A.N. Hey! Keep in mind for this one and future onces, I am a ginormous nerd. So when I need conversations for my peeps, I think of nerdy things. So today's topic is! You'll see...

Enjoy! I'd like to thank a little spider for this idea...

Disclaimer: Roses are red, violets are blue, I know you love me, but I must tell thee; I don't own Twilight.

Death Thirteen: Italian Men Are Sexy

All of the Cullen siblings were walking around town. It was late, so they didn't have to worry about revealing themselves. They were all having a good laugh.

"Who was your first video game crush?" someone asked.

"Oh, Hopper, hands down," Bella said.

"Hopper?" Emmett asked. Jasper tried to hide his chuckle from Bella.

"You know, from Animal Crossing. He's a penguin. A cute penguin..." Bella tilted her head to the side, fantasizing.

Emmett snorted, of course. "I dunno, I think I'd have to go with Chung Li from Street fighter."

"Me too!" Jasper and Edward said at the same time. Rosalie smacked Emmett in the chest.

"Why her? Because she's half naked?" she asked. All three men nodded. "Whatever. Mine would have to be Luigi."

"Nuh uh! There is nothing to him! He's so...2D," Alice said. Everyone looked at her in shock.

"Well, Alice," Rosalie sneered, "If you feel so strongly about it, why don't you say who your first video game crush was."

"Fine, I will. Actually, I don't remember who my first was, but I know who it is now." They all looked at her expectantly. " Ezio...," she sighed romantically.

Everyone first had to think who that was (Assassin's Creed II) then they had to remember what he looked like, then they had to hold back their laughs.

Edward was the first to explode. "Him? Him?" He started to laugh like crazy. "Oh my god, Alice! I had no idea you had a thing for killers." Brothers can be such jerks sometimes!

Alice glared. "At least mine isn't an animal. Or a one-sided Italian plumber! Do you fantasize about seeing his butt crack all the time, Rosalie?" Rosalie opened her mouth to yell back, but Alice beat her to it. "I know, I know. I've seen you try to call him on the phone to try to get him to fix our broken toilet. How many bean burritos did you eat that day? I think I counted 10 in one hour. I now understand."

Emmett looked at his girlfriend and mouthed the word "Ten...?" Rosalie blushed (Bella thinks).

"No! I don't eat that! She's lying!"

Edward tried to get the making-fun-of back on Alice. No need to get them into a girl fight. "Your guy is Italian too, Alice. And yours had a sex scene. How was that for you? Did you imagine yourself in that girl's position?"

"Edward, shut up!" She pushed him. Yeah, she was stark raving mad, and she shoved him. Hard.

Into a row of motorcycles. They all fell over from the domino effect. And if that wasn't bad enough, a little fire started at the end of the long line, and with a soft POOF! they all went up in flames.

Edward, standing up and brushing himself off, turned around to glare at his stupid sister. He was absolutely livid.

"Alice! Al – " But once he turned around, none of his family was there.

They left him!

He turned back around to see his damage again, but it was worse than he feared. The whole biker gang (of about 50. 50!) stared at the wreckage behind bitchin' sunglasses. Then they all slowly turned towards Edward. The leader pointed at him. Edward wasn't dumb. He knew what that meant.

He high tailed it out of there.

-0-0-0-0-

A couple days later, the body of Edward Cullen was found. Death by beating. The investigators tell us that there were many wounds on him as if he were beaten with a bat. Repeatedly. By about 50 bats. And then he was set on fire.

P.S. Ezio is mine. Mine!