A/N: Thanks for all the reviews, guys! Glad y'all liked the poetry section because I may just sneak some poetry into some or maybe even every chapter, lol! It's pretty fun to write! I'm updating this at the latest day, sorry about that, but I've been super busy and I've been plagued by a horrendous headache for two days now (and a sore throat decided to attack this morning!). Honestly. I don't know WHY I'm sick so much. It's weird. It's almost constant. Oh well, it's not going to spoil my birthday week – yep, tomorrow's my 20th birthday! :D Anyway, I'll shut up with this rambling and get on with the "official" rambling! :D Review!
Reflections
Chapter Twenty: The Castle of Fyrien Part 2 of 3
So you guys should be happy to know that I'm beginning to go back through the previous episodes and I'm counting up smirks. I've begun a tally and hopefully I'll get caught up with it soon! Hee hee, this should be interesting – let's see how many times Morgana can smirk in the time frame of forty to forty-five minutes! Perhaps I will even make a contest out of it – if anyone wants to take a guess at how many smirks there will be by the end of the season (and no cheating by going back and watching and counting, that's no fair!). Whoever guesses the closest, which I'll reveal at the end of this story/reflection thing, will be rewarded somehow. Perhaps you can challenge me to write any one-shot you want (except within my moral parameters, haha). But if y'all can think of a better prize that I don't have to pay anything for, let me know. We'll have fun with this one.
Okay, so it's official: "Smirk Count Estimation" is now officially a contest! Submit your guesses in a review and at the end of this I'll announce who was the closest! And now, on to other matters – namely, what you guys clicked on to read. Unless you clicked by mistake and you were actually looking for something about mirror reflections or fun houses or jelly donuts or something…
Anywho…
Arthur goes to his father with a story about how he made a bet with Morgana and lost. Now, apparently, he has to go get her two silk dresses. Wow… great lie, Arthur. I wouldn't have made Morgana look smart enough to beat me in a bet. I would've told Uther that someone has stolen all of our churros and now Merlin and I have to go on a quest and fight mythical fire-breathing donkeys (or burros) of doom. They protect the churros. They're… burro churros… haha… No? Okay…
And apparently, Uther disapproves of gambling! Oh, what an upstanding and moral person our great king is! He doesn't want his son squandering his money (not like he doesn't have enough of it, anyway, eh?) because it's immoral! Aw, how sweet? Can we hug him now and give him a Scooby Snack? I think not!
So Uther disapproves of gambling yet he approves of murder? As in he kills anyone that even so much thinks the word "magic"… and yet when it comes to poker and slots, he's all righteous. Or maybe he just doesn't want to lose money. Yeah… I'll bet that's it. So he hoards money and bodies. How lovely.
Sorry, sorry… I know some of you actually like Uther (Kitty O, my friend, I'm glancing innocently in your general direction right about now). And that's fine. Sometimes I even like him to a certain extent. But I also dislike him to a substantially larger extent – and as I cannot run at him with an axe, I'm venting my frustration at him the only way I can – exploiting his ever fault, even when there aren't any. If he went a whole episode without doing anything bad, I'd probably make something up. "And then, Uther decided that all the ducks in the world must be put in prisons so they can't watch him anymore…"
But anyway, what cracks me up, though, is Uther's reaction. He simply giggles and remarks, "I should have guessed. Really, Arthur, you should have known better than to bet against Morgana." And then a little later, after Arthur declares he has to go out of town for a couple of days to get the silk, Uther goes, "Well, I'd get going if I were you. Won't want to keep her waiting – she'll have your guts."
I just LOVE how even Uther knows deep, deep down that Morgana is evil. Bwahaha!
Of course, Merlin's smirking through this whole conversation… I can't really blame him – it was quite a silly lie (and I'm actually a bit surprised it worked) and it was pretty amusing to watch. Not as entertaining as watching me try to walk in a straight line, but still pretty hilarious.
And then we have our pre-quest Merlin and Gaius segment. Ah, predictability. How do I see thee coming up ahead.
Here's the formula for said pre-quest segment, in case you haven't figured it out yet, are interested, haven't figured it out yet and are interested, or your pet llama ate your toe socks:
1) Merlin tells Gaius about what's going on.
2) Gaius asks Merlin if he's sure.
