EDIT: 1/6/11 - Kitty O pointed out that in one instance, I didn't give Merlin the point on the Burn Meter 5000 that he deserves. So I'm giving him his point, fixing the Burn Meter, and letting you get on with your lives. Deal? :) Thanks, Kitty O! I can't believe I missed that, LOL! O.o
A/N: Woot! You can all stare at the screen in disbelief and rejoice (or partake in a fit of rage), for I, Emachinescat, have actually succeeded in updating EARLY! Kitty O, I think you know what this means, but I'm still going to use your word in this chapter because it's such an epic word. :D Enjoy and REVIEW! I got it done sooner than expected and couldn't wait till Thursday to post it! Patience is not one of my virtues!
Oh, and for anyone that's interested, I wrote a one-shot about this episode, where it was Merlin instead of Arthur that got shot by the arrow, due to my "I want Merlin whumped" rant in the last chapter. It's called He Should Wear Armor if you're interested and I'd love for you to read and review it, especially since it was Reflections that spawned it!
Now on to the chapter!
Reflections
Chapter Thirteen: The Crystal Cave Part 2 of 3
When we last left the peeps at Camelot, Arthur and Merlin's normal roles had done a bit of a switch-a-roo, with Arthur being the annoying, talkative one, and Merlin being the sarcastic, annoyed, stop-talking-to-me-one. Ah. What fun that was.
Now, we find ourselves back in Camelot, where Arthur is telling Uther and the rest of the council (including the evil lying she-witch of doom who is, more than likely, smirking about something, but she's annoying so let's not talk about her). I was actually kind of shocked, because Arthur gives Merlin props for helping them escape from the bandit. Gwen nudges Merlin like, "Way to go, bro."
It's about time Merlin got some sort of acknowledgement for what he does – even if Arthur doesn't know the half of it. No, scratch that. Arthur doesn't know the all of it. He's as blind as a bat – if I were him, I would've at least noticed the convenient branch breaking and knocking a bad guy flat right as he was about to kill me, or the mysterious flying spears coming from nowhere in particular to save the day! (And I'm not the most observant person in the world, but still!)
Anyway, of course, when Arthur tries to give Merlin a little credit (he says that some credit must be given to Merlin, although, in actuality, ALL credit must be given to Merlin, well, and I guess a little to Ted, but Ted's a bully – hey I found out his real name is Taliesin, but I like "Ted" better – so we don't give him credit, because where were you when the action happened, Arthur? Oh yeah… you were making ridiculous requests like "Trust me" and getting yourself shot with an arrow. Who's the hero? Merlin.)
Later on, Merlin and Gaius are having another one of their regular, every-episode chats. These "mid-chats of doom" are not to be confused with their Dora the Explorer impersonations at the end of each episode ("well, kids, let's go over what we did today! Merlin, what was your favorite part of the day?"). They have these chats because Merlin doesn't know what the heck he's doing and Gaius does (sort of). Gaius is like Merlin's therapist in a way – Merlin tells him everything and Gaius gives advice after extensive research, usually riddled with evasiveness.
MERLIN: Gaius, I need to talk to you.
GAIUS: Ah, yes, Merlin. Lie down on this plush red couch – don't get your shoes on the velvet, though – and tell me your troubles. What's wrong? (gasps) You don't have Pneumono-ultra-microscopic-silico-volcano-coniosis, do you? (He-ey, Kitty O!)
MERLIN: Something HUGE and SCARY is attacking Camelot! It's got five arms, two backsides, half of an eye, spaghetti for hair, an ear on its tongue, makes a noise like a broken toilet, smells like the stuff that comes out of a broken toilet, breathes toxic fumes that smell like death – with just a hint of lime, has giant sword-like quills all down its back coated in poison, is a lovely shade of pink, and keeps screaming in Finnish, "I SHALL SLAY YOU ALL" – well, then again, my Finnish is rusty, so he could be saying, "SOMEONE TAKE ME TO THE BALL" or "THAT'S MY RUBBING ALCOHOL!" but that's not the point. The point is we're all going to die unless I use my magic to stop it!
GAIUS: You're going to use your magic?
