Big thanks to my amazing beta Stitch_cat for prettying this up for me. Thanks also to Verseseven and KristALchelle for all of your support – it means the world to me!
Disclaimer- All recognizable copyrighted and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owner, most especially Stephenie Meyer. Everything else belongs to the respective author.
BPOV
I was finally headed towards La Push and I couldn't wait to relax and, hopefully, enjoy the evening. The day so far had been absolutely draining thanks to the unexpected reappearance of the Cullens. Dinner with Charlie and Renée had gone better than I expected, even though Charlie was more than upset at first. When I climbed into the cruiser with a smile on my lips he bristled and started ranting about how he thought I would have more sense than to instantly let Edward worm his way back into my good graces. That statement set me off, and I explained to him in no uncertain terms that I didn't need his judgment about whether or when I chose to forgive someone. I also informed him that Edward was definitely not the reason behind my smile, and that the road towards getting forgiveness was going to be a long and winding one. Charlie saw the anger in my eyes and heard the venom in my voice and seemed to settle down a bit. He even mumbled something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like "If I didn't dislike the boy so much I would almost feel sorry for him. An angry Bella is a scary thing."
When we got to the diner we unanimously decided that we were going to enjoy our time together, which meant no more talk about the Cullens. Dinner was spent with pleasant conversation, during which Renée managed to coax Charlie into admitting that he might be seeing someone. I was completely shocked, but apparently it was written all over Charlie's face, according to Renée. After enduring an intense interrogation, Charlie reluctantly revealed that he had met a woman at a café in Olympia. A few weeks ago Charlie had started attending a mandatory training series designed to update the Chiefs of Police and the Sheriffs of Washington State on the developments and advances in matters of law enforcement equipment, self-defense tactics, firearms, legal changes, and my personal favorite – communications skills. The training took place on Tuesdays and Thursdays in Olympia and Charlie had apparently met this mystery woman during his lunch break the very first day. He wasn't willing to share any details other than that the woman was a bit younger than him, and that they had met for lunch every day he had his training and sometimes for coffee at the end of the day. I could see that he was obviously enamored by this woman, and I was happy for him. I had always hoped that my dad would one day really let go of Renée and allow himself to fall for someone else, and now it looked like that was happening. I couldn't think of someone more worthy than Charlie to experience love and happiness again, and the blush on his cheeks told me that he was falling hard.
After dinner we drove home; Renée and I both got our bags and she and Charlie headed to the airport as I climbed into my truck and drove towards La Push. My mind was racing and I felt utterly overwhelmed. I had so much to work through and I had no idea where to even begin. I knew that the conversation with the Cullens the next day was going to be emotional, and I needed to at least start to try to sort out how I felt about them. I knew that the love I felt for the whole family was still there, but it had taken a severe blow and I wasn't exactly sure if I was ready to face them, let myself be vulnerable again.
As far as Edward was concerned I was very conflicted. The pain from his lies and subsequent departure was still there, even though it was significantly less than it had been a few months ago. The thought that I had put my trust in him and truly believed that he loved me, even when it didn't seem to make sense to me, made me feel weak and pathetic. I was slightly surprised when I realized how much anger I felt towards him, and how every word he had said today seemed to grate on my nerves. I had never talked to Edward like I did today, but I sort of liked it. It felt good to say what was on my mind without holding anything back for fear of what he would think of me. It was a cathartic feeling, and it made me realize just how much of myself I had suppressed before to be accepted. If there was one thing that all of this had taught me, it was that if someone didn't like me for who I really was, then I was better off without them.
That being said, there was still a part of me that longed for Edward. I still loved him and seeing him again today had stirred those feeling up. I had many wonderful memories of us snuggling close to each other watching movies, having heated discussions on books and music, of him playing the piano and composing music especially for me, making me feel precious and cherished. The memories of his cold lips that seemed to light a fire in me were bittersweet. All the moments that I had tried so hard for so long to not think about came whirling down, and I felt my chest constrict as tears started to well up in my eyes.
