A/N: Thanks for the reviews, guys – I'm glad you all still find me amusing. XD Also, to those of you that commented on my little sister's wyvern-interpreting abilities, she is very flattered and if there are ever any more wyvern interpretations to be done, she shall be the translator, 'kay? Although I don't think there are any more wyvern conversations… bummer… Please continue to review – now, go on, read! Enjoy! ;)
Reflections
Chapter Twenty-Eight: The Eye of the Phoenix Part 7
When we left off last time, the Three Musketeers were finally reunited – YAY! Now Gwaine's here, and Merlin's here, and Arthur… well, Arthur's being a jerk right now, but he's here too. I think he needs to get a book entitled "How to Be Grateful to Your Friends When They Save You From Becoming Wyvern Fodder for Dummies". Either that or "How Not to Be a Prat When Merlin Saves Your Life AGAIN and AGAIN and AGAIN for the Biggest Dummy of them All". What do you think? Is the title too long? Too loud and busy?
Well I don't care what you think – who asked you, anyway?
Oh wait… that was me.
Whoops. Now I'm being a jerk. Oh noes, the prattiness is contagious!
Um… anyway.
This is where the episode goes all "Indiana Jones" on us. If Harrison Ford jumps out of nowhere and starts waving a crazy alien skull around, I wouldn't be surprised. I also wouldn't be surprised if Gwaine's response to that was, "That guy's not a bird either, Arthur."
So Merlin, Arthur, and Gwaine are out on a treasure hunt! At least, that's what Merlin and I think it is – Arthur's got a nifty, old looking map (I didn't get to look at it long enough to see if it had an 'X' on it, though), they're traipsing around in old, booby-trapped castles, and they're looking for something very valuable. Hm. Sounds like a treasure hunt to me.
Now, don't get me wrong – I'm not talking about a pirate treasure hunt, because that would involve a chest with the heart of a lovesick old Octopus-Man in it, a jar of dirt, two awesome men and one not-so-awesome guy duking it out in a three-way-swordfight on the beach, a very annoyed Kiera Knightly, and a guy with a crab for a head. If you got the reference, congratulations, you are human. If not, you have not LIVED yet! Just saying.
Anyway, the kind of treasure hunt I'm talking about is (as I've already talked about earlier) the Indiana Jones type treasure hunt – I know Dr. Jones is an archaeologist or something, but he goes looking for ancient treasures, doesn't he? Lost arcs, crystal skulls… this is the stuff of legend, right? Right. Arthur and Merlin and Gwaine (who I have now dubbed the Three Hunk-e-teers – get it? I replaced the "Musk" with "Hunk" because they are hot and pretty? Geddit? Meh.) are looking for an ancient trident. Or as I like to call it, a giant fork of doom.
Again, I ask, what does Uther want with this thing, anyway? Or should I say Arthur, since he's the one that "meditated" into himself to discover the quest.
UTHER: Ah, Arthur, fabulous, you've brought the trident!
ARTHUR: You do realize it's a magical artifact, right, Father?
UTHER: Nonsense.
ARTHUR: But… it's the trident of the Fisher King. He was magical and so were his perilous lands and his Flitwick.
UTHER: He has a Flitwick?
ARTHUR: Yep. Guards the bridge and everything.
UTHER: No fair! I want a Flitwick, too!
ARTHUR: Ahem.
UTHER: Sorry.
ARTHUR: You were saying?
UTHER: Right. I don't care that the trident is magical.
ARTHUR: But you hate magic.
UTHER: I hate a lot of things, Arthur – flowers, babies, butterflies, kisses, fluffy bunnies, love, kittens, rainbows, and everything else that makes life enjoyable! I also hate the "d-word".
ARTHUR: Oh, you mean ducks.
UTHER: Don't say their name! If you don't talk about them, they won't watch me! *shifty eyes* Anyway, my point is (wow, I'm digressing nearly as much as Emachinescat now, aren't I?) that at this particular moment in time, it does not matter to me that this fork is magical, because if I did, it would be detrimental to the plot.