MERLIN: (swallows) Yes.
GAIUS: With the king nearby.
MERLIN: (gulps) Y-yes.
GAIUS: But, Merlin, that will be very dangerous.
MERLIN: Well, it's not like I've been in this situation before… hundreds of times… in every single episode… and we have the exact same conversation like it's brand new… besides: (stands in an epic pose, left foot perched on top of the therapy red couch, in a brave, noble voice of a man who's seen too much in his few years) I know. But it's a chance I've got to take. For Arthur and my destiny because I'm (lightening strikes, thunder crashes, and rain pelts on them, drenching them.) Merlin – Magic Master Extraordinaire .
GAIUS: Oi! I told you to keep your feet off my therapy couch! (swats Merlin over the head with a stiff, dead marmoset) I have to use it for Uther's session – this time we are going to talk about his pathological fear of ducks watching him and the fact that his mother never hugged him, although with his attitude, I don't blame her. And what have I told you about the rainstorms?
MERLIN: (sheepishly) Sorry, sorry. I only mean to make thunder and lightning flash, you know, for dramatic effect.
GAIUS: Well, stop this blasted rain and go dramatic your effects elsewhere. Anyway, Merlin, about this five-armed, two-butted, half-eyed, spaghetti-haired, ear-on-tongue, broken toilet sounding, broken toilet sewage smelling, toxic fumes that smell like death breathing-
MERLIN: -with a hint of lime
GAIUS: (glares) – poisoned quilled, pretty pink, Finnish speaking monster, the only thing we can do is go to the library and look for answers.
MERLIN: AWWW! But I wanted to just run in with no plan and use my epically awesome magic of doom to slay the monster! I have to… (gulps) …research?
GAIUS: Put your big boy pants on and deal with it. (whacks Merlin over the head with a book) Get reading.
MERLIN: No! I want to be a ninja when I grow up! You can't make me be a carrot peeler!
GAIUS: (blinks) What in the name of all that is ugly are you talking about?
MERLIN: I have no idea. It's like someone – Oink, oink – is controlling everything – peter piper picked a peck of pickled peppers – I say and it started out – stinky feet smell sweet – funny and then just – PIE! – got massively out of control and – I love grits and gravy! – (glares at me) – EMACHINESCAT, this is NOT funny, we've got a crisis on our hands!
EMACHINESCAT: (grumbles) This dialogue was getting massively stupid anyway. I think I'm going to talk about what actually happened in the episode now.
MERLIN AND GAIUS: Please do. (there is silence for a moment. And then-)
MERLIN: (singsong voice) I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves…
GAIUS: Emachinescat… can you please leave him alone? We have a Finnish monster to kill.
MERLIN: (blushes) Sorry, that was just me that time.
Uhhh… where was I? I think that dialogue started out with a point (oh yeah, therapy with Gaius!) and just got out of control. Hopefully you're still with me. Anyone? Anyone? *crickets chirp and somewhere in the distance and monkey scratches its bum* Fine, then. I won't tell you about the shirtless volleyball game between Gwaine, Merlin, Arthur, and Lancelot at the Awesome People Party of Doom – ah. Welcome back. I thought that might interest you.
Anyway, back to the plot (I hope…).
So Gaius and Merlin are discussing what has happened, and Merlin's visions, and whatnot. Merlin's still spazzing about them, but Gaius manages to calm him down, telling him that what he saw may not be what it seems. Oh, so Morgana's horse isn't going to rear? Pity. I was hoping it would squash her. Ah well. Maybe in the next episode, eh?
So, next morning, I suppose, Merlin goes into Arthur's chambers (without knocking, bless him). He looks surprised that Arthur managed to get himself dressed by himself, and frankly, I'm with him. Arthur can dress himself? Sorry, Team Arthur, that was a bit mean on my part. I'm not going to take it back though, why don't I give y'all virtual cookies and we'll call it even?
Merlin's all like, "You're dressed!"
Arthur's response? "Nothing gets past you, does it, Merlin?" Oooh, I think Arthur just scored the first point on the Burn Meter 5000 for this chapter! See, doesn't this make up for my mean little comment earlier? Point. Arthur.