3) Merlin answers, usually with a yes.
4 & 5) Gaius points out the obvious while simultaneously poking holes in the plan.
6) Merlin ignores him.
7) Gaius tells Merlin to be careful.
8) Merlin ignores him.
Seriously! You don't believe me? Here, I'll prove it to you (*ahem*) –
(And it may be in slightly different order from time to time but the important thing is that all the elements are there!)
GAIUS: Morgana? Are you certain? (I'll have a number 2 with an extra side of "told ya so" and a large cup of So-Duh! (get it, soda, so-duh!, because I'm saying duh because I knew this was going to happen… over-explaining again? So sorry.))
MERLIN: Yes. ( Number 3, y'all!) She's been feeding Cenred information. How else would he know about Arthur's feelings for Gwen? (Ooh, maybe he's secretly a love psychic in his spare time! You know those people that look into shiny balls and tickle the palm of your hand and then say, "You are going to marry a short, stinky man that looks like a fish and has an unhealthy fascination with cows!"? I'll bet Cenred's one of those people! Oooor Merlin could be right but somehow I like the idea of Cenred with a sparkly bandanna on his head, wearing gypsy style clothing with both ears pierced, calling himself "Madame C"… Urgh. Back to the dialogue. That was a number 1, people!)
GAIUS: Then there's no denying it. (Hmph. Apparently Gaius doesn't like my alternative. It's okay, Gaius. I don't like your tendency to tell Merlin what to do all the time! So there!)
MERLIN: Now if I could just go to Arthur and tell him what I know…(I know the feeling, M. There's a lot of things that I know that I want to tell Artie myself. Like the fact that you are more epic than he is. And that you sacrifice so much for him! And that zebras are monochromatic equestrians of… awesomeness! Ha, fooled ya, you thought I was going to say doom, didn't ya? Honestly. What's doomish about a zebra? Those guys are so stylish and they go "Wheep!" … well my zebra impression kind of sucks. But you get the point. Anyway, where was I?)
GAIUS: You can't! It's your word against Morgana, and she's the king's daughter. (There we go folks – number 4 at your service – pointing out the obvious!)
MERLIN: I know. She's found Arthur's weak spot. (BOO! I want to see an episode where you, Merlin, are Arthur's weak spot. But not in a creepy romantic way. A non-creepy bromantic way. Because you two are BFFs. And Arthur hasn't had to risk it all to save you since 1x04. I think it's about time YOU are used for leverage on the show because you and Arthur are friends. Why am I ranting to a fictional character about what I want to happen to him? Because it's me. Think about it. –oh and sorry Merlin, you're not fictional, I know you're not…heehee–)
GAIUS: Arthur can't sacrifice himself for Gwen's brother. (Numero 4 continued… Thank you, Captain Obvious!)
MERLIN: No, of course not. We're going to rescue him instead. (Wait, hold the phone – was Merlin suggesting earlier that Elyan (sorry about the misspelling last chapter, guys, Elyon happens to be the symbolic representation of God in Ted Dekker's Circle Trilogy. Two totally different people… I'll try not to do that again!)
GAIUS: You're going to snatch this boy from under Cenred's nose, you and Arthur? (Number 5! And yes, Gaius, yes they are. Why? Because they are "TEAM EPIC"!) Morgana knows nothing of this?
MERLIN: No. (YES! Merlin, don't be a ninny! Of course she knows – otherwise there wouldn't be a plot! Oh and there's number 6, y'all.)
GAIUS: Merlin – look after yourself. (SEVEN!)
And whenever Merlin gets into some sort of trouble, we'll know number eight is upon us. And this happens on a regular basis, this pre-quest chat of predictability. Ah well, I'm not complaining. It gives us more of a set-up of the scene and also gives us a sense of stability (which I hear is very important when you're in a relationship or walking on a tightrope across a sea of flames).
Just as Merlin and Arthur are preparing to leave, Morgana smirks (imagine that) at Merlin ad announces that she's coming too. Merlin seems surprised. I didn't seem surprised. Of course she's coming. She's annoying and she's the darkness to your light. Get over it.
When Merlin tells Arthur he thinks it's a bad idea, Arthur basically tells Merlin that she'll watch his back. (Yeah, right, more like plunge a rusted spork through it given half a chance!).
