His mother seemed scarier than usual, wild, unpredictable in her fury.
She was taller, looming as Sirius met her cold eyes across the dining room. The table between them rattled, the glassware clinking ominously as he pushed his chair out of his way roughly, getting to his feet.
"Sirius," Alphard hissed warningly from beside him, "Sit down."
"He's coming here?" Sirius snarled at his mother across the table, Regulus flinched where he sat next to Walburga, his head bowed, eyes on his lap. Sirius threw his linen napkin down on the table in punctuation, furious that his mother would allow this. The napkin landed in his bowl of soup, the fabric slowly absorbing the liquid, an orange stain blooming across it. "You can't let him!"
"Bella invited him," his mother began distanfully, she too was on her feet.
She'd stood dramatically when, at her announcement of tomorrow night's diner guest, Sirius had blurted out, "Fuck that!" in complete horrified shock. Walburga's claw-like hands were twitching as though she wanted to draw her wand on him.
"But Bella has her own house!" Sirius shot back, "Voldemort here? He's psychotic!" They'd never actually talked about him directly, only alluded to the "movement" but Sirius'd had enough. "Whatever you think about muggles, Mother, what he's doing is wrong."
"Sirius," Alphard warned again.
"I would like to make that decision for myself," Pollux spoke up from the head of the table. As though he thought he was being the voice of reason, usually he was, but not tonight. "It makes no sense for us to be his enemy, Sirius. Please sit down."
"What decision?" Sirius turned on his grandfather, his often ally in this house, he felt betrayed, "Whether or not to support a mass murderer? How can you even consider it?"
"Sirius, hold your tongue!" His mother spat, cruel eyes flashing dangerously, "Sit down, you are in enough trouble."
But Sirius was past caring. Regulus was still and silent, cringing a little as Sirius raised his voice at their mother, " What? Because I didn't want to come home for Christmas? You don't even want me here!"
"As I said to you already," Walburga uttered, incensed, "you ungrateful little swine, there are many things in life I do not want, and while you are among them, you are also heir to this house, and you will do as you are told."
"Not if Voldemort is coming here." Sirius replied bluntly, he felt for his wand in his pocket, so glad he'd kept it with him, bleak though it might be to feel unsafe in his own home, it had proved necessary.
He lifted his chin, holding his mother's eyes, she hated when he stared her down, he knew that. "I won't stand for it if you're going to fund him, not if you're supporting the things he does, I won't." He glared as defiantly as he was able, his heart racing as his common sense told him to shut his mouth.
Regulus chanced a glance up at him and knew he couldn't back down now, gaze still locked on Walburga across the table, right hand hovering ready to go for his wand. He steeled himself, and said with as much contempt as he could muster, "You can't make me."
There was a flash of light, and before Sirius even realised that she'd drawn her wand, he was hit across the cheek with a sharp and painful hex.
Then Alphard was on his feet next to him, "Protago," he said calmly, "Walburga," he chastised in the same breath. He sounded disappointed. Sirius didn't know why, a quick hex to the face was nothing, she'd done much worse in the past.
Pollux too was standing up, "Sirius," he rumbled, "leave us, please."
But Sirius ignored him, there was a rage inside Sirius that wouldn't let him go, a trait he knew he had inherited from the cruel woman standing opposite him. He might have got his grandfather's looks, but inside, he was just as stubborn, just as determined, and just as prone to over reaction as his mother.
"You're ridiculous," Sirius sneered at her through Alphard's shield, "You think an association with Voldemort will give you power? All it does is show how scared you are of him." he taunted, "It shows you're weak, too frightened to stand up for what's right."
"What's right!?" Walburga exploded . He wondered if her magic would start making the air around her crackle soon, he'd managed to get her that furious only once before, his first Christmas home after his sorting into Gryffindor. It had been unpleasant to say the least. "You idiot boy, wizards in charge is what's right. That's what he's doing."
"No! He wants to be in charge!" Sirius matched her fury, every little bit of hatred he held for her bubbling to the surface, "We're magic, if it was just about having wizards in charge, I could do that. Walk out the door and put an imperious on the whole street. What he's doing is war." he sneered, almost enjoying the outrage he was causing her. He couldn't help himself as she finished proudly, "And I mean to fight him."
He heard Alphard give a frustrated sigh beside him at his last sentence. He could practically hear his uncle thinking phrases like, no subtlety … a time and a place … play the long game, Sirius. But Sirius couldn't. It wanted to explode out of him. He wanted to curse her where she stood.
"Shut your mouth!" Walburga repeated, she looked deranged, and another spell left her wand only to be absorbed by the shield.
"That's quite enough!" Pollux thundered, but Sirius still wasn't listening. Regulus was silent, staring at his plate. His knuckles were white where he gripped his knife and fork, his hands shaking slightly, he hated it when Sirius argued with their mother. And this was an argument for the ages.
