JENNIE

Two days after Honesty Hour with Lisa and I has been restless. I couldn't stop thinking, the wheels turning in my head. I couldn't sleep well and was spacing out a bit and even Lily noticed.

It's just..

The conversation with Lisa was needed. It answered a lot of questions I had and hearing Lisa speak honestly, hearing Lisa struggle to say the words that Me myself knew was hard to say did something to me. Lisa had wanted to try. I didn't want to let go and here we are two years later with Lisa still trying to hold on.

The question is...

Did I want to hold onto Lisa too?

It's a bit past twelve and I'm on my bed, my former wedding ring on the duvet bunched up in front of me. What was I going to do? I wanted to hold onto Lisa, I was tired of missing her, I was tired of waking up in the night thinking she was right there and most of all, she didn't want to date anyone.

I pick up the ring and stared at it. Engraved on the inside we're the words...

My love, my heart, my soul.

I remembered just how excited and happy I was when Lisa had first given me the ring. The ring was still as gorgeous. A diamond cut ring shaped like a heart. It hurt. Thinking about being away from Lisa these two years hurt. It was hard and lonely and even though I had gone on dates, none of them had felt right.

I look away from the ring when my phone vibrates on where it was resting, on the bedside table. I look over at the notification and sighs when I sees its Jiyong. Whatever attraction I felt for him was fleeting, now all I wanted to do was avoid him but I just couldn't lead him on.

I couldn't keep pretending I felt the same as Jiyong. Yes, I had liked him but after a while it turned to dust and flew away into the wind, nothing left. I takes one look at the ring resting on my bed and then at the phone. I pick it up and calls him.

"Babe, I just sent you a message."

I ran my fingers through my hair. "Jiyong, we need to talk." I says and the line goes quiet. I could still hear him and yeah, I was just as stunned as he was.

"That never means anything good."

I sighs again. I felt like shit, to be honest. Yet, under all this was relief.

"Can we meet up at the small diner near your office?" I asked and He doesn't say anything, he just ends the call. I pick up the ring and made my way back to the bathroom. I keeps it locked up next to our wedding picture. I tucks the ring back into the box and made my way back into the room, heading right for my closet.

I picks out a yellow sweat shirts and black leggings tucked a beanie over my head and adidas in my feet. I grabs my phone, keys and pouch before making my way out of the house. I got into the car, Stay by Blackpink playing through the speakers as I pulled out of my driveway.

I tried my best not to think too much. I needed to fix whatever this is. I had a woman who I had loved for half of my life trying and I couldn't say no to that, I wouldn't know what to do properly if I had to divide my time between my kids, work, Rosé, Lisa and there was just no room for Jiyong in my life.

I spent the whole drive humming along to the songs playing on the radio so I could distract myself a bit. I got to the diner a couple minutes later and got out of the car. The diner was a small pink bungalow tucked between two buildings, they mostly sold breakfast food but it was good.

Jiyong was already seated at the back, the diner empty save for the two of us and a waiter. Jiyong looked good in his blue suit, making his red hair looked even brighter. He had a cup in front of him, his phone resting beside it.

"Hey." I says as I takes my seat.

Jiyong gives me a small nod before replying. "Hi."

The stay silent for a while until the waiter comes to ask me what I would like.

"Coffee with a splash of milk."

The waiter nods and then we were left alone again and I laced my fingers together, pressing a bit. I hasn't done this before, I hasn't broken up with someone before. The last dates were just that, dates. I never had a boyfriend.

"I want to say thank you for all the flowers you sent over. The daisies, the calla lilies and the roses." I starts, internally wincing as I remembers putting the roses in my daughter's room.

Jiyong had a slight frown on his face. "I only ever sent you roses."

"What?" I asked, confused.

"I only sent you roses. No daisies and the lily." He said, the hand he had on the table folding into a fist. I brows furrow as I thinks about what his had said. If he never sent the flowers, who did? The only other two people were Mino and Lisa. I hadn't seen Mino since the day I had asked him to leave.

"I'm sorry." I said, avoiding his gaze. "I don't think we should see each other anymore."

"Was it something I did?"

"N-"

"Because I didn't do shit with you. This was the longest non sexual relationship I've had and it meant something to me. I thought it was the same to you. I didn't push, I didn't ask for a lot, I tried to make you happy and yet, here we are." He said, he raised his hand like he was about to run it through his hair before he remembered he had packed it up.

"I... it's not you. I just have issues to solve, to settle."

"What issues?" He asks, leaning forward, trying to reach for my hand but I pulled away.