ARTHUR: Uh… okay. So, uh, what are we going to do with it?
UTHER: *pulls out giant apple pie from nowhere* We're going to eat some giant PIE of doom! And then we're going to use it to mouth-feed the Great Dragon.
ARTHUR: But he's definitely magic. And you hate him. And he ran away.
UTHER: Details, shmetails. I've always wanted to feed a giant magical reptile with a giant magical fork of doom!
ARTHUR: You have some strange dreams there, Pops.
I mean, what WOULD he want with it? Maybe to display it? "Hey look what Arthur found. It's a fork and it's big and shiny. Some old guy used it to eat his greens. Arthur got it to prove himself because it doesn't matter how many times he does so, I'm never just going to be proud of him and be a good parent and say, 'Great job, son, I knew you could do it!'"
Sorry. In case you couldn't tell, I'm still stewing a bit about Uther being a douche to Arthur about the whole "prove your worth" thing. Heck, I won't even get up from the dinner table to get my dad a fork from the silverware drawer! If he tells me to go risk my neck for what is essentially a monster fork, I'm telling him that he's lost his brain! Now, if he told me to go risk my neck for a monster spork, of COURSE I'd do it. Also for pie. But for a big fork?
You've got to be joking.
Again, I'm digressing. I apologize. I digress when I'm tired. And when I'm hungry. And when I'm missing my big toe. And when my big toe is missing me. And when wallabies howl at the moon. I wonder if wallabies can howl? Wait, what is a wallaby? Isn't it like some mini-kangaroo or something? It is a marsupial, right? Or maybe it's a monkey. Gwaine's informed me that a wallaby is not a bird, so that's good at least.
Whoops. There I go again. Back on track, tally ho!
The Three Hunkyteers are going up some stairs, looking for the fork. And the following conversation ensues:
MERLIN: Do you know where the trident is? (Um, I love you, Merlin, but Arthur told you earlier that no one even has an accurate map of the Perilous Lands. What makes you think that Arthur has the schematics for the Fisher King's Tower of Terror?)
ARTHUR: If I did, there wouldn't be a problem, would there? (Yes, there would be a problem, Arthur dearest. You'd still be a prat, and that, my friend, is a problem.)
MERLIN: Are there any clues you can give us? (Ooh, are we playing 'Nancy Drew' again? Yay!)
ARTHUR: This is a quest, Merlin, not a treasure hunt. (Quest, treasure hunt, what's the difference? Okay, Artirino, I'll compromise – it's a treasure quest – you're on a quest for treasure! Deal? No? Well, you've made my point at any rate: you, Arthur Pendragon, are a prat. Also, that was pretty clever and sarcastic so you can get a point for that.)
MERLIN: Well, it is sort of – (That's what I said, Merls. But no one listens to me, especially Arthur. Oh, oh, oh! I've found something else we have in common (other than clumsiness, sassiness, selective hearing, and awesome godlike magical powers of doom (yeah, that's me, alright! Hey, stop laughing! *whines* I'm in disguise!)) – Arthur never listens to me or Merlin! Yep. It's official. We're soul mates. Or twins separated at birth. I prefer the former, though, because it would be weird if he was my twin. Then I couldn't be in love with him. Well I could, but it would be really wrong and gross and 'twincest' – and yes, that word actually exists; I was horrified when I found that out! Anyway, digressing again! Whoopsie daisy!)
ARTHUR: Merlin!
Arthur is so impatient sometimes. Of course, so is my cat when she wants out of my room and is scratching my door and meowing at me. Which she's doing now. So I'll be right back.
*putters off to let cat out of room*
Okay… where were we?
Um, the "not"-treasure hunt (psst – hint: it's a treasure hunt).
