JENNIE

The online questions help a bit. I was given just the option of yes or no and nothing more. They were some of the questions I had asked myself for a long time but the one that had me shook was the question.

Do you still love him/her/them?

It had been an easy answer and that's what scared me a bit. That's why I'm here, pacing in my office, my laptop open as I facetime with Rosé.

"You still love her? Are you sure?"

Rosé asked, leaning closer to her laptop, her face taking up the entire screen. I pushed my fingers through my hair as I sighs. It's been a week. A long week of answering Lisa's text with short replies and it was killing me.

I know it's not fair but I felt like needed to answer questions. Like I needed to clear my head.

"You look like you need a hug."

"I do." I pouts a bit as I stared at her through the screen.

"I'd hug you but I'm miles away. Call Lisa, I'm sure she'd be happy to hug you." She teased.

I shot her a flat look, earning a chuckle from her. She moves a little bit away from the camera and flip her hair over her shoulder.

"Too soon, sorry."

"Rosé..."

"I am not her biggest fan." She said and I nods. I know this because she makes sure to remind me. It must not be her favorite thing, I'm talking about Lisa and asking for advice but she's doing it any way.

"Love you, Rosé."

"Yeah, I'm awesome. I know." She winks. "I think you should discuss this with Lisa" She said and then adds. "This whole thing started with a lack of communication and you blocking her out as you've been blocking her out when she's trying to talk to you."

Fuck. I know she's right but where does I start from? I paces a bit more before taking out my phone and pulling up Lisa's contact.

"Should I call her now?"

"Girl, do what feels right to you. Call, text, talk it the fuck out and then we all would go from there. Have you spoken to the kids about this?"

"How can I talk to them about something I don't understand yet?"

"Then talk to Kuma and Lego and when you know what direction it is you're going in, talk to Lily and then Luca." She replies. "They are grown ups, she's their dada."

I send Lisa a texts.

To[Lis]

Hey. Would you like to stay a bit after dropping off Kuma from his session?

I locked my phone and just holds onto me, partially wondering when Lisa was going to text and partially freaking out about talking to her. I checks my watch for the time, resisting checking my phone until I heard the familiar sound of a message coming in.

It was a bit past three and I had to leave by four so I'd get home on time. I was nervous but at the same time, Ifelt excited. I didn't know what I was going to say, I didn't know what Lisa might say in reply. All I knew was that I needed to talk to Lisa.

"Thank you so much, Rosé. You're the best."

She coos in reply. "That's because I learnt from the best."

"A darling too."

"I like how you treat me like one of your kids. Precious."

"That is because you are precious."

"Oh my bestie." She said and blew me a kiss through the camera. I laughs and tried to catch it, I claps my hands together and just grins at her. "You are ridiculous."

"So are you."

"You know what they say about birds of the same feathers."

"Oh my god, get off my line." I glared at her. She laughs until she cuts off the call. I shut my laptop and walks around my table, tidying it up before reaching for my phone.

No new messages.

The message was delivered but hadn't been read. Instead of focusing on the lack of response, I get ready to leave. I makes sure I had my pouch and ID and then pulls on my coat, I also grabs the bag containing the manuscript I had to look through at home.

Maybe by the time I gets home, Lisa would have read it. I still had an hour to find out and it took me about twenty or thirty minutes, depending, on traffic to find out.

I walk out of my office, saying goodbye to my assistant as I made my way to the elevator. I takes it to the ground floor, tapping my feet as the elevator seemed to stop at almost all six floors to drop off or pick up workers.

One of the questions I had come across on the quiz was this...

Why did you break up in the first place?

It was a damn good question and I knew the answer. Lisa had cheated on me that was the main reason.

The second question was How the bloody hell did you both end there?

This got me to think and think, replaying all the scenes where Lisa kept saying... I failed you as a wife, I took you away from something you loved and she also said, it felt like I took something away from you.

I pull to a stop at a red light, letting out another sigh. I think back to the time when we had Luca. I had let go back then. I fell asleep in random places around the house, one time I fell asleep as I leaned against a microwave. I was scrolling through the books I had on my iBooks, sighing when I sees a particular book I had been asked to edit. When Bradley Met Stanley.

I had read the excerpt and had been so excited to read through but I couldn't. I had to take care of Luca and there was no time to look through a couple pages of words.

