edward stole He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named's nose, didn't know what those two words meant when Voldemort yelled, "Avada kedavra!" Edward fell to the ground, frozen with death.

Bella screamed. "Eddy-kins!" She ran to his body. Voldemort shook his head, frowning. "What?" Bella asked.

"Sorry. Deja vu for some reason..."

"My dear, sweet Edward! You killed him! I'll kill you, you bastard! Where's a stick, I need a stick!" Bella looked around frantically, finally coming up with a victorious grin at the twig she found.

He used the killing curse on her too. The world's been a better place.