A/N: Thanks to all my reviewers! ;) Enjoy and review!

Reflections

Chapter Nineteen: The Castle of Fyrien Part 1 of 3

I really hate Morgana. I know I've said this – a lot – but it's the honest truth. You know what else is the truth? I really couldn't care less if Merlin decided to go all secret ninja on her and beat her sorry butt in a thumb wrestling competition. It's also true that lice is the plural for louse, not to be confused with Laos, which, incidentally, is a country in Southeast Asia (see, I pay attention in geography!). That being said, if you're a hardcore Evil Morgana fan, you need to get smacked upside the head or defenestrated (one of the greatest words ever; it means "to throw out a window") until you come to your senses. The one thing that REALLY ticks me off that Morgana does now is when she's mean to Gwen. I know I ranted about this last episode when she was being a (insert naughty word of your choice) about Gwen and Arthur being together, but I feel the need to fuss about it a bit more. May I?

Actually, this time, I think I'll write my rant in the form of a letter. Ahem:

Dear (no scratch that, there's no way I'm calling you "dear")

To (no, that sounds too formal, like I'm trying to be unbiased, that won't do at all)

Hey Stupid! (Yeah, that's a good way to write a letter to an evil lying she-witch of doom!)

Alright, here goes, now that I've got the greeting figured out:

Hey Stupid!

Yeah, that's right, Morgana, I'm talking to you! You know, I'm getting really fed up with your evil lying she-witch of doom antics, you know that? Isn't it bad enough that you've sided with Morgause (who, incidentally, is an evil lying she-witch of apocalyptic destruction) and turned your back on all those who love you! Just because Uther is a jerk-wad of epic proportions and because Merlin spiked your water bottle doesn't mean you should turn your back on EVERYBODY!

Here's the deal: if you just wanted to get revenge on Uther, I'd understand. Heck, I might even help you out. He's a liar and a hypocrite and I understand why you harbor hate for him, even if it is better to forgive than turn evil. Turning evil is just not cool. Actually, it's the most un-cool thing EVER, especially because good always triumphs over evil in the end and usually the evil people die in terrible ways. Don't believe me? Just ask Anakin Skywalker. Oh wait, you can't – he turned into Darth Vader and he's DEAD!

And now, Morgana, I have reached the point where I wish the same fate for you! Yep, I can't wait until the day that you've turned into Darth Betrayer or Darth Le Fay or even Darth Cucumber. And then when you DIE, I'll laugh. Yep. I'll LAUGH. Do you know why?

Because you turned your back on EVERYONE! You know, I used to have respect for you. You used to be butt-kicking awesome. I even dressed up like you for Halloween. You used to have awesome friends and now you just spend your weekends partying with undead armies and spend your free time smirking at mirrors and that will ultimately be your downfall! I'll hunt you down myself! Now, do you want to know the reason WHY I suddenly hate you so much more?

GWEN. Yep, that's right, you remember her, don't you? She used to be your best friend. She stuck by you no matter what and now you've done the ultimate betrayal – set her up to be kidnapped so that Arthur will come for her and you can kill him. By the way, Morgana, just in case you forgot – even though Uther's a dwonk (I'll give you that; see, I'm a fair person!), Arthur has done nothing but care about you and treat you like the sister you are, and this is how you repay him? You really are a terrible person Morgana. I can't wait until something terrible happens to you.

Here's hoping that you fall in a hole, you get struck by lightning, your house gets blown away in a random windstorm, squirrel ninjas attack you, your head gets stuck in the toilet, and the Great Dragon decides that you'd look better as charcoal. Tootles!

With Utter Hate,

Emachinescat

PS – Watch your back. I have my karate chickens everywhere and my demon llamas are just itching to attack.

Whew, that was fun! AND I feel super awesome because I was able to go ahead and recap the first part of the episode IN the letter! I was multi-tasking! Woot!

