Shelter from the Storm

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a/n Zoe is 5. Zoe's bodyguard, Arkady Petrovich, aka Monster appears in Jane's Dilemma and other Zoe fics. Since Zoe "found" him during the winter, his introductory story will appear later, even tho it takes place the winter before this story. OK?

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Chapter 12 ~ Monster Mash

[pov? you figure it out!]

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"Your daughter is very beautiful."

I snapped yet another picture of Zoë , who was dashing madly around the field of huge orange pumpkins and the woman's words finally registered in my brain. Daughter, what daughter?

Zoë ran to me with a baby pumpkin cradled in her arms. She did her usual headlong rush and I scooped her up in my arms at the last moment, eliciting a gleeful scream. She said, "Look! Look! I found a baby one!"

Thank you, God. I so did not want to scoop the guts out of a 30 pound behemoth of a gourd and I could tell that this day was gonna end up with yours truly, aka me!—carving Zoë's treasure into a jack o'lantern. Sure, I could do that. But in recent years we'd used the orange fruits for target shooting, not fun and games. Well, not kid-friendly fun and games, though the explosions when you hit them suckers with a large bore rifle shell—dude!—awesome.

"She looks exactly like you!" purred the voice in my ear.

We turned to the speaker. Yet another mom on the prowl, I thought. Single, divorced or still married, it seemed like these women were all, well, looking. Looking for action, if you know what I'm sayin'.

This lady smiled at me and said, "I'm Lisa Petty, Joshie's mom. This must be Zoë , she is adorable! She has your eyes, doesn't she?"

Noooo!

Good thing Ranger isn't here today, cos I'd be a dead man. Nope, Ranger had the sense—or good luck—to have planned a special birthday treat for Stephanie—a day of shopping in Manhattan, followed by dinner and a romantic night at a five-star hotel. Unfortunately, this was also the day of Zoë's class trip to the pumpkin fields of Pennsylvania. Today was Oct 12, the REAL Columbus Day and Steph's birthday. The holiday would be Monday though, giving all the little kiddies time to recuperate from the excitement of their first kindergarten class trip and their exertions butchering their pumpkins.

I had been drafted to be the designated parental unit, and I'd do anything for Zoë. But the comments on my/her looks were getting scary.

Zoë said to the woman, "This is NOT my daddy!" Then to me, "Put me down, please, Joey is looking for me." I kissed her cheek and set her down. She ran off to find Joey Morelli, Steph's ex-boyfriend Joe's kid.

Mrs. Petty patted my arm. "Don't feel bad, I'm sure it's just a stage."

"Huh?"

"She probably isn't really rejecting you! I bet she loves her daddy to pieces!"

Maybe but that's not who I am!

Mrs. Petty was still babbling. "Maybe she has issues, I've heard that you travel a lot." She glanced past me and called, "Jenn! Megan! Come meet Zoë 's daddy!"

My name is Anthony Stewart and I am NOT Zoë 's daddy. I broadcast badass vibes and said nothing.

Mrs Petty squeezed my arm again and introduced her friends, ended up with, "And this is...?" Silence from me. "...Zoë's dad. And who's this with you?" She smiled and added, "What's your name?"

My companion said stoically, "Monster." He shook the ladies' hands.

"'Monstaire?' Is that Italian? Or French? What does it mean?" asked Jenn, Dangerous Housewife of New Jersey number two.

"I'm American, honey. Our names don't mean shit."

The women gasped and since the lines were delivered in Arkady Petrovich's fluent but heavily accented English, his words were obviously a lie or an insult. Movie quotes apparently aren't their thing.

Three offended mommies glared at us. I grabbed Monster's bicep and said, "Excuse us, ladies." I pulled Arkady aka Monster into the lee of one of the four prom bus limos that Ranger had "borrowed" from his pal Fast Eddie, no un-comfy yellow school busses for his little princess. The kids and especially the teachers and parents loved the limos—white, huge, and tacky, and volunteers for the outing had been numerous. The limos let Ranger install Rangeman operatives as the drivers, including the man who was lighting a forbidden cigarette and looking nervous.

Zoë's bodyguard said, "America is a very strrrrange place, my boy. In my homeland, we feed these cucurbits to the pigs, we do not have our children play with them."

Seeing as how I did go to college I knew cucurbits is a fancy word for pumpkins, used by Arkady in his strange outdated way with the English language.

I said, "Pumpkins. We call them pumpkins."

"Huh."

"It's an Irish custom."

"You do not look Irish to me, sonny." I opened my mouth but he went on, "That is not the point, the point is these women, they are like the sharks, wanting to gobble us up. They think we are dinner—or, or, sex machines. Your friend Eddie, Swift Eddie—they seemed to believe he is a movie star or something, this Antonio Bandana?"