Quick side note – Microsoft Word has incorrectly told me that "spork" is not a word. I am offended because sporks are what make this world go round (well, my world at any rate). Sorry, sorry.
Anyway, Merlin says that he'll watch Merlin's back and Arthur laughs at him and pokes fun at Merlin's swordmanship skills (or lack thereof). Arthur gets a point although what I really want is for him to get a clue. If he knew how much Merlin has protected him and what he has sacrificed… oh man, he'd be eating a big fat bowl of humble beans right now (like humble pie except much less tasty, which is no more than he deserves for being such a prat sometimes! Ooh, point Lizzie!) Although I know that Merlin does rather suck with a sword, he's got magic and he uses it to protect Arthur's ungrateful backside. He's ready to let the person who wants him dead "watch" his back and laugh in Merlin's face for what he does every single freaking day! *deep breath* Sorry. All that to say… point Arthur.
And… they're off!
They are riding through the forest, Arthur is trying to be all manly and assure Gwen that she doesn't have to be afraid in the woods. But if he's so worried about her being afraid, why is he letting her come along, anyway? I thought it was his deepest desire to protect her. But then again, it is her brother. Hm. Arthur and Gwen are riding up front, side by side, and Merlin and Morgana are riding beside each other at the back. And Morgana is taking every available ounce of her screen time to glare at Merlin. This makes me happy. The tension between the two of them is amazing and my Mergana instincts are on high alert. I kind of want Morgana to kiss him. At the same time, I want Merlin to beat her upside the head with whatever resource is readily available (a tree branch, an acorn, a half-finished granola bar – haha, I made a typo and accidentally wrote granola bra haha, but then I fixed it but had to tell you guys about it all the same… ha, granola bra, sounds like something Lady Gaga would wear! Awk-ward. Back to the story thing.)
Arthur gains himself another point by saying that Morgana will have his back (although we know the only way Morgana will have his back is with something deadly and sharp sticking out of it) and then he tells Gwen to look after Merlin. Oh hardy-har-har mister funny! Someone's trying to catch up! Quick, Merlin, call him a dollop head! Or a stiff-brained cookie cutter! Whatever the heck that is! Haha… oy vey. I think I need some medication or something. So yeah, Arthur gets a point. Hurrah, yippee, woo-hoo, and all that. No, seriously, Team Arthur – good on ya! And seriously, Team Merlin – say something clever!
They stop for a break and Morgana goes off to collect firewood. Arthur tries to get rid of Merlin so that he and Gwen can have some "alone time" but poor sweet Merlin just isn't getting the picture, love his heart.
ARTHUR: Go get some more firewood, would you, Merlin?
MERLIN: (totally oblivious) I thought Morgana was doing that.
ARTHUR: Go and see if she's alright.
MERLIN: (amused) Why wouldn't she be?
ARTHUR: (He's starting to sound very prattish and irritated here, although I can hardly blame him. For someone who's got the destiny of a great kingdom resting on his shoulders (oh just thought of something epic to tell you guys, I'll remind myself here and now to tell you after this dialogue is over), can't seem to take a subtle – or completely un-subtle – hint. Gotta love him, eh?) I don't know. Maybe there are wolves in these woods. (Once again, I have to say how I love the way Arthur over pronounces some of his words. It's great! Oh, and yeah, Merlin, I'm sure if there were wolves, your best buddy would send you out as protection for Morgana. He's made quite a point of making fun of your fighting skills today Merlin. Don't flatter yourself in his eyes (you can in mine, though!))
MERLIN: (laughs) I don't think so.
ARTHUR: Merlin. (Finally Arthur has to resort to VERY obviously inclining his head toward Gwen and the light bulb finally clicks on over Merlin's head. And I know they didn't have light bulbs back then, but how silly would a candle have looked bobbing over Merlin's head? And then Arthur mouths-) Go.
MERLIN: Oh yeah. Yeah of course. (Very poor acting on Merlin's part here and brilliant acting on Colin's. I seriously LOLed at Merlin's antics for Gwen's benefit.) The wolves! (Runs off into the forest. Arthur and I roll our eyes in synchronization.)
