A/N: I know, I know, it's been a good two weeks since I last updated. And I'm sorry. I really am! I've just been so busy with school and I've been sick and, and… oh what's that? You've had enough of my pathetic excuses? Don't worry, so have I. So let's get on with the chapter and please don't kill me. :) Also thanks for the reviews. Please keep it up. I need reviews like a mouse needs cheese, like a (or would it be an? I'm not sure…) opossum needs vertigo meds ('cuz it's always upside down, geddit?), like kangaroos need pouches, like Pooh needs honey, like… like… okay, okay, I get the picture. I'll shut up and get on with it. XD Seriously, though – please review! XD
NOTE: I'm going to start updating in smaller increments much more often so that there's not such a ridiculous lapse between updates. For more information, see the beastly A/N at the end. That is all. Now READ (and review)! XD
Reflections
Chapter Twenty-Three: The Eye of the Pheonix Part 2
Once again I'm going to start this out reminding everyone (including me) that this is NOT The Order of the Phoenix nor does it have anything to do with the secret organization that fights against Voldemort, although that would be pretty cool. Hm. I be Merlin would be in the Order if he visited the Harry Potter universe. Of course, he'd just kick Voldie's butt all the way back to the orphanage so there wouldn't really be a need for the Order… but anyway… I digress… again.
Back to the episode. Or rather, TO the episode, since I wasn't actually talking about it to begin with, so there wasn't a "back" to go to. Um, am I over-explaining this?
As Arthur rides off to go on his quest (ALONE, as he likes to inform Merlin constantly throughout the course of the episode), Uther acts worried. Oh wow, Uther. So now you show concern. "Yes, I'm going to let my son go on a harrowing journey to the Perilous Lands so that he can prove what he's already proven dozens of times before, to go get a magic fork when I don't even like magic (or forks, for that matter; they're just so scary with all those sharp points), and then I'm going to go all angsty because I'm afraid something will happen to him." You are so infuriating, Uther Pendragon. Gah. Sometimes I just want to smack some sense into that thick skull of yours. Luckily, even though I can't actually do that, I can always go back and watch the video of Gaius W. smacking your head over and over and pretend it's me doing that. *smiles sweetly*
Morgana tells him not to worry, that she's sure a Pendragon will be ruling Camelot for a long time to come. And then she smirks. Can we add another one to the smirk-o-meter, Bob? (Bob is the score keeper, just so you know. I didn't even know it until just now, when I made him up. Clever, eh?) Speaking of smirks, though, if anyone wants to resubmit another guess for the total amount of smirks, feel free and as long as all the votes are in by the end of this episode, I'll use those instead, since she's smirking more than any of us ever imagined!
Before Arthur leaves, Merlin notices the Eye of the Phoenix on his wrist. Arthur is like, "Ain't it purdy? Morgana gave it to me because she just lurves me that much!" Except he didn't sound like a hillbilly. I'm not sure why my Arthur did, either, so don't ask. Some questions are better left unanswered (like "what happens to my left sock after it gets lost in the dryer" or "what the heck is Beiber fever?" or "Hon, where'd that giant orange traffic cone come from and why is it sitting in the middle of our living room?" Stuff like that.).
Of course, when Merlin hears that the evil lying she-witch of doom was the one who gave Arthur this lovely little gift, he automatically gets suspicious and he and Gaius dig into the books to find a solution to this problem. As they search for an answer to what the stone is, Gaius and Merlin talk.
Hello, everyone, and welcome to the game show that's got everyone in a tizzy because of its awesomositude and awe-inspiring host, EMACHINESCAT! Guess what this game is called? Are you ready? It's WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN SAID!
Okay, here's how Merlin and Gaius's conversation actually goes.
GAIUS: Are you sure it wasn't a jewel?
MERLIN: No, brighter than that.
GAIUS: Do you think it was enchanted?
MERLIN: Yes, there was magic there, I could feel it.
GAIUS: Are you sure?
MERLIN: *nods* And if it came from Morgana, it can only mean one thing. *dramatic pause for effect* Arthur's in danger.
And this is how it should have gone.
GAIUS: Are you sure it wasn't a jewel?