I hastily pulled the truck up at the side of the road, leaned my head against the steering wheel and let it all out. I cried, cursed, yelled and sobbed until pure exhaustion pulled me out of my pity party. I reached for my bag, did a quick check in the rearview mirror and sent a swift thanks to Renée for insisting that I had to bring the make-up with me, and set to work to eliminate any trace of my crying fit. After a few minutes I had applied fresh eyeliner, mascara and lip-gloss and ran my fingers through my hair. Deciding that I looked okay, I took a deep breath and drove the rest of the way towards First Beach and the upcoming party.
When I pulled the car up I was met with the view of a small dance floor set up on the opposite side of the tables that had an abundant amount of food weighing them down, to the point where I was questioning if they were going to hold up or collapse under the weight. A little bit farther down the beach a massive bonfire had been prepared to be lit later on. A lot of people were mulling around and I saw quite a few of them eyeing the food, obviously waiting for the go-ahead to dig into the culinary delights Emily and I had prepared. Looking up behind the tables I saw five banners strung up between the trees. I took a closer look at them and saw that the top banner read 'Congratulations' and the four beneath them each had a name written on them. There was a banner for Paul, one for Jared, another for Leah and finally one for me. I couldn't believe that I had got my own banner and I felt a lump in my throat. I felt so loved and accepted and it was just what I needed after the day I had had.
"Ella, Ella" I saw Claire run up to me with her hands held high above her head. Laughing, I pulled her up and span us around, to her squealing amusement. I put her on my hip and quietly nuzzled her nose with mine; something that had become a ritual of sorts between us. She looked at me, put her hand on my cheek and said with a loving voice "Pwetty Ella."
"Aw, thank you sweetie, but you're the pretty one here." I said, earning a giggle from my little friend. Emily's cousin Claire and her mother had moved to La Push a few months ago after Claire's father had been killed in a car accident. Laura, Claire's mother, was very much like Emily; sweet, warm and caring and the whole community in La Push had taken the grief-stricken widow and her daughter under their wings and helped set them up with a nice little cottage, a job for Laura at the local grocery store and as much childcare as possible. Everyone doted on Claire and she had the whole pack wrapped around her little finger. It was absolutely hilarious and amazingly sweet to see the huge, strong shape-shifters wearing tiaras or sporting pink fingernails!
I had had never had much experience with children but Claire had carved out a substantial piece of my heart for herself, and I adored the little girl. She seemed to feel the same for me and we spent many hours playing, talking and singing songs together. She loved it when I read to her, and I constantly made visits to the library to find new books we could enjoy together.
I had never really considered having children of my own, and I had been almost indifferent to the fact that I wouldn't be able to have them if Edward had changed me. I recognized now just how naïve I been back then. I had just seen the fairy tale with the handsome prince and a love that would last literally forever. I had grown up a lot since then, and I had realized that I probably would like to have a child someday in the future.
I was pulled from my musings by Billy's voice calling for me. I gave Claire a peck on the cheek, put her back down on her feet and walked over to Billy, who looked a little worried.
"Hi Billy! Quite the set-up you've got going on here!" I said as I leaned down and gave him a hug.
"Hello Bella! Yes, it's something else isn't it? Everyone has worked hard to celebrate the four graduates!" Billy's eyes showed how proud he was of us, but they also told me that something else was brewing behind them.
"I would like to speak to you in private for a moment, Bella. Please come with me, we can head up the road a little bit, away from the crowd." As he said this he started to roll away and made it perfectly clear that this was a request, and I was meant to comply. Figuring it probably had something to do with the phone call he had gotten from Carlisle earlier, I took a deep breath and followed him up the road. I didn't know how many deep, calming breaths I had taken today, but I knew that I would need some other form of coping soon. I made a plan to find Jake as soon as possible and convince him that a quickie in the woods was a brilliant idea.
After a short walk Billy turned around and motioned for me to take a seat on a boulder next to the road so we were on eye level with each other. I silently sat down and waited anxiously to see what he would say.