And Arthur heads over to Gwen and nobly offers to help her with the saddle she's been fiddling with ever since they got to the clearing. I think he's just looking for an excuse to make his move. Kind of like how guys will sit by their dates and stretch dramatically in order to get their arm around their shoulders. Or the way a guy will offer to teach a girl how to hit a golf ball so that he can slip his arms around her waist and touch her hands. It just goes to show you that guys are manipulative little beings. And yet somehow, I still love them. Well, some of them. Okay, a few of them. The rest are just kind of… there. Haha! Anyway, no offense if you're a guy… unless you're one of those that are just there. Then you can be offended if you so desire. Anyway, on with the rest of the rant.
Okay, so now that I'm done recounting the dialogue, I'd like to tell you about the awesome thing I made up this weekend. I'm so proud of it. It's really dumb but it makes me happy and my roommate recorded me saying it and is going to put a video of it on YouTube, along with various other videos where I am trying to be epic like Merlin. Somehow, though, my yelling "Astrice!" in the middle of the cafeteria and using the heel of my hand to send the salt and pepper shaker flying wasn't nearly as epic as Merlin yelling "Astrice" and a bit ball of energy barreling toward Nimeuh. Ah well. Meh. And what the heck does "meh" mean, anyway? I just said something that I have no idea of it's meaning… I hope I didn't just say something naughty in Norwegian.
So anyway, this thing I made up. I'm hoping most of you have seen the Disney/Pixar movie Finding Nemo. If you have, this should make you laugh. Or groan. Or both. If you haven't, it will probably just make you scratch your head in bewilderment. It made Cat (my roomie) double over in laughter. So we'll see what happens with y'all. So in Finding Nemo, the daddy clownfish is named Marlin. And so I came up with this! First I'll give you the Merlin version and then I'll do it Nemo style! Ready?
MERLIN: In a land of myth and a time of magic, the destiny of a great kingdom rests on the shoulders of a young boy. His name… Merlin.
FINDING NEMO: In a land of water and a time of fishies, the destiny of a great aquarium rests in the fins of a paranoid clownfish. His name… Marlin.
Haha, get it? Merlin? Marlin? *crickets chirp* Okay, okay, I get it! Moving on… *grumbles*
This next scene makes me unspeakably happy. Why? Mergana sparks are flying… of course it could be my imagination because I believe in actuality, they are not getting along, but still… Merlin and Morgana "alone" scenes make me happy and give me goosebumps! Teehee!
MORGANA: What do you want, Merlin? ("I want you to stop being evil and go out to dinner with me – I got us reservations at McDonalds and I'll even let you keep the toy in the Happy Meal. What do you say?" Hmm… I wonder if that's what Merlin was thinking…)
MERLIN: Arthur sent me. He wanted me to make sure you were okay.
MORGANA: (sarcastically) How very thoughtful of him.
MERLIN: Well, he cares for you. You know, Gwen too, they're your friends, Morgana. They've always been loyal to you. (Yes! YES! You tell her Merlin! Holy cheese waffles, this is intense! And Merlin's taking over the "Morgana is a loser" rant for me today… how thoughtful of him… and I'm not being sarcastic, Morgana!)
MORGANA: Why are you telling me this? (Oooh, touchy… looks like somebody's conscience is trying to break through…)
MERLIN: Because I don't understand how anyone would want to hurt their friends. (Oh yeah, Merlin, tell her off – okay, now poke her with a tree branch!)
MORGANA: No, you just poison them. (Ooooh, this is getting REALLY tense… that was low, Morgana… he had no choice! And if you'd just look at the way he reacts to those words, you'd realize that he's still beating himself up about it, Morgana! He didn't want to do that – it tore him apart!) You'd do well, Merlin, to stay out of things that do not concern you. (And you would do well, Morgana, not to be an evil lying she-witch of doom!)
MERLIN: Oh but they do concern me. You see, they're my friends, too, and I'll do whatever it takes to protect them. (I should point out that by now they are staring each other down, eyes smoldering, Morgana moving closer to him until they're almost eye to eye… and it is just so EPIC! Cue epic magic battle of doom… pwease? *Puss in Boots sad face*)
MORGANA: I would expect nothing less. (Drops the firewood in a heap on his feet and walks away. Wait, does this mean no epic magic battle of doom? But WHY? *pouts* Ah well, the scene was still amazing nonetheless. Maybe Merlin and Morgana will chuck magical, burning harbingers of death at each other next season. That would make me happy. Very happy indeed.)
