JENNIE

Dinner... for lack of a better word, was tense.

I had made a good meal of rice with chicken, assisted by Kuma who doesn't say a word and just helps around in the kitchen while Lisa, Lily and Luca played. The little kids not feeling the tension in the house.

Lego had locked himself in his room and had only come out when Kuma had gone to tell him dinner was done. We all sit at the dining table, eating in partial silence as Luca fills it with talk about his day at school and Lily talks about an episode of Princess Sophia. Sometimes she's slow down and look at everyone at the table, her eyes styling on Lisa before continuing.

I though I was aware of the kids reaction to Lisa, I was just happy we got to do this and maybe next time weve'd do it in a relaxed setting, maybe in front of the tv.

Lego finishes first and walked out, closely followed by Kuma and then Lily. Luca who didn't want to be without his siblings, quickly wiggled down the chair and made his way out, leaving me and Lisa alone.

"Can I help with the dishes?" Lisa asks as we both stand up.

"It's Lego's turn to do it." I says as I places the plates in the sink. I also grabs her plate and keeps it on the already stacked ones. "Do you want a drink?" I asks.

"Can we... can we have the talk now?" She asks. "I don't know what you're going to say and I keep thinking the worst things and worrying an-"

"-Let's do this somewhere private." I says and walks out of the kitchen, Lisa following behind. We pass by the Living room where I tells Kuma i'll be back soon.

It's times like this that I was glad we had the building to themselves. I walks over to the side, a little bit away from the house so eavesdropping would be difficult.

"I haven't been fair." I starts, looking at the grass, fingers playing with the hem of my shirt.

"Jennie..."

"You have been reaching out. Trying to get me to talk, to forgive, to be friends." I finally looks up to her who was staring with wide eyes. "I realized your anxiety had to have originated from somewhere. I remember how I was after Luca's birth and I want to apologize. You were there, you were always there until you weren't. I didn't think my words or actions would hurt in any way."

"It still doesn't excuse what I did."

"It doesn't but you are working on it, working on you and that is great."

"I have learnt from my mistakes and I'm going to do everything I can to make it up to you and the kids." She says, looking so earnest it hurts my heart a little."

"Our problem was communication and honesty hour helped us to ask questions and get answers we were too scared to ask some time ago."

"Jennie, I need to..." she pushed her fingers into her hair and sighs. I notices Lisa free hand was shaking, even the fingers she had in her had in her hair was shaking a bit. "You're giving me hope. I- I would take anything you give but I keep getting these signals from you and I don't know what to do. I don't know what this is."

Her voice was also shaky and I knows it's not from the cold. It's not even that cold out. I had the urge to reach for her hand but we still had a lot to talk about before anything could be done.

"Living without you is hard, it has been hard. We've been together since we were sixteen. These past two years have been hard but the kids, our kids have been the angels they are. They pulled me through."

"I am so sorry for putting you through this. For breaking your trust, for breaking the kids trust, for breaking promises I've made for years."

"You kept it for years though. You took care of me but forgot to take care of yourself. How did I not see that?" I grips my shirt tight, grinding my teeth together. How had I not known that? I must have missed the signs one way or another because Lisa and me used to talk about everything and anything. I should have noticed how quiet Lisa had gotten.

"It's not your fault. I should have come to you. I should and will always come to you no matter what issues I'm facing."

"It's us, you know."

"Yeah, I know." Lisa replies with a small smile. The first I had seen since the dinner. "I don't want our twenty years to be in vain. Vanessa once told me that only ten percent of divorced couples get back together. She also said only about forty percent are actually friends and raise the kids as stated in the divorce agreements. I am so fucking happy that you're still by my side, you know? As a friend. I can take it. I appreciate it."

"Being friends with you has been surprisingly easy. It's one of the things I have missed. I could tell you little things and it would mean a lot to you and vice versa." I smiles softly at that. Friends. We had also started out as friends before our feelings evolved into something more.

"I'm not good at making friends and when I do I like to keep them for a long long time."

"I know." She replies quietly. "I'm happy to be part of the lucky few."

"I have lost two friends recently."

Her eyes widened immediately. "Rosé?"

I shakes my head. "Mino and Jiyong."

Lisa schooled her expression into something neutral before everything collapsed into worry. "I'm sorry. Did he do something wrong? Did he break up with you? I can go and kick his a-"

I breaks off into a giggle, my lips stretching out into a smile that stuns Lisa unto silence. She could stare at me for forever.

