Just a quick note… There is no baby imprinting in this story. I don't care how you justify it, that shit is just wrong. shudders In other words; Quil did NOT imprint on Claire.
I'm not having luck with my betas at the moment; my new one has gone AWOL. Thankfully the great Maxipoo1024, creator of the amazing Sparkly Red Pen, took pity on me and cleaned this chapter up. Thank you so much Max, you're the best!
As always, I have to thank Simaril and Verseseven. I would be lost without you, and I flove you hard!
Disclaimer- All recognizable copyrighted and trademarked items mentioned herein belong to their respective owner, most especially Stephenie Meyer. Everything else belongs to the respective author.
JPOV
I felt her coming long before I could smell her. Her emotions were screaming at me; she was feeling concerned, worried, relieved, and guilty. I knew she had tried to stay away as long as possible to give me a chance to think, but she couldn't help herself any longer. I didn't mind the interruption. I had been mulling over Bella's revelation for the better part of the night and the more I thought about it, the more questions arose.
"It's okay, you can come join me," I called out to her. She walked over slowly and sat down on the big rock next to me. She was eyeing me with caution, and I could feel her hesitance.
I sighed, "Just say what you want to say, Rose."
"I'm sorry, Jasper. I'm so sorry," she said, the guilt and sadness she felt was overwhelming. "I'm happy for you. You can let go of some of the guilt you've been carrying around, but I feel guilty for the way I've treated you. All this time I've been blaming you for forcing us to move every time you slipped up."
"You don't have to apologize to me. You didn't know," I said and scoffed. "Fuck, I didn't even know."
"Yes, I know, but I still want to say I'm sorry for ever thinking you were weak."
"I appreciate the sentiment, Rose, but I gave you a lot of proof of my weakness."
"But you're not weak, Jasper. You're probably the strongest of us all. We all have problems controlling our lust for human blood on occasion, and you've had to shoulder our struggles and desires on top of your own. It's a wonder you haven't slipped more than you have!" Her voice spoke of her incredulity and, reluctantly, I had to agree with her.
It was hard to stop thinking about myself as weak. I had been the weak link in the family for decades, and I was used to feeling everyone's disappointment when I had lost control and fed off a human. I was always the one that needed monitoring, Edward making sure my thoughts were not too focused on the scent of human blood and Alice constantly checking the future to make sure I could be stopped when need be.
The confidence I'd had when I was human, and then later during the southern wars, chipped away a little more each year until there was hardly any left. I was treated as the weak one, and I felt weak.
"Don't you see, Jasper?" Rose urged me. "You're incredibly strong and you should be proud of yourself."
"I don't know if I would go that far." The thought of being proud of myself was so foreign, I had problems wrapping my head around the concept.
"You should be!" she exclaimed again, feeling frustrated that I was resisting. "You seemed so happy back at the house, it looked as if a huge weight was lifted off your shoulders. What happened?"
"I am happy," I started, and gave Rose a stern look when she huffed at me. "I am relieved, I can feel the truth behind it and intellectually, I know it's not entirely my fault, but it's hard to take it to heart."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, it's not so simple." I didn't know how to explain it to her; I wasn't sure myself what I was feeling at the moment.
"Let me ask you something," she said with a new sense of conviction. I motioned for her to go on.
"The times when you lost control, were you ever by yourself?" She was feeling very smug now, and I knew she had thought of something she figured would tip the scale for me.
"No, I was always with at least two members of the family. You know that, Rose."
"So every time you felt our desire, too, not just your own?" Her smile grew and I was starting to feel frustrated because she was misunderstanding what I was struggling with.
"I know what you're getting at, Rose, and that's not the problem." I jumped off the rock and started pacing back and forth, trying not to project my emotions. She was trying to help me, and I appreciated it, but I needed to work things out on my own.
"Well what is the problem then, Jasper? Tell me!" she demanded.
"The problem is..." I hedged, not knowing what to say. I felt a burst of annoyance from Rose and it fed my own feelings of frustration.
