Nikita thought that she was in complete control of herself, that nothing could shake her. But this was too much. Nikita cried for the first time in a long time, the wound in heart from Daniel's death reopened. She thought she had healed and put it behind her. Daniel's murder was another sin she could attribute to the evil that was Division, that was Percy. Now Nikita had someone much more concrete and close to blame. Owen. He had murdered Daniel in cold blood.
No, it was not entirely his fault. As much as Nikita wanted and needed to lash out at someone, she would get nowhere by hurting Owen. He expected her to shoot him after his confession to Daniel's murder. He had even wanted it. Owen was trying to atone for his crimes and to escape the pain of Emily's death by allowing Nikita to kill him. But Nikita was not a murderer. She had begun her vendetta against Division in her own effort at redemption. Though she served a different function than Owen, Nikita had still done terrible things.
It was important to keep in mind what she was fighting for. Nikita stood for justice and morality and forgiveness. She was on a quest primarily to be able to forgive herself, to be able to look at her own reflection in the mirror and to feel that she deserved to love herself. Also, Nikita had to make up for the damage she caused the world. She had a debt to repay, and she intended to pay it.
….
Amanda marched into the communications room and stopped behind Birkhoff who jumped once he noticed that Amanda was there.
"I didn't do it." he said nervously.
"What didn't you do Birkhoff?" questioned Amanda, her curiosity piqued.
"Nothing. That's the point."
Amanda raised an eyebrow. She would find out what was going on later.
"I'm here because I need you to look into a past mission. Pull up all security cameras in the French Quarter of New Orleans from two nights ago."
"Still interrogating Roger? Don't you think he would have told you everything by now?"
Amanda gave Birkhoff a dirty look that shut him up and sent his fingers scurrying faster over the keyboard.
"Every minute of security camera footage from that night has been sent to your email."
"Thank you, Seymour."
Birkhoff rolled his eyes at the deliberate jab. He hated his first name and Amanda knew it.
Amanda fast-forwarded through the footage and stopped when she found what she was looking for. After Roger had confirmed the kill, he threw up on a street corner. A woman was came on the screen and she walked off with Roger. This was what Roger had been omitting. The question was who was Roger's mystery woman?
The phone rang interrupting Amanda's musings. She had a meeting with Percy in fifteen minutes, and she could tell that it was important. Amanda decided to leave Roger's mystery woman for the moment. She had one more thing to do before she went to see Percy.
…
Arya had practically moved into Amanda's office. She was singled out for chats nearly every day so that Amanda could analyze her like a specimen in a laboratory. As grueling as the sessions were, they did help Arya make progress. Although Amanda's intentions for aiding Arya were unclear, she was an expert psychoanalyst and dedicated herself to the task of puzzling through Arya's unique but damaged mind.
In order to deal with the trauma she faced while with Carlos, Arya had to compartmentalize her emotions and disassociate herself from her situation. She learned to submit to Carlos during the nights, and she played along with his charade that they were a happy couple during the day in an effort to avoid his punishment. Carlos realized this and acted accordingly. He took what he wanted from her during his nightly frenzy of lust, but he showed the part of himself that genuinely cared about her throughout the day. Carlos understood what was going on in Arya's head and made it easy for her to separate her feelings and actions depending on whether it was day or night. Amanda figured that another year or so with Carlos would have driven Arya to multi-personality disorder.
The ability to detach her mind from her surroundings and to see her life almost as though she was an outsider looking in would serve Arya well when she had to kill for Division. It would allow her to live with herself and with what she would have to do. However, in terms of Carlos, Arya had to deal with him in order to move on.
Amanda thrust her way into Arya's memories and extracted what she could. In making Arya talk about her experiences, they became less painful. Once the overwhelming emotions were condensed into words, Arya was not forced to bear their weight alone. She shared a small sliver of her past with Amanda during every one of their talks.
Another contribution to Arya's mental fragility was that she felt isolated, that no one could possibly understand her or what she went through. Amanda suspected that was why she became close to Alex. Neither of the two girls was especially talkative, but Amanda figured that the presence of someone who had survived a similar experience would be comforting for both girls. Even so, nobody could ever truly comprehend what Arya's life was like.
In order to use Arya most effectively, Amanda needed to know how her mind operated. Arya's looks made her perfect for valentine ops, or seducing a target to get to them, but there was no way Arya could handle anything of the sort until she was comfortable with her own sexuality.
After some introspection, Arya realized that if she chose on her own to be sexy, like when she pretended to be a model for Max, then it was fun. Exuding that kind of persona was just like putting on a costume. But when she was dressed up by Carlos or by Amanda, then it was simply another form of degradation. Amanda was beginning to recognize this as well.
To stop Amanda from delving further into Arya's past which was all fabricated, Arya let Amanda focus on her time with Carlos and pretended that he was the source of all of her psychological problems. Arya was proud of herself for hiding her history as an assassin for the government from Amanda who had a razor sharp intuition for discovering secrets.
Back when she worked for the CIA director Henry Wilcox, Arya had actually wanted to be someone like Amanda eventually. There was a reason why there were no old field agents: people in that profession did not live long. Even the best were at risk, so Arya had also planned for a future that was more conducive to growing old. At the time, Arya did not realize how much was missing from her life, and to be someone like Amanda was the best she could have hoped for. Things were different now. They could turn out better.
"You have been a superb recruit since you joined Division." Amanda praised. "From the beginning, we knew that the biggest obstacle on your path to become an agent was yourself. I want you to succeed, Arya, and that is why I have been pushing you so hard mentally. According to your instructors, you are ready to become a fully-fledged agent. I am the last person who has to approve your change in status. And I think you're finally ready. Congratulations, Arya. You deserve it."
"Thank you." said Arya softly.
Amanda left for her meeting with Percy leaving Arya sitting on the couch. She was one step closer to bringing down Division and it felt good to be doing the right thing.
….
Nikita was enjoying the flow of cool water on her skin as she swam laps in the pool. She heard the door to the pool room open. Owen stood at the edge of the water watching Nikita's rhythmic, hypnotic motions as her arms and legs sliced through the water. He held the black box in his hand. Nikita swam to the edge of the pool and climbed out. Owen wordlessly handed her the box. That was easier than Nikita had anticipated.
"Why the change of heart?" she asked.
Owen had been so set on unleashing the contents of the box to the world. He thought that was the way to right the wrongs that Division had done.
"The world isn't ready for that kind of justice. But we can make things right. For Emily and for Daniel."
"Thank you, Owen." whispered Nikita.
Nikita dropped the box onto the wet floor where it sputtered slightly from coming in contact with the chlorinated water. They watched with silent satisfaction as she put a bullet in the center of their first black box, destroying it forever.
They were both suddenly aware of Nikita's revealing bathing suit, and she wrapped a towel around herself while Owen averted his eyes. He cleared his throat.
"I have some leads on another black box. I know that it's somewhere in London, but I'm going to need some time to narrow down a location. I'll call when I have something."
"Be careful, Owen. Take care of yourself."
He gave her a brief nod of acknowledgement and left abruptly. If anyone could find a little black box in all of London, it would be Owen. He would find the box out of sheer determination. She just hoped that he wouldn't sacrifice himself in the process.
Author's Note: I'm sorry for the long wait, but I've been away from home all summer. I hope you all like the chapter, and I look forward to reading your reviews.