"I broke up with him. I never liked him that much. I liked him at the beginning but it didn't last. None of them never last." I sighs. "They were not right. They were not you."

She staggers back, my words hitting her with such force. I could tell her hadn't been expecting it but I couldn't stop now. I had to keep going. I had to push through.

"I forgive you Lisa. I have. I just don't trust you yet." I states. "That day, at the clinic when we laughed and played with Kuma. It had to be one of the best days of my life. I felt complete."

"I was so happy I got to have that with you again. Getting Kuma to laugh with me, getting you to laugh with me and to support me by going in on my session. I was ridiculously happy and that has been with me always. Sometimes I'd find myself smiling. My secretary, Eugene, thinks I've lost my mind but she just doesn't understand."

"The people I have dated never really knew anything about me. Heck, even Jiyong didn't know I hated roses. He would get me roses all the time, unlike the other flowers you had delivered to me."

Her eyes widened. "H-How did you know that it was me?"

I smiles softly. I had an inkling but I actually didn't know it had been Lisa who sent me all those daisies and lilies. I had just added that to my sentence to gage her reaction. It felt good to know it was her sending me all those gorgeous flowers with wonderful meanings.

[AP]

Lisa had rotated between sending white calla lilies and pink calla lilies. The white symbolizing purity and innocence while the pink meant appreciation and admiration.

The daisies symbolizes of true love.

"You kept sending daisies" I said, looking right at her who in turn doesn't look away. I desperately wants to move closer to her. I wants to be held by her by my long lost love

Flashbacks

I stared at the small bouquet of flowers in my hands.

"You know flowers have meanings."

I snorts and shakes my head at Lisa. "We have the horticulture classes."

I rolls my eyes at my girlfriend, moving closer to her. We were in the cafeteria, Lisa had abandoned her seat at the popular table in favor of me. The two of usseating a bit to the back, like we were in our own private bubble.

"Can you just?" Lisa sighs. "I'm trying to be romantic here."

I giggles, holding on tighter to the flowers. My lunch of a couple peanut butter sandwiches sitting in my tummy. I liked when Lisa gets like this. When she talks softly and holds me softly. When she tries to bring out the snappiness hidden within me.

"Tell me what you wanted to say."

"I don't want to."

"Lisaaaa..." I coos, my hands reaching up to touch her cheek. "Do you know why I hate roses?"

"No. I've been trying to guess but nothing is good enough."

"It's because they've been over used. Over dramatized. I think people have focused on one particular flower to mean something when there are other flowers, equally as beautiful that mean the same thing."

"At the flower shop, I looked around for flowers. I wanted to get you the best one and I saw them. Daisies and I just wanted you to have them. The shop keeper said, it had many meanings and that depends on the situation and the people but for us. For right now, it means love."

It was different when I thought the flowers were from Jiyong. It meant nothing with me but now I clearly knew it was from Lisa. And depending on our situation, the daisies flowers meant true love.

"Why?" I asks.

"I started sending them after I talked about my situation, about our divorce with someone. I wanted to let you know in one way or another so I sent you a bouquet of periwinkle flowers and it spurred on from them. I started sending Daisies after my sessions with Vanessa."

Our lives have always and will always be intertwined. We had kids and we also had feelings for each other. It was never going to go away no matter how hard we try or whatever obstacles we face.

"Are we being foolish here?" I asked. "Are we reaching for something that we should just let go of?" I wanted to know. I wanted to be sure we both wanted the same thing. That we both felt the same way.

Her reply was immediate. "Never. We aren't being foolish. You have no idea how much I want to be..." she paused. It seemed like the hidden meaning behind what everything I had said suddenly right in front of her.

"You want us to try again."

I bites my bottom lip, knees going weaks as Lisa walks closer to me until she's right there. Right in front of me.

"Are we being foolish? I know I didn't read everything wrong and I know how the past two years have been like for the two of us but-"

"But we still love each other and not in the simple sense of the words. We are still in love with each other." Lisa said and it felt like I could finally breathe. This time I don't stop myself from reaching out. I slid my hand into her. The familiar warmth sipping into me.

Just holding her hand felt like coming home.

We had been through shit but we were still here.

"I want to be part of those ten percent that make it work." Lisa says, squeezing my hand a bit. Raising our joined hands to her lips, pressing soft kisses over my knuckles.

"I want the same but for this to work, we have to take this slow."

"How slow?"

"A turtle's pace."

~~~~~~~~~~