"I understand that you might have had a surprise at your graduation today, Bella?" It sounded like he was questioning me about something and I felt rather uncomfortable.
"I assume you're referring to the Cullens being back?"
"Yes, I got an unexpected phone call from the head leech earlier informing me of their return." He looked at me intently, searching for something, and I started to get a little annoyed.
"Are you questioning if I knew that they would come back?"
"Well, the thought crossed my mind when the doctor started to talk about you."
"So you think I knew and that I kept it from you?" Offended, I glared at the man in front of me. "I thought we had put all that 'leech lover' crap behind us, and I honestly thought that you knew me better than that by now, Billy!" I could hear the hurt creep into my voice and I wondered what more this day would bring.
"I'm sorry, Bella. I should never have questioned you for even a minute. I do know you better than that." He had the decency to look a little sheepish. "I guess I just got caught off guard with the phone call and all of the old concerns came back. I just don't want to see you get hurt again, and I also have an obligation to this tribe that I don't take lightly. You know that I consider you a part of us now, and I feel a compulsion to make sure that you're taken care of. I know how much you loved them and I saw what they did to you when they left. I don't want to see you or Charlie going through something like that ever again. You are family, Bells, and I'm trying to look out for you in my own way. I'm so sorry for insulting you honey, that was never my intention." Billy looked at me with so much love and apology in his eyes that it made my heart clench. I launched myself over to him and quietly sobbed a little into his neck while he patted me on the back.
Straightening myself back up, I dried my eyes, thankful that the tears hadn't actually fallen this time. I sat back on the boulder and looked Billy straight in the eyes.
"Thank you, Billy. I appreciate your concern and I love you too, old man." I winked at him and he chuckled lightly.
"Seriously though, I had no idea that the Cullens were back and it was quite the shock to see them at the graduation. I'm wondering, though, how you kept Jake away? He had a hard time accepting that he couldn't come to see me graduate and I would think that knowing the Cullens were going to be there he would have stopped at nothing to get there himself." This thought had been in my mind ever since Carlisle told me that he had spoken with Billy earlier today.
"You're absolutely right, I don't even think an Alpha order could have kept Jake away if he knew the leeches were back! Hell I don't think there's a single pack member who wouldn't be there if they knew! They all love you and are ferociously protective of you."
"Wait, are you telling me that they don't know? You haven't told them? Not even Sam?" I was astounded by the idea of Billy keeping this from the pack!
"No, I have not told them yet. I spoke with the other elders and we agreed that we would not inform the pack later until later for a couple of different reasons. We knew that they would be upset and worried about you when they found out, and that they would most likely have crashed your graduation and possibly started something that the vampires would consider a threat. You have to remember that the pack is still relatively new, and they have only been in contact with the human-drinking kind of vampires. They have not had the practice of taming their natural instincts around 'the vegetarians' as you call them, and we were worried that this, combined with their fierce love for you and their hatred towards the Cullens for what they did to you, would end up exposing us or threaten the treaty."
"We also simply wanted Paul, Jared and Leah to enjoy their graduation and not miss out on yet another thing because of vampires. Being shape-shifters is sometimes a huge burden and each and every one have to sacrifice a lot and miss out on many things in life, and we wanted them to have this day. Since we knew that you have come into your own this year and that the Cullens were no threat to you, we believed that you would be able to handle yourself."
Wow, that made a lot of sense and I found that I now had even more to mull over. My head was going to explode by the end of the day if things didn't quiet down soon.
"I understand where you're coming from, Billy, and I thank you for the vote of confidence in me! So when are you going to tell them?" Please say tomorrow. Please say tomorrow. Please…
"We're going to wait until the party dies down a little and then pull the pack aside and tell them. I hope you'll be there to tell us what happened when you met them again?"
Fuck! This day keeps getting better and better…
"Sure, I'll be there." I grumbled out. "Right now though I just want to join the party and relax for a little while if there's nothing else you want to talk about?" I asked, pleading with both my voice and my eyes. I was not above begging at the moment.
