A/N: I know, I know, I'm a terrible, dirty rotten liar. I said I would get the other part of part one up before Thursday and it is now Friday. :/ But I haven't had time. So I'll do the last 2/3 of part one today and hopefully be on schedule from here on out. School just takes up a lot of time… :)

Please review and thanks to all of you that have been! XD

Reflections

Chapter Sixteen: Part 2 of 2 of 1 of 3 (confused? So am I!)

Before we begin today's rant/review/whatever the heck this is, I would like to inform you that there is now yet another battle going on between me, the captain of Team Merlin, and my best friend April, the captain of Team Arthur. We recently discovered this awesome website called Picnik that allows you to edit photos. In my defense, she started it, taking the best picture of Colin/Merlin EVER and defiling it, putting a girly hat on him and a fake mustache. Naturally, I retaliated by warping/decorating a picture of Arthur. And the war waged on – World War III. Not sure who's winning, but if you guys would like to judge whose pictures are the best, I can set up a place to vote. I'll go ahead and say ahead of time – we both love Arthur and Merlin, but she is Team Arthur and I Team Merlin. And so even though our pictures may sort of kind of make fun of the other team, we still love them both. Because together they are Team Awesomesauce – what ho!

So yeah, just let me know in your reviews if you'd like to be the judges of the results of World War III…

And now, back to The Changeling.

When we last left the oh-so-graceful and totally coordinated and mannerly Elena, she was preparing for a trip to… where else? Camelot!

She greets her father – nice guy, by the way, and this time, I'm not being sarcastic. He puts up with Elena's antics with a smile on his face. Probably because he's thinking… "Oooh, yeah, if there's one thing I'm never going to have to put up with, it's having to deal with my daughter getting a boyfriend! She'll be single for the rest of her life and I won't have to give her away! Muahahahaha!" Of course, this isn't what he's thinking at all – although I bet he still wishes his baby girl didn't have to leave the nest – or trip over the edge of it, anyway.

Anyway, we'll learn more about his plans for his daughter's love life later (yeah, he's planning his daughter's love life). Ugh. I wouldn't want my dad to pick my boyfriend out for me. It'd be someone weird, that's afraid of girls or something, and like pink unicorns and eat belly button lint and lick lamp shades and chase chipmunks impulsively. Yikes.

How do I know this? Because I know my father. *cringes*

Anyway.

It's then that we get our first glimpse of Elena's nanny/nursemaid person thing. And guess who it is? If you say Grunhilda, you are SO SO VERY wrong! It's Professor freakin' SPROUT!

That's right, folks. Apparently Pomona Sprout had some time off from teaching herbology – they had to shut down Greenhouse Three after the nasty ordeal after some sneaky, armor-clad, blonde woman (also known as evil lying she-witch of DOOM #2) broke in and stole all the mandrake roots for some sort of evil scheme. Don't believe me? I'll prove it to you – the Daily Prophet did an article about it:

HOGWARTS GREENHOUSE SCANDAL
By: Rita Skeeter

What secrets lurk beneath the guise of a mad-woman with a hankering for fully matured mandrake roots? Does Harry Potter's mysterious and shady past – and his even more mysterious relationship with Albus Dumbledore, a man who is not who he claims to be – have anything to do with it? And how does the slightly rotund, over-emotional and far-too talkative Neville Longbottom fit into the whole ordeal? I, Rita Skeeter, astounding seeker of truth of the Daily Prophet, traveled to no other than Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry to personally find the answers you as the public, so seek.

It all started two evenings ago. The greenhouses were empty, save for one lone boy who had stayed behind, presumably to do his "homework." I am still trying to pry the truth from the young man. Could it be that he had just murdered someone and was hiding in the greenhouse? Or maybe he and our very own legend, Harry Potter, who is in emotional turmoil since his heroic parents' untimely death, had been involved in more of their own personal scandal of the Dark Lord's supposed return. Or maybe had somehow found out what was to happen – the elusive Divination professor, perhaps? – and was there to prevent it. But of course Neville Longbottom wasn't doing homework – what child actually does their homework?