Then Arthur supplies the reasons for his already being ready – it's Morgana's birthday, and he has to get her a present. Typical man. It's a woman's birthday, and he's just now getting her a present. Granted, he was dying yesterday, and was saved by a strange bully named Ted, so we'll let it slide this time. But while we're talking about birthday presents for Morgana, how about I give Arthur the top five things that Morgana would like for her birthday, and then some suggestions about what I would like to give her for her birthday.
TOP FIVE THINGS MORGANA WANTS FOR HER BIRTHDAY:
Thing # 1 (And no, I'm not referring to Dr. Seuss or The Cat in the Hat here, either): A giant mirror so she can watch herself smirk all day long.
Thing # 2: A many-bladed knife so that she can stab all of her friends in the back at the same time.
Thing # 3: A pet llama named Gary Gootenburger (because who doesn't want that for their birthday?).
Thing # 4: A copy of the newest "How to for Dummies" book, Being Evil but not Being Overly Dramatic With Your Smirking for Dummies.
Thing # 5: The latest issue of "Extremely Quick Personality Alterations Weekly."
What do you guys think? Sound like her wish list? Well, I'll tell you, this came straight from the source. I messaged Morgana on her new Facebook page (see my newest multi-chapter Merlin fic, Rosco the Time-Traveling Salesman, for more details on that) about what she would like me to give her for her birthday. I, on the other hand, already had my list of the top five things I want to give Morgana for her birthday. Ready? Okay. Here we go:
TOP FIVE THINGS I WOULD GET MORGANA FOR HER BIRTHDAY (Arthur, take note of this, might give you some ideas.)
Thing # 1: A bomb in her underwear drawer.
Thing # 2: The cure for Smirk Syndrome (which I've discovered is a swift kick in the rear).
Thing # 3: A life.
Thing # 4: A clue.
Thing # 5: A playful baby monkey that likes to throw poo at evil lying she-witches of doom.
Okay, there you go, Arthur. Some ideas on what to get your evil little friend for her birthday. Take heed and listen to my words. Hopefully with our combined efforts, the smirker will be all smirked out.
But, alas, as I said in the last chapter, no one ever listens to me. Merlin asks what Arthur's going to give to her, and Arthur says, "A dagger." Merlin's face is all like, "Uh-oh." I half expected him to do like Wiley Coyote in those old cartoons and hold up a big sign that says, HELP in big red letters.
See, Merlin's not just upset because he knows that in the future he saw, Morgana was going to use a dagger to kill Uther (his line of reasoning being, "Oh no, Morgana is going to get Arthur's present and decide to stab Uther, never mind the fact that there are swords and knives lying around everywhere in the castle). He's also glum because he was really, really hoping that Arthur would take my advice and put a bomb in her underwear drawer. I know, Merlin. I know. *sighs*
Okay, okay. So maybe it was more of the first thing. Merlin saw the future, and in the future, Morgana had this really beautiful, ornate, bejeweled dagger and was offing Uther with it. So he automatically concludes – THAT'S THE DAGGER!
As he's on his way to wherever he's going (probably to tattle to Gaius about Arthur's gift for Morgana and have another "what do we do" therapy session), Merlin sees Morgana struggling with her rearing horse. And I'm thinking… "Yay, it's happening? She's gonna get trampled? YES!
But sadly that's a big, fat no.
Anyway, so he goes to Gaius and tells him about the dagger and the horse. It's kind of funny, because when he first tells Gaius about seeing the exact same vision of Morgana calming her horse (it's probably rearing because she spit in its breakfast), Gaius sounds and looks really alarmed and is like, "Are you certain?" And Merlin says yes, and then Gaius doesn't look worried in the slightest and tells Merlin off for being so paranoid. So either he changed his mind really quickly about the danger, or just wanted to calm Merlin down. Or maybe he had a sudden epiphany about how if he were a merman, he would want to swim become best friends with a seven legged octopus named Barry. I think it's the last one meself.
