DISCLAIMER: NOT MINE, NEVER BEEN MINE. I'M NOT MAKING A SINGLE KNUT.
The occupants of Dumbledore's office sat in stunned silence, each one looking at the others, wondering if Dumbledore was kidding. Finally, when they all started to realize that Dumbledore was NOT going to yell "GOT YOU!", Snape decided to break the silence.
"WHAT?"
"You heard me, Severus," Dumbledore stated calmly.
"We all heard you! But I was hoping I heard wrong! What the bloody hell is going through your mind?" Snape continued to yell. "First of all, she's a student. Second, she's Granger. Third…she's a student!"
"That's disgusting!" Harry exclaimed. "She's…his student!"
"Yes, I'm quite aware that Ms. Granger is, indeed, a student at this school, thank you," Dumbledore said, rolling his eyes. "But it's also the best option we have."
"B-but that's…illegal!" Harry yelled.
"No, it's not, Harry," Draco said from his place from the fire, the only one other than Hermione who hadn't spoken yet. "You still think like a muggle sometimes. You have to understand that in the wizarding world, it's considered ok for teachers and pupils to see one another-" at this, Harry gagged-"and since wizards live so much longer than muggles, age differences are not really an issue, either. It's only considered 'illegal' when the student in question is underage. That is never allowed. And it is only frowned upon when the student in question goes from having horrible marks to outstanding marks, which is something that no one will be able to say about Hermione."
"I didn't think about the age thing, but thanks, I'm glad that's in my head too! Hermione doesn't need to be with a guy who's old enough to be her grandfather!" Harry said.
"Excuse me, Potter? I'll have you know, I'm not that old. You do remember I went to school with your parents," Snape started.
"It doesn't change a damn thing! It's not happening!" Harry yelled.
"It's not as if I'm jumping at the opportunity, either, Potter," Snape shot back.
"PROFESSOR DUMBLEDORE IS RIGHT!" snapped a voice, loudly. Harry and Snape looked over to see Draco standing in front of the fire, now.
"WHAT?" came the reply from both.
"Think about it!" Draco started pacing. "Lucius is crazy; horribly so. He's also been alone for too long, and has lost a lot of his connections and status. He's becoming unstable, which just means he's more dangerous! Hermione knows how to defend herself, but not against my dad! Hell, I can barely defend myself against him, and believe me; I've had to try before. Harry, you can't do it either, we've already explained why. I know enough about him that I know he fears Professor Dumbledore!"
"We're not talking about Dumbledore here, Draco!" Harry shot at him, also standing up.
"Yeah, I get that, thanks Harry," said Draco, getting annoyed. "We can't use the Headmaster because no one will buy that. But Professor Snape is perfect; the half-and pure-bloods will all understand the teacher/student thing, and everyone knows they work well together because of the help she gave him with potions for the war! It'll play out like a sappy love story, with them falling for one another in the face of danger and what have you. And Lucius never dared to challenge Professor Snape the entire 18 years I've been alive. I know enough of his mannerisms to know that Lucius Malfoy fears Severus Snape."
"NO! I still say it's a bad idea!" Harry stubbornly said. "I'd rather 'play pretend' with her. Hell I'd rather Draco did it! I'd rather Lucius actually GET HER than-"
Harry broke off when he heard a gasp. Everyone looked over to where Hermione still sat, having been quiet the entire time. Now she looked at Harry with tears in her eyes, which were narrowed into a glare.
"I can't believe you'd say that, Harry" Hermione said softly.
"Hermione-, "Harry began.
"No. I don't want to hear it. Maybe you'll get lucky and Professor Snape will refuse, then your wish can come true."
"No, Hermione. You're overreacting-" Harry tried again.
"Don't," she continued softly, "tell me I'm overreacting. When did I ever wish that Voldemort would get you? Was it when I was fighting by your side for seven years? A man is after me, Harry. A man hell bent on killing me. Professor Dumbledore has come up with a protection plan to save me, and you'd rather me be dead. How could I not overreact?"
"All I meant was-"Harry tried, yet again. This time, it was Snape to cut him off.
"Do shut up Potter. Your mouth is not large enough to fit both feet," he said, then turned back to Dumbledore. "Headmaster, I really must protest. This can't work. Think of how the school, and the whole wizarding community for that matter, will react!"
"I'm sorry I'm so horrible a choice, Professor Snape," Hermione snapped.
"Ms. Granger, stop acting like a woman. I didn't mean that you're a horrible choice for a partner."
"Then what did you mean, precisely?" she shot back.
"I meant it'd be horrible for you, not with you!"
"Oh sure, of course. You don't fool me Professor. I think I know exactly what you think of me!"
"Are you thinking annoying? Because I am!"
"You still think I'm some buck toothed, bushy haired, know-it-all!"
