Thank you Stitch_cat for working your beta magic and taking care of those pesky commas for me. You are all kinds of awesome!
Huge thanks to my pre-readers Verseseven and snarkymuch! I'd be lost without you and I flove you hard!
Disclaimer- All recognizable copyrighted and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owner, most especially Stephenie Meyer. Everything else belongs to the respective author.
BPOV
As soon as I saw Edward tense up I knew what was going on. When Emmett had used the nickname 'Squirt' my mind had instantly gone to the night before and what had happened with Paul. Paul's mind had, no doubt also relived those moments and Edward had inadvertently had front row tickets to the show. At first I felt a little embarrassed by the fact that Edward saw me in such an intimate situation, but I shook that feeling off. I had nothing to be embarrassed about, and I was damn well not going to be ashamed of what was by far the best sexual experience of my life so far.
I heard Edward growl and I wondered why he seemed upset. I knew he couldn't be jealous, so I figured he just didn't approve of what he saw. Our relationship had always been so chaste, and after he left me I realized that he probably didn't want to take things further due to the fact that he wasn't in love with me. He always said it was because it would be too dangerous and that he was afraid of hurting me. I never believed that, not fully anyway. I'm sure it would have been a bit dangerous if we had made love, but what about touching, caressing, cautiously exploring? He could play the softest tunes on the piano, and he managed to turn the thin pages of a book without destroying them, obviously he knew how to control his strength even when he wasn't consciously thinking about it. I was definitely a lot less fragile than the papers in his beloved books, and yet he wouldn't so much as graze my breasts, for crying out loud.
I knew that Edward still very much held on to the morals of the era he grew up in, and when he confirmed that he didn't love me I came to the conclusion that maybe it wasn't just the fact that he wasn't physically attracted to me that held him back, but also his beliefs about what was, or wasn't, appropriate to do outside of marriage. Because, seriously, what seventeen-year-old boy would constantly reject his girlfriend when she practically threw herself on him every chance she got? His morals and values would also explain why he seemed upset by what he saw in Paul's mind. Not that I really understood his reaction though, if I chose to behave in an 'unladylike' manner or not had no bearing on him. Unless he felt that it reflected poorly on him that his ex-girlfriend was partaking in such lewd acts?
All of a sudden I realized that Edward wasn't sitting down anymore. In fact, I couldn't see him at all. I started hearing terrible noises: growls, snarls and crashing sounds. I spun around and looked out into the yard behind me and my heart froze. I couldn't clearly make out what exactly was happening because it was all too fast for my eyes to really follow, but I saw enough to know that Edward and Paul were in a serious fight. Leah was growling fiercely, but for some reason stayed out of the fight. Jasper and Emmett rushed forward to either aid their brother, or to break things up. By that point, though, a horrible screeching sound followed by a loud yelp was heard and then something came flying through the air and landed right in front of me. I looked down and saw...an arm?
I blinked in shock, tilted my head and took a closer look. It really was an arm. A twitching arm that seemed to be trying to make its way back to the body it belonged to. I heard an extremely irritating scream and every vampire and wolf instantly froze in their actions and I felt them all looking at me. I realized that I was the one screaming and quickly snapped my mouth shut. I couldn't stop watching the arm, though. It was the most bizarre and surreal thing I'd ever seen. I clearly remembered the sounds I had heard when James was torn apart, but I hadn't exactly seen it happen due to the excruciating pain I was in at the time. To not only see a limb moving on its own, but also recognizing it, was a bit disturbing. Those long fingers that I had watched stroke the keys of the piano so many times were now clawing and pulling on the ground to get back to their owner. If the situation hadn't been so horrifying I would have laughed at the absurdity. It was like a really bad horror movie, even worse than the one Jake, Mike and I had watched on our weird date-like night in Port Angeles.
I heard someone softly calling my name and I finally managed to pull my eyes away from the freaky thing before me. I looked up and met the concerned eyes of Carlisle.
"Are you alright, Bella?" He asked, obviously worried about the fragile human.