So yep – Gwen comes home after a hard day's work, gets a weird creepy feeling that someone's watching her, grabs a fire poker to defend herself –

Okay, digression time! I'm going to tell a little story that really has nothing to do with this recap OR the story OR Merlin in general. But it DOES involve a fire poker, my best friend and I home alone, gas masks, World War II, and Doctor Who. If you don't want to hear my anecdote after that introduction, you are a fuddy-duddy and must be "EXTERMINATED!" Haha, another Doctor Who reference. Anyway. On with the story.

(DIGRESSION IN PROGRESS)

So… it was sometime later last year, close to Christmas, I think, and my best friend April's parents were going to be out of town for the night. April's house is like REALLY old, like a hundred years old or something, and it creaks and groans and sometimes it sounds like someone's walking around in the attic when no one is, and her dogs bark and it's a huge house and REALLY freaky to be alone in at night… which is why, every time she's home alone overnight, she asks me to come over and get my pants scared off as well. So I did.

This particular night, we decided to watch Doctor Who because we had just recently gotten hooked on the series and were about on the same episode. It was dark outside and her house was, as I said, creaking, and we watched this episode where they went to England (I think) during WWII. There were these freaky zombies that had the faces of gas masks and always said, "Are you my mommy? I want my mommy? Mommy? MOMMY?" and if they touched you, you'd turn into one of them. And oh my bacon, it was SCARY!

Go ahead, laugh if you want, but the main one was this little five or six year old creepy kid that was following this girl around going, "Mommy? Mommy?" and it was beyond freaky! And he could control any technology, so the radio turned on by itself and was asking for its mommy, and the typewriter started typing "Mommy are you my mommy where's my mommy" etc. ON ITS OWN! And then Richard Wilson was in that episode and played this doctor guy who was trying to take care of the zombies until a cure was found, but then a gas mask grew out of HIS face (at this point, I was jumping up and down screaming, "GAIUS! NOOOO!" and April was trying to hide behind me whilst I tried to hide behind her)… and then the zombies converged and everyone was creepy and it was sooo scary…

*peeks out from under covers* Is it over yet?

Anyway, this isn't a chapter to talk about that episode of Doctor Who (although maybe it should be, if I'm cowering in fear from gas mask zombies, I can't very well get arrested for murdering Uther's "loving" ward!), but a digression telling my story. So I bet you're wondering where the fire poker comes in…

Well… after we watched the two-part episode that scared the crap out of us, April went to take her border collie, Buddy, out to do his business – by this time, it was only around 8:00, which is really kind of pathetic because it was just now starting to get dark. But we're wimps, we'll admit it. At least I will. April, on the other hand (as I've told you before), is too much like Prince Arthur to admit that she's scared. Instead she throws things at me. I'm her "Merlin." Go figure. Anyway… (sorry, I know I'm digressing in a digression!), we were freaked out and all of a sudden April runs in with the dog and the following conversation occurs:

APRIL: Lizzie! (slams door and locks it behind her) Get in the living room – NOW!
ME: (already panicking) What? What is it? What happened?
APRIL: Some guy said hello to me! (starts pulling down the blinds)
ME: (not all that impressed but still freaked out because it's dark and there might be gas mask zombies lurking about out there) What was he doing out there?
APRIL: He was walking his dog down the street and started to talk to me on the other side of the fence! I ran inside and I don't know if he's still out there!
ME: You think he's watching the house?
APRIL: I don't know! (looks at me with that thoughtful gaze that Arthur turns on Merlin right before he uses him for bait) Hey, Lizzie, I know what to do…
ME: (warily) What…?
APRIL: Go peek out the door, see if he's gone.
ME: It's your house!
APRIL: So? If he's going to kill either of us, it might as well be you!
ME: (I've got that dumbstruck moment Merlin gets on his face when Arthur does something particularly mean to him) I'm not going into the hallway and looking out the door!
APRIL: (rolls her eyes as if I'm the wimp) Here – take the fire poker to defend yourself! If he jumps out, start stabbing!
ME: Fine…

And just so you know, it's been a few months since this happened and I don't record every conversation I have, so that was more of a paraphrase but it still gives you the general idea. And just so you know, there was no one outside, so it was probably just some random dude that was walking his dog and decided to be friendly. He probably felt really hurt when April ran away from him, maybe even went home to his wife and said, "Honey, am I really that ugly?" And then his wife would sigh and say, "Oh, no, dear – who did you scare this time?" Heehee…

I made that last part up.

