A/N: Well hello, there! Long time, no see, eh? I apologize for my lateness, but with the Thanksgiving holiday, studying, and more studying, I've not had much time for anything. :) Thanks to all you reviewers – Tianne, your review seriously made me LOL! ;o) Enjoy and continue to review, pretty please? Again, I apologize for the time, but now that I'm on break I should be able to go back to regular updates. :D Enjoy.

Reflections

Chapter Nine: Gwaine Part 2 of 3

After the awful adventures of Anti-Oswald and Anti-Ethan (which I am just now calming down from... I had to teach those doofs a lesson. Hold on. I've gotta go wash this blood out of my hair... *twenty minutes later* Okay, it's mostly out. If the cops call wanting to know where the two fake knights are, tell them they accidentally fell into a giant blender of doom and that I had nothing to do with it at all. *eye twitches*), Merlin and Gaius are sitting at the table, where Gaius is staring at Merlin while he sucks down some pea soup. If I were Merlin, I'd be a little unnerved. I hate it when people watch me eat, and I think that people that sit and watch other people eat are either extremely hungry, extremely disturbed, or just extremely bored. Sure, he's got his own bowl of soup in front of him, but he's too busy staring at Merlin to eat it. Maybe he's already finished his and is hungry for seconds. Who knows? Or maybe I'm just reading WAY too much into this and should get on with the chapter. Yeah? Okay.

Anyway.

Gaius tells Merlin that he's not sure if he's eating or inhaling the soup. Wow. So first Gaius rudely gawks at him while he's slurping up some soup (that looks REALLY disgusting and not the least bit nourishing, by the way), and now he's commenting on how Merlin eats it. Haven't you heard the commercials, Gaius? "There's no wrong way to eat a pea soup." Okay, okay, so the commercial is about Reeses but it's the same concept right? Well, except Reeses are chocolatey, peanut buttery goodness and pea soup is ick in a bowl, but that's not the point.

But Merlin doesn't seem to mind, so I guess I shouldn't either. He tells Gaius that Sir Oswald and Sir Ethan have been running him ragged, and that he hasn't had anything to eat all day. Poor Merlin.

To make matters worse, the power just went out in my dorm and I'm typing on borrowed time. I have no idea how long it'll be out and my computer isn't going to last too long without a power source. *whimpers* What did I tell you all last chapter? Murphy's Law: Anything that CAN go wrong, will go wrong. Well at least it's not raining – never mind.

Gaius asks how Oswald is and Merlin says "Awful. He treats me like... dirt."

And then Gaius goes, "Oh no he didn't! Nobody treats my ward like crap and gets away with it. I've got four black belts, not to mention my hot pink diamond studded belt – I'm no one to be messed with! I'm going to go all kung-pow on his sorry butt and teach him to mess with the awesomeness that is (dramatic music) Merlin!"

Just kidding. Although it would've been great to see a kick-butt version of Gaius. Can you imagine him doing karate? *giggles* "HI-YAA...OOOW! My hip!"

Sorry.

Gaius does, however, look thoughtful and comment that it doesn't sound like the young man he knew. He then gently reminds our favorite warlock that not all masters are as good to their servants as Arthur is.

Merlin's reaction?

He spews pea soup all over Gaius's face. Heehee.

Well, that's what you get for staring at people while they eat, Gaius, you crazy old man! Learn some manners and maybe you won't get assaulted by green, slimy soup spewed from an extremely adorable warlock's mouth!

Wait wait wait! I have a joke that totally fits into this part! Okay, ready?

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Give up?

Anyone can roast beef, but no one can "pea" soup!

HAHAHAHA, get it? Pea soup? Pee soup? Heehee... *clears throat* Nothing? Fine, moving on.

Gaius says, "Thank you, Merlin."

If I were Merlin I would have completely disregarded the sarcasm and said in an all too chipper voice, "You're welcome, Gaius. You were just looking so hungry over there, watching me eat, that I wanted to share some with you, too."

