A/N: Sorry I didn't get this out this weekend but I was, well, busy. :) Thanks for all the reviews, guys! Glad you're enjoying my totally enlightening recaps. :P Please continue to review, it's what keeps me going. Also, I'm thinking about doing one of these for seasons 1 and 2 after I'm done with this, and definitely for season 4 when it comes out. What do you guys think about that? Either way, I'm going to get through season 3 first LOL. :D Read. Laugh. Cry. Sing. Dance. Puke. Do whatever this makes you want to do. Then review, please? ;)

Reflections

Chapter Twenty-Two: The Eye of the Phoenix Part 1 of 3

Okay, several things to say before we actually begin talking about the episode. You ready? Okay:

(1) I love you all very, very much and in a totally un-creepified way. You're just awesome and make me so happy with your reviews. I know I already said thank you in the author's note but I felt the need to say it again because y'all are just that good.

(2) WE GET A FULL SEASON FOUR, BABY! Yep, a FULL 13 EPISODES! Can I hear a WOOP WOOP WOOP? (Yeah the news is so awesome that it deserves THREE woops instead of just two. Oooh yeah. I can't wait! Especially since our loverly knights of the sexy table shall be staying in Camelot! Bwahaha!

(3) I just finished watching the movie Tangled and I cried my eyes out. It is SO good. Wow, it's right up there with Despicable Me and How to Train Your Dragon. If you haven't seen it, shame on you. Go rent it or buy it or even steal it – NOW. And then watch it, obviously. Oh – and if you decide to steal it, don't tell anyone I told you to do it. I don't want to be arrested on the grounds for inspiring criminal behavior. 'Kay?

(4) I'm writing this while listening to the song Fireflies by Owl City over and over and over and over and over and over and over and – oh, you get it I suppose. It is my current obsession song-wise. I don't know why you needed to know that, but you did.

(5) You should never get burros and churros confused. Spanish donkeys don't like it when you dunk them in hot sauce. And spicy burritos don't like it when you put a saddle on them and try to feed them grass. Just sayin'.

Okay, I think that's just about everything I want to say. Ha, who am I kidding? I never run out of things that I want to say. I guess what I'm trying to say now is that I'm going to move on from irrelevant stuff (well, 'cept for numbers 2 and 5) and get on with talking about the episode.

THE EYE OF THE PHOENIX PART 1 OF 3

*reminds self that this is not The Order of the Phoenix and not affiliated with it in any way, form or fashion, and that any similarities between characters of that and this episode of Merlin, whether living or dead, are purely coincidental… ah, who am I kidding here? It's SO connected… and we'll see how the worlds of Harry and Merlin are even more so connected later on at a certain bridge when we meet a certain bridge keeper that is also a certain music-conducting wingardium leviosaing ninja of awesomeness*

WOWSERS! So guess how this episode begins? Oh yeah, that's right – a shirtless Arthur scene! *sighs* And no, I'm not defecting to Team Arthur, thank you very much! But just because I am hardcore Team Merlin doesn't mean that I can't enjoy the view (or views, when the other knights are involved as well), does it? *awkward silence* That's what I thought. Hmph.

So Arthur is washing his face – without a shirt on, just thought I'd point that out again as I add yet another point to the shirtless Arthur scenes count. We're up to five now. Five in eight episodes? Not bad. Just sayin'.

But seriously, this beginning is a little weird. Arthur splashes his face with water, Merlin puts a white robe around his shoulders, and then watches solemnly as Arthur walks into the throne room which is dark but lit by candles and kneels on the floor, bare feet and all. I'm getting a very monk-y vibe here. And no, I don't mean those cute, furry, poo-flinging, bug eating mammals, although that would be really cool if Arthur got a pet monkey. I'd bet he would name it Merlin. And this is why:

EVIL SORCERER: I will kill you all! REVEEEENGE! MUAHAHA!
MERLIN THE MONKEY: (flings poo in the sorcerer's face)
MERLIN THE CUTIE: (uses his awesome magic to save the day)
ARTHUR: Why thank you, Merlin.
MERLIN THE CUTIE: (surprised but grateful at Arthur finally acknowledging his good deeds and honorable intentions at last) Y-you're welcome.
ARTHUR: (looks at Merlin like he's the bug Merlin the Monkey just picked out of his hair and ate) Not you. We named the monkey Merlin.
MERLIN THE CUTIE: (raises eyebrows and says another awesome spell and light encases Arthur as Uther runs in)
UTHER: Magic! You're a sorcerer!
ARTHUR: (turns into a duck) Quack.
UTHER: (screams and faints)
MERLIN THE CUTIE: (to Merlin the Monkey) So… how about those Giants, eh?