"You're just as bad," Sirius snarled at his brother, he couldn't help himself now, "Saying nothing, not brave enough to make a commitment." Regulus slowly lifted his head, but still didn't seem to be able to speak. His face was pale, lips pressed tight, they were almost completely leached of colour.
"He knows how to be a good son," Walburga cut in, that sinister smile of hers making her look even more batshit crazy, "he'll do what is required of him."
Finally she'd said something to break through the defiant rage obscuring Sirius's judgement. Was she going to make Reg part of it? Regulus wouldn't fight her, Sirius knew that. Something cold and unpleasant smothered his anger, disappointment perhaps? It shouldn't be, this was exactly what he expected of them.
"Alphard, take Sirius up stairs please." Pollux said, his voice was a restrained kind of calm. Firm, and cold, it was more frightening than Walburga's raging, "Walburga sit down, this isn't doing anyone any good."
"I see where you get it Reg," Sirius sneered, beyond caring, the whole lot of them, blind, bigoted sheep. He glared at his grandfather. "Another coward, a fence sitter. All of you make me sick."
"Go, Sirius," Alphard's voice was warning now. Alphard knew his father wouldn't take being spoken to like that.
Sirius did move towards the door, but he'd lost all sense of self-preservation. "You say they have dirty blood," he shot at his mother, "That's how I feel, like I'm full of filthy bigoted blood. Black, and disgusting. I'm so ashamed of my name. Embarrassed to be part of this –," but he was cut off as Walburga broke through Alphard's shield.
"HOW DARE YOU!" she screeched, and after all the times she and Sirius had fought, all the times he'd thought he'd gone too far, he realised that this time, he really had. Her spell hit him with enough force to knock the wind out of him. He doubled over, but flicked his wand in her direction, and the last clear thought he had was that he wasn't going to let her win, he wouldn't be like them, he wasn't a coward.
His stinging hex caught her hand as she raised her wand again, and he realised if he didn't put some space between them he might not be around to make good on all of his talk about standing against them, against Voldemort.
His last glimpse of her before he ducked behind the door was angry red blisters bubbling up over her black taloned claw. Her eyes flashed as she pursued him and the mingled voices of Pollux and Alphard faded eerily.
He pounded up the stairs, this was it he knew, he was leaving.
She was too furious, but he wouldn't take it like he used to.
The carved snake head on the bannister at the first floor landing exploded as he dodged past it. Her screams were deranged, he couldn't discern the words. He just had to get to his room, he could barricade the door long enough to pack, then go out the window.
He skidded onto the second floor, and ran down the hallway, but his legs were heavy, too heavy … the rug was askew … and too soft.
His feet sank in too far, it was trapping him, like quicksand, the more he fought the further he sank, then a long shadow fell over him.
His mother cackled, claws and cold eyes, her jet black hair loose from its high bun, blowing around her in a wild wind, tendrils whipping like serpents tails, her wand glowed green as she laughed –
"Sirius, Sirius!" There was a hand tapping his face, and a voice that wasn't evil, a voice that meant safety, "Sirius!" the voice said.
It was dark and warm, the room was strange, the ceiling too low, the walls too close. He was on the floor, it was Remus's room, he remembered with relief.
He was safe, his mother hadn't caught him, he'd made it to his room, and out the window. His school trunk had thankfully barely been unpacked, he'd shrunk it as he ran towards it. Then scooped it up, and hurled it out the window, He'd freed Zoff from his cage, telling him to go to James, and hiffed him out the window too. Sirius had followed a moment later, a cushioning charm broke his fall. The paved alley that his window looked out over was deserted, he turned into the black dog and picked up his newly transfigured briefcase in his teeth by the handle and ran, watching the sky as Zoff flew off, heading north.
"Padfoot," Remus's voice said again, "are you with me?"
Sirius could see his face now, close and concerned, his hair sleep mussed. They'd fallen asleep on the floor together, Sirius realised, as much happier memories flooded his mind, helping chase away the dark.
Then there was a creak nearby and Mrs Lupin's tentative voice said, "Remus dear, is everything alright?"
Remus suddenly shuffled away from Sirius, even though she wouldn't have been able to see anything in the dark, "Sirius had a nightmare, Mum," Remus sounded worried, "I don't think he's quite right."
Sirius realised then that he hadn't actually spoken yet, "I'm okay," he said hoarsely, as Mrs Lupin crouched next to the mattress, her cool hand reaching out automatically to feel his forehead.
"You're very clammy, dear,'' she said. Her voice was so kind and quiet in the dark, so concerned for him. There was suddenly an obstruction in Sirius's throat, brought on by the idea that she cared so much, and he couldn't breathe in properly, his chest was so tight.