After this incredible dialogue between our two fated enemies that I want to be together (I know, wishful thinking, right?) we get a sweet romantic scene with Arthur and Gwen. They talk a bit about Gwen's brother, Not-Elyon, and then Arthur has an epic fail trying to light the fire. Gwen takes the rocks or whatever (they didn't have crude medieval flints back then, or did they?) and gets the fire started. Arthur looks like his pride has taken a bit of a beating. I suppose this is the Merlin substitution for the classic sitcom Man tries to open pickle jar to prove his strength but can't and his petite wife pops the lid right off scenario. Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't a similar situation occur in a lot of TV shows and movies? Girl power. Heck to the yeah! Go Gwen!
They have an "almost" moment. An "almost" moment is where two love struck characters' lips are centimeters away from meeting… and then they are interrupted and they have to jerk apart and pretend like they were doing nothing but whistling casually and not preparing to snog each other. Ah, so sad, yet so necessary to create romantic tension. Fun stuff, love, eh? I think I may just stick to having cats. And there is nothing wrong with being a little old cat lady! Got it? Good! Because right now, that's what love psychic Madame Cenred has predicted for my future. And I'm perfectly happy with being a cat lady. So there.
When Merlin and Morgana intrude on the moment, Merlin tries to make up for it by saying, "I think I may have… missed a twig… back there. Do you… want me to go get it?" Aw, bless him.
Later on, during a dinner of beans (haha – beans, beans the musical fruit… although beans aren't fruits. They aren't veggies, either. They're legumes, not to be confused with lagoons, which is exactly what I did. I'm a genius, aren't I?), Arthur tells them of a secret passage into the Castle of Fyrien and although Merlin tries to distract Arthur into not telling in front of Morgana by trying to force-feed beans to him, Arthur tells all. And Morgana smirks. Oh dear. This can't be good.
Of course Morgana goes to Morgause and tells all. Morgause gives her a magical ring that she can throw on the ground at the tunnel entrance so the baddies can find it as well. Yeah, because most people carry evil magical rings around in their cloaks… but I thought that was only in Middle Earth… Ah, well… I'll stop nitpicking over the details. (HA! Me, not nitpick? It's like me not tripping over air or me not chasing every squirrel I see – but regardless, I shall try to move on!) When Morgana returns to camp, we see that Merlin is awake and heard her come back, something he addresses the next day as they get ready to go and Morgana is a *insert whatever naughty word you deem appropriate and multiply it times one hundred* to Merlin.
MERLIN: Trouble sleeping? (This is Merlin's way of saying, "I'm onto you, she-witch, and I'm not going to let you get away with this, so I suggest that you do not cross me." It made me smile. Merlin is SO not the idiot everyone thinks he is and I think Morgana might be starting to realize this.)
MORGANA: If you have a problem, Merlin, why don't you try talking to Arthur about it? (Aw, but you're a much better conversationalist… NOT!) No? Well keep your mouth shut then.
Oh no she didn't! Please, Merlin, just use your magic to turn her into a muskrat or a beetle or a cherry flavored crepe. No one will notice she's gone and if they do, you can distract them by offering them something to eat. "Crepe, anyone?"
They keep on riding and Merlin sees a snake
He makes it scare her horse and Morgana flies away
Off the horse and on the ground, and Merlin rushes to her
But I don't care because I'm laughing at Morgana falling in manure!
Also, I have to admit I am a bit surprised
That Merlin can command some snakes to frighten Morgana's ride
This can only mean one thing and it makes me squee
Merlin is a Parselmouth – he used his powers to make Morgana fall and hurt her knee (or ankle, whatever)
Morgana insists she can go on, that makes me really mad
I think Merlin should turn her into a fruit bat
And yes I realize the rhyme was forced, excuse me for being creative
It's nearly midnight here and I feel like I've had a sedative…
Uh…
Can I just say, I love Morgause and Cenred? Between the suggestive comments and the way Morgause so obviously uses the blind buffoon, I love them! They're just so funny… Haha, Cenred only thinks he wears the leather pants in this relationship. What he doesn't realize is that Morgause wears leather pants, too, but she only wears them to motorcycle gang meetings and her high school reunion.