And then Gaius became my best friend because he said that the sight of Morgana riding a horse was certainly not something to be viewed as a harbinger of doom. OF DOOM! Heck YES! Finally, finally someone uses my word in Merlin! I bet Gaius reads "Reflections." That's gotta be it! I bet one of you reviewers is actually Gaius using an obscure screen name. So who is it? Kitty O? Tianne? Oh oh oh maybe Christina B? Come on, guys, which one of you is Gaius? My theory is that Gaius read this and said, "Oh I'm SO going to say OF DOOM to make Emachinescat flip out on her readers.
He said OF DOOM!
Okay, I think I got that out of my system. We'll see.
OF DOOM!
Merlin and Arthur dialogue time! My favorite parts of the chapter! Lemme set up the scene here first, and we'll get'er rolling. So: Arthur's sitting at a table with a small box/chest thing in front of him, looking at it. Merlin walks in an Arthur looks up.
ARTHUR: Ah. Merlin. (Have you ever noticed how often says "ah" before "Merlin"? If he's not careful, the poor kid's going to start thinking his name is "Ah Merlin." Kind of like how babies and kittens think their names are "Awww!" and how any spider that's ever come in contact with me thinks that its name is "ACK! KILL IT!") Have you done my clothes for the feast?
MERLIN: Aaah…no. (But it's not his fault, Arthur! He's trying to stop the evil lying she-witch of doom from killing your obnoxious father of doom!)
ARTHUR: Oh, no, no. What have you been doing? (I'm on the verge of just giving Arthur a point just for the tone he uses here, but rules are rules, plus Team Merlin just got in the lead and I want it to stay that way if all possible. And no, I'm not biased. Why would you think that? I'm hurt.)
MERLIN: Um… (How about… trying to save your father's arrogant, hypocritical backside once again? Oh yeah – I went there! And this time, I bought a deed!
ARTHUR: Right, well you can start (anyone else LOVE the way Arthur super pronounces some of his words? I think it's kind of hot, even though I am full-fledged Team Merlin!) by pressing my robes (throws the robes in Merlin's face), and, uh, cleaning my shirts (tosses the shirts in Merlin's face), and, ah! polishing my boots! (And yes, folks – he does throw his boots at Merlin. He gives Merlin this glare, but it's not an "I'm unforgivingly angry at you" glare, just a "Merlin, you are an idiot" glare. Point Arthur for that whole sequence. See, I may be on Merlin's side, but I always give points where points are due. So you can't say I'm biased.)
MERLIN: (looks at the chest/box thing that Arthur has in front of him)
ARTHUR: Ah. Morgana's present. What do you think? (Merlin gets closer and it's kind of funny because the poor guy looks terrified and Arthur's probably thinking, "Why's he scared of a bloody birthday present?" Oh right. Because Arthur's a prat. So Arthur pulls out this very plain, very normal dagger and Merlin just about melts on the spot. It's not the dagger he saw in the future? Then does that mean his job's over and he can go home early, kick back, relax, and enjoy the party? *scoffs* I'm sure he would like that, but AS. IF.) Beautiful, isn't it? Feel the balance. Feel the sharpness of the blade. (Ah, I'd rather not, Artie old pal. You see, if I feel the sharpness of the blade, I'm probably going to be feeling it piercing my skin and spilling my blood. I have a way with knives… forks… anything sharp and potentially dangerous. Heck, I'm not even allowed to use a plastic spoon by myself!)
MERLIN: (laughs like an euphoric idiot) Yeah. It's what every woman wants, isn't it? (Oh, good use of sarcasm Merlin - POINT MERLIN! And, no, I told you, Merlin, every woman (and man) wants a llama named Gary Gootenburger. Get with the program. Oh, and Merlin, I don't know a whole lot about messing with the future– although I have watched Doctor Who – but I'm pretty sure you should keep your mouth shut just about now. Why? I don't know, I just have a gut feeling… and yeah, I may have watched the episode before as well.)
ARTHUR: What do you mean? (Nothing! He means nothing! Just go back to your business, Arthur, there's nothing to see here!)
