A/N: Thanks for the reviews for the last chapter! If you've been to my profile lately, you probably know that I've changed the update date of this story from Thursdays to Saturdays or Sundays because of time restraints during the week. So hopefully this way I'll update on time. We'll see. LOL, with any luck, I'll finish this before season 4 premieres but there's no guarantee, haha! Kidding! (I hope.) Enjoy! :) Please review this one as well! :P
Reflections
Chapter Seventeen: The Changeling Part 2 of 3
Before I get into part two of this wonderfully hilarious episode, I feel I have an apology to make. I really don't know what got into me last week, but I think that Kitty O was right in pointing out that I was being a bit insensitive with the whole Gwen/Arthur situation. I looked back on the last chapter after the review and was like, "Whoa. I was mean." So I apologize – to you guys, of course, but especially to Gwen and Arthur, whose love I undermined. Sorry, you two lovebirds. That's not to say I'll be spending any more time on their sappy stuff, though. I'm still kind of like "meh" when it comes to Arthur/Gwen lovey-dovey stuff even though I do like them as a couple. I don't know why. But I won't be insensitive to their pain anymore. Promise. (Well, I promise to try my best not to break that promise. Promise.) We good? Alright!
Now. Ahem. Back to part two of the episode.
When we left our Camelot peeps last chapter, Arthur and Merlin had just engaged in some BRILLIANT banter where Merlin scored some massive points on the Burn Meter 5000 and Arthur threw a pillow at him, only to have it land at Uther's feet when he opened the door. Uther wants to have a chat with his son – alone – so Merlin takes the hint and scurries out of there. I don't blame him.
And now for the talk. And let's be clear: it's not the talk, you know the ones that fathers and sons or mothers and daughters or guidance counselors and classrooms have at a certain age or before the first date. Not that talk. You know the talk, right? It's showcased in a humorous manner on nearly every sitcom on TV, the turning point in every child's life where they want nothing more than to turn back the clock and unheard everything about the birds and the bees and where babies come from…
If your parents haven't had that talk with you yet, ask them, not me, to explain it. Because this story is rated K+ not T or M. Got it?
So anyway, it's not THAT talk that Uther wants to have with Arthur. I'd hope that he's already had "the" infamous talk with Arthur. If not, that might make for an awkward situation if Arthur does get married to Elena.
ELENA: *snorts* Well, Arthur-Pie, we're on our honeymoon! (attempts to blink eyes seductively but ends up looking like she has a twitch) You know what that means, right? *wiggles eyebrows*
ARTHUR: Er... it means… (thinks hard) … we're going bowling!
ELENA: No, we need an heir.
ARTHUR: Well, how do we do that?
ELENA: (tells him in whispers)
ARTHUR: (holds up big sign that says "HELP" in big red letters and then promptly falls into a dead faint)
ELENA: (shrugs and picks her nose)
Hee hee… Okay, enough with this silly scenario. I may end up in an awkward situation of my own if I keep up this line of thought. So…
What does Uther want to talk to Arthur about? Well…
Basically, Uther says something like this: "To heck with your happiness! You're going to marry Princess Elena and you are going to like it and if you don't, so help me, I'll take away your hot tub privileges!" Well, more or less.
And Arthur says, "But… I don't wanna marry the klutz! I want to marry someone who is completely below my station and that you would never approve of because she's perty and she makes me have butterflies in my tummy!"
And Uther replies, "YOU WILL MARRY ELENA, OR ELSE… I'LL EAT ALL THE EGO WAFFLES TOMORROW MORNING!"
And Arthur's like, "NOOOO! Leggo my egos!"
Well…something like that. Or nothing like that. At any rate, the conversation ends with both Arthur and Uther at odds because Uther basically orders Arthur to marry a woman that, despite her appealing personality and clumsy, smiley, awesome charm, he doesn't love. Waffles and hot tubs may or may not have been involved. If you really want to find out the full conversation, you'll have to watch the episode.
Now we're going to skip scenes to where Elena is sleeping, thrashing around in the throes of some sort of nightmare, screaming. Awww, poor Elena the Awesome. She's having a bad dream. Probably about ninja squirrels or pirate chickens or ninja squirrels and pirate chickens or sunny side up eggs (trust me, those things are evil incarnate!)… Or she could be dreaming that there's some sort of mean old annoying blue fairy OF DOOM living inside of her that can only come out at night when it changes her face into that of the mean old annoying blue fairy of DOOM.
You know, that's just a guess though, because in the middle of her nightmare, her face turns blue and scary and ugly like the fairy's. But thankfully Professor Sprout knows what she's doing – Ol' Pamona's a sharp lady, I'll tell you that – and so will Severus Snape, after all, she was the one that figured out it was him that was using greenhouse four for his polka poker parties – and she sprinkles some kind of pixie dust on the blue face thing and Elena returns to normal and stops screaming.