Anyway, when I put the fire poker back up, my hands were black with soot. I wonder if Gwen's hands got soot all over them too when she picks up the fire poker.

Okay, here's hoping I didn't bore you with my personal narrative. Personally, I thought it was fascinating, but then again, I do like talking about (and to) myself, so I could be a bit biased. Okay, back to the episode – I'm just going to jump back in exactly where I left off!

(DIGRESSION COMPLETE)

—and then some dude puts a drugged cloth to her face and she passes out. I'm a little dubious about this. Did they have chloroform back them? Once again I wonder if they drew on Nancy Drew or the Hardy Boys for some of their episode ideas – secret passageways behind bookshelves and now chloroform soaked clothes. I know, I suppose it doesn't have to be chloroform but heaven knows I've used that drug enough in my Hardy Boys fanfictions. Hmm… next thing you know, Gwen's going to turn into a Mary Sue like Nancy Drew more than she already IS, that is – and that totally rhymed! I'm SO a poet and didn't know it! Bwahaha – actually, I DO know it, considering I write poetry all the time. And have even had one published. But that's beside the point.

Anyway, I think I'll take a stab at summarizing some of this episode in poetic form – like a bard, and I'll just randomly burst into poetry when you LEAST expect it! But not right now… because I have to give you the next Merlin and Arthur dialogue straight from the horses' mouths. Wait. I don't like this metaphor to describe our guys. Horses are cool and all but they don't really inspire the image I want… Straight from the ducklings' beaks. That way, they can be cute, cuddly, AND scare the crap out of Uther. *cackles evilly* Now, this, I like!

It's morning and Merlin's waking Arthur up – and Arthur isn't wearing a shirt! Whoa, I thought we'd never get another "shirtless Arthur scene"! This is going on the counter! Ahhh…

And YES, I am still Team Merlin, baby!

Seriously, though, (ha, me, serious? As if!) this is a great scene – so funny!

MERLIN: (throws open the curtains and Arthur blinks in the sunlight; in an all too chipper voice – you know how when it's early in the morning and someone comes up to you and is like, "Hiya, good morning, it's a beautiful day, I love mornings, aren't you happy, I'm happy, I love coffee, mornings are the BEST!" and you just want to punch their throats? Well, this is the tone of voice Merlin uses. Except I don't want to throat punch him. I want to hug him. As per usual.) Rise and shine! (I think Arthur, though, does want to throat punch him. But Arthur always seems to want to do that. So I guess it's a moot point.)
ARTHUR: Can't you think of anything new to say? (Actually, Arthur doesn't seem like he wants to hurt Merlin for once – he's actually got that cute sleepy voice that makes you want to say "AWWW" and give him a cookie. But I'm not turning into Team Arthur. Never. I love Merlin. Merlin is cute and sweet and makes me want to hug him all the time and he also is hilarious and has the cutest darn ears in the history of ears (even cuter than my basset-lab's ears and his are adorable!) and I love Merlin! *grins* See? Team Merlin! Booyah!)
MERLIN: (He has this ADORBALE grin on his face – yep, still Team Merlin, TM for short, not to be confused with the little TM thing that appears beside the names of some games and stuff.) What?
ARTHUR: Every morning, it is the same thing. (Now he's starting to sound a little more like he wants to hurt someone. But maybe it's just because he always sounds annoyed. I dunno.)
MERLIN: Oh I'm sorry. (He is SO not sorry. I love that cheeky guy so much!) How about… (and he looks quite pleased with his alternatives, by the way, and you can tell he's saying them just to annoy Artie, which makes me happy to a point which I can't even express in words) … "Shake a leg"? (Arthur glares at him.) "Up and at'em"? (He looks FAR too happy with this… heehee – and then the best one that even has Merlin looking a little caught off guard…) "Let's have you lazy daisy…" (I believe Merlin deserves a point here for sheer awesomeness and ticking Cranky Arthur off so early in the morning…) Ah, you don't like any of them, do you?
ARTHUR: (Looks REALLY annoyed and simply shakes his head no.)
MERLIN: (Starting to realize that he may want to skedaddle before his royal grumpiness gets even more irritated.) Uuh… Okay, uh, I'm just going to go… before you decide to do something that – (Ducks and barely misses getting hit by a flying breakable thing that Arthur decided to throw at his head – which makes me have to say – Kitty O, shame on you for writing your amazing HTAKAW… Arthur's apparently read it and has been getting some pretty nasty ideas! Haha, Merlin, on his part, just zips away with a dopey grin on his face. Have I mentioned that I love this guy? Oh, yeah, and point Arthur, even though he's being a jerk.)