So they're going up the stairs, looking for the trident (because if I were the Fisher King, I'd keep my giant cutlery in the stairwell), when Merlin sees what looks like a throne room. He calls over Arthur and Gwaine, and Arthur decides that the trident is in there. I wouldn't keep my trident there, but only because I don't have a throne room. Unless you count the bathroom, which I'd rather not. Just saying. But then again, I don't have a trident, either (although I do have a really big spoon and a bowl with holes in the bottom, does that count?), so I guess it's all moot anyway. Heh. Moot. I love that word. Moot, moot, moot.
Moving on.
So Merlin starts to walk into the throne room but (Indiana Jones alert!) he steps on this booby-trap thing that makes the huge stone door thing fall down. Merlin's just kind of frozen and Gwaine has the presence of mind to think, "Hum, if Merlin stays put he's going to be squashed flatter than an opossum on a Tennessee backroad." (And YES, I can poke fun at Tennessee because I live there. Even though it annoys me when TV presents us as hicks. We're not hicks, I tell ya! We've just got culture! And road kill. But don't let that stop you. We've also got the second largest underground lake in the world AND Dollywood amusement park (which is a BLAST! Last time I went, I got on this HUGE coaster called the Thunderhead and sang "We're going to that great big roller coaster in the sky-y-y to join them… in a minute… we're gonna die, dum, dum, dum, we're gonna die!" all the way up the coaster! Hee, I love Bradley James! (And Colin Morgan, but you all know that already, don't you?) Um, anyway, digressing again, sorry… I've really got a bad case of digressitis tonight, don't I?)
All that to say that Gwaine realizes that Merlin's just about to be squished, so he pushes Merlin forward and into the throne room, separating him from Arthur. *facepalm* Of course they're going to be separated. Because otherwise, Arthur and (gasp! Heaven forbid) Gwaine would find out Merlin's secret.
(1) Why the heck hasn't Merlin told Gwaine yet? Does he really think he's going to turn him into Uther? Hee hee, that came out funny…
MERLIN: Gwaine, I have magic.
GWAINE: I have no choice, I'm going to turn you into Uther.
MERLIN: But-but… he'll kill me!
GWAINE: Bippety-boppety-boo!
MERLIN: *turns into Uther Pendragon*
GWAINE: *dusts hands off* Well, my job here is done! *lopes away*
MERLIN/UTHER (I'd call him Muther but that sounds like a shipping name and that's just disturbing beyond all reason!): Why am I suddenly terrified that a duck is going to see me in my underwear?
I guess that was wrong grammatically. It should have been "in to Uther, not into Uther". Of course, I could have just gone back and fixed my mistake when I realized I'd made it, but then the above conversation wouldn't have happened, and, well, that above conversation was a stroke of genius, if I do say so myself (and I do!).
Anyway, my point is that Merlin has no reason not to trust Gwaine. (I've got a few sub-points here as well, so stick with me. In case you can't tell, I REEEALLY want Merlin to tell Gwaine. REEEALLY badly.
a) Gwaine's your friend. (I'm talking to Merlin here. Gwaine's not any of you guys' friend. Not yours, not mine, not anyone's. Except Merlin's. Sorry, not trying to be mean, but that's the bitter truth of it all – and I quote: "You're the only friend I've got." And Gwaine was talking to Merlin there. So yeah, I'm addressing these 'sub-points' to Merlin here!) Gwaine told you earlier that he was going on this whole stupid treasure hunt – whoops, sorry, Arthur; quest (treasure hunt!) – because of YOU! Do you really think he's going to decide he hates you if he finds out that you have magic? Do you? Really? *narrows eyes in disbelief*
b) Even if Gwaine suddenly had a COMPLETE swap of character (which isn't entirely impossible *cough* Morgana! *cough* but still HIGHLY unlikely), he couldn't turn you in to (see, I spaced it out that time!) Uther, even if he wanted to. Why? Because he's BANISHED from Camelot. If he ever returns, he'll be killed. So I doubt he's going to go back there and get his head chopped off just so he can tattle on you and have you join him on the block.
c) He's GWAINE! Come on, Merlin, this guy is AWESOMESAUCE on AWESOMETOAST! What do you think his reaction is going to be?