MERLIN: Well, I'm no expert, but don't women only go for pretty things, like jewelry? (Okay, first – that's so stereotypical. We also like ugly things, or pretend to, if they're given to us by someone who's feelings we don't want to hurt. Second – Merlin SHUT UP! Don't listen to him Arthur, he's currently suffering from foot in mouth syndrome, soon to be my dirty gym socks in his mouth syndrome if he doesn't shut up.)
And of course Arthur gets this thoughtful look on his face as Merlin walks off and we all know what he's thinking.
May I be the first to say – Merlin, you idiot! There. I feel muuuch better now (although I would feel even more better if Merlin would agree to marry me).
This next scenes is totally cute. Merlin's finally chilled out because he thinks that Morgana's going to get the plain ole dagger for her birthday. He comes down the stairs from his room and spins in a circle and says, "How do I look?"
Gaius is like, "The same as always."
And Merlin says, "Handsome?"
I just about DIED there! Yes, Merlin! You are the most handsome man I have EVER laid eyes upon! *faints* Catch me!
So Merlin determines to have fun and enjoy the feast (although, if nothing has changed since season one, episode four (The Poisoned Chalice), then he's going to be there to make sure Arthur's cup doesn't run dry), even if it is for Morgana's birthday.
When Morgana opens her presents, she gets a dagger from Arthur – but of course, as most of us already would have guessed (I say most, because I'm sure there were a few odd people in the bunch that saw the normal dagger and said, "Oh, yay, nothing to worry about. Let's go get pie.") it's not the same dagger Arthur showed Merlin – it's the "pretty" one Merlin saw in the crystal. Wow, Merlin. Didn't I tell you to keep your mouth shut? *sigh* I think I'm going to give up talking to the TV, books, inanimate objects, and my aching knees. They never listen to me. (For a little more information on my aching knees, if for some strange reason you're interested – and if you are, I'm touched – see the Author's Note that always ends every chapter of this story.)
Arthur goes up to Merlin and says, "It's not often you're right, Merlin, but this is one of those rare occasions. Girls do like pretty things. Thanks!" Point Arthur. Facepalm Merlin.
So of course Merlin is now no longer chillin' and back to bugging out.
The next few scenes are pretty straightforward and depressing and don't need that much commentary, but they lead to the really sad, sad stuff I was talking about earlier. Merlin decides that he's going to have to start staking out Morgana's rooms because he's not going to let Uther die. I'm glad that he's so determined and all, but I'd be more enthusiastic about his crazed obsession with stopping Morgana if someone else's life, besides Uther's, was on the line, like Arthur's, or somehow even Merlin's (because we all know that us Team Merlin peeps are still in some serious need of a good Merlin whumping). Morgana gets a mirror from Morgause that apparently she breathes on and it gives her a message from the other evil lying-she witch of doom, which she does, after giving Gwen one of her birthday presents for being so kind to her. I was actually like, "That's the old Morgana!" and I was so happy and then I realized that Morgana was just trying to get Gwen off her back. I really wish Arthur would've gone with my birthday gift list for Morgana.
So basically what happens is a big misunderstanding. She gets a message from her psycho sister to meet her in the Darkling Woods later. Merlin's staking out Morgana's room, Morgana comes out, sheathes her dagger, and Merlin thinks she's off to kill Uther. So he starts manipulating the stuff around her just to try to stop her, but it all goes wrong when he accidentally makes her fall down the stairs and bust her head open.
And we know Merlin. Even though she's an evil lying she-witch of doom, he's going to beat himself up for accidentally hurting her. And apparently she's hurt bad.
Gaius stitches up her head while a traumatized Arthur and Gwen look on, and he tells them that he can heal the skin, but the damage has already been done because her skull is cracked. So basically, Morgana is going to die. I expected to be happy when this happens, but apparently one little stubborn part of me is clinging on to the Morgana that used to be, the one that would go out of her way to help anyone, no matter the cost. I didn't want to see her die. Not yet anyway. And not by anyone else's hand but mine, hee hee. Um, anyway.
Gaius tries to comfort him, to tell him it's not his fault, he didn't mean to, but Merlin's tearing himself to pieces. Poor guy has dealt with so much angst, I don't know how he doesn't spontaneously combust or something.