Oh and lemme know if any of you got that Princess Bride reference, hee hee. It was totally obvious so if you've seen the movie at all you should get it. If not, SHAME ON YOU! Go stand in the corner and clean your room and wash your mouth out with soap! Why?

Because Arthur's a prat.

And yes, I did rip the first part of the dialogue from Pirates but it was just too good. Besides, I just gave credit and this is fan-fiction anyway, so…

Which reminds me… I don't think I've ever really put up a disclaimer on any of my stories before. I never saw the need since I figured it was obvious because it's a fan-fiction site. But do you think I should start doing it? Just in case? Auntie Arthur, any advice.

AUNTIE ARTHUR: Get a nice, cold tankard of mead.
ME: You know I'm underage.
AUNTIE ARTHUR: Get a nice, cold tankard of mead.
ME: That wasn't even a question.
AUNTIE ARTHUR: Get a nice cold tankard of mead.
ME: Okay, this is getting really – (blushes furiously and pulls remote out from where I'd been sitting on it) Sorry, that was my bad. I was pressing the 'instant replay' button. Heh.

Oookay, Arthur was no help. And I'm seriously digressing again.

What was I saying again? Oh yeah – the whole monk-y feel too it. I dunno, the candle, the robes, the kneeling on the floor, the solemn attitude, the dramatic music… it made me think of monks. Maybe Arthur's going to become one. He's going to swear off girls forever and go live in an abbey and shave his head and call people "brother" and, well, that's about it. Maybe not… of course, I only know what I've seen of monks on TV (which is basically from the greatest cartoon anime show ever Avatar the Last Airbender and somehow I don't think that it's very true to life). Either way, that doesn't sound like a lifestyle Arthur would enjoy. He likes girls and violence and castles and his hair and calling people "idiot" too much. He's such a deep, complex man, Arthur is.

Okay, so – we find out as Merlin and Gwen back out of the throne room and leave him to whatever the heck he's doing that he – Arthur – is actually thinking, according to Merlin. Oh. Because that makes things SO much clearer now. I may not know a lot about monks, but I do know quite a bit about thinking. I do it a great deal of the time myself (and yes, most of that time my thoughts involve Merlin, squirrels, Skillet (the band, not the greasy frying pan), Harry Potter, and kitties, but it's still thinking, so there). And not once have I had to splash around in a basin of water, put on all white, take my shoes off and kneel in the middle of my living room floor. And I don't think it would help me think any better. But still, Merlin says that Arthur's thinking, so maybe it's a more difficult process for Arthur and he has to put a greater effort into the art of forming intelligent thoughts than most people. HA! Point Lizzie.

Gwen asks Merlin what Arthur's thinking about. Uhh… Gwen, I thought we went over this in season 1 episode 3, The Mark of Nimueh. Merlin's not psychic. Remember this conversation?

GWEN: That's really weird because I haven't told anyone and yet you know.
MERLIN: (sighs) Alright, you've finally found out… I'm psychic.
GWEN: (laughs) No you're not!
MERLIN: Yes, I am.
GWEN: Then what am I thinking?
MERLIN: That I'm… not psychic?
GWEN: You're really strange, Merlin.

Aw, I had nearly forgotten how cute the early season 1 Gwen-crushing-on-an-oblivious-Merlin thing was. It also makes me think about how much I miss the Merlin/Gwen friendship in the show. *sigh* Anyway, the point of that little rabbit trail was to remind a certain queen-to-be that it's already been established that Merlin does not have the ability to read minds.