"I…yeah…" I sighed. "Yes, I'm fine. But…" Something in my peripheral vision caught my eye and I gasped at the sight. Leah was standing guard over Paul, who was laying on his side panting heavily.
"He's hurt!" I yelled out, and started running towards him.
"Bella, don't!" Edward shouted, but thankfully Jasper and Emmett stopped him from advancing on me. I came to an abrupt halt and dropped to my knees next to Paul. Leah moved so she was shielding both Paul and me from the vampires. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't see any marks or blood on Paul's body, and I feared that he had some internal injuries. I was afraid to touch him in case I hurt him more.
"Paul, where are you hurt? What can I do?" Why I was asking him questions he wasn't able to answer was beyond me. I was just so scared. One of my worst nightmares had come true; a wolf had been hurt because of my involvement with vampires.
"Honey, can you phase back?" He raised his massive head and gave me a surprised look at my choice of words. I always called him various different names of dog characters from movies, cartoons or books and he, in turn, used all sorts of synonyms for 'short' he could come up with for me. It was our way of showing affection for each other, but in the current situation we were in the more common term of endearment seemed to come naturally.
"Bella, may I come and take a look at him?" Carlisle's question was met with a growl from Leah.
"Please, Leah, let Carlisle come over. He can help Paul." I felt fairly certain that no matter how wrong I had been about the Cullens, Carlisle took his oath as a doctor seriously and would do anything he could to help Paul.
"My family will all step back and I'll come by myself." Now it was Rosalie's turn to growl.
"It's okay, Rose, I'll be fine." Carlisle tried to reassure her. "You and Alice help Edward fuse his arm back, and then Emmett and Esme should go with him for a quick hunt to speed up the healing process." Even though it was phrased as a suggestion, it was clear by his tone that he expected them to do as they were told. The leader of the coven had spoken and I relaxed a little, knowing that someone had taken charge and managed to get a handle on the situation.
I moved over so I was sitting by Paul's head, giving Carlisle room to examine Paul. Leah had stopped growling and watched intently as Carlisle slowly approached Paul.
"If you are able to change back into human form it would be easier to assess your injuries, but if not, I will do my best to examine you in this form."
After pausing for a minute, Carlisle realized that Paul was not going to phase back any time soon, so he carefully began his examination. His hands were moving at a speed that my eyes couldn't quite follow, and before I knew it he sat back and declared that Paul's left leg was broken. It seemed the leg was broken in several places but obviously it was hard to tell due to the current form Paul was in. I sighed in relief that Paul wasn't hurt worse, and I knew that the wolves healed very fast. A broken leg wouldn't be too much of an inconvenience to him as there wouldn't be need for a cast or crutches.
When I informed Carlisle of the accelerated healing, however, he became concerned that the bones would have to be set quickly before they healed together the wrong way. I managed to convince Paul to phase back and Carlisle was able to feel that the leg was broken in three different places and, unfortunately, two of them had already healed in the wrong positions. With the help of Jasper's influence Carlisle re-broke the bones and I actually think I cringed more than Paul did.
It was decided that Sam would come with his truck and Leah would take Paul home. Neither Leah nor Paul was too happy about it, but Paul didn't really have a choice and I was adamant that Sam stay instead of Leah. Leah needed to go and blow off some steam, and since there was no way I was going to be left without wolf protection, Sam was by far the best choice. He was clearly upset about what had happened, but he was the calmest of the wolves and the one who best controlled his thoughts. I couldn't for the life of me figure out why Edward had felt the need to attack Paul simply because he had seen that we had had sex last night, and I didn't need another wolf there broadcasting thoughts that would cause Edward to lose it again.
Edward, Emmett and Esme returned from their hunt and Edward once again had two arms attached to his body. Sam phased and trotted away to the edge of the forest, giving us the semblance of privacy. Everyone took their seats and I ended up sitting between Carlisle and Rose. I had so many questions running through my mind and I wasn't sure where to begin, but luckily Carlisle once again took the lead.