Back then Lisa would drop off the kids and sometimes she'd sit me down at the counter and cook dinner for the family, sometimes cracking jokes that would make I giggle. I lets out a choked whimper when I remembers how I'd stare at my email and just start sobbing.

Every morning I'd wake up and feel this stroke of guilt,

I start driving again, the lovesick girls coming through the speakers. None of us thought weve'd get to this point. In high school, we always talked about our future. None of us would have thought this would be our future. And to be honest, it sucks.

What had changed since the split? was the third question.

A lot had changed since the split. I had grown a little, I had dated a couple men just to get out there and tried to move on. I had only been with Lisa for twenty years and the few men I had dated had never gotten to even see the color of my panty.

Since the split, Me and Lisa have opened up more. Since the split, Lisa had begun therapy to better herself. The kids have spent more time with Lisa and they've also grown. Lisa had also come to me, the two of us trying out friendship and texting again. I had also gotten a job at MBC publishing with flexible hours and amazing manuscripts. Something I had missed.

When you imagine your future, are they in it?

That question had been so easy. The answer was yes. No matter what had happened, hell, no matter what happens later on, I was sure I was still going to see and have Lisa in my future.

By the time I pull into my driveway, kills the engine and gets down. It was four thirty and Lego and the kids were inside. I used to have a sitter but Kuma and Lego both advised me not to. Immediately I steps into the house, Lily comes running first.

"Miemie!"

"My baby!" I bends down, holding my hands out for my daughter. She run into them just as Luca comes around.

"I'm the baby!" He screams as he runs towards me. I laughs as I pulls Luca into the hug too. My kids. Lego joins us too but instead of a hug, he waits, leaning against the wall as he watched his siblings and me.

"You are both my babies. How are you, my darlings?"

"Alright miemie. We ate the sandwiches in the fridge that you left."

"I pooped!" Luca adds and Lily pulls away and sticks her tongue out at her little brother before saying...

"Ewwww..."

I shakes my head at my kids fondly. I pressed kisses to my children's head before standing up. I makes my way over to Lego and ruffled his hair, pulling him closer when I scrunches up his nose.

"You're my baby too."

"Miemie, I'm fourteen. I'm not a baby."

"You'll always be my baby. At fourteen with your dyed hair and at sixty with your grey hair."

"I'm going to have abs when I'm sixty."

I snorts so loud. I refused to think about Lego at sixty with abs. My children are so unique and special in their own way.

"You are a special kid."

Lego laughs, placing a hand on the ones I had around my shoulders. Lily and Luca both join us, all of us smiling, giggling and holding on. I excuses myself later on and made my way to my room. I shuts the door and strips, I quickly showers and pulls on a pair of black sweatpants and a white shirt, I just let my hair wet.

Once I was done, I checks my phone and sighing for the millionth time. There were no new messages. I chose not to think about it, since Lisa was going to drop off Kuma at home, I was just going to ask her to stay for dinner.

Yeah. That's what I'll do.

I walked out of the room and made my way to the living room where all the kids were. I sits beside Lego who cuddles up to me, Lily and Luca were busy assembling the thousand piece puzzle I had gotten the kids as a present.

Half way through the Teen Titan episode I was watching with Lego, the door to the house was pushed open and Kuma walks in.

Luca runs up to his brother and I walks over to him giving him a kiss to his forehead and a smile. I was about to ask Kuma how his session went when Lisa stepped into the house.

It felt like words flew right out of my head when I see her. My ex looked good, she's in her plain white v neck shirt a matching black skinny jeans white sneakers. Lisa's hair same styled like always, a little bit mess it looked like she had run her hand through her hair multiple times and I wonders if I was the cause of that.

"Hi..." Lisa said as if sensing my struggle with words.

"Hi." I parrots back.

Kuma looks between me and Lisa before urging his sibling to go back to the living room. I plays with the hem of my shirt as I looks at Lisa, I didn't want to look away and my heart was beating fast.

"I'm sorry..." I starts and Lisa tensed up. "I know I have been sort of pushing you away with my short replies this week but I had to think about everything. I had to think about a lot of things."

"Jennie you don't have to e-"

"-I have realized that your anxiety had to have originated from somewhere." I says. I grips my sweatpants tightly before adding. "Would you like to stay for dinner? We could talk afterwards."

She doesn't hesitate to reply.

"I'd love to."

~~~~~~~~~~