AN: I'd like to thank the two reviewers for their kind words. Your words are part of the beacon that is helping me through this nightmare. Also something about Penises, I don't know.

"NOOOOO!" I screamed. I was horrified. "There's no way! I was here the whole time!"

"Nevertheless, Ebony, you're now under arrest. You can come with me quietly or else we will have to take you in by force!" Knuckes said as he cracked his knuckles.

B'loody Mary tried to comfort me, but I punched her in the face and told her to fuck off. I dashed out the door under Knuckles and ran to my room, crying the whole way. Knuckles followed me screaming "GET BACK HERE!" but I never turned around. He caught up to me at my room but I zapped him with my magic so he retreated to go get some backup.

Anyway I shut my door and cried tears of blood and then I stabbed both my wrists again. Blood got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped angrily into the bath while I blared some Master Drive at full volume. I grabbed a steak and began to slap myself silly with it. There was no way I was going to let those cops take me in! Don't they know what happens to beautiful, sexxy young girls in prison? I was NOT going to get violated. After I was done bathing and slapping myself, I hopped out of the bathtub. I put on six pairs of metal skull earrings. As I was about to put on a black low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly when I looked out the window, and proceeded to scream.

Outside my window, Prof. Jet and Vector were watching me! And Vector was holding a camera! I couldn't believe he was recording me naked! What's worse, Professor Jet was masticating to the whole affair!

"EW YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU SOME KINDA PERVERTS OR WHAT?" I screamed as I grabbed a black towel with the face of Shigeru Miyamoto. Suddenly Darcula ran in.

"Hey Prof! Why don't I give you A HAND there?" He said as he spin-dashed through Proffessor Jet's hand around his you-know-what, causing both it and his hand to explode in a shower of blood. I began shooting a gazillion bolts of lightning at both Jet and Vector and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly Knuckles broke through the wall followed by the Station Square S.W.A.T. Team. "Ebony you cannot escape from us forever! You're coming with u - NNNNNOOOOOOOOO!" He shouted as he saw Jet and Vector outside in a fountain of their own blood. "Ebony, is there no end to your spree of crimes?" Knuckles began walking twords me and suddenly...

Big the Cat broke through the ajorning wall like it wasn't even there. He was holding onto his trademark fishing pole. "Dur, we need to talk," he said.

"GOD DAMNIT YOU PURPLE LUMP OF SHIT, WHAT DO YOU KNOW? YOUR BRAIN'S THE SIZE OF A PEANUT!" said Jet as he tried to reattach his thignamajig.

"Froggy says that I know plenty of things. And besides," Big paused angrily. "I too speak to the Ists of Satan!"

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOU FROG LICKER?" Jet said as he began duct taping his hand back on. "YOU NEED TO STOP FUCKING FROGS FOR TWELVE SECONDS AND GO BACK TO PRESCHOOL."

"Now everone, just calm down..." Knuckles said, trying to keep what little bit of piece there was.

Vector held up the camera triumphantly. "The lens may be ruined, but the tape is still good!"

I felt faint, more then I normally do like how it feels when you have sat through all of "Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog" in one sitting and have to do a paper on it.

"So then Biggy, what ARE you doing here?" Vector said as he wrapped his scaly claw around his clook.

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to rip his tiny head off and shove it on a spike and drink his bodily fluids because I felt faint.

"BECAUSE...becuase..." Big said. And just stood there. Minutes went by. No one said anything. "What am I doing here? Froggy, whatam I doing here?" HE said as he looked at his fishing pole for it's supreme guidance. Then he began humming some strange chant.

"BECAUSE YOU'RE A HUGE GINORMOUS CARDINAL-SCRUBBING TWAT FACE?" Jet said whispfully, obviously about to faint from the extensive blood-loss.

"I remember!" Big said, stopping suddenly. "It's because me and Froggy and Lucifer love Ebony! We wanted to whisk her away and have her have our babies!"