Then Gwen comes in and tells Merlin to come with her. This can't be good.

I was right. It's not good, but it's totally hilarious at the same time.

Apparently between flirting with Gwen, strutting around shirtless and making all helpless fan-girls like me swoon, and being completely swashbucklingly epic, Gwaine has found some time to nurse another of his favorite hobbies: getting drunk.

Gwaine's here! Gwaine, hi, Gwaine! You didn't forget about our awesome people party of DOOM, did you? I hope not, because I've already bought the nachos and extra-spicy cheese dip, and I've got Dance Dance Revolution: Medieval Tunes hooked up to the Wii just for you! It's going to be you against Merlin and Arthur and the winner gets to hold my hand while we watch The Spongebob Squarepants Movie. Then we'll make waffles – in the shapes of our favorite barnyard animals! I bought the cookie cutters myself – cows, chickens, rabbits, goats, and even a T-Rex! And yes, I know that a T-Rex isn't a barnyard animal, but it was the only dinosaur cookie cutter left and it looked lonely. You should understand, Gwaine. You, too, are a loner, except you've got great hair and don't eat people (I hope). Doesn't that sound fun?

Now, let me clarify. When I say Gwaine is drunk, I don't mean he has had just one or two drinks and is looking slightly dazed. I mean he is drunk out of his gorgeous mind, being held up by some random dude he's probably never laid eyes on before. Apparently, he bought a ton of mead (and pickled eggs, who eats pickled eggs anyway? Just the sound of it makes me gag. I don't even like pickled pickles... Wait, pickled pickles are just pickles aren't they? No, they're pickled cucumbers but they're called pickles. But what does it mean to pickle something anyway? And why does everything that has been pickled smell so icky? Ah, the deep, disturbing questions that haunt my tortured noggin.) for his "friends" – again, these friends appear to be the entire tavern of people that he has never met before.

Wow, Gwaine may be a cutie, but he sure is a troublemaker. He's like Jack Sparrow (oh, I'm sorry, Captain Jack Sparrow, savvy?) except younger, not as hairy (though pretty close), with less tattoos, and he's got good intentions (Jack tries to have good intentions but then he sees something he wants and goes "Oh! Gimme!" and will do anything, even if it requires bad intentions, to get it.). Those are just the main differences between my favorite pirate and my favorite... eh... future knight of the round table.

Moving on.

The innkeeper tells Merlin that since Gwaine's broke, Merlin will have to pay for all the drinks and (shudder) pickled eggs he bought. Now how is that fair? Obviously Merlin's not rich, otherwise, he'd be able to afford a new neckerchief (don't get me wrong, I like his neckerchiefs, they make him Merlin, but it would be nice to see a splash of new color every so often, maybe lime green, deep purple, or puce (and I'm not even sure what puce is, although I'm pretty sure it's a color and not a disease, but I could be wrong).

Merlin tells the innkeeper that he can't afford it, and the man says that he'd better find someone who can. At this point, Gwaine laughs and the guy holding him up lets go. Gwaine non-too-gracefully falls to the ground, still laughing like he's stuck in the tickle-inator 900.

Did I mention I love this guy? He's so much fun. Apparently Merlin's not of the same mindset, considering he rolls his eyes, exasperated at Gwaine's antics. Aw, c'mon, Merlin, Gwaine's just having a bit of fun. Sure, you're probably going to be the one getting in trouble for his trouble, but look at that face? Can you really stay mad at that face, Merlin? I know I couldn't.

Next thing we know, Merlin is supporting a drunken Gwaine as they make their way to Merlin's room.

GWAINE: (still swaying as Merlin gets him on the bed) You're the best friend I've ever had. (Gwaine, I'm hurt. Just…torn. Here I am, getting the waffle-maker and cheese dip for our awesome people party tonight, and you go and tell Merlin that he's your best friend! *snorts disdainfully* Fine. Whatever. I guess Lance will just have to do.)