You go Sprout-arino! I think it was pixie dust that Professor Sprout sprinkled on her so I was kind of disappointed when Elena didn't begin to hover over her bed singing, "THINK OF CHRISTMAS, THINK OF SNOW, THINK OF SLEIGHBELLS, OFF I GO – I CAN FLY, I CAN FLY, I CAN FLY!" Ah. I miss Peter Pan. That was a good classic Disney movie although Captain Hook wasn't given nearly enough of a diverse characterization as he was in the book. You see, Hook wasn't all bad. In fact, he loved flowers. And a man who loves flowers can't be all bad, can they?
What's that? Oh, you want me to stop digressing and get on with the episode? *grumbles* Fine. But that doesn't mean I'm going to be happy about it.
After the whole fairy dust thing, Professor Sprout (undercover as Grunhilda, should you need reminding), heads out on a little late night field trip to see the Sidhe. Remember them? They're not only the same kind of little blue fairy thing that possessed baby Elena at the beginning of the episode, but they're the ones that wanted Ulfric the Unkind and Sophia the Slutty (sorry, she really wasn't slutty, just evil, but slutty works well with the whole alliteration thing I've got going on, plus Sophia the Slutty is just fun to say. You should try it sometime.) to sacrifice Arthur because it was the only way that Sophia could regain entrance into Avalon and regain her mortal life. That's where Merlin got his awesome glowy-stick thing OF DOOM that will come into play later – I think, if I'm remembering correctly. But anyway, the little blue fairy things are the Sidhe. Pronounced like "she." Why is it spelled "sidhe"? Because Arthur's a prat.
So when she gets to the lake where the Sidhe are always dancing on top of and time likes to slow down, she does some sort of spell and turns… well… ugly. She gets these… wart… things all over her face and her nose is really massive and she's just… ick.
No wonder Professor Sprout is always a bit cross. She never gets enough sleep because she has to get up WAY early in the morning to do her makeup. Otherwise she'd scare all her students away and then who would replant all her mandrake roots for her?
So what does she want to talk to the little blue butterfly buddies (more alliteration, see? I feel so smartilicious! Haha!) about? Well, apparently Professor Sprout is REALLY taking her undercover job seriously. She's pretending to be on the Sidhe's side, going DEEP undercover and pretending to be some sort of thing that is working for the Sidhe. But I know that she's not really gone to the dark side (even if they do have cookies) but she's just going to get all the goods on the Sidhe before she reveals her true identity and takes them all to Fairy Jail. And she does such a good job that she gets the head Sidhe – the same one that wanted Arthur to be sacrificed, the little bugger – to admit to basically his whole plan.
Basically, Elena was possessed by a Sidhe when she was a baby and now one lives inside of her. That's what makes her all rude and un-princessy and an incredible character that I hope shall one day return on the show just sayin'. But soon after she marries Arthur, the Sidhe will take over and they'll get what they've always coveted – a Sidhe for queen. Personally, if I were two inches tall and looked like a permanent member of the Blue Man Group, I'd be coveting other things. Like footstools and dark blue tanning spray. But that's just me.
Don't worry though – I'm sure that Professor Sprout (AKA Grunhilda) is merely taking her job as an undercover agent (The name's Sprout. Pamona Sprout. Hey, why are you laughing? Cut that out or I'll sick you with a Devil's Snare!") very seriously and won't actually go through with the plan. And Merlin certainly won't blow her up with a Sidhe staff later on in the episode. Not at all. Because Merlin doesn't blow people up. Well, unless they took his last pack of Skittles and then I wouldn't necessarily blame him – I mean, come on, they're Skittles. "Taste the rainbow…" Epic.
The next day, Arthur and Elena are going to go on a "bonding" trip of sorts. Of course Merlin is going, too, because when doesn't Merlin tag along? Oh right, NEVER. And when, when tagging along, even on dangerous missions, does Merlin wear armor? NEVER. Which leads to a bit of self-advertising and subliminal messaging: If you have not read my one shot "He Should Wear Armor" then you should. Or then YOU'LL be the one who needs armor. Just saying.
Elena rides off without letting Arthur assist her – apparently horseback riding is something she's actually good at – and she beats him to the little place in the woods they're going to have their date at. Merlin's not there yet, so he's either taking his own sweet time, got lost, has been eaten by cannibals, or stopped for a taco. What? That's what I would do. (The taco part, not the eaten by cannibals part.) Which – haha – the cannibal thing coincidentally makes me think of this AMAZINGLY hilarious but slightly crude joke that made me laugh till I cried. If you're interested in hearing the joke in the next few chapters or whatever, let me know. I'll hook you up. It's hilarious. Anyway, I'm off subject (again).
The scene that is next shall be given to you in my signature "I'm too lazy to describe it so I'll just type it out in script form and insert my sassy and ultimately not helpful comments in where needed or not needed, either way's fine with me" way.
ARTHUR: (gets off his horse and approaches Elena) That was very impressive. I'm not easily impressed. (Sad to say, I AM easily impressed. And even more easily amused. Seriously, give me a piece of duct tape or a piece of string and I'll be occupied for at least five minutes, which is a record for me. Give me a never ending supply of bubble wrap I'll be occupied for eternity.)