MERLIN: *glances at Gaius warily* Uh… no. I know what a jewel looks like Gaius.
GAIUS: Do you think it was enchanted?
MERLIN: Hum, I don't know, Gaius… what do you think? That Morgana was just feeling generous and decided to give him a little "good luck" present for the road?
GAIUS: It's possible.
MERLIN: *raises eyebrow*
GAIUS: *indignantly* Hey, that's my line! *awkward silence* Are you sure it was enchanted?
MERLIN: For the sake of all that is cheddar, Gaius! What are we playing, Twenty Questions? I thought you were the all-knowing elder on this show, not me! And yes, I'm sure it was enchanted. Not only am I an extremely powerful sorcerer – the Emrys – and I can sense stuff like magic being used, but it only makes sense. As stated previously, why would Morgana just randomly give Arthur a glowing bracelet?
GAIUS: Okay, fine. *tense silence* Merlin, are you reeeally sure it's magic?
MERLIN: *facepalm* … I'm not even going to answer that. *sighs* If the bracelet came from Morgana, it can only mean one thing.
EMACHINESCAT: A snow day in Mexico? The apocalypse? Fried macaroni with a side of lima beans? An angel will finally get her wings? Drastic changes in the mating habits of octopi?
MERLIN: *clenched teeth* No. It means that… *dramatic pause for effect* … Arthur's in danger.
EMACHINESCAT: DUN DUN DUUUUN!
MERLIN: Do you mind?
EMACHINESCAT: *pouts* Well excuse me for setting up the suspense. Besides, your answer is so predictable. I mean, what's next? You're going to say that watering your plants with gasoline make them die? Or that gummy bears decompose in water just like human corpses (which is true!)? Or that the square root of pi is apple? Thank you, Captain Obvious.
MERLIN: You're welcome.
EMACHINESCAT: Sarcasm is a foreign language to you, isn't it?
AAAAAND there we have it, folks, how that totally redundant conversation SHOULD have gone! And why Gaius needs a girlfriend. *thinks about spoilers from episode 9* Or at least a girlfriend who isn't on the run from Uther.
To make a short story that I made long for my own amusement short again (uh…), Gaius and Merlin look for clues as to what kind of present Morgana gave Arthur because obviously it's nothing good. Why? Because Arthur's a prat and Morgana lives to smirk. Also, because the moon isn't actually made of cheese – which broke my heart when I learned the truth last week. *shifty eyes* Why are you guys looking at me funny?
We get a glimpse of Arthur riding through the woods and looking at his map and then we get back to Merlin, Gaius, and the library quest of doom.
Gaius goes on and on about how he can't figure out what it is or where to look, then he gets an idea. And it cracks me up that he is able to go to the exact book, to the right page, without any searching whatsoever. He doesn't even look at the index! He knows where precisely everything is in the library, which is a little weird. Or maybe he can telepathically communicate with the books. Yeah, I'll bet that's it.
Here, I think we need to explore Gaius's character a little more. Let's make a handy-dandy list of all that we know about our beloved physician:
- He knows every book in Geoffrey's library by heart.
- His favorite pastimes include making ominous remarks, scolding Merlin for using magic, telling Merlin to use magic, stating the obvious, and re-stating the obvious.
- He likes plants.
- He has a pet rock named Ferdinand the Fluffy.
- He used to tap dance in his younger years but now his spleen can't take all the exercise so he just does interpretive dancing instead.
- He may or may not be Merlin's great uncle.
- He spends his weekends partying with Professors Sprout and Flitwick at the Three Broomsticks like nobody's business.
- He has been known to pretend to be possessed by magical creatures of the goblin variety just so he can cause mischief and mayhem and slap Uther's bald head without getting in trouble for it.
So… what does all this information tell us about our favorite physician (besides Dr. Phil, who we love because he has a walrus moustache)? I think we can only come to one conclusion about our dear Gaius: That he desperately needs (A) a hobby that doesn't involve plants or redundant advice, (B) EP 10 SPOILER ALERT! a girlfriend that doesn't spend her spare time chillin' with manticores, (C) a therapist, (D) a ninja squirrel, or (E) all of the above.