"Remus, go and get him a glass of water." Ruth said, and Sirius wondered if she could see how upset he was. Not that he was particularly worried about Remus seeing him like that. Remus left the room and Ruth said quietly, "I heard you crying out, did your mother hurt you, is that why you left?"
"I left because I hate them." Sirius murmured as he focused on trying to stay calm, he wouldn't let that feeling win, "She's hurt me plenty of times in the past."
"You know that's not alright, don't you?" Ruth told him, "Parents shouldn't –,"
"Of course I know that." Sirius cut her off, surprised when his voice came out clipped, almost annoyed, "but what choice did I have?"
"Dear, I'm not blaming you," she patted his knee through the blanket, "She's at fault, not you."
"Sorry," Sirius breathed, feeling terrible for snapping at her. Then the floorboard creaked outside the bedroom and Remus returned carrying a glass of water. He threw Sirius a cautious glance, before he put the glass on his nightstand and sat down on his neatly made bed.
Sirius's eyes followed his movements, he was so … rangy these days, still a bit skinny for his new height, and his shoulders were sharp and angular in his thin sleeping t-shirt. Sirius was distracted from his own worries for just a moment, remembering Remus's breathless voice in his ear; their clumsy fumbling had been quite enough to get each other off. Sirius's jeans hadn't even been undone before he'd been totally overwhelmed by the giddy rush of Remus's repetitive murmured approval, he'd been clutching at him, lost in it all. Sirius had never felt like that before.
"Are you hurt, Sirius?" Ruth asked, drawing him back, reminding him that his reality was not whispered encouragements and thrilling new discoveries, but an uncertain future, with no home, and no gold. "I know it's different with magic, but do you think you need a healer? Lyall can take you to St Mungos."
"I don't need a healer," Sirius said gruffly. "She never uses anything that can be checked for."
Ruth's eyes were so much like Remus's as she scanned his face, horrified by his words. "That is just dreadful, Sirius." She was clearly frustrated with the situation. "I wish there was something I could do to help."
"You have," Sirius said honestly. "Letting me stay here, I really appreciate it."
She smiled at him as she got to her feet. But then she looked toward Remus, and a slight frown crossed her face as she took in the crisply tucked and tidy bed he sat on.
She didn't comment, she did, however, leave the door slightly open as she left the room with a quiet, "Good night, boys."
Sirius spent three days at the Lupin's. Three days of cards and telly and a roaring fire while the outside froze. Two evenings of annoying Mrs Lupin while she cooked dinner, he'd never been around someone cooking the muggle way before, he had so many questions. Ruth was patient enough to answer all of them.
Then after dinner they had to wash the dishes, the muggle way of course, then they would sit with Mr Lupin and have a beer. Sirius found this very entertaining because Mr Lupin was hilarious, and full of stories about muggle farmers and their daily hijinks. Remus didn't seem to find the stories nearly as funny as Sirius did. He'd probably heard them all before.
Once they had finished their beers, they would go to Remus's room to listen to records. Or that's what they said they were doing. True, they did put a record on, but they would invariably end up on top of each other on the bed, because Sirius actually couldn't be alone with Remus without touching him now. It occupied his mind constantly. All day. Every time there was a quiet moment, his brain went straight back there. His lips were dry and a bit sore from scraping against the pale stubble along Remus's jaw. But he just felt like he couldn't get enough.
On the third afternoon, which was New Years Eve, Mr and Mrs Lupin were entertaining a few friends with music and drinks in the sitting room. Sirius and Remus were going into the village to meet Julian later. Remus had taken advantage of his parents' distraction, and dragged Sirius into his bedroom and shut the door.
The New York Dolls played on the gramophone and Sirius was so very grateful that Remus was just as obsessed with touching him as he was. They'd been in there long enough that the record had died away, and Sirius was thinking vaguely that being pinned to the mattress by a lanky werewolf was about the best thing in the world, when there was a knock on the door.
Remus sprang off him so quickly, that Sirius was still blinking dazedly, his arms frozen on the pillow either side of his head, his wrists suddenly cold without Remus's hands wrapped around them, when Mrs Lupin's head poked around the door. She had a wine glass in her hand and spots of colour high on her cheeks, "Your friend James is on the phone boys." she said merrily.
"James can use a phone?" Sirius asked, still feeling dazed, he'd managed to move his arms to a more natural position now.
Ruth gave him a funny kind of smile, her eyes a bit more sparkly than usual, "Yes dear, he's waiting for you. Remus are you alright?" She sounded amused.
Sirius looked to see Remus standing up with his back to them next to the wardrobe. "Oh yes," he said, his voice a bit fractious, "just looking for a jumper."