"You want to know what the problem is?" I sneered at her. "The problem is that I feel lost. If I'm not the weak person I've believed I was for centuries, then who the fuck am I?" I picked up a rock and crushed it in my hands, letting the dust fall to the ground.
"I've tried so hard since I met Alice to change who I was, to let go of the sadistic killing machine I was during the newborn wars, but if the person I changed into isn't really me either..." I couldn't continue.
"This goes far deeper than the blood lust issue," Rose stated, understanding dawning on her. She hopped off the rock and walked over to me.
"Look at me, Jasper," she said in a soft voice. "Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't know who you are."
I turned towards her and met her loving gaze. Rose and I had always been close, and she had a unique way of seeing straight through my bullshit and getting to the root of things. I felt her love for me as well as her support and worry.
"I don't..." I ran my fingers through my hair, suddenly feeling very vulnerable. "I'm not sure who I am." As soon as the words left my mouth I felt a sense of relief coupled with a fierce sense of sadness. I had taken the first step towards admitting to myself that something was seriously wrong in my life, and I needed to do some soul searching.
"You need to, what humans call, 'find yourself'," Rose snickered, but I could feel her sincerity, and I knew she was right. I was over 150 years old and I didn't have a clue who I really was. It was time to change that.
I reached for her and engulfed her in a tight hug, thanking her for being there for me. She kissed my cheek and headed back home, leaving me to my thoughts.
Okay, how the hell do I do this?
I was totally out of my league and I had no idea where to go from here. I decided to go for a quick hunt to clear my head and help me focus. I had just drained a buck when my phone started ringing. Dammit, I didn't want to be disturbed right now! I hoped that Rose would tell the family that I needed some time and to leave me alone for a while. Sighing, I pulled the phone out of my pocket and answered without checking the caller id.
"What?" I knew I was being rude but I didn't care.
"Well set me on an ant hill and squeeze jam in my ears! Aren't you being a peach today?"
"Peter," I growled, having no patience for his special brand of fuckery today. "Now's really not the time."
"Don't give me that crap, Major," he snarled. "Now's the perfect time, and you need to listen to me."
I took a deep breath and instantly calmed down; I knew by the change in Peter's voice that he had something important to say, and he had never steered me wrong in the past.
"Pulled your head out of your ass long enough to hear me out, have ya'?"
"Fuck off!" I snarled.
"Ah, see…you have to clean the shit out of your ears as well. They gotta be smack packed full of it after having been up there so long." He chuckled but I was not amused.
"Just say what you've got to say, Peter, and stop being an ass," I growled again. He really had the talent for getting on my nerves.
"I am saying it, Major. You're just not hearing me. You need to do some cleaning, and it's going to be a long bumpy road, but it'll all be worth it in the end."
"Cryptic, mother fucker, that's all you're giving me?" I asked with exasperation. This was really not helping me at all.
"Yep," he said, popping the 'p'. "And that you should go to some kind of clearing in the woods pretty soon."
"What the hell, Peter? Do you know how many clearings there are in the forest? Which one am I going to and why?"
"You know how it works, Jasper, I don't know more than I've told you; you just need to be there. It looks like some kind of roundish spot with wildflowers and shit growing everywhere. Looks like the perfect place to practice a little sparkly ball banging actually…maybe I should take Char and find the place myself…hm, she could get on her knees and—" I had enough and grumbled out a goodbye before hanging up on him.
I already knew way too much about his and Char's sex life. I didn't need the details as well. It only proved, yet again, what I was missing out on. Alice and I had sex, of course, but it wasn't often, and it was never the kind of wild sex that Peter and Char had. Fuck, even Carlisle and Esme had a more active love life than Alice and I had.
A few years into our relationship, I had resigned myself to the fact that the missionary position and the occasional cowgirl was all I was getting and stopped trying to change things up. Alice was happy with things the way there were, and I was content enough to finally live in a peaceful environment. Moping about the things lacking in our sex life seemed very petty to me.
Pushing away the thoughts of my depressing sex life, I buried the carcass of the buck I had drained and tried to figure out what clearing Peter was talking about. The only place I came up with was the meadow that Edward and Bella used to go to. I had never been there, but I had heard them describe it, and I knew the general direction of it. I had no idea why I would need to go there or what I would find, but I trusted Peter and I knew if he got one of his 'feelings' it was usually best to do as he said.