MERLIN: Gwaine, I have magic.
GWAINE: Ack! Sorcerer! Kill it!
Noooo… this is GWAINE we're talking about here, Merly-werly! This is the guy who brawls in bars for fun, flips his hair like it's a Pantene commercial, makes fun of Arthur, and is secretly a ninja (who loves to drink). This is the more likely outcome:
MERLIN: Gwaine, I have magic.
GWAINE: Sweet. … Can you make ale appear out of thin air?
OR
Ultrageek's AMAZING story where Merlin tells Gwaine and Gwaine drives him mad with questions. I can't remember the title (because the story was so amazing, once I read it I forgot everything else) and I'm too lazy to go back and check, but if I could copy/paste the whole story here and now you would see that it is what could definitely happen! And now, if you haven't read it already, go read it. NOW! Yes, now I'm promoting OTHER people's fics now, too, not only my own. I really AM turning into a walking billboard, aren't I? That being said, Ultrageek has no idea I'm trying to hypnotize you all into reading her amazing story of doom. *crosses fingers and hopes that Ultrageek doesn't mind the extra publicity*
OR
MERLIN: Gwaine, I have magic.
GWAINE: Merlin, I'm not a bird.
…
Okay.
Back to my two-point rant.
(2) Both Arthur and Gwaine SHOULD have figured it out by now (part of me still kind of believes that Gwaine DID figure it out and is waiting for Merlin to tell him when he's ready but somehow I doubt that since the show hates me and doesn't want to reveal Merlin's magic to anyone but emo-kid Lance and a bunch of magic people who are more than likely going to get blown up anyway).
Let's see, what was it that Flitwick said?
Oh yeah.
STRENGTH.
COURAGE.
MAGIC.
Hmmm…
STRENGTH – GWAINE
COURAGE – ARTHUR
MAGIC - ?
ARTHUR: So, Grettir told you that you're strength, right Gwaine?
GWAINE: Yep. That he did. But I'm pretty sure his name was Flitwick, not Grettir.
ARTHUR: And he said I'm courage.
GWAINE: Yep. That he did. Hm. Maybe his name was Willow instead…
ARTHUR: Hm… so if you're strength and I'm courage, then…
MERLIN: *bites fingernails nervously*
ARTHUR: Then… who's magic?
GWAINE: That's a great question.
ARTHUR: *scratches head* Wow, that really is a tough one, isn't it?
GWAINE: It's got me stumped!
MERLIN: Really, guys? REALLY?
ARTHUR: What are you saying, Merlin? Do you know who this 'Magic' is?
MERLIN: It's me, dunderhead! It only makes sense – if you're courage and Gwaine is strength, then I'm the only one left! I'm magic!
ARTHUR: *laughs* You, Merlin? A sorcerer? Ha! As if! That's the funniest thing I've ever heard.
GWAINE: Yep. Totally preposterous. 'Sides, if you did have magic, you would have told me already, because we're such great friends and you trust me with everything, right bestest buddy?
MERLIN: *uncomfortably* Um…
ARTHUR: *snaps fingers* I've got it!
GWAINE: You do? Who is it? Who's magic?
ARTHUR: It was the Wyvern!
MERLIN: Wha..?
GWAINE: You're so, right! Aw, Vern was just helping us along the whole time, wasn't he?
ARTHUR: I love Vern. He even made me a sammich! Merlin, you're useless. Go do some demeaning chore and then let me throw things at you and not appreciate you for all you've done and sacrificed for me.
MERLIN: B-but…
Wow, guys. REAL smart…
But, back to what I was talking about, even though Gwaine and Arthur get separated from Merlin, it's not entirely bad, even if it means there's no reveal. Because Arthur just about panics when Merlin's separated from him, pounding on the door and yelling his name. Maybe I'm exaggerating a little, but you can tell he's worried. And that makes me smile.