"Of course I do! I've taught you ever since you were a buck toothed, bushy haired, know-it-all! And you've done little to sway my opinion otherwise!"
"I've TRIED to change your opinion, but you refuse to see me any other way!"
"That's because you're my student!"
The other three occupants of the office watched the pair go back and forth in the argument like they were watching a tennis match. Dumbledore was cheerfully eating M&M's, a muggle candy he had become fond of, with an amused expression.
"I'm also an adult!"
"I know that! But just barely! Think! What will people say?"
"They'll ask if I belong in St. Mungo's for even attempting to date you! I may even be nominated for another Order of Merlin!"
"That's out of line, Ms. Granger! And they'll say a damn lot worse than that! You'll be regarded as a pariah, forever tormented! The other teachers and other adults alike will think I've poisoned you!"
"I'm not worried what anyone thinks of me, Professor! Right now I'm worried about staying alive! And it seems you're the best to help me!"
"You can't actually be agreeing to this ridiculous plan!"
"Maybe I am! If you don't want to help, just say so!"
"Maybe I will help! You won't last a month!"
"FINE!"
"FINE!"
Both Hermione and Snape were standing by this point, mere inches from one another. Snape was giving her a glare that sent most adults running, but she was standing her ground. The look she was giving him would've seemed more threatening if she wasn't 5'4" looking up at a man that was 6'3".
Another moment of silence, then Dumbledore clapped his hands together once.
"Well! Good, it looks like we have a plan going. Now we just need to fine-tune it!" he said, trying not to laugh at the looks on their faces. Hermione and Snape seemed to have just realized what they had agreed to, because both had wide eyes and tried looking away. Draco looked amused, while Harry just looked green and horrified.
"Ms. Granger, you realize that you'll have to pretend pretty convincingly at times?" Snape asked softly.
"Yes, Professor," she answered.
"And you realize that you may have to come in contact with me at some point, even if just a…"- he grimaced at the word-"hug…or touching of the hand?"
"Yes, sir," she said wearily.
"And you may even have to kiss me at some point?" he pressed.
"YES. Yes, sir, yes. I get it. Really!" she told him. The two went back to glaring at one another.
"Alright, well the first step is to get this in the public. Ms. Granger can't just run up to Severus and give him a big kiss at breakfast," Dumbledore laughed.
Ignoring Harry's gagging, Draco said, "Sir, what if we start with a rumor? If we go strong at first, then the spy we have won't be fooled. They should start off small. Rumors here spread faster than a wildfire."
"Intriguing, Draco. What do you have in mind?" Dumbledore asked.
"Well, Professor Snape is right; people will talk. Therefore, it's completely understandable for Hermione to want to keep it a secret, which is why it hasn't gotten out yet, and also why she would dispute all rumors at first. So Hermione can maybe flirt a little in class, saying half concealed innuendos. Professor Snape can let one or two go-"at this, Snape gave a start and stared thunderously at his godson, who ignored him and continued- "but not all, because that's suspicious. Hermione can stand up for him more when students talk about him, also."
"Yeah, that subject shouldn't be hard to come across…," muttered Harry. By this time, everyone had started to ignore him, except for Draco who just rolled his eyes, and continued.
"She can 'accidentally' brush his hand or arm when he walks by in class, give him a sultry look or two, and look at his seat at the High Table more. After all, she's a student, and not very good at espionage, so she wouldn't know enough to not look up there," he said and winked at Hermione, who laughed. "At least," he continued, "that's what Lucius would think. He knows you're good with spells, but he's also had to hear about how much of an emotional brat you are, and how you wear your emotions on your sleeve from me those first five years every time I went home and complained about you three."
"Very well thought out, Draco," Dumbledore murmured.
"It's actually a pretty good plan," Snape grudgingly agreed.
"Wait, so Hermione has to pretend NOT to be in the relationship she's PRETENDING to be in?" Harry asked, screwing up his face.
Hermione laughed. "Yeah, pretty much."
XXX
"I'm sorry to have to put you in a position like this, Professor Snape," Hermione said. She was walking down to the dungeons with him, hoping one or two students would be in the halls and would see her, wonder why she was alone with Snape when she should be in class, and thus help fuel the rumor Draco and Harry would be starting.
"By now, Ms. Granger, I'm used to being subjected to random schemes from the Headmaster," Snape answered. "Shouldn't you be in class, Ms. Storm?"
The young Gryffindor first year sulked out from behind the tapestry she had tried to conceal herself behind.
"Sorry, Professor, I'll get right back!" the young girl said. She scurried off with a confused backwards glance at the pair, since Hermione was now giving obvious puppy-dog eyes to the Potions Master.
Waiting until the girl was out of sight, Professor Snape turned to Hermione. "That was brilliant acting. Almost fooled me," he said dryly and continued walking.