Now we're going to change tones for a few minutes before I wrap up this chapter, and I'm not going to commentate too much, but I'm going to straight out give to you the quotes/conversations that really tore me apart after Morgana gets injured. I bawled like a baby and I'm preparing myself to do so again as I re-watch these parts to write them out (and might I say, absolutely INCREDIBLE, HEARTWRENCHING acting from all actors involved in these sequences). Here goes the first one:
MERLIN: I'm sorry about Morgana. If Gaius could do something… he would.
ARTHUR: After all we went through to rescue her. For her to survive all that…
MERLIN: I know.
ARTHUR: To lose her now, like this… I've grown up with her, she's like a sister to me. I'd sacrifice my place on the throne for her to see another sunrise.
And of course you see the whole time that Merlin's about to burst into tears because he knows what happened and he feels so guilty.
Okay, I'll give you the other gut-wrenching convo in a moment, but first, let's talk about what a hypocrite and a liar and a horrible person Uther is, so that I won't feel as guilty about feeling sorry for him a little later (you'll see what I'm talking about).
Uther spends about five minutes talking in circles with Gaius, trying to get the point across that he wants Gaius to do anything to save her. It's obvious he's saying, "I don't care if it's magic you fool, SAVE HER!" but Gaius doesn't seem to grasp that concept. Merlin gets to the door and is about to come in when he overhears their conversation:
GAIUS: I wish there was something I could do.
UTHER: No, you don't understand. I cannot lose her. No matter what happens, she cannot die.
GAIUS: I will do everything I can, Sire.
UTHER: No. Gaius, whatever it takes. Whatever, I don't care. You must save her.
GAIUS: If I knew a way…
UTHER: You're not understanding me, Gaius. Cure her. I don't care what remedy you use. In all these books, there must be something. Something in the Old Religion. (Okay, I know I said I wouldn't interject here, but for goodness' sake, he's actually suggesting magic! Ooooh, that hypocrite! So it's punishable by death for someone to cure their dying father, but when he's losing someone he cares about, it's on the up-and-up? What a hypocrite. Okay, won't rant about this again – this chapter at least. Sorry to interrupt the "touching, dramatic" moment, but this just ticks me off. I'll let you get back to your angst now.)
GAIUS: Are you suggesting…?
UTHER: Sorcery. (HYPOCRITE! Sorry.) Yes.
GAIUS: I know she's dear to you, Sire, but surely you're not going to risk everything for Morgana.
UTHER: Gaius. You don't understand. There's something you need to know. Something I've told no one. (DRAMATIC PAUSE) Morgana is my daughter.
…
O.O
…
Okay, no, seriously, I really was NOT that surprised. I was like, well, duh. In Arthurian legend, Morgan Le Fay and Arthur Pendragon were half siblings. Morgan Le Fay was taken to the Isle of the Blest by the high priestess Morgause, who in turn trained Morgan Le Fay to be a priestess. One of the rites of passage for Arthur to become king was to sleep with a priestess, and he was tricked into sleeping with Morgan Le Fay, who he did not know was his sister. Together, they bore a child, Mordred, who eventually grew up to be twisted and evil and killed Arthur.
So yeah. It was no surprise to me.
But if you didn't suspect it, or you didn't know any of the stories, then you probably had the above reaction.
Just so you know, I like the show the way it is. A lot of people complain about it not being accurate to the legends, but do we really want to see the aforementioned scandal? Well, some people might, but I, for one, am a lover of wholesome television, and shows that I can watch with my grandmother without blushing (so far, we've gone through the whole first season of Merlin with my Nana, and I haven't blushed once!). But anyway. Love the way they made the story.
I probably should mention that while Uther's telling Gaius all this, Morgana's fingers twitch ever so slightly and you can see her eyes moving slowly behind the lids. You know what this means?
Oh, yeah.
Trouble.
Okay, so, the other scene that just about broke my heart into a million pieces, and actually made me feel bad for Uther.
MERLIN: Sire. This is from Gaius. He thought it might… help ease your mind.
UTHER: (stares out of the window, anguish written on his face) You're Gaius's boy.
MERLIN: He is my guardian.
UTHER: You're like a son to him.