BROMANCE!
Ah, bromance, how do I love thee…
Let me count the ways…
So Arthur and Gwaine are calling from Merlin and Merlin's calling for Arthur and Gwaine and both parties are apparently on hold, so they can't hear each other.
Merlin goes into the throne room and hears some eerie voice in his head that calls him Emrys. And it's not Mordred! It's…
FISHIE! (That's what I've decided the Fisher King's new nickname is.)
Now, I'm going to have to hurry this chapter up because I have to get to bed. So instead of going back and forth between scenes as they occur chronologically, I'm going to just tell you first what happens with Merlin and then what happens with Gwaine and Arthur. Deal? Deal. All who oppose will be sent to the Isle of Perpetual Tickling. And if ANYONE got that reference, you are just… my hero.
WHAT HAPPENS TO MERLIN:
So, Merlin meets the Fisher King who's really old. The guy talks about how Merlin is Emrys and Arthur is the Once and Future King. Merlin says that he's "heard these words before." I have too, Merlin, funnily enough. And I read them every day in fan-fic. And yet they never get old. Go figure.
Fishie tells Merlin that Albion's time of need is near and that he is the one that is going to save her (okay, so the destined peaceful kingdom is a girl kingdom; good to know!), but he'll need help. So, in true Merlin fashion, Fishie gives Merlin a bottle of water from the Lake of Avalon and tell him that "when all seems lost, it will guide the way" or something along those lines. Of course, he doesn't tell Merlin how and remains as cryptic as ever, but I'll bet that Merlin's so used to the dragon by now that he barely even notices.
Then Fishie says he wants something in return – the bracelet. He wants to die because he's been cursed to live as his lands decay for centuries. He's old, he's tired, and I'll bet his joints ache something terrible. This part gets me every time. What a choice Merlin has to make! Something that is akin to assisted suicide… or letting the man suffer for all eternity? I think he made the right choice, though – and technically, it's not assisted suicide because Fishie should have died long ago; it's way past his time.
So Merlin gets down on one knee (and I'm crying at this point) and puts the bracelet on Fishie who disappears into foggy smoke stuff. Merlin's got tears in his eyes and after Fishie "goes on" Merlin hears a disembodied voice whisper, Thank you…
So powerful.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the door…
Arthur has figured out that if he pulls out a block of the wall and sticks his hand in, he should be able to trigger the door open. Not sure how he figured that out, but it sounds like something Indiana Jones would do, so I'm not going to question it. The problem? When he pulls out the small chunk of wall, BUGS come crawling out and this creepy music plays… BLECH! Yep, this is the Merlin re-make of Indiana Jones: Legend of the Crystal Skull.
But I'm not sure if the little bugs or the giant flesh-eating ants are the worst. They're both so gross and have a lot of legs and feelers and… *shudders*
Sorry, I think I just threw up in my mouth a bit.
Arthur looks disgusted when he sees the bugs and Gwaine, bless him, grins, pats him on the back, and says:
"Come on then, don't be such a princess. It is your quest, after all." GWAINE: 100 billion, ARTHUR: Zilch
I. Freaking. LOVE. Gwaine.
Period.
Stats:
Burn Meter 5000:
Part 7: Arthur 1, Merlin 0
This Episode so Far: Arthur 5, Merlin 4
Total: Arthur 41, Merlin 42
Shirtless Arthur Scenes:
Part 7: 0
This Episode so Far: 1
Total: 5
Smirk-O-Meter
Part 7: 0
This Episode so far: 6
Total: 59
A/N: I think this is one of the best chapters yet, LOL! Who knows? I know – you do! So review and let me know your thoughts about this chapter, yeah? I'll have the final part of this episode, part 8, out tomorrow sometime. :) Please REVIEW! And then go play poker with llamas, do the Macarena with ninjas, or yell at some cheese. Or all three at once. I dare you! :)
~Emachinescat ^..^