Moving on…

Morgana shows up to breakfast acting like she's all worried because Gwen didn't show up (I really despise her, this was definitely her "no going back" point in my book), Uther is a dwonk (as usual) acting like Gwen can easily be replaced while Arthur and Merlin look all… uh oh. And there's this pretty significant moment where Merlin tries to fill Morgana's glass and she refuses him. As much as I hate Morgana, I can almost understand here. Merlin has poisoned her before (even though he was doing the right thing and I don't blame him and it literally tore him apart inside) and if I were an evil lying she-witch of doom (which I'm not, nor will I EVER be), I don't know that I'd exactly want him filling my glass, either. But I wish Merlin WOULD poison her for good now. He's too nice to do it though. I'm not. *sneaky look* Nah, I'm no killer. Or am I? *another sneaky look* But yeah, I thought that was pretty clever how they put that in there. And of course, the scene ends with Morgana smirking. How about that? I'm starting to think we need a Smirk Meter as well… I'll see what I can do.

After that, Merlin goes to see what's keeping Gwen
And Arthur is so worried that he's clucking like a hen
And Merlin goes to Gwen's abode and there he finds a cloth
And when he puts it to his nose, he lets out a cute cough

We change scenes and then we are far from Camelot
Where Morgause, our other she-witch and Cenred have… uh… adopted a pet… rock?
Sorry that I couldn't rhyme, I got a bit confused
But then they look through the bars and see some guy chained to the wall and he's kind of cute

They smirk at each other and I have to say
That smirking is something that is overdone today
Gwen is taken to their home and she looks really scared
I guess I would be too if Cenred touched my hair

They bring in the guy from the cell, his name is Elyon
And he turns out to be Gwen's brother, so they're like "WIN!"
Cenred tells Gwen that she must go back to Camelot
And bring Arthur here along with her or her brother will be shot (well, they didn't specify how he would be killed, only that he would, but it has to rhyme, doesn't it?)

Apparently Elyon's the type of dude who always gets in trouble
And somehow after being captured, he has shaved his stubble
That in itself is kind of strange, shouldn't he have a beard?
But no, he's really clean-shaven, which I find kind of weird (just saying)

Meanwhile, Merlin takes the cloth he found at Gwen's to Artie
Arthur isn't too impressed and Merlin tells him to sniff; it's smelly
Arthur is an idiot (well, it's true!) and takes and great big whiff
While Merlin simply rolls his eyes and moves a chair so Arthur can pass out/sit

Arthur asks what that is and somehow Merlin knows
Perhaps he's been paying attention to Gaius, or perhaps his nose just KNOWS!
Apparently it isn't chloroform, darn, my theory's wrong
But he says it's a compound made of hogs wart and I broke into song!