"Now that everyone has settled down, let's see if we can have a civilized conversation shall we?" He said with a stern look towards Edward, who nodded his consent.
"Edward, would you mind informing us why you attacked Paul, an invited guest and friend of Bella?"
"Yeah, Edward, no matter how much I enjoyed watching you going at it with the mutt, I'm curious to what he was thinking to get your panties in such a twist?" Emmett's laughter quickly died down when Edward began to growl and his eyes started to turn a darker shade.
"Knock it off, Edward! I know what you probably saw in Paul's mind, but why would you even care?" I demanded of him.
"Why would I care? Bella, he was taking advantage of you, of course I care."
"What?" What the hell was he talking about?
"I saw what he did to you last night and I'm so sorry I wasn't there to protect you, but I promise that it will never happen again."
"I have no idea what you're talking about Edward. Paul didn't do anything to me." At least not anything I didn't want him to do.
"You don't have to defend him, love. It's alright now, I'll keep you safe." Edward dropped to his knees in front of me and reached out to take my hands.
"What are you talking about Edward? What did the dog do to her?" Rosalie suddenly looked murderous and I felt extremely confused. Why did Edward think I was defending Paul and why would Rosalie care?
"Okay, everyone needs to calm down and tell us what is going on." Carlisle said, giving Jasper a look, and I instantly felt the calming waves from the resident empath.
"I really don't know what Edward's talking about, but it's clear that he saw what Paul and I did yesterday." I sighed, steeling myself to the idea of the entire Cullen family about to know way too much about my sex life.
"Not that it's any of your business, but Paul and I had sex last night." I ignored the gasps and looked Edward straight in the eye. "I understand that you didn't approve of what you saw in Paul's mind, but that really doesn't explain why you attacked him or think that I need protection from him."
"Love, as much as the thought of you and the mutt doing anything like that together hurt me, it's the thought he had about you being drunk that made me furious." Another round of gasps was heard at the revealing of me being drunk. I still ignored them and waited for the dots to connect in my brain. They didn't.
"So, what? You attacked him because I had been drinking? That doesn't make any sense at all!"
"Bella, he took advantage of you! You were not of sound mine and he seized the opportunity to have his way with you." After a second of stunned silence, Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper all stood up and let out loud growls.
"I'm going to kill him!" Emmett's declaration was met with approving nods from Rosalie and Jasper. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Sam's hackles rising and things were quickly starting to get out of hand again.
"Enough!" I rose to my feet yelling. "Everybody sit the fuck down! Emmett, you're not going to kill anyone. Sam, tell the pack to stay put." The way Sam's head fell a little told me that the pack was indeed on their way over.
"But, Bella, you can't expect us not to do anything about this?"
"Yes I can, Emmett. This is just ridiculous! Paul didn't take advantage of me, for crying out loud. Yes, I had been drinking, but I was not drunk and I certainly knew what I was doing. Paul didn't do anything that I didn't want him to do and maybe if Edward had a little more experience in these matters he would have seen that."
Geez, I had been nervous about meeting the Cullens again, but I had never in a million years expected to be standing here trying to justify my sex life. With a huff I sat down, crossed my arms over my chest and glared at Edward for putting me in this situation.
"Are you sure nothing happened against your will?" Rosalie asked with a softness in her voice that I had never heard from her before, and definitely not directed towards me.
"Of course I'm sure. Do you really think that I would have been around him, let alone ridden his back here, if he had done something like that to me?" I'm not an idiot!"Why do you even care, Rosalie? For that matter, why do any of you care what happens to me? You all left me, remember?" I wanted to get to the point of the meeting so we could get it over with, and I didn't have to be in the presence of these infuriating people any longer. I was angry and confused and the headache was making a comeback.