MERLIN: You seem to have quite a few. (Ha ha, Merlin, good one – now hit him!)

(They both laugh and Gwaine pushes himself to a sitting position, snickering. That's right, Gwaine, snicker with your new BFF, I don't care. But just so you know, Merlin, Arthur, Lance, and I are going to have so much more fun playing pin the tail on the unsuspecting elderly at my party tonight than you and Merlin are having right now! Oh yeah, I went there!)

GWAINE: I can't wait to see Arthur's face when he gets that bill. (Ha, ha, yes, that's my Gwai—no, I've disowned him as a BFF. *takes deep breath* Be strong, E-Cat, be strong.)
MERLIN: Right. What is it with you and nobles? (No, Merlin, the better question is, what is it with him and betraying his best friend for the awesomeness that is you – true, I'd probably dump me for you, too, I mean, look at you, you're so adorkable and sweet and funny and your ears are just…Where was I? Um, right. I'm mad at Gwaine. Okay. I can do this. *glances at Gwaine's muscles and gorgeous locks and whimpers* I can. Sigh.)
GWAINE: Nothing. My father was a knight. In Carlean's army. He died in battle, leaving my mother penniless. And when she went to the king for help, he turned her away. (Aww, you poor thing, let me just give you a big hug – no. Be strong. I can't let his sob story guilt me into forgiving him for him telling Merlin that he's the best friend!)
MERLIN: You didn't know him? (Oh, maybe they should be BFFs, they've got so much in common, they both lost their dads… *sniffles* I'm sorry for being a selfish, spoiled, possessive brat, guys. I'll be better, I promise. Why don't we all hug – for a long time – to make it all better? *looks from one adorable guy to the other, eyes too innocent* And NO I don't have an ulterior motive… *shifty eyes*)
GWAINE: Only the stories I've been told. (Aw, get ready for a hug, big guy, 'cuz I'm going to hug you!)
MERLIN: I know how that feels. I met my father just briefly, before he died. (And then the sobbing starts – not them, no, but me. It's so good for Merlin to be able to talk to someone about the pain he's been through – heaven knows it's not good for him to keep it all locked up inside!)

They get into a discussion about nobility and whether or not Arthur is like the rest of them, after which Gwaine concedes, "Maybe not, but none of them are worth dying for, eh?" Then he bursts into peals of uncontrollable laughter, flops against the wall, hits his head, says "ow," and then starts laughing again.

Have I mentioned that I LOVE this man? *sighs, all former anger forgotten because of Gwaine's sheer and uncontested awesomeness*

We then skip to Merlin arriving to Arthur's chambers with food for him. And then, as usual when the two of them are in a room together, hilarity and awesomeness ensues:

