A/N: I REALIZE THAT I AM (very) LATE… AND I APOLOGIZE FOR IT. NO EXCUSE OTHER THAN… work… and laziness…? Yeah, that sounds about right. Okay, here's the rest of episode 9! Please review if you haven't, you know, decided I'm not worth the effort by now… LOL. Enjoy! :)

Reflections

Chapter Thirty-One: Love in the Time of Dragons Part 2

Aaaand… we're back to the show. Hm. Is it just me, or was that a really long commercial break? *winces at all the glares, curses, and general head-shaking* Okay, okay, so it wasn't just me. Sorry!

But never fear, we're back, and with your behind-the-scenes, leaked conversation between the two young men we saw out on the field earlier today. Let's have a listen, yes? The tension, the drama? Ooh, the excitement is just titillating, isn't it? Hm, titillating, what a fun word, eh? You know what else is a fun word? Defenestrate. Kerfuffle. Crapulent. Squeegie. But, uh, that's totally off-subject, so back to the game!

ARTHUR: You're meant to bob, Merlin. Weave. (Oooh, so this isn't training, but basket weaving class! Exciting!) You might as well be a barn door. (Um, I don't even know how to respond to that statement. A barn door, really? I just want to know why Arthur would be wanting to throw things at a barn door in the first place. I know the whole metaphor is saying that if he doesn't bob, he's basically just an easy target, but why a barn door? You know? No? Okay, then…)
MERLIN: (Is helped to his feet by Arthur and avoids said dollop head's eyes.) Yes, sire. (Hold the phone. Seriously? Averted eyes AND "Sire"? Something's seriously wrong with the Merlin we know and love. I mean normally his response would be something along the lines of "Better to be a barn door than a dollop headed prat-pole" – that was a combination of three of Merlin's favorite Arthur insults, dollop head, prat, and clot pole. I made it up myself – isn't it grand? Anyway, Arthur obviously figures out something is off with Merlin by his less than sarcastic response and the pure awesomeositude begins!)
ARTHUR: For goodness' sake, what is your problem? (Well, I nearly fell out the back of a school bus today, was nearly trampled by a herd of six year old Justin Bieber fans (don't ask), and found an earthworm in my coffee, plus, my feet hurt and my toes are cold and I still don't have more coffee! Oh, wait… you weren't asking me, were you, Arthur? You were talking to Merlin. I totally knew that!)
MERLIN: Nothing. (Liar, liar, hot guy on fire! What? Merlin's adorable, so it fits… right? *grumbles at lack of response* I guess this is what I get for being gone from this story so long, eh?)
ARTHUR: Right. Well, either you tell me, or we go back to the lance and hoops. (Merlin doesn't look too thrilled with the prospect of being charged by Arthur on a horse with a pointy lance, not that I blame him, so he gives in and talks. Hey, Merlin, it's all good – you and Arthur are really best friends, remember, even if you are too stubborn to admit it – plus, we viewers only like one thing better than Merlin whump – and that's Merlin and Arthur hurt/comfort scenes, or BROMANCE! So get with the program, buddy, and let Arthur help his buddy, 'kay-kay? 'Kay.)
MERLIN: Gaius and me, we had a bit of a falling out. (Can I just say - wouldn't it be "Gaius and I"? Sorry, sorry, I shouldn't be trying to correct Merlin's grammar, even if it is wrong according to my handy dandy ninth grade grammar workbook that I may or may not still have and use on occasion… *shifty eyes*)
ARTHUR: Look, I row with my father all the time. (Aw, is Arthur actually going to give advice to Merlin? He actually is going to show he CARES? Score for Team Merlin and Arthur, Best Friends Forever!) You should do what I do, lie low and wait 'till he comes to his senses; it'll soon blow over. (Wait a sec. When have you ever done that, Arthur? I've seen you get into plenty of fights with your father, and although he almost always inevitably wins, you don't just back down and wait it out! *scratches chin* Is this one of those "Do as I say, not as I do" things? And if so, why does your advice never work for me? My parents usually seek me out to continue a disagreement. *bites fingernails nervously* THERE'S NO PLACE TO HIDE! WAA!)
MERLIN: No, I don't think so, somehow.
ARTHUR: Oh, cheer up, will you? (*singsong voice* He ca-ares, he ca-ares, Arthur ca-ares! ARTHUR: No I don't. Shut up, Emachinescat. You're as big an idiot as Merlin. EMACHINESCAT: Ha! You're wrong! No one is as big an idiot as Merlin! Uh… wait. MERLIN: Hey! EMACHINESCAT: Oh, look… a distraction. *zooms away before an angry Merlin turns me into a toadstool* … Arthur punches Merlin in the arm – and this actually happens in the episode, it isn't one of my little fantasy conversations… not that I'd ever veer off topic in this story… not at all… *chuckles nervously*)
MERLIN: (Backs away all timid-like) How was punching me in the arm meant to cheer me up? (You know, Merlin, I totally agree. I'll never get guys and their inability to express feelings. It's like, "Oh, man, I'm so sad, I'm going to take it out on my best guy friend!" WHAM! Or, "Oh, man, I'm so happy! I'm going to celebrate by smacking my best guy friend on the arm!" WHAM! Or, "Oh, man, I'm sorry you're sad, bro. Let me make it better by punching you!" WHAM! Or my favorite, "Dude, I'm hungry. Maybe kicking you in the shin will ease my rumbly tummy." WHAM! "Hmm… still hungry… but I'm so much more cheerful now!" Why can't a guy go up to another guy and say, "Hey, man, I'm sorry you're so bummed. I'll give you a man-hug and then take you out for a sundae. Ice cream'll make you feel better, yeah?" Guys. Pppht. Such strange, silly creatures.)
ARTHUR: (Looks confused, as if he's just now realizing how redundant his attempted "feel better" was.) It works with the knights.
MERLIN: Well, they're thick, aren't they? (Good point, Merlin. 'Cept for Sir Leon…and the future Sir Gwaine. Leon's amazing and must have found the Sorcerer's Stone, because he just won't die, and as for Gwaine, well, he's Gwaine! 'Nuff said on that, am I right?)
ARTHUR: I'm a knight. (Ooh, Arthur, you so just set yourself up for that one! *giggles madly*)
MERLIN: (Takes advantage of the moment, like any good best friend would… Or any sarcastic, smarmy, and adorable best friend…) There you go, then. (Yes! Point Merlin! C'mon, Merlin, keep it up! You've got a prat to catch up to! Not… that I'm biased in any way, form, or fashion, that is. *whistles nonchalantly*)
ARTHUR: (Punches Merlin in the arm again, this time harder. And again I say: Arthur, you are a prat. *Sigh* Prat or not, though, I suppose you get a point for your nonverbal but still effective comeback. *grumbles under breath*)