Everybody had taken their seats again and as I was waiting for someone to say something I took the chance to take a look at Alice, who had been sitting quietly the entire time. She looked absolutely heartbroken and she was wringing her fingers in a very uncharacteristic way. Why was she so sad? Had she missed me? I tried really hard to squish the feeling of hope I got at the thought of my former best friend missing me, but I wasn't very successful. To see the normally exuberant girl so blue tore at my heart strings and I realized that I still wanted her to want me. I had come a long way and my life was no longer dependent on the approval of anyone else, but that didn't mean I didn't want the affection of the people I loved. Damn it all to hell! I still loved Alice and I wanted her to be happy. I must be a glutton for punishment. Maybe I should look into some of that bondage-whipping-thing I had caught Quil looking at on my computer one day? Get a grip, Bella and get your head out of the gutter!
I heard Jasper clear his throat and I instantly looked at him. Vampires don't need to clear their throats. Why did he…? Oh. My emotions must be driving him mad. I had a hard time keeping up myself, and poor Jasper had to feel them all on top of his own and those of the family. I gave him an apologetic smile and focused on what Carlisle was saying.
"I can assure you that we all care very much about you, Bella. I cannot even begin to tell you how sorry we are about leaving you, but please believe that it had nothing to do with not caring about you."
"Oh really? So you all up and left me because you care so much about me? Yes, that makes perfect sense." My voice was dripping with sarcasm and I couldn't wait to hear what excuse or explanation he had to offer. But instead of Carlisle answering me, it was Edward who spoke.
"I made them leave. After what happened with Jasper on your birthday it wasn't safe for you to be around us any longer."
"I'm so sorry about attacking you, Bella. I should have been able to handle it but I couldn't control myself." Jasper looked so sad and my heart broke at the sight of him.
"You have nothing to apologize for, Jasper. It wasn't your fault." I stated with conviction.
"Not my fault? I was the one who launched myself towards you intent on draining the life out of you." Jasper exclaimed and Edward was suddenly defensively standing in front of me as if he thought Jasper would try to kill me just by talking about it.
"Edward, move." I said, trying to push him away. Instead of moving, he turned around and faced me with an incredulous look. I had a sudden flashback to all the times he would look at me like I was a child who didn't know any better and I felt my anger flair.
"I'm serious, Edward. Move. Out. Of. My. Way." I gritted my teeth, not wanting to start another fight when we'd finally begun to talk. Thankfully he stepped back and made his way over to his seat again. I took a deep breath to get my anger under control and looked Jasper straight in the eye.
"Do you really believe that, Jasper? Do you honestly think that it's all your fault and that you should have been able to control yourself from going after my blood?" Everyone was looking at me, clearly wondering where I was going with this. I could see that everyone, including Jasper, thought that he was to blame.
"Why do you even ask that?" I detected a tone of annoyance in Jasper's voice. "We all know that I'm the one who's finding it the hardest to control my thirst. I'm the weakest link. I'm the one who slips from time to time making it necessary for the family to up and leave. This time was so much worse, as I actually tried to attack a member of the family." He spat out with disgust. I felt a twinge of pain when he referred to me as a member of the family but I pushed it away. I was determined to get my revelation across.
"I've been thinking a lot about your 'control issue' and I've come to a conclusion. I didn't expect it to come as a surprise to any of you, but considering the things you just said, maybe it will." I knew I was being a bit cryptic, but I was quite shocked by the fact that none of them seemed to know what I was talking about.
"What are you talking about?" I couldn't help but smile at Emmett for asking the question that was written all over everyone's faces.
"I'm taking about the fact that Jasper probably has more control over his bloodlust then all of you, with the possible exception of Carlisle." I ignored the scoff that came from Edward and instead spoke directly to Jasper.
"I'm talking about your gift, Jasper. Your ability to feel everyone's emotions."
"What does that have to do with it? Thirst for blood isn't an emotion." Edward actually sounded really confused, and I couldn't help but feel a little elated at being on the other side of a lecture for once.
"The thirst itself might not be an emotion, but the things that come with it sure are. You need blood to live just like humans need food and water to survive. You may not die from lack of blood but you are still affected by it. Carlisle told me how he tried to starve himself to death and how he felt weak, disoriented and almost delusional. Those are all emotions."