BPOV
I woke up to a giggling Claire bouncing on my stomach, squealing about how happy she was that I was there when she woke up. After playing around for a while, we ate breakfast and got ready for the day. I realized that I didn't have the phone number for the Cullens and had to call Sam to get it. He had been concerned about me but thankfully didn't argue about me meeting them without wolf escort today. I promised him I would stop by later so he could make sure I was still in one piece.
I thanked Laura and Claire for their hospitality and hopped into my truck that Embry brought along with my bag last night. I called Edward and we had made arrangements to meet up at the Cullen house and then go somewhere a little more private so we could talk. On my drive over there, I thought of all the questions I had for him, and I tried to tell myself to have an open mind to whatever he was going to tell me. I was going to listen to him, but I was not going to ignore my own thoughts and feelings like I used to do when we were together. I would stay true to myself and show Edward the 'real' Bella Swan, and if he didn't like her, it was his loss.
Nice pep talk. I mentally rolled my eyes at my own thoughts as I drove up and parked the car in front of the big white house. Edward instantly appeared and opened the door for me, helping me out of the truck.
"Hello, Bella, thank you for coming by today," he said very politely.
"Hi, Edward," I responded as I took in the sight in front of me. Edward looked amazing as usual, in his dark blue jeans and immaculate grey shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows.
"Alice has informed me that the sun will be out in a while, so I thought we could go to our meadow," Edward said, looking almost apologetic. "If that is okay with you, of course. We can go somewhere else if you prefer."
I didn't quite know how to interpret his expression, so I just shrugged and said that the meadow would be fine. I hopped on to his back and he took off running. The sensation was totally different than I remembered. I used to be scared and get kind of nauseous, but now I reveled in the feeling of speed and the wind blowing through my hair.
We arrived at the meadow and Edward let me down gently, holding onto me as if I wouldn't be able to stand on my own. I shook his hands away and took a couple of steps, looking around to see that the meadow looked exactly like it did when Edward and I used to spend time here. The wilted dead place that surrounded me the last time I was here was a thing of the past, and it felt like a metaphor for my own transformation since then. I had been wilted and practically dead inside when I ran into Laurent and the wolves came and saved me. The pack had ended up saving me in more than the literal sense of the word. Without them, I wouldn't be the person I was now, and I would forever be grateful to them for helping me find myself.
"Are you okay, Bella?" Edward asked concerned. "Do you need to sit down?"
"I'm fine," I chuckled. "But I'd like to sit down, anyway, so we can talk."
We sat down facing each other. There was an awkward silence, neither of us knowing where to begin.
"I've missed–"
"I have ques–"
We both started talking at the same time and the laughter it caused was enough to break the tension.
"Ladies first," Edward said with a chortle.
"Okay, I've got a lot of questions," I started. "I guess the first one is why?"
"Why, what?" he asked looking slightly confused.
"Why did you leave? Why did you lie? Why are you back?"
"Okay, I'll start with the first why," he smiled wistfully. "The one thing that matters most to me is that you are safe, Bella, and it became clear to me that you were no longer safe with us around."
"Yeah, I was so much safer with a psycho vampire after me without the nuisance of seven other vampires around to protect me," I scoffed.
"I was wrong, I realize that, and I can't apologize enough for not taking Victoria into account. I thought she would go after me and not you, and I tried to track her down, but I was unsuccessful."
"Taking Victoria out of the equation for a while," I said. "You left to keep me safe. Is that what you're saying?"
"Yes. You were constantly in danger around us; it was only a matter of time before you would get hurt or worse."
"So you decided that the best thing for me would be if you left?" I asked slowly.
"Yes," he sounded relieved that I understood.
"And who gave you the right to decide what was best for me?" I bristled.
"I..." he faltered.
"You don't think I've got a right to have a say in my own life? For fuck's sake, I'm not a child, Edward, stop treating me like one!"
"I don't mean to treat you like a child, Bella," he said, and I could hear that he really meant it. My anger subsided a little, and I reminded myself that I was going to hear him out.