Then again, Merlin seems to have a pretty good idea of what Arthur's thinking about. At first he tells Gwen that Arthur's thinking about her and she smacks him lightly on the arm and I'm going, "Aw, there's some of that friendship I've been pouting about not having."

So here's the scoop:

MERLIN: He has to decide upon a quest. (Oh, because that makes things so much clearer, thank you, Merlin. Next time I need to figure out what I'm going to do for the day – watch Merlin reruns, read Merlin fan-fiction, write Merlin fan-fiction, or try to tame a wild horseradish – I'll make sure to dress like a ghost and make my knee problems even worse by kneeling on my dorm room floor all night the night before. Then, more than likely, my choice will have been made for me after staying awake all night – I'll be slumped over in exhaustion from lack of sleep!)
GWEN: And… crouching on his knees all night's going to help? (THANK YOU GUINEVERE! You just totally went up about five hundred points of awesome in my book! Haha!)
MERLIN: Yes. He has to transcend his body so that the quest is revealed to him in a vision. (Whoa whoa whoa – hold the phone. So Uther's banned magic yet he's letting his son have visions? And since when did Arthur have The Gift? Professor Trelawny would be appalled. Of course, Trelawny also picks fights with centaurs and sees death in the most mundane of places. But still. And anyway, this whole "transcend his body" business sounds pretty shady. Makes me think of Ralph Waldo Emerson and all those Transcendentalists who wanted us to look inside of ourselves for the truth and then go roll in nature until we die. So… again I ask, what's the point in this, exactly?)
GWEN: (looks like she's about to burst out laughing and I can't say I blame her – this is just too strange) And you're going to stay here and watch?
MERLIN: Gwen. This is one of the most important days in a prince's life. (Really? Because I don't recall Prince Caspian having to crouch on his knees all night in order to look within himself for a vision of truth for a quest to go roll in nature before he kicks the bucket (wow, it really sounds strange if you say it like that) And I don't think Prince William's ever had to do that either. I could be wrong. Maybe I could write a letter and ask. What about Prince of Persia? Or Prince Eric, from The Little Mermaid? Did they have to do this? I think not. Just sayin'. (Boy I do a lot of 'just sayin,' don't I? Hee hee, my parents tell me that all the time and when they do, there's always this vein throbbing in their temple. Wonder if that means anything. Hm.)) … *NEXT MORNING* (Merlin is lying in the middle of the floor outside of the throne room, snoring. Way to go, Merls. You show that big bad sleep who's boss. I'm sure Arthur would be thrilled with your commitment to him. Oh, and Merlin, just in case you can't hear it over the sound of your log-sawing racket, I'm being sarcastic right now. And yes, I can turn my witty sarcastic comments on Merlin as well.)

Uther and a bunch of other folks come along and Merlin wakes up and follows them into the throne room. Arthur has chosen his quest. He's goin' fishin' y'all!

*random person comes up beside me and whispers in my ear before stepping to the side, a bit embarrassed for me* *clears throat* Oh… you mean to tell me that he's going to go see the Fisher King, not going fishing for king crabs? *random person nods head* Ah… well that's… embarrassing. And I already had an old merry fishin' song scratched out for the trip. Wanna hear?

EVERYONE: (wailing) No, please no no no, don't do this to us!
MERLIN: Don't you torture me enough in your angst-ridden, Merlin whumping fan-fictions? Now you're going to make me listen some fishing song you wrote?
ARTHUR: Fie, what a terrible fate that hath befallen Camelot!
GAIUS: I'll go fetch some mind and ear-numbing potions. I fear we'll be in desperate need of them.
UTHER: I forbid it! Off with her head!
ME: Quack.
UTHER: *dies of fright*
ARTHUR: *gasps and steps close to me* Hello, my name is Arthur Pendragon. You killed my father. *pause* Gimme a high five!
ME: *grins* So does this mean I can sing my song now?
EVERYONE plus MERLIN plus ARTHUR plus GAIUS plus UTHER: NOOO! (And yes, somehow Uther is still alive to say NO even though I apparently killed him, maybe the prospect of my song was so frightening that it brought Uther back for a final protest. Who knows. All I've got to say is this: "Tough crowd.")
ME: Fine. *slinks into corner muttering:* Old man Arthur was a'fishin' crabs, he threw in the line, off went his shirt as he showed off his abs. He fell in the water and the crab pinched his butt, and then old Uther done got scared by a duck—

And this is the point where everyone decides to abruptly cut me off by throwing me off a cliff. Not cool guys. Luckily I still have seven and a half lives left, so I can still finish this chapter. I bet y'all are just tickled pink by the idea, aren't ya?