"Yes, but no one was starving on your birthday and I didn't feel any of the emotions you're talking about from anyone."
"But it's not just thirst is it? Isn't it also a lust for blood?"
"Sure there is, love. I told you many times that your blood called to me more than any other blood I had ever smelled. But I was still able to control myself around you as we all do on a daily basis around humans."
"But that's the thing though, don't you see? You all lust over blood to a certain degree every day and Jasper can feel that." Why were they not getting this?
"Of course!" Carlisle finally caught on to what I was saying. "The bloodlust is an emotion. We feel a burn in our throats, venom accumulates in our mouths and there is definite longing attached to the sweet smell. Why haven't I thought about that before?"
"But Carlisle, those are physical responses, not emotional." Alice piped up. It was the first thing I had heard her say all day, and I found it odd that she wasn't more open to the idea of Jasper not being weak.
"Lust is most definitely an emotion." Carlisle was interrupted by the 'hell yeah' coming from Emmett and everyone started to laugh. Everyone but Jasper, who looked as if he was in shock. I got up from my chair, went over to Jasper and crouched down in front of him.
"You fight not only your own bloodlust, but everyone else's too. Every day. That must take an enormous amount of control and the strength you possess is admirable. On my birthday you weren't prepared for the sudden onslaught of bloodlust coming from six vampires, including yourself. Not to mention the bloodlust coming from Edward alone, seeing how my blood calls to him. Of course you couldn't control that." I wanted desperately for him to see how strong he was and to stop blaming himself for things that weren't his fault.
I knew from experience how it felt to always put the blame on myself, and it was one of the things I had worked hard on overcoming the last few months. It was Leah that opened my eyes to the error of my thinking by pointing out that shit happened and to take the blame for everything pretty much equaled thinking that the world revolved around yourself. She asked me if I thought it was her fault that Sam imprinted on Emily and not on her, and if she should start berating herself instead of cursing the wolf gene, the imprinting concept or pretty much anything she could think of. I realized that taking responsibility for your actions is one thing, but placing blame where it didn't belong was a completely different matter. It was an extremely freeing realization and I wanted Jasper to experience it. It always seemed as if he carried the world on his shoulders, and if I could help lighten the burden a little I would make damn sure I did.
"Fuck man, you felt all of our bloodlust and Bella's still alive!" Emmett looked at his brother with a whole new level of respect in his eyes. "Bro, even if you did launch for Bella, you still somehow controlled yourself. I know that you could have easily thrown me and Rosie off of you, but instead you let us stop you and take you outside."
I saw that Jasper was slowly starting to believe what we were saying and he must have felt how impressed and proud at least I and Emmett were of him. Looking around I saw the same feelings on almost everyone's faces. Only Alice seemed to struggle, and she was starting to piss me off.
"Why do you look so concerned, Alice? Aren't you proud of your husband knowing what you know now?" I had to ask her because I really didn't understand the guilt and worry I could read in her expression.
"Of course I'm proud of him." She said in a small voice and then turned to Jasper. "I just can't help but think about all the times I've been angry or disappointed in you when you slipped. I feel guilty about blaming you when it was as much our fault as it was yours."
The whole family snapped out of their stupor and came over to Jasper, offering apologies and embraces. I stood to the side and rejoiced in the look on Jasper's face. I had done that. I had helped put that glorious smile on his face and I could feel an overwhelming sense of relief and wonder. I realized that Jasper was projecting and the knowledge of the freedom that came with those emotions brought tears to my eyes.
Jasper looked over at me and slowly slithered away from his excited family and walked over to me. He took my hands in his and looked me deep in the eye. Instead of saying anything he opened up his emotions and I was overcome with gratitude, amazement, relief, affection and a whole other set of emotions that made me throw my arms around him for the second time in two days. This time though, he didn't hesitate and engulfed me in his strong arms, lifted me up and spun me around. I had never seen Jasper act so carefree and, by the looks of it, the Cullens were also surprised by his unusual behavior.