MERLIN: Yes.
UTHER: I've seen the way he cares for you. You feel your child's every joy… and their pain. You watch their failings and you see their own. All you want is for their happiness, for them to escape the sufferings of life. W-Why has this happened? I would do anything – anything (puts his hand over his mouth and starts sobbing)
An incredible performance by Anthony Head, I must say. I think this was the part that got me the most in this episode. I think it's because a parent should never have to feel the pain of their child dying. That's got to be the worst kind of pain there is. And I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Not even Uther.
Very powerful scene, I'm about to start bawling.
*clears throat* Er… okay. Back to the normal. *takes a deep breath, wipes eyes, blows nose on the closest thing to me, which happens to be Merlin's neckerchief, nervous chuckle* Errr…. Sorry Merlin. Anyway.
Wow. That was heavy, even for me! I don't want to leave you all on a sad note, so how about I tell you guys a joke or two to ease the tension? Ready?
Okay, joke number one: A string walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your kind." So the string leaves and ties himself in a knot and pulls at the threads that make him up, making him kind of fuzzy. He goes back into the bar and the bartender says, "I told you, we don't serve strings." And the string says, "But I'm not a string!" And the bartender says, "You're not?" And the string says, "No, I'm a frayed knot." Get it? A frayed knot? Afraid not? Hahahahaha… ahhh.
Joke number two: (If you're offended by blonde jokes, I apologize supremely, but honestly, they don't bother me. Of course, I'm a Brunette, but that's another matter. LOL! But know I don't mean it, because I think everyone, not just people of a certain hair color, has equal potential to be complete morons. But this actually doesn't matter anyway because I have modified the joke to fit our show. Instead of three blondes, our characters will be Uther, Morgana, and Morgause.) Uther, Morgana, and Morgause were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks. Uther said, "Those are deer tracks." Morgana said, "No, those are elk tracks." Morgause said, "You're both wrong, those are moose tracks." They were still arguing when the train hit them. Heehee… I know it's mean, but come on! It's funny! And didn't adding Morgana, Uther, and Morgause make it that much better!
AAAAND… joke number three, my personal favorite:
Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here in heaven: don't step on the ducks!"
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.
St. Peter chains them together and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!" The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn't miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.
The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.
She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on ... very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin. St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The happy woman says, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?"
The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!"
*dies laughing*
Stats:
Burn Meter 5000:
Part 2: Arthur 2, Merlin 1
This Episode so Far: Arthur 4, Merlin 9
Total: Arthur 28, Merlin 30
Shirtless Arthur Scenes:
Part 2 : 0
This Episode so Far: 0
Total: 3
Smirk-O-Meter
Part 2: 2
This Episode so far: 2
Total: 25
A/N: Gonna give my little sister Angel her props for coming up with the bomb idea for Morgana. You're a devious one, little sis, and I'm so proud of you – following in my humble and extremely scary, quite crazed, maybe even psychotic footsteps (or handsteps, depending on whether I'm walking on my feet or hands at the time.) Props to my stepdad for the knot joke, to some blonde joke website for the second joke, and for my mom's best friend Darlene for the third one.
I mentioned my aching knees – the doctors are very sure (although they have yet to make an official diagnosis) that I have been suffering from a disease called fibromyalgia. It's not something that is life-threatening or debilitating (thank God!) but it is "a common condion characterized by long-term, body-wide pain and tender points in joints, muscles, tendons, and other soft tissues." So in short? It's pretty much a guarantee that I'm always going to be in some degree of pain.
But at least I'll be okay, and there are ways to lessen and manage the pain, so that's good. Told y'all this not to bore you but to ask you to keep me in your thoughts and prayers. It's been a long process and now that we finally have something to go on, I'm depressed, stressed, and relieved all at the same time (but, frustratingly enough, still in massive amounts of pain.)
Anyway, thanks oodles for reading and reviewing (I'm saying "reviewing" because I know you guys are so awesome that I you'll review and I can thank you in advance – prove me right, guys, don't make me look like a fool lol!)
Alrighty, so, see you next Thursday with the final part of The Crystal Cave.
~Emachinescat ^..^