Whatever the reason, Neville Longbottom was in Greenhouse Three when the scandal began. "I was doin' my homework – honest, I swear, what is that creepy green quill writing, anyway? – examining some herbs that Professor Sprout said that I could use for my term project. And then suddenly there was this crash, and a bright red light, and then a woman was standing there. Full armor. Long blonde hair. Brown eyes. And, er, I guess I thought she was pretty, because the first thing that slipped out of my mouth was, 'Merlin's beard!' And then the weirdest thing happened – the woman's eyes got big and she spun in a circle and snapped, 'Where?'"

Can we be sure that Longbottom is telling the truth? Or is he simply using the picture of a beautiful she-knight that has a fetish with the facial hair of our idolized famous wizard of old to hide his own dark secrets? If we are to believe the story, the woman smirked and said that she was here for the mandrake roots.

Mr. Longbottom claims he tried to stop her – he didn't have his wand on him, so, "I chucked some leftover nosebleed nougats at her, but she cast some sort of spell and her eyes turned gold, and the next thing I remember was waking up to Professor Sprout fretting, 'Where are my mandrakes?'"

The rest is even more elusive, but rest assured, I, Rita Skeeter, will find a way to uncover the hidden truth behind the theft and simultaneously bring the tragic, possibly mad hero Harry Potter and the man who I love to tear apart more than life itself, Albus Dumbledore into it.

END ARTICLE

Told ya. You ever wondered where Morgause got those mandrake roots she used on Uther? Yup, it was Hogwarts. And now it seems that Professor Sprout, so enraged about her mandrakes being exploited, is going undercover as Princess Elena's nanny Grunhilda so that she can catch Morgause and turn her into a blast-ended screwt for what she did. Maybe she'll even turn Morgana into something too, for good measure. I recommend a hairless chihuahua, an Irish jig-ing pig in wig, or a dude (and this time I mean the infected hair on an elephant's posterior, not the slang word for guy).

Whatever the reason, Sprout's certainly gotten into her undercover role. She gets Elena to put on some high-heeled shoes, says they're perfect, and Elena (my hero, by the way) retorts, "For what? Certainly not for walking!" Have I mentioned this girl rocks my neon periwinkle socks? Well. She does.

Alright, anyway, we're heading to Camelot, but never fear: Undercover Professor Sprout and Princess Elena the Awesome will catch up with us soon. Arthur and Merlin head into the throne room and the following conversation between Arthur and Uther is so epic I just have to give it to you straight from the horses' mouths (and by horses, I mean Uther and Arthur and by mouths I mean mouths and I guess everything else is self-explanatory):

UTHER: Arthur. It is an exciting day. (Why? Are you going to die, Uther Pendragon? Oooh, sorry that was mean, wasn't it? Oopsie. Fine. Why? Are you going to stop being an idiot, Uther Pendragon? Still mean? Well tough.)
ARTHUR: The arrival of Lord Godwin is always a cause for celebration. (Why's that, Artie? Does he throw wild parties? Is he a super-secret spy in his spare time? Can he rub his belly and pat his head at the same time? Does he know how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Just kidding. Only I know that, and it's classified information. If I told you, I'd have to stink bomb your house.)
UTHER: And Princess Elena. (Right here, Arthur gets this look on his face that screams "I'm not gonna laugh I'm not gonna laugh I'm not gonna laugh – darn it, I laughed!")
ARTHUR: Yes. (Don't look so amused, Arthur – wait till you hear the rest!)
UTHER: I hear she's something of a beauty. (Whoa, whoa, whoa. Uther, she's way too young for you!)
ARTHUR: ("I'm not gonna laugh I'm not gonna laugh I'm not gonna laugh I'm not gonna – whoops, there I went again.") Really? (Oh, just wait, Arto – it gets better.)
UTHER: Oh yes. Beautiful. (Seriously, Uther – ew. Go find someone your own age. Surely you have the choice of any senior citizen in the land – oh was that mean, too? Whoopsie daisy…) Charming, witty… strategic.
ARTHUR: ("What the heck?") Strategic?
UTHER: (clearly nervous) I have always thought so. Ah, we have always thought so. That is, Lord Godwin and myself, that is he finds you strategic, not (takes big deep, embarrassed breath) Princess Elena. (Arthur's like, "Dude. He's done it, he's finally cracked. Merlin, get the number for the happy home, and don't forget to tell them to bring a needle - a really big one. This could get scary.")
ARTHUR: He finds me… strategic?
UTHER: (in a rush) Oh yes.
ARTHUR: And beautiful?

