Chapter Ten: 10,000 Promises

Horatio had repeated himself, saying that he wanted the evidence back the lab as soon as possible. Delko was aware that the case was highly sensitive so he started for the door, his boss answering a call on his cell phone. His mind was a jumble of thoughts as he tried to make sense of what direction his life was headed in. Coming to terms with his attraction to his best friend had been a pivotal point in his life. He'd spent nights lying awake in his head trying to make sense of the feelings that would take hold of him when he laid eyes on the dark haired member of the team. Why he had fallen in love with Speed was beyond him. As far as he could remember it was the first time he'd ever found himself attracted to someone of the same sex. He tried for months to ignore the spark burning inside but when Speed would brush against him or just so happened to be close he would feel his breath catch in his throat as his pulse began to quicken. The dark, brooding investigator captivated him in ways that he'd never experienced before. And he liked it. He became comfortable with his attraction, comfortable with who he was.

The biggest step taken was telling Horatio. The acceptance of his boss led him to tell Alexx. Both of them had given him hugs and spoken words of encouragement. Only they didn't realize that he was madly in love with Speed, they only knew that he had finally sorted things out. The only person that knew about the feelings that made him get out of bed every morning was Horatio and he knew that his boss would keep his secret.

Now if only he could come clean to the person that mattered most, Speed. That day when he nearly lost him had sent a numbing wave over his body. He'd broken down in tears thinking that he'd missed his chance. He remembered praying, saying that if Speed pulled through that he would tell him everything. Speed lived. The days came and went, months passed, and he still hadn't spoken the words to anybody but the reflection in his mirror. He knew eventually that he was going to have to say something because he couldn't take the torture anymore. In his dreams every night he got to hold Speed, to kiss him and whisper his affections in the heat of the moment. He wanted his dreams to become real. He wanted to hold Speed.

He took a misstep as he walked out the door and nearly fell to the ground. By some chance he kept his balance, merely stumbling. His train of thought having been derailed he realized that the dog, Mite, was going crazy in the back of the Hummer. He could hear the shepherd's frantic barking across the expanse of the yard. Frowning, he tried to figure out what it was that the dog was barking out. Something on the other side of the street must have caught his attention because he was focused on something in that direction. Delko figured it had likely been a squirrel or a rabbit. He would have to mention to Speed the fact that Mite liked barking at small things; a few of Speed's neighbors had cats. At about that time, halfway across the front yard, it dawned on him that he hadn't really seen Speed since they arrived at the scene. A heavy feeling settled in his gut. His eyes went back to the barking dog.

The kit slipped from his fingers, crashing to the ground.

Without really thinking he took off toward the Hummer, his feet working off a mind of their own. Something was wrong.

He rounded the front of the Hummer and stopped. Speed was sitting on the pavement with his knees up to his chest, his hands on the side of his head. Delko couldn't tell if his shoulders were shaking because he was crying or just breathing hard. He also couldn't help but feel as though he'd walked in on a personal moment. When Speed failed to look up, to acknowledge him, he edged closer; when he was less than a foot away he fell to his knees on the pavement. He placed a comforting hand on Speed's shoulder and they stayed that way for a good ten minutes before Speed actually raised his head. His eyes were slightly swollen suggesting that he maybe have been crying at one point.

"Are you okay…?"

Speed let his head fall back, making contact with the Hummer. "This…I need to go home."

"I'll drive you," Delko said, forgetting about the evidence, his kit still sitting in the front yard. He managed to get Speed into the Hummer. Mite had quieted down and curled up for a nap in the backseat. Delko climbed behind the wheel and a minute later they were cruising down the street.

--

Only when he parked the large vehicle in a spot outside Speed's apartment building did he remember the note he'd left the day before. Obviously Speed hadn't been home- he was wearing the same clothes- so he hadn't yet seen the note. It was only a matter of time before he did though and then what would happen? Would he slam the door in Delko's face? Laugh at him or look at him in disgust? As they headed toward the elevator all these fears raced through his mind, sending a chill down his spine. Sure he wanted Speed to know how he felt but he didn't think he could live with the rejection. One of them would have to leave the lab. His whole world could come to a screeching halt with one word, one simple expression. Walking down the hall toward Speed's door he felt like he was going to have a heart attack. He purposely lagged behind, thinking that he should duck out know before the door was even opened. Instead he kept going forward.

When Speed opened the door to his apartment Mite raced inside intent on sniffing everything in his new home. Speed warned the dog against piddling on the floor. Then he saw the note. He bent to pick it up and read it as he headed toward the couch. He settled on the couch, the piece of paper still in his hand.

Delko closed the door and made his way to the couch, settling somewhat nervously beside Speed. "I…um…I've been doing a lot of thinking and…I think I'm in love with you." There, he'd said it.

"Stop," Speed said, his eyes closed.

"What…?"

"Don't say anything. Just….please, I've had some really bad days and I…I can't do this right now."

"Oh, okay," he responded, standing. Already he could feel his heart breaking. He fought to remain somewhat cool. "Then I'll, uh, just be on my way."

Speed grabbed his hand but didn't look at him. "We'll talk about this, I promise. I just need some time. Every day that goes by I feel like I'm losing myself…and…"

"It's okay, Speed," Delko assured.

"Tomorrow. We can talk tomorrow."