"No, that's all, Bella. You go on and enjoy your party! I know Jake was waiting anxiously for you and he's probably wondering where you are."
"Okay, do you need help getting back?"
"I'm fine, Bells, but thank you for asking. Go along, relax and have fun!"
I quickly got up from the boulder and took off in a near sprint back to the party site. The tension of the day made my body restless and tense and I desperately needed to find Jake. There was no better way to release tension than sex, and I knew that Jake was always willing to help out!
My eyes scanned the crowd and found Jake talking to Quil and a girl I didn't recognize. I started to make my way over to them, and Jake turned towards with me a huge smile and practically yelled out; "Congrats, Bella! It's about time you made it, we've been waiting for you!"
He quickly took a couple of long strides, closed the distance between us and wrapped me up in one of his infamous bear hugs. As soon as he had me in his arms, though, I could feel him tense up and a low growl started deep in his chest.
"What's wrong, Jake?" I asked as his arms started to shake.
"What's wrong? Are you kidding me, Bella?" The shaking got worse and he set me back down on my feet before taking a few steps back to try to compose himself. Quil came and laid his hand on Jake's shoulder, looking confused.
"Jake man, what the hell are you…?" Quil's head suddenly snapped up towards me and his eyes widened.
"Bella and I are going to talk a walk. Tell Sam." Jake ordered Quil while giving him a look and gesturing towards the girl that stood watching us with confusion visibly written on her face. I was right there with her but I also felt a little irritated by the situation. It was clear that Jake wasn't just ordering me and Quil around but also telling Quil what to do with the girl, and I felt my usual ire at being bossed around without any sort of explanation.
I had no idea what was going on with Jake, but it certainly didn't look like he wanted to take me into the woods for that quickie I desperately wanted. I wondered if he could smell how much I needed him. He had told me several times before that he could smell my arousal and, come to think of it, Quil seemed confused by Jake's behavior until he got close enough to sniff me. But why would Jake react like this? Was he angry that I wanted to fuck him instead of joining the party? That didn't make sense; Jake was always up for sex.
"Jake, I'm just going to go over and see if Emily needs…" I started but Jake cut me a glare that told me to shut the hell up and come with him. I knew it was childish, but I felt the need to assert myself and started to walk towards the food-laden tables. I felt mentally exhausted and I just wanted to unwind for a while before the drama of the day started up again.
Jake, however, wouldn't have any of it and grabbed my arm before he started to haul me into the wooded area to the left of the party site.
"What the hell, Jake? Why are manhandling me like this? It's supposed to be a celebration and you're yanking me away huffing and puffing!" I had done the unthinkable today and stood up to Edward, and I was damn sure not going to cower down in front of Jake!
"It's fucking hard to keep celebrating when you come strolling in reeking like that!" Jake spat out, as he dropped my arm and took a couple of steps away from me. I felt absolutely humiliated, hurt and angry at the same time. I reeked?
"That's real nice Jacob! Thanks very much! I'm sorry that I'm hurting your sensitive sense of smell but I just wanted to start our weekend a little early. I didn't realize that you were lying all the times before when you told me how good I smelled, but I'll try really hard to never bother you in that way again!" I could feel the tears starting to well up in my eyes again, and I turned to walk away from my best friend whom I clearly didn't know as well as I thought.
"Wait, what the hell are you talking about, Bella?" Jake ran up to me, looking confused.
"What do you mean, what am I talking about? You were the one that said I was reeking!"
"Yes, you stink Bella. But…" I quickly cut him off, I didn't need him to rub it in.
"Well you don't have to worry any longer because I'm definitely not feeling turned on anymore!"
"Turned on? What…?" Jake suddenly started to smile and my indignation grew to epic proportions. It wasn't enough to insult me, now he had to laugh at me too?
"Honey, I think you misunderstood me." Jake said, still smiling.
"Oh really, how exactly did I misunderstand your statement about me stinking? Did I imagine that, huh?"