Uther's speechless, and he looks so embarrassed but lucky for him, Lord Godwin, Elena, and incognito Professor Sprout – Herbology Professor of DOOMish proportions – make their entrance and he's saved by the awesome people.

Only one word can describe this: AWK-WARD!

So needless to say, when Godwin, Sprout, and Elena enter, Uther all but pounces on them. He might as well have screamed out, "HEY LOOK A DISTRACTION!"

If I were Arthur, I would've shut him up a long time ago by quacking at him, but that's just me. Nah, I'd probably let him stumble over his words because it's so funny. Ha.

ARTHUR: (looking kind of scared by now) Father, what are you trying to say?
UTHER: Lord Godwin is a serious ally. The strength of such a match cannot be estimated. (Arthur looks like… "Oh no. No. Noooooo!")
ARTHUR: Please tell me you mean a jousting match. (Ha ha ha – poor Arterino, you wish… you wish…)
UTHER: (looking even more awkward) I mean a love match.
ARTHUR: (Only this can even begin to do justice to Arthur's reaction: o_O' And it doesn't even come close!) LOVE?
UTHER: (extremely flustered) Not love, love has nothing to do with it. The other bit. (He's so awkward I can't help but giggle-snort.) You- you know, a… permanent union.
ARTHUR: Marriage?
UTHER: I knew you'd understand – GODWIN!

Yep – an arranged marriage. Hahahahahahahahaha…. Uther is such a dwonk, waiting until the last minute to tell Arthur that he's gonna get married… Personally, I'd throw a duck at him in the hopes he'd go into a coma of fright and not wake up until Elena and Sprout and Godwin were gone. But that's just me.

So Elena is urged forward to go say hi to Arthur and as she walks – well, more like clumps – forward, she trips over that hideous dress she's wearing (seriously, is terrible fashion sense part of the fairy curse too? Or is Elena's lifelong dream to be a banana? I mean, just because her hair's unruly, she's rude, and she doesn't know how to walk like a princess, it doesn't mean that her clothes should be terrible too, does it? Ah, well…) and falls flat on her face. And Merlin and Arthur just look at each other… and that look says it all.

Oy vey.

We switch scenes and Merlin and Gwen are following Arthur down a corridor, poor Merlin weighed down by what is possibly every bag Elena, her father, and Professor Sprout Super Spy have. Arthur tells Gwen, who obviously doesn't know about Uther and Godwin's little plan yet, to make sure they're in the best guest chambers. And then he looks at Merlin, who looks like he's about to fall over under all the stuff he's carrying (after all, Professor Sprout brought all her spy gear with her) and says, "And Merlin, it would be good if the bags arrived before they did."

Oh Arthur's trying to be sarcastic, eh? Well, fine, point Arthur. But don't worry. Merlin gets his revenge by "accidentally" socking Arthur in the gut with the bag he's holding as he walks by. Point. Merlin.

What we have next is a supposedly sad scene between Arthur and Gwen that is supposed to tear at our heartstrings when Gwen finds out what Uther's plans are for Arthur and Elena. To be honest, though, the scene – nor any of the other Gwen/Arthur scenes – in this one didn't affect me that much and actually bored me. I know it's supposed to be sweet ("Oh no, forbidden love, Arthur has to marry another, ah, fie, what a tragedy!" blah blah blah) but we all know Arthur's not going to marry Elena. It's going to be fine in the end. I mean, come on, I know the BBC folks are taking the legend rather loosely but there's no way they're going to change it that much. And in the legends, Arthur is married to Lady Guinevere, not Elena – no matter how epic and LOYAL (I bet she doesn't cheat on her husband with his handsome knight-friend) Elena may be. Just saying.