"You may not mean to do it, Edward, but you do," I said calmly needing him to understand. "You never treated me as an equal. You always made decisions for me, and I was stupid enough to let you get away with it. I've done a lot of growing up since you left, and I've got a different perspective on things now."
"I can see that you've grown up, Bella, and it suits you. That's what I always wanted for you, to be safe and human," Edward said in a soft voice and reached over to hold my hand.
"Thank you," I started and pulled my hand away. "I'm grateful for that now, but you went about it all wrong. You didn't respect my wishes and you tore me apart in your effort to keep me safe. You should have just told me the truth." That was the part I didn't understand. Why did he have to break me completely?
"I'm so sorry about the atrocious things I said to you that day; I thought it was the only way to get you to let me go. I never expected you to believe me so easily, though," he almost whispered out and I could see the pain in his eyes when he thought of our last moments together.
"In my head, it never made sense for you to love me, so when you said you didn't want me anymore, it confirmed my beliefs."
"It never made sense for you to love me, Bella," he stated with conviction. "You were constantly in danger around me and it's my job to protect you, so I had to leave."
"Who hired you for that job? I never asked for your protection. I only wanted your love." My voice almost broke from reliving the past.
"You have it, Bella, you've always had it," he said, once again reaching for my hand. This time I let him take it. It felt odd to feel his cool touch again, but it wasn't unpleasant.
"I love you so much, Bella. Can you ever forgive me for what I did?" he pleaded with me.
"I don't know, Edward, I need some more answers before I can even begin to think about forgiveness."
"Anything," he proclaimed.
"Why did you come back and how long are you staying?"
"I couldn't stay away any longer. It was driving me insane to be away from you," he said with a humorless laugh, shaking his head.
"What?" I asked.
"I was a mess, Bella," he said and started to softly caress my hand. "I was holed up in an attic in South America. I didn't talk to anyone, never answered my phone when my family called. I hardly ever hunted and I kept having hallucinations of you." Huh, sounded as if Edward and I had quite parallel reactions.
"You weren't with your family?" I could sympathize with his pain, having lived through something similar, but the difference was that he had the knowledge of the truth. He knew I loved him, and he willingly walked away from that.
"No, I couldn't be around them," Edward said sadly. "They were constantly thinking of you and it hurt too much to listen to how much they missed you, knowing I was the cause of their heartache."
"So you left them too?" I asked incredulously.
"Yes," he answered, bowing his head in shame.
I yanked my hand away from his and stood up. "You're telling me that some of the others didn't want to leave but you made them?"
"Yes."
"And then you up and left them as well? What the hell, Edward?" I shouted, feeling the pent up anger I had towards him starting to seep out.
"I made many mistakes. I know that now," he admitted.
"That's an understatement," I huffed. "You thought, in your infinite wisdom, that you knew what was best for everyone and as soon as you got what you wanted, you ran away like a selfish child instead of staying and facing the consequences of your actions."
I was pacing back and forth in front of Edward, who looked completely heartbroken, and that just made me angrier. What right did he have to be sad? This was all his doing!
"And now you're back, telling me you love me?" I continued with my voice raised. "That you left because you loved me! That's even worse than believing you left because you didn't want me anymore." Edward's head snapped up and he met my gaze with confusion clear in his eyes.
"You don't get it?" I mocked. "Of course you don't! It was extremely hard for me for the first months after you left, but I tried to find comfort in the thought that at least you and your family were happy wherever you were. I thought of you not having to fight your blood lust around me on a daily basis, and about Jasper not having to struggle with being around 'the human' anymore, and about Emmett not being forced to fight his wife about spending time with me." I stopped and took a breath, trying to fight off the tears. I hated that my tear ducts were connected to my anger.
"To know that you did love me makes it so much worse. You knew how insecure I was, and you used all my weaknesses against me. You took me into the woods and lied to my face. You crushed me, and you did it deliberately to make it easier for yourself.
"Bella," Edward said with agony and I felt happy that he was hurting. His love broke me.