So, we switch scenes again, and Gaius and Alice are having a chat about old times while Gaius looks at an old present from Alice and Alice goes about trying to poison Uther's meds. I understand your hatred of the king, Alice, really, I do, but is this really the best way to win back your Gaius-Bear? (And yes, Gaius-Bear was once Alice's favorite nickname for our beloved Court Physician… that and Smoochie-Poo. In return, Gaius called Alice, "Muffin-Love" and "Cupcake-Buttons". Gaius isn't very good with nicknames.)

Before Gaius leaves to give Uther the contaminated medicine, he looks back at Alice and says, "Really, Alice, I don't know how I've survived without you."

Um… hello, lover boy! Isn't it obvious? MERLIN! He's saved your life on a great number of occasions, starting with the day you met, when he used magic, which, like Alice, he is quite good at (although not so much the healing aspect), to make you not die when you were a clumsy old fart and fell off a shelf thing! Sorry, I like Gaius, really, I do, but he's being a jerk this episode. Not that it's entirely his fault. I'll admit, I've been so twitterpated (and, YES, Microsoft Word, twitterpated is SO a word… just ask Bambi. *sticks out tongue*) with someone that I've forgotten about how much my friends and even family meant to me, even though in the end it turned out he was a world-class jerk and I—oh sorry… This isn't about me, is it? It's about Gaius and Alice. The ship name is Galice or Gaice. Or Tootie-Frootie. Don't ask.

Anyway…

Gaius goes and gives Uther his medicine, to which Uther toasts, "To my very good health." I find the irony hilariously convenient for what is about to happen. Maybe Uther knows he's about to get poisoned and is trying for a bit of dramatic effect so that Gaius can feel even more guilty about turning a blind eye to Alice's meanness. Or maybe Uther always makes that toast before he takes his drugs. Now, when I take a Tylenol or something, I'll say, "To my very good health!" Or, "To my Aunt Mabel's left pinky toe!" That would be ironic, because Aunt Mabel doesn't have a left pinky toe. See, I can be clever too! Or I could say, "To Arthur's tenderheartedness toward his friends!" Or, "To Gaius's perceptiveness when it comes to his lady friends!" Or, "To Morgana's evil subtlety!" Haha, I like be ironic! It's fun! You guys should try it, seriously! In your review, submit the most ironically hilarous Merlin-related medicinal toast, and the most ironically hilarous Merlin-related toast will receive a shout out and a key part in the next chapter of this review. Hee hee…

So later on, Merlin is sitting and moping outside in the dark when the bell rings. You know, the warning bell that rings and says, "TROUBLE, TROUBLE!"

Arthur goes to Gaius for his father, who won't wake up, and when the king's eyes open when Merlin and Gaius look him over, they're pitch black – no whites at all. Like Alice's eyes when the maticore took control. Hmm… connection? Surely not…

By the way, Gaius, that was sarcasm.

Sarcasm is almost as fun as irony, but it's not just a writing style or a figure of speech – Sarcasm is a way of life. Never forget that, young pupils.