All that being said, I'm not going into detail with any of the mushy gushy, ewwy gooey Gwen stuff in this episode. If you want to gag from the sappiness of it all and have a good laugh at their expense, be my guest. I'm just not in a tragically romantic mood. I'm in a mood where all I want to do is play with my new steam powered chicken chucker (an invention from Rick Roirdon's new book "The Lost Hero," by the way – spin-off of the Percy Jackson books, you should read them!). But since I don't have a new steam powered chicken chucker, I'm just going to write this chapter and hope I haven't lost you guys yet.

So after the romantic crap (I'm sorry, I'm not being very sensitive, am I?), Merlin and Arthur are in Arthur's chambers and Arthur's in bed – with a shirt on this time! Whoa! The apocalypse is coming, Arthur's wearing a SHIRT to bed! – and Merlin's bustling around doing servant stuff like fluffing pillows, tidying up, the works. Aaaaand….Conversation time!

ARTHUR: Strange, isn't it? (Yes, yes you are. Ooooh, point Lizzie!) Elena couldn't be more different to Lord Godwin. (So the apple does fall far from the tree then. I think when this apple fell from the tree, she hit a few awesomely clumsy and funny branches on the way down, just like me! I didn't fall far from the tree though…Anyway…)
MERLIN: Perhaps she takes after her mother.
ARTHUR: I…never met her. She died when Elena was born. (Hey, there's something you two have in common! Maybe it is meant to be!)
MERLIN: (the way he looks at Arthur here suggests that maybe he's talking more about Arthur and his mother than Elena and hers, although I could be wrong.) That can't have been easy.
ARTHUR: (looks thoughtful, like he's thinking of his own deceased mum.) Mmm.
MERLIN: (gets a look on his face that says… hahahaha, I'm going to make Arthur smi-ile!) Perhaps you have more in common than you think. (He leans over to get some clothes off of Arthur's bed, cringes away) Oh… bad breath for example. (hahaha—point Merlin! You go, Merlin my man!)
ARTHUR: Excuse me? (You heard him, Artie. Stop trying to deny the truth and invest in some toothpaste, breath mints, floss, and Trident gum. I can smell your breath all the way from the middle ages. PEEE-UUU!)
MERLIN: (on a roll) Appalling table manners. (ANOTHER POINT FOR THE MAGICAL MASTER OF DOOM!)
ARTHUR: Now, hang on a minute…
MERLIN: Good sense of humor… (shakes his head) No, you're right, you've got nothing in common. (OH! BOOYAH! Wowsers, Merlin is on FIYA! Whew, look at him go, racking up the points for Team Merlin. Who da man? That's right, Merlin! WHOOHOOO!)

Arthur picks up a pillow and throws it at Merlin and Merlin ducks. Uther walks in at the exact moment and the pillow lands at his feet. Needless to say, the king doesn't look pleased. Uther's such a grumpy guss. No wonder no one (well, except a few Merlin fans) likes him. He needs to lighten up. Wear bright colors. Have pillow fights. You know – GET A LIFE.

Well, that's it for this week – I'll try to have next week's longer. In the meantime, review and then play hopscotch with Martians, have tea with a llama, or rob a lima bean store. I'll see you Thursday with part 2!

Stats:

Burn Meter 5000:
Part 1: Arthur 1, Merlin 4
This Episode so Far: Arthur 1, Merlin 4
Total: Arthur 29, Merlin 34

Shirtless Arthur Scenes:
Part 1: 0
This Episode so Far: 0
Total: 3

Smirk-O-Meter
Part 1: 0
This Episode so far: 0
Total: 31

A/N: Please review and I'll update soon! :)

~Emachinescat ^..^