MERLIN: Sorry, I know I'm late. (Why apologize, Merlin? You're always late; Arthur's used to it by now.)
ARTHUR: Not at all. (…But he's never this nice about it – AHH, Merlin get out of here, run! You have to FLEE! Arthur's being *gulp* nice! Oh my – grab the fish sticks and RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!) You sure you're alright? (*screams and runs in circles* THE APOCALYPSE IS UPON US! Arthur Pendragon just inquired about Merlin's health, and Merlin isn't dying! My face right now: o.O. Heehee, point Lizzie.) You're not sick? Unsteady? About to burst into song?
MERLIN: As a matter of fact… (the lights go down and a top hat and cane fall from above, the hat landing perfectly on Merlin's head and the cane in his hands. He then breaks into a stirring rendition of "You're the Voice" by John Farnum. – I only wish that had happened. *sighs* In actuality…) No… why?
ARTHUR: (looking agitated, picks up a piece of parchment from his desk and begins to read) Fourteen quarts of mead. Three flagons of wine. Five quarts of cider… (Holy crap, Gwaine bought all that? No wonder he was drunk stupid! And Arthur's not even done yet!)
MERLIN: I can explain.
ARTHUR: Four dozen pickled eggs (ICK!).
MERLIN: That was Gwaine. He went to the tavern and he couldn't pay for it.
ARTHUR: So you said I would. (Well, I still don't understand why Gwaine and Gwen had to make it Merlin's problem anyway, so yeah, if I were Merlin, I'd do the same Arthur. So shut it.)
MERLIN: But if I hadn't… That innkeeper, he would've strung us both up. (Don't flatter the man, Merlin. With your awesome magic and Gwaine's epicness of doom, even with him being drunk, you two could've totally taken him down. That's what being awesome is all about, am I right?)
ARTHUR: I fail to see the downside. (OOOOH, BURN! Yeppers, that's a BIG point for the Burn Meter 5000. *fans myself* Whoo… it's so hot in here from that BURN that my cat is sweating – and cat's don't sweat – that's one reason, besides to clean themselves, that they lick their coats: to cool themselves off, didja know that? Well, there was your pointless trivia for the day. Uh, right, yeah, point Arthur.)
MERLIN: You said he should be given anything he needs. (Touché.)
ARTHUR: FOUR DOZEN PICKLED EGGS? (I have to say, I'm with Arthur on this one. As previously stated, BLECH!)
MERLIN: I'm sorry… (cheeky grin) I'll pay for it.
ARTHUR: (tosses paper onto his desk and folds his hands together evilly) You most certainly will. (Another point Arthur. Merlin, get your butt in gear, you're falling behind again!)

We switch scenes to hear Gwaine saying, "Arthur is a thoroughbred little braggart." OOOH, man, if Gwaine was in on the Burn Meter, he'd have set the place on fire! 'Course, he does have reason to be annoyed at Arthur, since he's making Gwaine and Merlin polish the entire army's boots. Again, I still don't get – why is Merlin being punished when he had no part in Gwaine's escapades anyway? Oh, right, because Arthur's a prat. That could be the answer to anything.

EMACHINESCAT: Arthur, I don't know what to do, I'm so confused. Auntie Arthur, what should I do?
AUNTIE ARTHUR: Get a nice, cold tankard of mead.
EMACHINESCAT: WHY is he so infuriating?
MERLIN THE MAGNIFICENT: Because Arthur's a prat.

It even works for questions like, "Why did my dog run away?" and "Why did Humpty Dumpty get pushed off that wall?" and "Where's the cattle prod?"

Because Arthur's a prat.

While they're working, Merlin and Gwaine get into another tear-jerker of a conversation about their fathers during which I sniffled so much that my nose is raw. So much grief in Merlin's life, and he has no on to talk to it about – seriously, I think most people in his position would have either (A) become a crazed nutter that lives in a giant pumpkin and shoots trespassers with blow darts, (B) become a crazed nutter that goes on a killing rampage, or (C) become a crazed nutter that lives in a giant pumpkin and shoots trespassers with blow darts, after which his blood lust becomes too much for him and he goes on a killing spree. And yes, it has happened – people have snapped from their distress. But anyway, at least Merlin can talk to Gwaine about his troubles a little now.

So the conversation ends with Gwaine saying, "If there's one thing I learned from my father's life, it's that titles don't mean anything. It's what's inside that counts." Wow, deep. So he's smart, too. Wow, this guy is pretty epic. When he's talking, he thumps Merlin's knee with his boot cleaning brush, and dear, sweet, wimpy Merlin goes, "Ow." It was so pathetically cute that I squeed. And then I berated myself for acting like an out of control fan-girl (even if that's really what I am).

A note about the father stuff, though: I'm really glad they didn't just let it go, like, "Hey, it's been a year since season 2, so Merlin's probably over his father's horrible and untimely death, right?" I was glad they came back to it and let Merlin deal with it a little. A father's death isn't something that one gets over in a year, or even a lifetime, so it was good that Merlin's coming to terms with it.

Wow. I can be deep, too. Nice.

Later on, Arthur's on the training field, beating the crap out of some poor, defenseless dummy. Oh wait, let me clarify: Arthur is not beating the crap out of Uther (sadly). Uther is not the big dummy in question. It's a scarecrow wearing armor.

