A.N. So I really appreciate all of you guys giving me your ideas! And don't fret, I will use them. Just after I do this idea. Story note: I'm not sure how accurate Twilight for Dummies is, so just pretend. Thanks!

Enjoy!

Disclaimer: So I'm playing this game called Harvest Moon: Magical Melody. (yes, so what if a 15 year old is? I admitted in my other story that I play Pokemon) Anyone ever play it? Yes? Well, I own a sheepy, a piggy, and cute wittle doggy named Pups. I don't, however, own Twilight. In the real world or in my fabulous fake world.

Death Seventeen: When Fan Girls Attack

"Are you sure?" Bella asked.

He nodded grimly. It needed to be done.

"You know there are like, a million of them out there, right?"

Again, he nodded. Bella sighed. "Okay...if you sure."

"I'm sure. I need to get out of the house and eat, or else I'm gonna eat you, even if you're a vampire now."

This time, Bella nodded solemnly.

They went to the door. Rosalie patted them on the back. "Good luck, my brother. And...my sister." Bella beamed at her, and Rosalie offered a small smile in return. They stepped outside.

It was quiet. Edward sighed in relief. Bella frowned. It was too quiet. They waited a couple more minutes, and when nothing happened, they went towards the forest.

Bella was ecstatic. No screeching in delight! No swearing that he was a Gary Stu! (what ever that meant...) No shirts saying that 'Real men Sparkle'! No shirts saying that 'Real Men Don't Sparkle'! No nothing!

Yay!

They sniffed out a deer. Bella sneered at Edward, challenging him. He smirked back and ran to the deer.

But the deer didn't run, and Edward was suddenly catapulted into the air, thick rope criss-crosses covering is pale skin. Bella screamed, but then she was knocked out (how strong are these fan/non fan girls anyways?) and had a bag thrown over her head.

Edward struggled against the rope, but it was relentless. "How is this not breaking?"

A little girl came out of the trees. She smiled up at him. "I read Twilight for Dummies. It's amazing how much they know about Meyerpires." She didn't seem the typical fan girl who was in love with Edward. She seemed the more to hate him.

"Why am I up here?"

The little girl shrugged. "My mom is a tid bit obsessed with you. Oh, and all of these other girls either love you or hate you." She gave him one last terrifying smile (that reminded him of Jane...) and she melted into the shadows of the forest.

"Noooooooooo!" Edward bellowed in anguish as girls upon girls mutated out of the trees. Some of them looked up at him with sparkles of love in their eyes, while others had the flames of hate burning his cold skin. He tried everything to get out of the trap, but nothing worked. The girls started to yell at him.

"Vampires are gay!"

"You're my dream man, Edward!"

"Real men don't sparkle!"

"I moved to Forks to be with you, Edward!"

"Stalking your girlfriend is not sexy, it's creepy!"

"I want to have babies with you!"

"Where is that little bitch, Bella? I wanna kill her so Edward will be mine!"

On second thought, maybe he should try to stay up in the tree...

They continued to get worse and worse with their yelling, sometimes even going as far as cat fights (but he wasn't complaining...he is a guy, you know)

The moms made their own little group, pointing and laughing as their daughters fought. Everyone knows that the moms were gonna get Edward! Hellllo?

One girl took it too far. She pulled out a knife in the midst of a cat fight and swung it in a deep arc. The girls all spread far away from her. Edward hoped she was on the 'I love Edward!' side. She turned towards him, and he saw her shirt. Jacob was on it. Shit balls.

"I'm putting an end to this once and for all!" Looking at Edward dead in the eye, she chucked the knife.

It hit its mark, and Edward didn't wake up again. All the girls were frozen in shock, and then the field erupted in cheers and cries of anguish. But was the fighting over? No...

"Team Jacob prevails!"

"But Jacob is supposed to be with Renesmee!"

"Ew! He's supposed to be with Leah!"

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I guess fan girls always need something to fight over. It doesn't matter if Edward is gone or not. It's just the way the world works. It's just the way girls work. Hello.