ELENA: (walks up to Arthur) Well, neither am I. And I wasn't! (Snorts and laughs and smacks Arthur on the shoulder. Have I mentioned that I LOVE this girl? Arthur just looks kind of surprised and taken aback. I would've said, "You're my new best friend" or something of that nature. Then again, I'm a random person by nature, so it's just as likely that I would have said something along the lines of, "Squeegies are very useful when it comes to picking cabbage out of your teeth" or "FRUITCAKE!" or "We've broken down – in the middle of NOO-WHERE!" or "The demon llamas will come for your soul" or "OF DOOM!" Yeah. I'm going to go with the last one. "OF DOOM!" An awkward silence follows.) I've been riding since I was a child. I don't get to do it as much as I'd like – princesses don't, but apparently my mother was an excellent horsewoman. (Oh my gosh, is that kind of like Batman? Did her mom have high speed trotting capabilities and a supersonic whinny? Did she save unsuspecting villagers from evil villains like Cow-Patty-Dude and Fly-Guy? Wowsers, Elena's mum was cool!) I never met her. (looks sad)
ARTHUR: (in a much too happy voice) I never met mine, either. (Awkward silence) I often wonder if I'm like her. I hope I don't take after my father entirely. (So does everyone else in Camelot, Arthur, so does everyone else. Right now, you're doing a pretty good job of showing us you're not going to be like him so keep it up. Yes, I just commending Arthur on a job well done but rest assured the compliment was well-earned. I'm not defecting from Team Merlin, though – that will NEVER happen!)
ELENA: (laughs and says in a kind of "ick, like Uther, blech!" way) Oh, you're not. (Another awkward silence)
So Arthur tries to make the awkwardness a little less awkward by giving her a rose which Elena promptly sniffs and then sneezes – on Arthur. Arthur's saved by Merlin's arrival. Merlin's got picnic stuff.
MERLIN: Shall I set up here?
ARTHUR: (actually sounds RELIEVED to see Merlin, bless him) Merlin! What kept you? (in a quieter voice) Don't leave me again. (D'AWWW, Arthur can't handle the pure awkwardness of the moment)
MERLIN: (sarcasm positively dripping from his voice) But you were riding so fast. I thought you were eager for some (conspiratory, mocking whisper) time alone. (HA HA – point Merlin for awesomeness)
ARTHUR: (sticks his finger in Merlin's face) No one likes a clever-clogs, Merlin. (Point Arthur!)
MERLIN: No.
After the date –which, sadly, we don't get to see any more of, although I'll be it was hilarious – Elena gives Arthur a very awkward (and I know I'm using that word a LOT but there's really no other word that more accurately describes the Arthur/Elena relationship) hug and says in an oh-so-thrilled voice (MAJOR sarcasm there, by the way), "See you soon, I expect."
And she walks to the castle, tripping on the stairs as she does so. Merlin looks at Arthur and says, "Oh dear." And Arthur, for once, completely agrees.
Later on at this banquet thing they have, Professor Sprout starts hitting on Gaius and it is HILARIOUS! Oh man, if they get hitched, she'll have to bring him back to Hogwarts with her. Maybe he can assist Hagrid in Care of Magical Creatures class or maybe even be assistant librarian to Madame Pince. Or he could… Wait. No. Focus, EMcat, focus. I have to get this chapter out by midnight Tennessee time. Why? Because I want to and because I have church tomorrow and geography studying that needs to be done… So no more digressing. Well, I'll try not to digress. Can't make any promises, though. Like earlier, when I said I would not poke fun at Gwen and Arthur… Crap, digression again.
Also at the banquet, Elena is very… unprincess-like in manner, burping and hiccupping and basically just making me grin like an idiot. This girl ROCKS. And the whole time Arthur looks like he's going to just die right then and there.
Then there's this really disturbing part where, right after a touching scene where we find out that Elena is just as dubious about this arranged marriage as Arthur is, where she eats a live frog. Gross. I'm sincerely hoping that this is all Sidhe and no Elena. Because that's just.. ick. Let me tell you, that was no Chocolate Frog, my friends. There were no Albus Dumbledore, Order of Merlin First Class collector's card that came with it. It was a slimy green frog!
And after that, Merlin actually follows Sprout to the Sidhe lake where he sees her catching flies with her tongue like a… well, frog. She sure is getting into her part, may I say!
And that, my friends, is where I must leave you tonight. I'm exhausted and simply cannot write anymore. I'll have part 3 (hopefully the rest of the episode) up sometime next weekend. Until then, tip your pets and spay/neuter your waitresses. Oh wait… I think I got that backwards. Ah well. Might make dining out a little more interesting at any rate.
Stats:
Burn Meter 5000:
Part 2: Arthur 1, Merlin 1
This Episode so Far: Arthur 2, Merlin 5
Total: Arthur 30, Merlin 35
Shirtless Arthur Scenes:
Part 2: 0
This Episode so Far: 0
Total: 3
Smirk-O-Meter
Part 2: 0
This Episode so far: 0
Total: 31
A/N: Please REVIEW and I'll update in about a week!
~Emachinescat ^..^