"No, but I wasn't talking about your smell. I was talking about the stench of leech all over you." Jake looked sternly at me.
"Oh."
"Mm hm. Mind explaining, Bells? Why you smell of bloodsuckers?"
The thought that he could smell vampires on me had never even crossed my mind, and now I felt extremely silly. I also realized that I would have to have the 'the Cullens are back' conversation a lot earlier than planned.
"Um, because I hugged one?" Somehow my answer came out sounding like a question and I could see the anger returning to Jake.
"You hugged one? What the fuck, Bella! You go around hugging vampires now?" Jake looked incredulously at me, and I heard just how ridiculous this whole conversation was and I busted out laughing.
"I'm sorry…I just…" My laughter had turned slightly hysterical and the look on Jake's face was not helping at all. He clearly thought I had lost my mind and was now contemplating what to do with the mentally ill pale face in front of him.
"Bella, what the hell is going on with you?"
"Give me a minute." I panted out and tried really hard to compose myself. Some of the tension of the day had evaporated with my case of hysterics, and I actually felt a little bit better. With that in mind I took the fifth hundred deep breath of the day and steeled myself to answer Jake's questions.
"Okay, I'm fine now."
"You're fine now? Great! You tell me you've been hugging a vampire, then you break down in a crazy laughing fit and now you expect me to believe you're fine?"
"I'm sorry, Jacob, it's been a really crazy day and I promise I'll answer all of your questions. Okay?"
"Okay. Start with the obvious: you were hugging a vampire!" Jake ground out while taking a deep breath of his own. Someone should really re-name this day 'deep breathing day'.
"The vampire I gave a hug was Jasper. It turns out that the Cullens are back in Forks and they were present at my graduation." I cringed a little awaiting Jake's reaction.
"What? The Cullens are back? What the hell for? Are they all here? How long are they staying? Why the hell were you hugging them? Have you forgotten what they did to you? I thought you had changed, Bella. Are you going to take that fucking leech back just like that? Fucking hell…I don't need this right now!" Jake was pacing back and forth spitting out question after question. His reaction was pretty much as I expected, but his last statement pissed me off.
"You don't need this? What the hell Jacob? This isn't about you! Thanks for being concerned about me and inquiring how I'm doing! You're such a great friend!" I spat out sarcastically, and by the sheepish look on Jake's face it looked like I got my point across.
"Bella, I'm sorry. You're right, this isn't about me even though it affects me too. How are you?" He pulled me into his arms and gave me a warm hug while obviously trying not to breathe.
"Do I really smell so bad to you?" I didn't understand. All vampires smelled good; Edward had explained to me that it was part of their allure.
"You really do, honey. I'm sorry but I'm having a hard time being near you without gagging right now."
"Gagging? I don't get it!" I said sniffing at my shirt where I could smell the warm, comforting smell of Jake and something else that smelled like…heaven was the best way to explain it. I realized that it was Jasper's scent and that I had never smelled anything like it. It made me feel relaxed, at peace, excited and a whole other flurry of emotions that I didn't have time to identify at the moment.
"Bloodsuckers stink, Bella. They smell like bleach mixed with the sickliest sweet thing you could possibly imagine. It's incredibly nasty. But stop getting me side-tracked! Tell me about the Cullens being back!"
Sighing, I gracelessly plopped down on the ground, crossing my legs in front of me. The previous emotional fatigue came over me again and I knew that I wouldn't be able to handle having this discussion with Jacob right now and then again with the pack later.
"Jake, I know that I promised you answers and I will deliver, but can you please do me a huge favor?"
"What?"
"Can you let me have a couple of hours of peace and relaxation? Can we postpone this talk and have it with the whole pack later tonight? Please, Jake, I just need to forget everything for a while and simply enjoy my graduation party like a normal girl. Please?" I hated how pleading I sounded, but I truly needed break and I was desperately hoping that Jake would understand.
After some more pacing and mumbling, Jake finally sighed and sat down next to me. He took one of my hands in between both of his and gave me a look that clearly communicated that he was going to comply with my wishes but he was not happy about it.