"Uh..." Swift Eddie, Fast Eddie—whatever. I let the poor guy vent.

Arkady took a deep drag on his second unfiltered Camel, omigod, Ranger would kill him. Arkady caught my look and said, "I do not usually indulge, it is against the rules especially around the little one."

"It's not healthy, man."

"And our line of work is? You know, when I signed on, I never pictured myself a bodyguard to a little child. Yes, she is lovely and sweet and smart and no doubt precious to her father, but I am thinking it is my job because Ranger does not trust me to work in the real world, our world."

''Dude, our world is not the real world."

We're mercenaries, how surreal is that? Arkady is an ex-KGB assassin, an old...friend maybe?...an old enemy? of ours.

"But you understand my current?"

"What? No."

"Get my, ah, drift? Ranger does not trust me?"

"Ranger assigned you to Zoë because she likes you a lot."

"She likes everyone."

"Yeah but Ranger wouldn't trust her to just anyone. He couldn't give you a more important job, man—you are standing in his shoes, working on his behalf—personally—when you guard his child, or children. Believe me, he trusts you implicitly."

"And you? How is it you get the hard jobs, the exciting jobs?"

"The death wish jobs, you mean? I am here today, aren't I?"

"But? Surely I can do more than just be a childminder! You are important, a bad dude, as you say—how can I become this again? Arkady Petrovich was once a true monster, a man to be feared and respected!"

And he wants to go back to that life?

Monster has a screw loose in his head, I thought, but I said carefully, "Don't get too cocky, dude. No matter how good you are, don't ever let them see you coming. You gotta keep yourself small. Innocuous. Be the little guy. You know, the nerd... the leper... shit-kickin' surfer. Look at me..." I stopped and paused while Monster took in my ratty cargo shorts and surf shop t-shirt, cornrowed braids and autumn surfer tan. I said again, "Look at me... underestimated from day one. You'd never think I was a master of the universe, now would ya?"

Arkady did a mournful Russian-esque sigh. "And yet you are. At half my age, indeed."

I said, "Just goes to show. Hang in there, dude. Keep the faith and all that shit."

Arkady looked like he was considering another smoke or maybe pulling out his Glock and shooting me. But our moment was interrupted by Zoë's little voice, yelling,"Lookit! Lookit!"

We peered around the fender of the limo and saw Zoë with Binky, her other bodyguard, in tow. He cradled a humongous pumpkin in his arms and looked bemused and sweaty. Sucker had to weigh, like, forty pounds. The pumpkin, not the Binkster.

"This is my punkin," announced Zoe.

We grinned. "I thought he was your Binky," I teased.

"Not him! And I do not need a binky. I am too old for a binky."

We smiled as James Binkman, called Binky, go figure, turned an unfortunate shade close to the pumpkin's red-orange. Clashed with his white blond hair, bigtime.

Zoë tapped her foot and folded her arms, staring at us, her troops.

Jeez, she did look exactly like Ranger and we all stifled gasps of laughter. Her eyes narrowed. "You will guard my punkin." Pointed finger at Monster. "You will ride on the hayride cart with me," pointing to me. "And you please go buy a gallon of cider and a bunch of apples for mommy, we promised, right?"

We all nodded. Siryessir, Ranger.

Zoë grabbed my hand and towed me towards the hay wagon full of over-excited toddlers and their over-stimulated moms. Behind me I heard Monster say in Russian, "Do you have your gun, my boy? You may need it!" And Binky laughed. I surreptitiously gave them the finger and walked on.

We took our places on the hay bales and Zoë looked up at me. She quirked her finger so I'd lean down and she whispered in my ear, "Why did Monster think you need your gun, Uncle Anthony?"

"No reason, he was just being an assho—a jerk, chica." Then I realised what she'd said, that she'd undersood his Russian words, and she stared me down with her 5 year-old's Ranger eyes.

Silence, silence, profound silence—in a horde of screaming, crying, yelling kids, with crows cawing overhead and the horses whinnying and the cart creaking—silence. Finally I said, "So, what are you going to be for Halloween, baby?"

An alien?

"I am gonna be an InterGalactic Princess, IGP for short."

"Uh-huh. Like Wonder Woman?"

"No, like a real princess, I will wear black leather with spangles and velvet and black boots and have stars in my hair, I'll have a laser rifle and ninja stars. I'll be a badass, Uncle Anthony, a princess-girl badass."

"I'm sure you will, baby. You'll be the prettiest badass on the streets on Trick or Treat night." Even prettier than your dad, maybe.

"NOT prettiest. Baddest."

"Absolutely, chica."

What else would she be, she's his kid, right?

the end of the story/ series tbc