Author's Notes: My old friend Jam-Man asked me to resurrect this old story, one of my favorites. Instead of posting it all at once a year from now, I'll post a chapter at a time as I find time to edit them. — D

The Spanking of Haruhi Suzumiya

Chapter One - Kyon Loses It

Personally, I didn't mind the new cosplay outfit Haruhi forced on Mikuru. In fact, I loved it. Mikuru made an awesome Hooters girl. Those tiny orange shorts hugged her shapely hips while that tight white low-cut top perfectly accentuated her fabulous breasts. The girl looked stunning.

I wondered why Haruhi chose that particular United States restaurant franchise. Japan hosts only five Hooters Restaurants, located in Tokyo and Osaka, so it caused quite a stir when they chose our town for their sixth franchise. Girls lined up around the block for a chance to work there. I'm pretty sure that line didn't include Mikuru Asahina, though.

Mikuru felt uncomfortable strutting around in the revealing getup at first, but she quickly adapted. After an hour or so, she seemed to relish the distracting spell the skimpy outfit cast on me and Koizumi. Neither of us could avert our eyes when she bent forward for tea service.

When Haruhi got wind of the attention we were showering on our sexy new Hooters waitress, she got pissed. Go figure. What the hell did she expect? You dress a sexy girl in a sexy outfit and guys are going to drool—Male Psychology 101. Still, I sensed a pot coming to a boil—and I don't mean Mikuru's tea pot.

The accident wasn't a big deal. Haruhi simply used it as an excuse to vent her frustration.

It happened like this. I asked Mikuru for more tea. As she bent forward to top off my cup, I turned toward her. My timing was perfect—or not, depending on your perspective—and my nose got wedged between her full dangling boobs.

Startled and maybe a bit embarrassed, Mikuru hopped back. She hadn't meant for that to happen—her boobs and my face colliding, that is. The hop back shook the teapot which in turn sent some hot liquid onto the table. I'm sure she didn't mean for that to happen either. In any event, it wasn't a big deal.

But the boiling brigade leader blew her top. Haruhi shot out of her commander's chair and stormed toward Mikuru like a drill Sergeant toward a misbehaving Private. She came to a skidding stop in front of the frightened girl and slapped her face.

Which shocked everyone. Haruhi's mean streak had flared in the past, but she'd never slapped Mikuru like that, especially for something so minor. I think Haruhi knew she overreacted, too, as she stood there and stared at her hand. But she wouldn't admit it. Instead, she defiantly stood her ground as Mikuru rubbed her cheek, followed soon after by a torrent of tears.

Looking back, I realize this marked the point in time my life changed forever.

But it's not like I could have changed anything. I didn't plan my reaction. I acted out of instinct. My emotions took over. I saw red. Someone had to do something, and I was the only guy who could do what needed to be done.

I rose from my seat, gently pushed Mikuru aside, and faced our callous leader. "That was an accident, Haruhi," I yelled. "You had no right to hit Miss Asahina like that."

"Oh yeah," Haruhi countered. "What are you going to do about it?" She poked the index finger of her slapping hand into my chest. "Shut up and stay out of this, Kyon. You get to talk when I give you permission."

I looked down at the finger—and snapped.

"You spoiled little bitch." I grabbed Haruhi's wrist and twisted it cruelly, wrenching her arm behind her back. Then I pushed down on her shoulder blade and slammed her face-down into the tabletop. "You need to be taught a lesson, Miss Pain-In-The-Ass Brigade leader." I pinned her arm behind her back with my left hand and started swatting her skirt-covered bottom with my right.

"Let me go, you stupid jerk." Haruhi struggled, her free arm flailing about, her feet sliding. "My grandmother hits harder than that, you pussy."

"Your grandmother hits harder, huh?" She shouldn't have taunted me. "Is that right?" I lifted her skirt, laying its fabric on her back, and yanked down her panties, revealing the most amazing bum I'd ever seen.

But I wasn't in "Bum Appreciation Mode". My dial pointed to "Discipline Mode".

I smacked that firm naked butt with a vengeance. I'd never spanked anyone before in my life so it took a few swats before I found my groove, the sound of each smack sounding like a whip cracking.

One loud authoritative blow followed the next. Though she tried to suppress any noises at first, Haruhi soon broke down and chirped each time my palm made contact with bare skin. I hate to admit this, but it felt great to swat that little tyrant's ass. She had it coming. I smacked and I smacked and I smacked and I smacked, as Haruhi chirped, bucked, and whimpered.

Her butt cheeks glowed a bright pink when she quit struggling—but I wasn't fooled. Though she offered no resistance, I continued gripping her wrist tightly. I was fully committed to meting out the punishment this bitch deserved.

Eventually my arm grew tired and my hand numbed. Breathing heavily, I stopped and used my sleeve to wipe the perspiration off my brow. I released her wrist, now bruised, and straightened, before taking a step back from the table.

Haruhi's arm slid off her back and dropped to the side. She made no effort to rise from the table or cover herself. Her bare bottom glowed like Rudolph's nose. Her head rested on the wooden table with her eyes closed.

The room was silent.

Haruhi opened her eyes, shifted to her side, and looked at me over her shoulder. Then she shot me the strangest look I'd ever gotten from anyone. Her flushed cheeks and teary eyes didn't convey sadness, or even anger. They expressed the combined emotion of shock and—

To tell the truth, I'm not sure what kind of look she gave me. Haruhi's expression was impossible to decipher. I do know one thing. It scared the hell out of me. My instincts told me to bolt.

I grabbed my backpack and marched out the door.