Moving on, because this really has nothing to do with the episode and because Arthur's a prat (I'm telling you, that is the answer to everything)…
Apparently, it's not a jewel or a stone and it IS magical. Wow. I'm SO shocked. Who would've thunk it? Oh wait… Merlin did, didn't he? *shakes head* Silly Gaius.
And guess what it is? It's the eye of the phoenix! And Merlin doesn't even know what a phoenix is, silly boy! Of course, when he asks Gaius, I'm positively itching to declare nerdishly, "Oh, oh, oh, me, pick me! I know! A phoenix is a mythical bird of fire. It lives five hundred years and then bursts into flames, and is born again from the ashes. They also have healing abilities and their tears can heal any wound or poison. Dumbledore has a freaking awesome phoenix named Fawkes and both Harry and Voldemort's wands contain one of his feathers. (One of Fawkes's feathers, that is, not Dumbledore's.) And Fawkes is so loyal to Dumbledore and anyone who is loyal to him as well…"
Yeah, and Merlin and Gaius would both look at me and be like, "What the crap are you talking about?"
Haha.
Well, apparently, according to Gaius, a phoenix's eye burns with a fire that steals the life force away from anyone that wears it.
Whoa. Hold the phone. Dumbledore never mentioned this! Maybe it's kind of like the whole unicorn curse thing that apparently is a running theme through both Harry Potter and Merlin (although slightly different curses), where if you take the eye of a phoenix and kill something so pure, the eye will be cursed. Sort of like how if you kill a unicorn you have to prove you are pure of heart to bring it back to life, or if you kill it and drink it's blood you'll be cursed forever.
That's just my theory, anyway. Maybe I should write my dissertation on the similarities and differences between the mythical creatures in Harry Potter and Merlin. Ha ha.
Oh and this has absolutely nothing to do with this at all, and nothing to do with Merlin, but my best friend said something the other day that NEEDS to be heard and quoted and repeated and celebrated! It was just fabulous! You ready? Here it is:
"In the words of Severus Snape: 'No, vampires do not sparkle. Ten points from Hufflepuff!'"
*dies*
Okay, now back to the show!
When Merlin learns that if Arthur wears the bracelet for too long, he'll die, he decides to head out after the prince because Arthur just can't seem to keep out of trouble. Of course, with an evil lying she-witch of doom for a sister, who can blame him, really?
Gaius warns him that he cannot undertake the task alone and that he needs to bring along a travel-buddy. Yay travel-buddy! I wonder who it's going to be? Ooh, I hope it's someone awesome like Tigger or Bugs Bunny! I can see it now…
MERLIN: We're nearly there.
TIGGER: That's great, buddy boy!
MERLIN: My name's Merlin.
TIGGER: And I'm Tigger! That's T-I-double Guh-er! Do you know what that spells?
MERLIN: *bored tone* Tigger.
TIGGER: Gasp! You're the most smarterificious person I know! And guess what? *singsong voice* The wonderful thing about tiggers is tiggers are wonderful things, their tops are made of the rubber, their bottoms are made of the string, they're bouncy trouncy flouncy bouncy fun-fun-fun-fun-fun… and the most wonderful thing about tiggers is I'M the only one!
MERLIN: That's… er, great.
TIGGER: Now it's your turn! Take it away!
MERLIN: No, really, it's fine. I don't sing.
TIGGER: Aw, come on, buddy boy! Sing with me or I'll bounce ya!
MERLIN: I'd really rather not!
TIGGER: Or we could sing it in a round. Ready? I'll go first! The wonderful thing about tiggers…
MERLIN: I should've gone with the rabbit.
Hee hee…
So Morgana then "makes a likeness of the prince" and binds it to the magic Morgause taught her to make the eye of the phoenix suck out Arthur's life force. I'll be the slogan for the little box of magic dust and the "likeness" of Arthur (which looks nothing like him, by the way, more like a lollipop covered by a hankie) and the phoenix eye is: THE EYE OF THE PHOENIX DELUXE COMBO PACK – EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KILL EVERYONE WHO LOVES YOU: "May the force NOT be with you."