"Issues to solve with my ex wife"

Jiyong looked like he had been slapped. He leaned back into his sit and ran a hand down his face. The waiter quickly placed my cup of coffee on the table and walked away. I was glad the coffee had arrived because I needed to hold something.

"You still have feelings for her? Are you two going to try again?"

"I don't know and that's what I want to find out. I didn't want to lead you on, I didn't want to make you hurt."

He gets up abruptly from his seat. He stared at me for a beat, grabbed his phone and walked away, footsteps heavy and I was an emotional mess. I hadn't meant to hurt him, that much was true. I didn't know if me and Lisa were going to try again, that much was true. I'm still having feelings for Lisa was also a hundred percent correct.

Shit.

I grab the cup in front of me and held tightly. Acknowledging I still had feelings for Lisa slammed into me hard. I had spent so long pushing it down, I had spent so long ignoring it and really, why is it only Lisa who could come clean about things?

I needed to clear my head and I also needed to talk to someone. I gets up from my seat and was about to go out when I was stopped by the waiter from before.

"The bill..." He says and I turns a bit.

"What?"

"You haven't settled the bill." He says fully and oh, the bill. Jiyong had gone without paying for it. I bit down on a forthcoming sigh as I remembers how Jiyong had stormed off. I pulls my card out of my pouch and hands it to the waiter.

A swipe and receipt later, I was back in my car. I hadn't left the parking lot of the diner and had instead called Rosé who picks after the third ring.

"Jennie? Daughter, wifey is that you?"

I laughs softly as I listens to my crazy friend. "Rosé, you have got to stop calling me daughter, wifey. Youre endearment sucks!"

"What do you want Loveeeee??" She teased. I scrunched up my nose. The last thing I wanted to do was think about Rosé in positions that would make me shiver. It like imagining Lisa calling me in our endearment 'Love'.

"Rosé..."

"Fine. I'll stop. How are my little darlings?"

"Great. Kuma is back in school but he still goes for his sessions, Lily wants to dye her hair pink when ever since she saw one of her friend's sister do it, Luca is trying his school work and Lego wants me to give him twelve Stephen Kings books on his birthday."

"Lego's old enough for them."

"Don't you remember the time he read Pet Semetary when he was twelve and couldn't go near cats for like a year?" I sassed, raising a brow even though I knew Rosé wasn't there to see my reaction.

She huffs and tuts on the phone. "I didn't know he was going to be that scared." I laughs. we both do until Rosé speaks again. "I'm glad the kids are alright. What about you and Jiyong the hottie?"

I sighs and rests my head against the seat, staring right at the roof of my car. "I just broke up with him."

Rosé's reply was immediate. "Why?"

"I don't feel the same about him anymore. I stopped feeling the same a while back."

"But you said yes when he asked you to be his girlfriend..."

"I didn't want to hurt his feelings."

"Girl, why didn't you just say no back then? Why now? What is going on?" She asked and I noticed just how worried she sounded.

I filled her in. I hadn't told her yet about going for Lisa's session, nor had I told her about Honesty Hour. Rosé listens quietly as I kept on talking, filled her in on how Jiyong took the break up news and then I was done.

"I don't even know where to begin." She says after a beat of silence.

"Me neither. I don't know what to do."

"You and Lisa, what exactly is going on there?" She asked. I places a hand over my eyes. It must have been hard for her to ask that. Ever since the divorce two years ago, she hasn't been the biggest Lisa's fan.

"We agreed to be friends..."

"And I'm guessing that's not enough?" She asks and I nods. "Have you forgiven her though?"

"I... I haven't totally forgiven her."

"This Vanessa woman, do you think you would like to talk to her to? She could help with this."

"I don't want to. This is something I have to do myself." I said. "But if it gets hard when sorting out my thoughts and feelings, I could see her."

"Good. I'll be back in three days and then we can tackle this head on." She says. "Do you want to call Mino and ask if he was the one sending over the flowers?"

"I'm not ready to talk to Mino yet."

"Look at you. Breaking hearts everywhere."

I sighs, my fingers making way through my hair. "I don't mean to.

"I know you don't." She says, her time soft. "I've been on my laptop since you mentioned you and Lisa being friends and I've found a sort of quiz you could take that can help sort out your thoughts about Lisa and all this. I'll send it to you and then we'll talk about it later. At least we'd have a base on where to start from. Does ten sound okay?"

"Ten is good."

"I love you, bestie." She says. "Don't overthink and don't wear yourself out. Everything will be fine."

"Love you too, Rosieposie." I replies. Silently hoping that everything really would be alright. As soon as the call ends, I gets a message from Rosé and clicks on the link, smiling a bit when I sees the title of the quiz.

Want To Get Back Together With Your Ex

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