Hmmm… I've been digressing for so long that I've totally forgot what I was talking about before. I suppose I could scroll up to page 3 of this Microsoft Word document and check, but I really can't be bothered to at the moment – it just looks like SO much work…

Oh alright… *scrolls up* Ducks, blah blah blah… fishing, blah blah blah… quest, blah blah blah… crabs, blah… ah, here we go. Right. Arthur's going to pay a visit to the Fisher King and get the Golden Trident. Oooh, sounds like something from a Spongebob Squarepants episode. This should be a blast, eh?

And then we find out the whole reason for this quest thing in the first place – apparently Arthur has to do this to prove he's worthy to be king and he has to do it without any help. Excuse me. *runs off toward Uther with a machete in my hand. Comes back moments later with a blood-stained machete in my hand* Alright, where were we?

Oh right, here:

UTHER: Forget the fact that you've saved Camelot a hundred times over (although technically this isn't true since your servant's a secret warlock that's saving your butt all the time but you don't know that and neither do I but you have also saved Camelot too – technically you've saved it together because you're just an epically awesome team and… where was I?) and that you've proven yourself over and over and over again to be more worthy of the throne than I'll ever be. All that means nothing here. You have to go meet a fisherman and steal his giant magical fork of doom. Only when you have given me the fork of transcendental oneness with nature will you be worthy to become king because we all know that's what's really counts in this world. Also, while I've told you almost every episode that you are my cherished son and that I cannot lose you to a fool's errand like saving your servant who drank poison for you from certain doom, I'm going to tell you to go on this quest for a magical fork without anyone to help you out. It'll be dangerous and there will be bandits, quicksand, short men guarding bridges, and an evil lying she-witch of doom trying to kill you, but you must do this because it must be done. Got it?

Urgh. SO annoying. Because that's basically what's going on. Uther's making Arthur go on this mission to prove himself, and I don't care if it's a tradition, it's ridiculous for him to be acting like Arthur won't be ready to take the throne until he's stolen a sacred fork from some old dude who moans a lot. I mean, if it was a magical spork of doom, I'd understand. But a fork? I'd rather eat chocolate (well, that isn't a good example because I'd rather eat chocolate than do most anything, actually). I'd rather… do something I don't like to do. There.

And MS spell check is still idiotic and claims that spork isn't a word. Grrr. On a funny note, MS spell check also says that "grr" isn't a word but "Grrr" is. Hmm. Interesting.

We switch scenes and Merlin and Gaius are having one of their every episode chats about what's coming up. Apparently this Fisher King wasn't a fisherman at all. He was a sorcerer who got wounded in battle and then his magic kept him alive for hundreds of years and his lands perished and were named "The Perilous Lands." Sounds fun. I'll bet the Perilous Lands are… well… perilous. Unless the name's all just a ploy so outsiders won't intrude and it's really a place of rainbows and unicorns and ninjas and kitty cats and llamas and…

Oh yeah, and all the time Gaius is talking, Merlin's just stuffing food into his mouth like there's no tomorrow. Kinda like I did when I got my hands on those chili cheese nachos at dinner tonight. And then the peanut butter milkshake afterwards… *sighs blissfully* Yum! Anyway…this may not seem like a big deal right now, but it leads to something totally cute! (Merlin's eating fast, not my enjoying a peanut butter milkshake. All the latter led to was a brain freeze and longing for more sugar. Go figure.)

Here it is, one of the cutest (okay, the cutest) thing(s) I've ever seen: MERLIN GETS THE HICCUPS! D'awww…

Which reminds me, my cousin pointed this out this weekend – What do you think it was like for the first person to ever get hiccups? He's just sitting there talking and then all of a sudden 'hic!' He probably thought he was dying or something! Hmm… Death by Hiccups.