Merlin said Hogwarts (well not really but he came pretty durn close to saying the name of the greatest school EVER)
This has made my day, my week, maybe my whole year!
Anyway, I'm digressing again (surprise, surprise)
Cenred sends Gwen (who doesn't know that Morgause is involved) back to Arthur and she has to make him come back if she ever wants to see Elyon again with her own two eyes

See? When you LEAST expected it! HA! I win! I'm quite proud of my nearly seamless shift from prose to poetry, meself…

Okay, so that was fun and quite a clever plot device… haha, do let me know what you thought of it, I might employ that technique again at some point if you found it enjoyable and amusing… I know I did… I felt like Dr. Seuss except I didn't make up any weird creatures or mention rainbow food… Hmmm…

*light bulb!*

Anywhat…

Arthur tries to convince his dad that they need to search for Gwen, and Uther is annoying once again (oh wow, apparently I've still got rhyming on the brain!) by saying that some guards have until nightfall to search the lower town. This annoys me to no end. Uther Pendragon is almost as obnoxious as his bratty daughter. Almost. This whole family is screwy if you ask me! (Except for Arthur, naturally, but we'll say he takes after his mum, whose ghost seemed pretty decent at any rate.)

Gwen arrives back in Camelot, Morgana pretends to be concerned, and Merlin really is concerned… especially when he sees that she has rope burns on her wrists and he finally convinces her to tell what's wrong… and of course they devise a plan to get Elyon out safely without anyone (like Arthur) getting captured/killed with Arthur – AFTER Merlin and Gwen have a bit of a friendship moment. Aww, I missed that. Still do, actually.

I still think someone should have grabbed Merlin, too, just for extra incentive, not because it would make sense or enhance the story, but because we've been deprived some serious Merlin whump in the show where it's all about Arthur. Which reminds me. If you want to see Merlin be the one targeted for once and Arthur realize that he's not the only one worth kidnapping, check out my newest multi-fic, Ransoming Emrys, which is just that. Yep, more shameless self-promotion. Sorry, y'all – that's just how I roll.

They plan on going to the Castle of Fyrien (which I hate because I can't spell it without looking at the name first), where Cenred's hideout is, and breaking Elyon out so they can all live happily ever after. Of course, Merlin is like… "What do you mean, we?" which I'm assuming is more for Arthur's benefit because he thinks Merlin's a spineless coward. I think Merlin's trying to ease the tension with a little dry humor because we know he's really extremely brave AND that he'd do anything for his friends! And no, I'm not biased toward Merlin, not at ALL! (I think my nose just grew a foot – and no, not an actual foot, like there is not an actual foot sticking out of my left nostril, but a foot as in… twelve inches… because in Pinocchio, a creepy wooden puppet that I hate because he's a creepy wooden puppet that comes alive, his nose grows when he tells a lie and… oh, am I over explaining this? So sorry.)

And, of course Morgana is standing outside the door listening in the whole time! And then it only stands to reason that she smirks and goes to tell the good news to her sister – Arthur has taken the bait.

Whoopdie-doo.

I really hate Morgana.

Stats:

Burn Meter 5000:
Part 1: Arthur 1, Merlin 1
This Episode so Far: Arthur 1, Merlin 1
Total: Arthur 31, Merlin 37

Shirtless Arthur Scenes:
Part 1: 1
This Episode so Far: 1
Total: 4

Smirk-O-Meter
Part 1: 8
This Episode so far: 8
Total: 44

A/N: So that's it for this week, folks! Please review and I'll update in a week-ish. At least by next Sunday at the latest! Until then, groom your Persian with applesauce, fling breadcrumbs at unsuspecting old ladies, or train your hamster to do the disco (that's always fun!). See you next week; please REVIEW! :)

~Emachinescat ^..^