And so Gaius realizes that the king's medicine was poisoned and that perhaps his beloved Alice isn't all that she seemed. Gee, if only someone had warned him of this heartbreaking news… Oh wait…

Sorry, I feel bad for Gaius, really, I do, but poor Merlin is so neglected and emotionally abused by the one person who is always there for him in this episode, it's hard for me to well up too much sympathy, even if the old dude is in love. You know?

The following argument between Merlin and Gaius only serves to strengthen the above sentiment. Merlin tries to tell his guardian, once again, that Alice is responsible for this, and Gaius's response?

"All I know is that the king is gravely ill and your place is by Arthur's side."

Ouch. In other words: "Get away from me, shut up, leave me alone, I'm done with you." At least, that's how I would have taken it, were I Merlin, which, thankfully, I'm not, because it would be kind of awkward, marrying myself and all. *gets lots of strange looks* What?

After Gaius walks away, the look on our poor Merlin's face is quite devastated. He looks close to tears and who can blame him? He's alone in this and Gaius has just told him to buzz off.

Later on, in Uther's room, Arthur is talking to Merlin and trying to work through what could have caused Uther's illness. And, in a moment of intelligence (oh, come on, Team Arthur, you know I love Arthur too, but the man can be as dumb as a brick when it comes to magic and many other things), he realizes that it had to be the medicine, after which, Merlin tells Arthur who did it.

And so Arthur has his knights arrest Alice. And Gaius is distraught, but, as Merlin tells the old man, he had no choice but to tell on Alice. It was either Alice or Gaius, and for Merlin, there was no question. No, Gaius, this doesn't make Merlin a tattletale, it makes him honorable and noble and adorable. Actually, he was already adorable. I just tagged that on because it's so true! *giggles in a crazed fangirlish manner*

Okay, kids guess what time it is? RANDOM POETRY TIME!

Alice goes to the dungeon and Arthur questions her
He asks her lots of questions that the manticore won't allow an answer
So her eyes turn black and she chokes out, "I'm so sorry"
Arthur just wants daddy better, and he is so, so worried

Merlin goes to Gaius and the Court Physician sighs:
"The king is fading, he will die, it's all over now, black are his eyes"
Okay, so he doesn't say those exact words there
And no, he isn't Yoda (that we know of), but it had to rhyme, I swear!

Then Gaius apologizes for not being very nice
Merlin is a sweetheart and forgives him without another fight
They have to find a way to get the poison out of Uther's gut
And somehow I don't think that they can extract it from his… (Hey, Pumba, not in front of the kids!) Never mind…

Gaius says that maybe if they can destroy the magic box
The manticore will die because it's been outfoxed
So Merlin summons the evil beastie and fights that evil dude
And even though he's old and frail, Gaius's magic skills ain't crude

And so the manticore asplodes (KABOOM!) when Gaius kills the box
And Merlin doesn't get stung by it, which even though I'd like some whumpage, really does rock!
And yes, I know my rhymes are forced and the meter's down the drain
But since when does random poem time have to be pristine?

Stop your whining, can the critics, this is my review
And put those rotten tomatoes down, my poem is nearly through ("Phew!")
One more thing before I go back to the normal prose:
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if it didn't have a nose?

How was that for poetic storytelling? *crickets chirp and some old drunk guy in the back row starts screaming about badgers and lima beans* Fine.

Anyway, the rest of the episode goes thus: Uther gets better and sentences Alice to death. Gaius asks if she might be pardoned since she was under control of a creature, and Uther says there's no circumstances where practicing magic is accepted. At which point I want to punch his face and remind him of his "beloved" ward getting tossed down the stairs, and the "circumstances" that allowed magic to save her. Gah, that man is such a hypocrite!

Gaius visits Alice in the dungeon and they have a sweet but sappy conversation where Gaius tells Alice not to be afraid and where Alice thanks Gaius for forgiving her, and they hug. The next morning, Alice has mysteriously escaped. Hum. I wonder how that happened?

Teehee…

I'm glad she didn't die, even if her presence did cause Merlin some emotional angst. Heck, what am I saying, I love the angst! Alice should come back for a visit soon! (I know, I'm mean, aren't I?)

Merlin and Gaius talk about what happened, Gaius teases Merlin with that silly ham or whatever it was that's been passed around all episode, and they laugh, and all is well again.

Classic ending.

Stats:

Burn Meter 5000:
Part 2: Arthur 1, Merlin 1
This Episode so Far: Arthur 4, Merlin 1
Total: Arthur 46, Merlin 44

Shirtless Arthur Scenes:
Part 2: 0
This Episode so Far: 0
Total: 5

Smirk-O-Meter
Part 2: 0
This Episode so Far: 0
Total: 60

A/N: Okay, that's it for Love in the Time of Dragons! Please review, and I really will try to have the first part of Queen of Hearts as soon as possible! (Yeah, I know you're rolling your eyes and saying, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll believe it when I see it." Sorry, guys.) Until then, jump on some jellyfish, search for buried treasure, or eat mustard straight from the bottle! Review! :)

~Emachinescat ^..^