The one he'd been wearing earlier was half stuffed down between the bed and the wall, discarded hastily as he'd straddled Sirius's waist half an hour ago. Sirius decided not to point that out. Remus turned then, with flushed cheeks and red lips, holding a new jumper in his hands.
"Are you sure you need it, dear?" Mrs Lupin asked, her words slightly too casual, "You look rather warm." she definitely thought something was funny, "Come on now, James is waiting."
Then she left the room and the spinning of the record in the silence seemed so loud, the silence itself billowing, as Remus remained unmoving. Sirius didn't even think he was breathing. He himself however, had a head full of Ruth's twinkling eyes; so much like her son's when they were lit with amusement at some joke or shared secret.
"She knows." Sirius said lightly, as he got up off the bed.
"No." Remus gasped, like he really had forgotten to breathe. His head snapped around to look at Sirius, completely horrified.
"Yeah, she does." Sirius said confidently, unable to help the smile spreading across his face, he didn't know why it seemed so amusing, "You should tell her, she doesn't seem worried about it."
Remus just stared at him, wide-eyed and stunned as he shook his head. Sirius nodded, starting to snicker a little, Remus's expression was too funny.
"Come on Moony," Sirius threw his arm around him and gave him a bracing squeeze, he was still looking like a deer in headlights at the idea of his mother knowing what they had been up to. "Let's go see how the hell James has found a way to ring us."
The adults were back in the sitting room, the telephone was on the wall in the kitchen next to the refrigerator. The hand piece with its long curly cord was sitting on top of the fridge.
Remus picked it up and asked, almost suspiciously, "James?"
"Moony, mate!" James's voice rung out at once, "What took so long? I'm freezing my balls off out here."
"Out where?" Remus asked, grinning as he leaned against the wall, watching Sirius, and looking much less stunned than he had a moment ago.
"In the village, Sirius's owl arrived here three days ago, that normally means he's been locked up, but when I floo'd them the elf said that Sirius was a ' stain of dishonour ' and then his mother came in and started screaming at me."
Remus held the phone out and Sirius took it, he'd never talked on a phone before, but he copied what Remus had done. "James," he said, "I'm here, everything blew up at home. Pretty sure I'm disowned now."
"Oh shit," James said, aghast, "I thought something bad must have happened. Are you okay?"
"Yeah," Sirius sighed, it was good to hear James's voice, "nearly starved to death walking to Moony's place, but other than that, I'm fine."
"You walked there?"
"Well, ran ." he whispered, "Padfoot." he added quietly, even though the adults were far too busy enjoying themselves to overhear.
It had actually been pretty frightening, running across open country in the dark, even with the dog's night vision. He'd not really known the way to Shepton Mallet, other than it was directly west of London. He'd run for about twelve hours in total, pausing for a fitful and cold sleep in the bushes at the base of a big hill around dawn. He'd stayed close to the carriageway so that he could read the road signs and eventually he'd found his way. Thankfully Remus's house was on one of the main lanes in Shep, and he'd remembered his way there from the market cross in the middle of the village.
"Merlin," James muttered, "I'm glad you're okay, maybe we should start learning how to apparate."
Remus had gone to look in on his parents in the sitting room and Sirius said, "Next project you reckon?" Sirius liked this idea. "I could have come straight to yours then, I only came here because it's closer than your place," this wasn't completely true, but he felt like James might wonder why he'd picked Remus over him as refuge, "Mrs Lupin said she'll bring me up to yours though."
"Cool," James reliped, sounding relieved, "Mum's going a bit spare actually, I told her I didn't know where you were."
Sirius grimaced, "Is she angry?"
"No, twat," James huffed, "she's worried about you. Normal mum's don't get angry when you get lost. They get worried. So when are you coming?"
Sirius looked to Remus, who was just re-entering the kitchen, Sirius didn't actually want to go now. They only had five days left of the holidays. "I'll ask Mrs Lupin," he hedged, then there was a loud laugh from the sitting room and Sirius added, "though I don't know if she'll be wanting to drive tomorrow."
"Ha," James laughed, "Yeah, mine are mingling with the muggles this evening, down in the village. Mum loves it, that's why I decided to ring Moony, we walked down from the house together."
"We're going to the village too," Sirius told him, pleased they had something to get them out of the house this evening, something told him that Remus might not want to spend all their free time snogging now that his mother might know what they'd been up to. "We're meeting Moony's mate Julian."
"The music guy?"
"Yeah. I met him the first night I arrived, he seems cool."
"Have fun," James said. There was a clicking on the line, like a warning, "Alright, even if you just come up for a couple of nights that will keep Mum happy, you know she needs to make sure you're okay."
"Please don't tell her what happened." Sirius muttered, he didn't want another mum fussing over him.
"She'll get it out of you anyway."
"Probably." Sirius smiled, despite himself, maybe a little fuss would be okay.