"Don't," I said, holding my hand up to stop him. I didn't want to hear anything he had to say at the moment.
"How long are you staying in Forks?" I asked, wanting this conversation to be over with.
"For as long as you'll have us here," he said, getting to his feet. "I'm going to do whatever it takes to make it up to you, Bella. Please tell me that you might find it in your heart to forgive me someday." He reached out for me, but wisely refrained from touching me, and instead put his hand in his pocket.
"I don't know, Edward," I said, shaking my head. "I'll probably be able to forgive you some day, but I will never forget." He looked at me and I knew he thought of the words he used the day he left me.
"For someone who's spent almost a century reading people's minds, you really don't have a clue about humans do you? You think that just because we don't have the perfect photographic memories that vampires have, our memories are like sieves? We might not be able to clearly remember every single detail, but there's no chance of ever forgetting our first love or how they treated you." I sighed and tried to figure out how to explain it to him.
"Have you never heard elderly people talk or think of their past and their first love?" I asked.
"Yes, but-" I cut him off.
"Falling in love for the first time and having a relationship with the person you love is a powerful thing. It changes you. You once told me that vampires rarely change and that falling in love is a huge deal. Well, it's a huge deal because it involves emotions. Raw, intense, powerful, frightening emotions. It's the same for humans! Anything that affects our emotions strongly like that is not something we're likely to forget."
"I'm sorry, Bella, I really-," Edward started but I cut him off again.
"I don't want your apology, Edward. You've already said you're sorry and it doesn't change anything." It was nice to hear that he was sorry, but I wouldn't tell him that and at this point it wasn't enough.
"Please, let me try to explain," he begged. I rolled my eyes and motioned for him to continue
"I've spend decades being forced to listen to the minds of teenaged girls. I've heard them thinking about how much they love their boyfriends and how they want to spend the rest of their life with them. I've heard how heartbroken they've been when the relationships ended and how after a few months, or in many cases only a few weeks, they're in love with someone else and seem to have more or less forgotten about the first boy."
"And what? You thought I was that insipid and shallow?" I asked, somewhere between angry and insulted.
"No, I thought that was the way the mind of a human teenaged girl worked," he said, not sounding quite as contrite as I would have liked. Did he still not get it?
"If you could just get off your high horse for a moment and stop focusing on the differences between vampires and humans, you'd see that there are in fact a lot of similarities as well!"
"I'm not-" he started, but promptly shut his mouth when he saw the expression on my face. I was fuming with anger.
"I doubt very much that every vampire mind works the same way. It's all dependent on the personality and it's the same with humans." For Christ's sake, did I really need to explain this to a century old mind reader? I turned around and took a couple of steps away from him, knowing he could hear me just as well with my back turned. I couldn't look at him and say the next thing I needed to say.
"If you really loved me as much as you say you did-"
This time it was Edward who interrupted me with something that sounded like a whispered, "Do."
I spun around and faced him again. "What?" I asked. I didn't know if I was questioning his interruption me or if I was asking what he said. Either way, I felt like things were spiraling out of control and I didn't have the power to stop it.
"I said 'do', not did," Edward emphasized. "I do love you, present tense."
"Yeah, whatever," I dismissed him, causing him to frown.
"If you loved me as much as you say you did," I started over, completely ignoring his last declaration, "you would have known that I wasn't like those girls."
My anger faded away and I was left feeling tired and deflated. I plopped down on the ground and bared my heart.
"If you love someone, you want to know everything about them and really get to know them. You never showed enough interest in me to bother with figuring out how I worked." The hole in my chest was beginning to remind me that I was walking down treacherous roads but I continued on. I needed to get everything off of my chest if I would ever have a chance of really letting go of my past.
"Because you couldn't read my mind, you were forced to get to know me the traditional way, but you never really did."
Edward sat down next to me and seemed to wait for me to grant him permission to speak. I nodded my head and he took a deep breath.
"I admit that I didn't know you as well as I should, as well as I would like," he spoke in a soft voice. "I was overwhelmed by my feelings for you, and I was constantly afraid that I was going to hurt you."