Anti-Oswald and Anti-Ethan come up (*glares at them and they shrink away* Yeah, that's right, bozos, you'd better run. *scoffs* Cowards. *spider crawls on my arm* AHHHH! SPIDER! GET IT OFF ME, GET IT OFF ME!) Anti-Oswald goads Arthur a bit, and they begin to spar. Arthur tells Anti-Oswald that he's not as quick as he used to be and Anti-Oswald says, "Still quick enough to hit you!" After which he runs up to Arthur, sword flailing like mad. Arthur easily sidesteps and whacks Anti-Oswald aside. Anti-Oswald: EPIC FAIL.

Then Arthur looks down at Anti-Oswald's sword-hand and says, "I thought you were left-handed."

Anti-Oswald has the "Oh Crap!" face for a few seconds before covering, "I…am. I was just…giving you a chance."

Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Can we say major déjà vu? As in Princess Bride déjà vu? Let's recap (and if you haven't seen the movie, you ought to be ASHAMED of yourself!), shall we?

INIGO: (losing a sword fight, being backed up to a cliff) I admit it, you are better than I am.
THE MAN IN BLACK: Then why are you smiling?
INIGO: 'Cause I know something you don't know.
THE MAN IN BLACK: What?
INIGO: (switches hands and starts to drive the man in black back) I am not left handed.
A FEW MINUTES LATER…
THE MAN IN BLACK: (now he is losing the fight, pressed up against a stone wall) There is something…I have to tell you.
INIGO: What?
THE MAN IN BLACK: (brandishes sword and switches hands) I'm not left-handed either!

I don't know, maybe it's the utter Princess Bride nut in me (I've got the entire movie memorized word for word…) but I was nearly beside myself with embarrassing fan-girlishness. I almost expected Arthur to say something like, "If you go into the Darkling Woods, watch out for the R.O.U.S.s."

And if you don't know what an R.O.U.S. is, then there is no hope for you. None. Not until you watch the movie or read the book.

Anyway, Arthur beats Anti-Oswald, who is pretty ticked off, but then, after Arthur leaves and Merlin is gathering the weapons, Anti-Oswald and Anti-Ethan have the following conversation right in the middle of the freaking training field, within earshot of Merlin, the idiots.

ANTI-ETHAN: Don't worry, at the melee there'll be two of us.
ANTI-OSWALD: And with the stalum blade, we'll filet the little brat.

Hmmm, smart move guys – NOT! I mean, come on, that's almost as pathetic as a villain telling the hero every part of their evil plan (which I never understood; if, for some reason, the hero gets away – which they always do – why would you want to have given them all the evidence they need to lock you away forever?)

Later on, Merlin is cleaning up in their chambers when he sees the two swords and thinks, "Hm, I think I'll clang these two bad boys together and see what happens." Either that, or, "I love tacos." Because, I may not be an expert, but most of the time, when they're not thinking about monster trucks, football, and girls, aren't guys thinking about food? And since there's no monster trucks or football in Camelot, and every girl Merlin falls for either dies or turns into an evil lying she-witch OF DOOM, then it's only logical that he's thinking about food. Anyway.

As he's putting the swords down – they are supposed to be and look blunt, remember? – he slices his finger open on one of them and drops the swords… right when Anti-Oswald and Anti-Ethan decide to parade back into the room. Merlin hides his cut finger and they tell him to stop snooping (which totally isn't a dead giveaway that they're hiding something) and he leaves quickly. Then they look at the sword with a strange look.

Here, I'll admit, I REALLY thought that they were going to use the blood from Merlin's finger on the crystal, turning one of them into a replica of Merlin and using Anti-Merlin to get close to Arthur and kill him. I really did. I mean, if I were evil and had the prince's manservant's blood, a crystal that can change me into someone else with their blood, and a thirst for vengeance against Prince Arthur, that's what I would do. It's simple logic, like adding up two and two and getting four.