What brought this up?
CENRED: Arthur's fate is sealed. (Ah, but so is yours, C-man… you just don't know about it yet… *ominous giggle*)
MORGAUSE: If you do your job properly. (Uh, Morgause, look who you're talking to here. Then you can laugh at the ridiculousness of your words. I did.)
CENRED: Don't worry about me.
MORGAUSE: I don't, believe me.
Gosh, Cenred is such a loser if he can't see that he's being used… He apparently is blinded by his feelings for Morgause and can't see that she is blinded by her greed for power… Theirs is a broken relationship. I think they need to go to a relationship therapist.
THERAPIST: Hello, dears. What has brought you here today?
CENRED: I'm not sure. One minute we were plotting her sister's brother's father's doom and the next, poof!, we were here. I think Emachinescat is up to her old tricks again.
THERAPIST: Ah, okay. Well, while I've got you here, tell me about your problems.
MORGAUSE: Fine. He's an idiot. He doesn't understand that I don't care about him at all, that I will kill him once my use for him is up and that I think his leather pants are ridiculous. Doesn't he look like he's about to pop out of them? Honestly, where are we, the 1970s? Are you trying out for Grease?
THERAPIST: It sounds like you have some deep seated issues of your own with him. But surely if you just tell him blatantly, like you just did, that you are not interested, he will see reason. Cenred, what do you have to say to Morgause?
CENRED: You're so beautiful when you threaten and berate me and insult my fashion sense…
THERAPIST: You mean, you're not upset?
CENRED: She's so beautiful when she's glaring daggers through me, isn't she?
THERAPIST: …
MORGAUSE: Cenred – I am USING you!
CENRED: She's so cute when she's using me.
THERAPIST AND MORGAUSE (in perfect synchronization): *facepalm*
After another suggestive, clueless (on Madame C's part) conversation between Morgause and her ticket to power, Merlin tries to get Arthur to change his mind about going through the tunnels because of an instinct. Arthur just insists on being sarcastically clever today and earning himself ANOTHER point on the burn meter:
"Well, if you've got an instinct, we should ignore my lifetime of military experience."
Ha… after which he says he's willing to bet his life on Cenred not knowing about the tunnels. *sing song voice* You might regret that…
Oh, the irony!
They sneak into the tunnels (where Morgana lags behind so she can drop the ring) and Merlin runs into a spider web. He says something along the lines of "ew" – it's better than what I would have done, I would've screamed bloody murder and demanded Arthur get it off of me this instant, all the while dancing around in a panicked state, and that's not even an exaggeration; it's happened before, except Arthur didn't have to pick the web off of me, but my mom did…poor mom – and Arthur says, "Stop worrying about your hair, Merlin." Geez, Arthur, give it a rest, will you? You just can't stand being behind, can you?
Merlin's response is, "Very funny," which we are going to count because it WAS sarcasm and Merlin's obviously a bit distracted by the horrors of spider webs clinging to his face… BLECH! I shudder just thinking about it! BLEH! My skin is tingling and I'm about to freak… I HATE SPIDERS!
Okay… I think I'm good…
BLECH!
Alright… moving on…
And then Morgana returns and Arthur tells everyone to stick together and keep moving… Arthur has officially been lured into a false sense of security… three guesses about what happens next…
*facepalm* For someone who claims to be so cautious, Arthur, you're really being a bit of a dunderhead… don't you think that even if Morgana wasn't a traitor, someone would have heard Gwen's scream at the skeleton? Oh dear, oh dear…
This is not going to go well, I just know it.
Stats:
Burn Meter 5000:
Part 2: Arthur 4, Merlin 1
This Episode so Far: Arthur 4, Merlin 2
Total: Arthur 35, Merlin 38
Shirtless Arthur Scenes:
Part 2: 0
This Episode so Far: 1
Total: 4
Smirk-O-Meter
Part 2: 8
This Episode so far: 16
Total: 52
A/N: Don't forget to cast your vote for the number of times you think Morgana will have smirked the whole series… Also, review. And while you're at it, send me a pet llama named Gary Gootenburger for my birthday, 'kay? Like I said a few chapters ago, who DOESN'T want that for their birthday? LOL!
That's it for this week, please review and I'll update in about a week! :)
~Emachinescat ^..^