"But you did hurt me, Edward. I always knew there was a risk I would be hurt, physically, but what you did was so much worse." The tears started to roll down my cheeks and Edward gently wiped them away.
"I'm so sorry, Bella," he said, and this time I let him apologize. I could see the sincerity and pain in his eyes, and I broke down and started to really cry. Edward pulled me close and held me while I finally allowed myself to mourn everything that we'd had, what we lost and could never get back.
"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. So sorry," he chanted until his voice broke and he started to sob. We clutched each other tight and just cried.
The pain in my chest was excruciating, but somehow it still felt good. I realized that as far as I had come over the last months, there was still a lot I was keeping bottled up inside. I was letting it go today and the relief was virtually palpable.
The tears finally ebbed and I took a deep breath. I felt exhausted and exhilarated at the same time. I lifted a huge weight off my shoulders that I hadn't even known was there, and I felt free. I started to pull back from Edward's embrace, but he wouldn't let me. His arms tightened around my waist to the point of it almost being painful.
"Edward," I said, hoping that the sound of my voice would alert him to the fact that I wanted to move.
"No," he murmured and buried his face into my hair without loosening his grip on me.
"Edward, let go," I urged. The only response I got was a barely noticeable shake of his head. I started to panic slightly. What was he doing?
"Let me go!" I ordered in a shaky voice.
"No," he said again and held on to me even tighter. My ribs started to hurt and I was beginning to freak out. I was out in the middle of nowhere with a vampire who wouldn't let go of me. I didn't know what was going on with Edward, and I started to fear that he would truly hurt me physically this time.
"Edward, please, you're hurting me," I called out but got no reaction whatsoever. Didn't he care anymore? I was used to him jumping away from me as soon as he thought I was in danger of being hurt by him and now, I actually uttered the words…and nothing.
"Let me go, Edward!" My fear began to overtake me and I foolishly punched my fists against his back. Fuck, that hurt. The pain in my ribs increased and my hands were throbbing. It got harder to breath due to the vise like grip he had on me and I didn't know what to do.
Suddenly I heard a growling sound and I looked up and saw Jasper approaching. I had never been more relieved to see someone in my whole life.
Jasper walked over to us slowly with a look of concentration on his face. I realized that he was probably 'speaking' to Edward through his mind but whatever he was saying wasn't helping. Edward didn't even acknowledge his presence other than with a low growl.
"Edward, you don't want to do this," Jasper said and I could feel him pushing some calm over us. "You need to let Bella go. She's in pain."
As soon as the words left Jasper's mouth, I was airborne and the pressure on my ribs disappeared. I realized with a start that I was standing at the far end of the meadow with Edward crouching in a protective stance in front of me. He was following every move Jasper made and his growl was now a constant. What the hell?
"Are you sure you want to do this, Edward?" Jasper calmly asked. Do what? Why did Edward think Jasper was a threat? I was extremely confused, but I knew enough to stay still and silent. I had absolute trust in Jasper and somehow knew he could handle the situation. He exuded confidence as he stalked closer, and I was privy to a side of him that I had never seen before.
Edward's growls increased in volume but Jasper just smirked at him.
"You want to play, Eddie?" he mocked. I knew Edward hated being called Eddie and wondered why Jasper chose to use that name in this particular situation. It was almost as if he wanted to piss Edward off even more.
"Think you can take me? Well, come and try." Jasper made a come-hither motion with his fingers and Edward clenched his fists.
"Eddie-boy thinks he can protect the pretty little human all by himself," Jasper taunted him and winked in my direction, causing Edward to snarl and take a step forward. Understanding dawned on me. Jasper was goading Edward to get him to move away from me.
"She looks mighty fine, though," he was looking at me with penetrating eyes and I was mesmerized by him. I could feel the power he had and holy shit, it was hot.
"And given the reaction the wolf had to Emmett calling her 'squirt,' I bet she'd be very interesting," he said suggestively. That was the last straw for Edward; he let out a frightening roar and rushed forward towards Jasper.