Apparently, Anti-Oswald and Anti-Ethan add two and two and get fifteen.

I have to say, I was sorely disappointed that they did not follow up on what I thought they should do, but then again, I'm not their master. BBC is. *grumbles* There could have been some great Merlin and Arthur whumping if they had chosen that course, though. Just sayin'.

Switching scenes. Gaius is bandaging Merlin's finger and Merlin is telling him and Gwaine about the stalum blades. Gwaine's here! Hey Gwaine, come sit next to me! I saved you a seat, right here!

Gwaine says that Merlin's lucky, that he's seen those blades in action, that they're forged with sorcery. Gaius wonders what they would want with such a weapon and Merlin says, "I think they mean to kill Arthur in the melee."

WELL, DUH. Doesn't EVERYBODY want to kill Arthur in some sort of tournament? I can't believe you didn't see this coming! After the snakes in Valiant and the assassin in The Once and Future Queen, you'd think they'd have some inkling of, "Hey, I wonder if another crazed person out for revenge is going to take advantage of this wonderful, tempting opportunity to kill Arthur and get away with it?" Seriously. Every time there's a freaking tournament in Camelot, someone freaking tries to kill Arthur. It's expected.

Oy.

Merlin decides he's going to sneak into Anti-Oswald's chambers and steal one of the stalum blades in order to have proof to show the king. In my opinion, he should just get a hold of a duck and threaten to make it stare at Uther for all eternity unless he listens to Merlin and gets rid of the imposters, but, hey, it's not my show. Although I'm working on making Merlin belong to me. I have a plan. I'll need Colin Morgan's phone number, a vat of chicken feathers, a midget in a unicorn costume, a broken trampoline, and a golf cart for a quick, inconspicuous getaway.

Yes, I'm devious.

So Merlin sneaks into Anti-Oswald's chambers. He almost gets out with the sword when he notices the crystal around Anti-Oswald's neck and instead of taking his proof and high-tailing it out of there, Merlin decides to live on the wild side and not only put down the sword and walk closer to the false knight, but pick up the stupid crystal and look at the dude through it. Merlin, we're going back to the same thing as when you let Arthur W. out of that clearly locked box. Use your brain, man!

And then…he sees through the crystal that it's actually Dagr, but before he can do what he should have done before and run, run, as fast as he can (screaming, you can't catch me, I'm the wizarding man!), Dagr wakes up and grabs Merlin's arm.

Meanwhile, Gwaine is getting worried, so he decides to go check on Merlin.

Good idea. Because Merlin is currently getting knives thrown at him. Merlin tries to protest, saying he wasn't trying to steal anything and that he wanted to make sure that Anti-Oswald wasn't cold so he was adjusting the bedclothes.

Funny story here. I have no idea why, but when I watched this episode with my mom, every time someone said "bedclothes," Mom would bust out laughing and say, "BEDCLOTHES! Ha ha ha!" I'm still not sure why she finds bedclothes so amusing, but I laughed anyway. Ha ha.

Then Anti-Oswald, the evil not-knight of doom run at Merlin with his sword. But thankfully, Gwaine comes to the rescue! Sadly, the guards that come to see what's going on are idiots, and they arrest Gwaine because he's a commoner that attacked noblemen.

I really hate Uther. His enemies are my friends. Whoa, I just realized - I've got a lot of friends!

Stats:

Burn Meter 5000:
Part 2: Arthur 2, Merlin 0
This Episode so Far: Arthur 6, Merlin 5
Total: Arthur 22, Merlin 19

Shirtless Arthur Scenes:
Part 1 : 0
This Episode so Far: 0
Total: 3

Smirk-O-Meter
Part 2: 0
This Episode so far: 0
Total: 22

A/N: There you have it. Now, my awesomeness compels you to REVIEW! If you do, you might just get an invitation to our awesome people party – and you don't want to miss it; Arthur's going to play the nose flute! O_O

~Emachinescat ^..^