And the hiccupping annoys Arthur, which makes me extra happy.

Merlin points out (while trying not to hiccup but failing epically) after going over to Arthur's desk where he's got all kinds of papers spread out in preparation for his quest that none of the maps are the same. Arthur gets himself a point by sarcastically and patronizingly saying, "Well done, Merlin. Do you know why?"

And Merlin responds, "'Cuz Arthur's a prat!"

I wish.

Arthur says it's because hardly anyone's ever been there. Merlin gets a point for being sarcastic back to him, asking him if he couldn't have chosen something a bit easier. Arthur then retorts that a quick trip to the lower town to get some herbs probably isn't going to help him prove his worth to the people. I dunno, Arthur. That sounds pretty dangerous to me – you've got shoppers and crying children and street performers and haggling salesmen… it's dangerous territory, man!

He then makes a rather biting comment to Merlin about how he just doesn't get it because he's meant to be doing this ALONE. And then he kicks Merlin out. I'm not going to fuss at him for being mean to Merlin this time, though. After all, his dad is being super stupid right now and I kind of understand how Arthur's not in the mood for shenanigans, even the cute Merlin kind. And heck to the yes – I spelled shenanigans right on the first try! Woot! Also, I'm still unsure of how a hiccupping Merlin didn't serve to cheer Arthur up. It sure made my day a heck of a lot brighter. Just sayin'. Again.

Gwen and Morgana are at the market when an old lady comes up to Morgana. Except she's not really an old lady – she's Morgause. Really classy disguise, M. Seriously, is your role model the evil queen from Disney's Snow White and the Seven Dwarves? I mean, look at the similarities:

(1) She disguises herself as an old lady in order to appear harmless.
(2) She wants to kill royalty. (Snow was a princess, right?)
(3) She already has one of the seven dwarves – Grumpy, or as he has taken to call himself, King Cenred. But we all know the truth.

And that's just about it. But still, what's next? A poisoned apple? That would be awesome. Especially if Merlin ate it by mistake. *sigh* I know, I'm a sadistic, terrible person. What else is new?

Morgause gives Morgana a bracelet for her to give to the prince before he leaves. Then Morgana will have to make "a likeness of the prince" and bind it to some sort of magic using some skills Morgause taught her. Maybe in Turning Against Everyone Who Has Ever Cared About You 101? That's my guess.

So the plan in a nutshell: Take the evil mystical bracelet of doom. Give said evil mystical bracelet of doom to prince. Make voodoo doll. Kill voodoo doll. Kill Arthur. Become queen. *insert evil laugh here*

But here's the really cool thing – when Morgause is leaving, Gwen catches a glimpse of her in the mirror – and sees the actual Morgause instead of an old lady! Woohoo, someone besides Merlin is noticing something! Go Gwen! You've racked up another two hundred fifty awesome points. You go girl!

Gwen goes to see Arthur before he leaves for his quest and he kisses her goodbye, promising he'll return. Aww, I find myself not minding at this because Gwen has been earning my respect like crazy, especially this episode. I mean, ten minutes in and she's gone up (pauses and does math in head)… what? 750 points on the awesome meter of awesomeness that totally didn't exist until I made it up this episode. Pretty impressive. (I think. Because I haven't exactly worked out the scoring yet. But still… 750. Haha.

Stats:

Burn Meter 5000:
Part 1: Arthur 2, Merlin 1
This Episode so Far: Arthur 2, Merlin 1
Total: Arthur 38, Merlin 40

Shirtless Arthur Scenes:
Part 1: 1
This Episode so Far: 1
Total: 5

Smirk-O-Meter
Part 1: 2
This Episode so far: 2
Total: 55

A/N: Sorry, I was going to write more tonight but it's nearly midnight and I'm exhausted. I'll try my best to get the next part up by Sunday but as I've got some long-distance relatives coming in for the weekend and two tests to study for and three papers to write, there's a pretty good chance I won't be able to. But I'll see what I can do. :) Please review, and when you're done, you can surf a tidal wave, paint a continent, or give a monkey a shower. And heck yes, I just referenced Phineas and Ferb! Have a great week! :)

~Emachinescat ^..^