"Jasper…dizzy." I managed to squeak out in between laughs as the spinning proceeded at an unnatural speed. Jasper stopped immediately and put me back down. I wobbled and held on to his upper arms for dear life as I tried to get the world to align itself into the correct places again.
"Sorry, darlin'. Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'll be fine as soon as the damn trees stop dancing around like that." And there it was again; the sound of Jasper laughing. I didn't care if he was laughing at me, I was just happy to hear his beautiful laugh again.
"Oh, Bella, you're something else." The affection in his voice sent warmth through me and I knew that no matter what happened with the rest of the Cullens, Jasper would always have a special place in my heart. I realized that I was still holding on to him even if my equilibrium was restored and I really didn't need the support to stand any longer. Reluctantly, I let go of him. I had never paid much attention to Jasper, but now I was very much aware of the defined muscles in his arms and I wished I had a reason to keep touching him. What the hell are you thinking, Bella? Empath, remember?
I nervously bit down on my lip and glanced up at Jasper. He was looking down at me with a strange expression. Whatever it was he was thinking or feeling he seemed to shake it off and the look of appreciation was back.
"I can't even begin to thank you, darlin', for what you've done for me today." I didn't need him to thank me and I was opening my mouth to say that, but Jasper put a finger to my lips to silence me. I had the sudden urge to stick my tongue out and see if he tasted as good as he smelled, but I managed to control myself.
"Let me be grateful and thank you, Bella. You've succeeded in doing something today that no one, including myself, has been able to do in over a century and a half." Holy crap! How old is he really?
Jasper smirked at my shock and sadly took his finger away from my lips. They tingled from the feel of him and strangely enough my lips felt colder with the loss of his finger than they did when he touched them.
"I mean it, Bella. You've put things into a perspective that makes so much sense that I'm kicking myself for not thinking of it sooner. You've given me a lot to think about, but I can already tell you that I've never felt freer than I do at this moment, and I'll be eternally grateful for you finding your way into my life. I just wish my presence in your life didn't bring you so much pain, but I swear I'll do everything in my power to make up for it."
"You never caused me any pain, Jasper. You're the only one of the entire family that I can honestly say has never hurt me." As the last words came out I heard a muffled sob. I looked over and saw Esme crying softly into Carlisle's chest. The sight was enough to quickly put a damper on the joy I felt and I was instantly reminded of the main reason for my visit. To find out why they were back in Forks. As soon as I had done that, I could be on my way home. I needed some time to think about everything that had happened these past two days, and if I started to think about it now I would probably break down. I took a deep breath, steeled myself and turned towards the rest of the family.
"Okay, why don't we get this over with? Why are you back in Forks?"
"We missed you, Bella."
"Aw, that's sweet Emmett, but what's the real reason?" I appreciated his sentiment, but I couldn't let myself get my hopes up. I knew that they didn't really care about me and they definitely wouldn't move back here just for me. Come to think of it...had they moved back or were they only here for the moment?
"It's true, love. We all missed you, and we couldn't stay away any longer." I gave Edward a glare that must have told him that I didn't believe him for a second. He actually flinched, and his hand went up to his hair. He always used to run his fingers through his hair when he was uncomfortable.
"Don't give me that bullshit, Edward! You missed me? Ran out of distractions, did you?" The bitterness in my tone made me cringe a little, but I was determined not to show him how much he had hurt me.
"I'm so sorry, Bella. I did something unforgivable that day. I lied to you."
"What do you mean? I know you lied, you said I would never see any of you again, and here you are."
"No." Edward sighed. "I lied when I said that I was tired of pretending and when I said I didn't want you. It was the most blasphemous thing I've ever said, and I'm ashamed of myself for uttering those words to you. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I was wrong. So wrong."
I didn't understand what was going on. I saw that the rest of the family had moved back to the lawn chairs, giving us the semblance of privacy, and Sam was lying against a tree looking like an overgrown dog waiting for his walk. My mind was racing, trying to catch up and make some sense of what Edward was saying.