"Okay, I'll go along with you, Bella. Even if you'll never be a 'normal' girl you still deserve to have fun at your graduation party." He smirked with the little jab at me.
"Hey! I am too normal! You're the one that grows fur and runs around in the woods pissing against trees!"
"Yeah, you're real normal, Bells, hanging out with vampires and werewolves!" Jake snorted out and I felt a deep sense of relief that we were joking around like we normally did. Maybe there was a chance to turn 'deep breathing day' around and have some actual fun after all?
"But make no mistake, Bells; we will talk about it later and you will answer every question I have without complaining about it!"
Maybe the day was too far gone to be salvaged after all…
"If you don't want the pack to question you until later, you better go take a shower and change your clothes. I should probably do the same since some of the stench rubbed off on me when I hugged you."
I chose to ignore his comment about 'the stench' and started thinking about the prospect of taking a shower together with Jacob. I jumped to my feet and started to make my way back to my truck to retrieve my bag, but Jake had other plans. He would go get my bag and try to discreetly pull Quil and Sam aside to tell them to be quiet about the fact that I smelled like vampire, and then he would meet me at his house.
The walk over to the Black's house was a welcome opportunity for me to start the process of pushing all of the overwhelming thoughts and emotions back in order to focus on having fun. I was determined to have a good time and I'd be damned if I were going to let vampires and werewolves ruin the amazing party that I was fortunate enough to be a part of.
I started imagining Jake in the shower. Pearls of water running down his chiseled chest towards the delicious V-shape that led to the part of his body that made me almost whimper with need.
By the time I reached the little, familiar house that was like a second home to me I was dripping wet. I quickly went into Jake's bedroom, stripped my clothes off and prayed that he would get here before I spontaneously combusted from my fantasies.
"Bells, I'm here! I'll put your bag in the bathroom for you." Why would he do that? Whenever Billy wasn't home we always got changed in his bedroom instead of in the small bathroom.
"Jake, I'm in your bedroom! Bring my bag here!" I yelled out to him impatiently waiting for him to take care of the aching need between my legs.
"Okay, here you go, Be…" He abruptly shut up when he saw me standing buck naked in front of him. I smiled and closed the distance between us, running my hands up his chest to pull his head down for a kiss. Jake took my wrists in his hand, took a step back and averted his eyes.
"No, Bells."
"Okay okay, I get it; I stink. Well let's get in the shower then so you can wash the smell off me!"
Jake let go of my wrists but instead of taking his clothes off he sat down on the bed with his elbows on his knees and his head planted firmly in his hands. He looked like he had the whole world on his shoulders and I wondered if Quil and Sam had given him a hard time about my refusal to talk until later. I felt a little bad about it but my physical needs were too strong at the moment to really be bothered by it.
"Come on Jake. We agreed that we would relax and have fun for a while. Don't let anything that Sam or Quil said get to you! Take your clothes off and I'll make you forget everything, I promise!" Apparently I wasn't above begging for sex now…
"Bells, I'm so sorry." Jake croaked, sounding like he was on the edge of tears. I started to feel a little frightened; something bad must have happened. I put my shirt back on because I didn't want to receive bad news stark naked. Kneeling down in front of Jake I pushed his head back and forced him to look me in the eyes.
"Jake, what's wrong? You're scaring me here! Talk to me!"
"I was trying to let you relax and have fun so I wasn't going to tell you until later, but then I come home to find you like this and I can't…" He trailed off and looked like he wanted to crawl out of his own skin. I knew him well enough to realize that whatever it was he was going to tell me, he thought that it would hurt me and that thought was hurting him.
"It's okay Jake, just spit it out. Whatever it is, I'm sure we can handle it! You and me, remember?" We had been through so much that I was confident we could handle almost anything. We were a team, Jake and me, and as long as we stuck together nothing could bring us down.
He took deep breath, looked straight into my eyes and said the two words that effectively broke our team up:
"I imprinted."