I stood frozen, watching Edward attack the second person in two days. Unlike Paul, though, Jasper didn't move a muscle as far as I could see. He stood absolutely still and waited for Edward to make his move. I couldn't really see what happened next. There was a blurry of motion and a few seconds later, I could see Edward lying face down on the ground with his arms pinned beneath him. Jasper had a knee on Edward's back and a firm grip on his head at an angle that looked like it meant, 'move and you'll lose it'.
I saw Jasper lean in and say something in Edward's ear. It was too low for me to hear but it seemed as if Edward was finally starting to calm down. Jasper let go of him and stood up and looked over at me, motioning for me to stay where I was. Edward was still lying on the ground, not moving an inch. I wasn't quite sure what was going on, but I figured it was better to stay quiet and leave Jasper to do his thing.
Instead of doing or saying anything to Edward, Jasper started to slowly walk towards me. He was looking at me intently, and I could feel a shiver going down my spine. He was in complete control of everything around him, including me, and I had never seen anything like it. He was absolutely magnificent and my body reacted to the sight in front of me. Jasper cocked an eyebrow and gave me a smirk. Dammit, empath! Not the time for inappropriate feelings and reactions.
In an effort to get control of my hormones, I looked over at Edward, expecting him to be standing up by now but he was still lying motionless. It was not normal behavior, but then again, nothing about the past ten minutes could be classified as normal behavior, at least not to me.
Jasper came to a stop right in front of me and his presence seemed to demand my attention. He reached out a hand and tucked a few stray hairs of mine behind my ear. It was an incredibly sweet gesture, and I marveled at the difference in his demeanor from the lethal vampire a few minutes ago to this gentle man.
"Are you okay, Bella?" he asked. "I'm sorry I said those things about you. I had to get under Edward's skin enough to get him away from you and the only thing that gave me the reaction I was looking for was playing on his jealousy." He sounded genuinely concerned about hurting my feelings and I couldn't help but laugh.
"Don't worry about it, Jasper, it takes a lot more than that these days to get to me. I'm just wondering what happened and why is he still laying over there, not moving?"
"I had to hit him with a heavy dose of calm, so he's basically passed out for the moment. He'll be alright in a while."
Wow! I didn't know Jasper could make vampires pass out. He really was incredibly powerful. Jasper must have felt my surprise and awe because he gave me a small nod and smile before continuing his explanation.
"Edward lost control of his emotions earlier. He felt he was losing you and it was breaking his heart to the point where his vampire instincts kicked in and he reacted to me as if I was a threat to you."
"Oh," was my brilliant response. The thought of Edward being heartbroken was painful and I didn't want him to hurt, at least not that much. The emotional roller coaster I had been on started to take its toll on me, and I dropped down to sit cross-legged on the ground again.
Jasper made his way over to Edward and crouched down next to him and put his hand on Edward's shoulder. He must have manipulated Edward's emotions because all of a sudden it was as if he woke up. Edward stood up, looking slightly confused, and then looked over at me.
"Oh God," he croaked. "I'm so sorry, Bella."
I just looked at him. I didn't know what to say and chose to simply nod my head.
"She's okay, Edward," Jasper said. "Go for a run and do some hunting to sort yourself out. I'll make sure Bella gets home in one piece."
Edward looked torn and the pain in his eyes tore at my heart. After a long moment of looking each other in the eye, he lowered his head, turned around and left.
Jasper came back and sat down next to me.
"Looks like it's just you and me now, darlin'."
"What are you doing here, Jasper? Did Alice send you?" I asked, curious about how he knew he was needed here.
"No, Alice didn't send me," he said, sounding a little sad. "I was in the area when I heard your struggle. I needed a bit of space from the family. Turns out it was a good thing."
"You needed space?" I tilted my head to the side and wondered why he looked so somber. When I left yesterday, he had seemed so relieved and happy. What had happened since then?
"Yeah, your realization about the blood lust has left me with some things to...consider. I don't want to bore you with it, though."
"You won't," I disputed. "I've got time. Charlie doesn't get home until tonight, and I'm a good listener." I didn't want to push him but if he wanted to talk about it, I wanted him to know that I was here for him.
He sighed, nodded his head and projected his gratitude. I had a feeling we were starting to form a great friendship.