"You lied? You were wrong?"
"Yes." He hung his head and barely looked at me.
"I don't get it, Edward. What did you lie about? You made it perfectly clear how you felt. Are you saying you've changed your mind?" The confusion could be heard in my voice, and I desperately wanted him to stop being cryptic and just spell it out for me. Perhaps he wasn't being cryptic, but maybe I just couldn't understand him?
"I did change my mind, in a way," he started, but my patience had run out.
"What? Tell me!" I demanded. Why was he toying with me? Didn't he do enough damage the first time around?
"I changed my mind about staying away from you. I only left because I thought you would be safer without me, without all of us. I wanted you to have a normal, happy life without the interference of the supernatural world. I still love you, Bella. I never stopped loving you. I only said that so you would let me go."
Edward took my hands, and his pleading eyes were almost killing me as his words started to register in my mind. He loved me? He never stopped loving me?
"You love me?" God, I sounded pathetic. What happened to the strong woman I had convinced myself I had become?
"I love you. God, I love you so much, Bella." He pulled me into his arms and crushed me against him. My arms were not cooperating and hung loosely at my sides. I felt the hole in my chest threaten to rip open, and panic started to set in. I took a breath, and the sweet smell of Edward washed over me. The smell that had always dazzled me before had quite the different effect this time, though. It was still sweet and incredibly good, but it didn't affect me the same way it used to. It actually cleared my mind, and I was suddenly aware of the fact that I was in Edward Cullen's arms after he told me that he still loved me. I yanked away from him and turned to see his stunned expression.
"You never stopped loving me but you left anyway?" The anger was starting to come back, and I welcomed it. "You left to keep me safe? You wanted me to have a normal life? Are you kidding me?"
I couldn't stand there and look at him anymore. I stomped my way over and threw myself down on the chair next to Jasper. He was the only one I could stand to look at, and I needed some of his calming influence.
"Just breathe, Bella." I was thankful that he didn't try to manipulate my feelings without my asking for it, and I focused on his eyes and took deep breaths, following his lead.
"That's good, darlin'. One more. Deep breath in, aaaand out." Jasper didn't need a gift to calm me down; he was doing just fine on his own. I still felt angry, but I could handle it now without breaking down. I concentrated very hard on feeling grateful in hopes that Jasper would feel it. The small smile he gave me told me that he felt it and understood what I couldn't say out loud at the moment. If I tried to say anything to him, I would start to open myself up to other feelings, and I needed to hold on to my anger for now. I still needed answers.
"Love, I'm so sorry."
"Edward, I told you yesterday, stop calling me 'love'. I'm not yours anymore; you threw me away. I don't know what you want from me!"
"I want you. I want your forgiveness for the awful things I said and did to you. I know I don't deserve it, but I'm begging for you to forgive me anyway." The pleading in his voice tugged at my heart, and I instinctively wrapped my arms around my chest. The familiar motion, however, reminded me of who I was now. It was all too easy to go back to being that insecure girl, begging to be loved by the gorgeous vampire. But I couldn't go back. I was a different person now, and I liked who I had become.
"I need some time, Edward. I don't know what to make of this."
"Take as much time as you need, lo... Um, Bella. I'm not going anywhere."
"None of us are going anywhere, sis," Emmett boomed out.
"Well, I've heard that before. You all left me. You told me you loved me. You said I was part of your family. What kind of family leaves a member behind without even saying goodbye? I don't trust you, and I'm not your 'sis'!"
I had had enough. I needed to go. I stood up, and in a sudden movement, I found myself stroking my hand over Jasper's cheek, letting him know again that I didn't blame him for anything and that I trusted him. He closed his eyes, and I felt affection and understanding coming from him. I turned and started walking over to Sam. I heard the family calling out to me, but I ignored them and kept walking.
"Sam, get me out of here."
I have the huge privilege and pleasure of working with Simaril who has started an amazing new story called "I'm only sleeping". Go read and give her some love! www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/s/7079270/1/Im_Only_Sleeping