Geddit? Because it sucks the life force out of the person? And so the force will NOT be with them? Hahaha! Okay, I'm the only one who's laughing here… and, eh, what else is new?
So the crazy voodoo magic Morgana does makes the eye of the phoenix light up as Arthur goes to sleep in the dark woods that night… this can't be good, now can it?
I feel I should also point out that this is one of the first times that Morgana uses magic in a controlled way. Her eyes turn gold as she wills them to and she actually does it right. It's kind of cool but at the same time scary that she's starting to get a handle on her gift. She just set a little Arthur doll on fire… what's next? A box full of cute fluffy animals?
Morgana, you are one twisted lying she-witch.
The next scene makes me more angry than I can even begin to say.
Morgana is such a horrible person. I really hate her.
She snaps at Gwen. And I don't mean just a little nippy. She glares and growls, "I said get out," when all Gwen was trying to do was be nice! I want to kick her in the shins and then steal all her lunch money and then put unspeakably gross and slimy, wriggling worms and grubs and anything else I can find in her pillow and under her sheets and then… and then…
I'll turn her into a flea. A harmless little flea. Then I'll put that flea in a box and put that box in another box and when it arrives…
I'LL ZAP IT WITH A LASER!
Ha, I bet you thought I was going to say "smash it with a hammer!" Hey, I don't ALWAYS have to steal quotes from awesome movies. I can be creative once in a while, too, right?
All that to say: Morgana is a *bleep*. She really needs to figure out what a terrible person she's become so that she can either (A) beg for forgiveness or (B) jump in a lake. Either one is fine with me, but at this point, what with trying to kill Arthur and treating Gwen like dirt, I'm leaning toward B. Just saying.
Alright, I'm going to move on before I get even more cranky at the thought of the she-witch.
We're back to Merlin again, and guess what? His travel buddy's not Tigger or Bugs Bunny, but someone even BETTER!
It's GWAINE! Gwaine! Hi, Gwaine! Hey, Gwaine, did you have fun at our awesome people party of doom? I know I did! My favorite part was when we played Mario on the Wii and I beat you and your pink dragon, Bubbles! Also, I liked it when you let me touch your hair because it's really pretty and shiny!
I love GWAINE! *squee!*
Let the awesomositude begin.
Stats:
Burn Meter 5000:
Part 2: Arthur 0, Merlin 0
This Episode so Far: Arthur 2, Merlin 1
Total: Arthur 38, Merlin 40
Shirtless Arthur Scenes:
Part 2: 0
This Episode so Far: 1
Total: 5
Smirk-O-Meter
Part 2: 2
This Episode so far: 4
Total: 57
A/N: Okay, guys – hear me out real quick. I know I've tried several different things with this fic as far as updating goes, but I'm going to try one more thing. If it doesn't work then fine, I'll go back to three parts, one update every week. But instead, I'm going to try to do at least one episode every two weeks, but split into more parts so that I can update more than I have been, because I've been leaving you high and dry for too long. Since I watch the episodes online, they're already divided up for me, usually in 15 to 16 3-minute bits. I'll try to cover 2-3 bits of an episode each update so I can still get the episode done in a reasonable amount of time AND give you more frequent updates (if all goes well, at least 2 or 3 a times week!)… Whaddya think of that? This means that there will be more parts to each episode, and more chapters, but if it'll give you more to read sooner then I don't see a problem with it. If it works, I'll be using the same update method on the first two series (and eventually the fourth) whenever I get to them. Yep, I'm doing a Reflections for series 1, 2, 4, and any other that may air! :) You'll still get an episode every (or every other) week this way, but it'll be more spread out and frequent. Hopefully this will work better because it's hard for me to sit and write this all in one sitting, you know? :) Let me know if you have a problem with me trying this, though and we'll try to figure something out. I'm just trying to do what would be easiest for me given my schedule and everything else. So… thoughts?
Now that that beast of a note is over, you can go back to your normal lives of trying to brush hairless cats, training a flea circus, and trying to figure out how to pat your belly and rub your head at the same time. :) Also, review! I'll try to update with the next segment within the next few days!
~Emachinescat ^..^