"Hey, it's not so easy. I don't know what 'love-struck eyes' are supposed to look like; I've never had to make them!" Hermione shot back, barely resisting the urge to stick out her tongue.
Upon reaching his private quarter's door, Snape unwarded it and held it open for her to walk through. As she passed him, he said, "Come now, Ms. Granger, it's easy. All you have to do is pretend you're a 2nd Year and I'm Professor Lockhart!" He chuckled at her surprised look and full-blown blush.
"Oh, you're hilarious, Professor!" she told him, and started laughing too.
"Would you like some tea? Class doesn't end for another 30 minutes and we need some students to see you leaving here," he told her, already getting up to make the tea.
"Please."
Ten minutes later found them sitting in front of Snape's fireplace, drinking tea and maintaining an uncomfortable silence.
"Listen, Professor, I just want to say, again, how sorry I am for dragging you into this. And how grateful I am for you agreeing to it," Hermione said, finally speaking.
"Again, its fine," he answered idly.
"Yes, but I feel it's a major inconvenience for you, and you're going to be put I danger because of me. I mean, what if Lucius decides he doesn't care, and he comes after me anyway? Or what if he's still pissed at you, so this 'relationship' entices him as much as if Harry would've agreed? I can't feel right knowing that you're finally safe, and now I've gone and put you in jeopardy again, and-"she said, her eyes shining with unshed tears.
"Ms. Gran-Hermione!" Snape interrupted, the use of her first name surprising her to silence. "When I said I'm used to it before, I meant it. I was a spy since before you were born, and up until Voldemort finally fell. Compared to trying to thwart the Dark Lord, Lucius is nothing. And nothing is more inconvenient than your safety being in jeopardy."
Hermione sniffled, and gave him a small smile.
"Because, honestly, the paperwork for a lost or deceased student is horrendous; Major inconvenience," he finished, smirking at her. At that, Hermione threw her head back and laughed.
Wiping her eyes, Hermione said, "Thank you, Professor."
"In private, you can call me Severus, if it makes you feel more comfortable. We are, after all, supposed to be involved," he said, taking a long drink.
"Very true…Severus. Wow. That will take some time. Feel free to use my name too," she added. "How do you think Draco and Harry will start the rumor? They can't just start spewing it; no one will buy that."
"You're right. No, if I know Draco, he already has a plan," Snape said, then glanced at his watch. "A plan that we should start on right now, as a matter of fact. The older Slytherin students that just had a free period should be about to make their way through this area, and the students heading down to Potions will be as well. Remember to look sneaky when you walk out since this is 'still a secret'."
"Yes, sir," Hermione said. "And thanks again, Severus. I'll see you in class this afternoon."
He gave her one last smirk, and then opened the door slightly for her to exit. Students were just starting to trickle in from both ends of the corridor.
Giving her best shifty-eyes, Hermione walked quickly from his quarters, pretending to ignore the students who had started whispering, and went to Muggle Studies.
XXX
That afternoon in Potions, Draco and Harry took their normal places on either side of Hermione. With the commotion of the class walking in, Draco and Harry started muttering to her their "plan".
"Ok, so Malfoy and I are going to spread the rumor," Harry began.
"But not," Draco said, cutting off Hermione, "the way you think. We know they won't believe us, therefore we found a way around it."
"Malfoy taught me this spell to carry my voice. We were practicing ever since we got back to your rooms, when you went off with Snape."
"You two actually spent time together? Willingly?" Hermione asked.
"Since we're both relatively talented, I was a great instructor and Harry was an adequate pupil," Draco continued, ignoring her comment.
Harry glared at the word 'adequate', but continued explaining. "We're going to carry a whisper to parts of the classroom, during random times."
"Preferably after you make an ass out of yourself with your innuendo or whatever," Draco cut in.
"Yeah, and the whisper will be so soft, that they'll either think they accidently eavesdropped, or it's their own thought."
Hermione stared at the two smug faces, and laughed. "Wow, you guys did a great job. I'll try to help out a bit on the 'ass' part. What spell is it? I've only heard of the one to carry a voice loudly."
"It's a modified version of that; just as there's different lumos spells. It's called whisperto. We already got it down to nonverbal," Harry answered, smugly.
"Again, all thanks to a brilliant instructor…and adequate pupil," Draco added.
"After seven years, I would have thought you all knew how to be quiet," said a deep, dangerous voice. Suddenly, all discussions stopped and everyone faced the front of the class where the Potions Master now stood. His eyes swept the classroom and landed briefly on Hermione. Everyone waited for the customary points to be taken, but instead, he continued surveying the class. On both sides of Hermione, she faintly heard Draco and Harry whisper something quickly. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw two separate heads start, and their faces screw with thought. Amused, she scratched a quick note on a piece of parchment behind her cauldron and angled it for both boys to read.
"What'd you say?" she wrote.
Draco quickly scrawled, "I made a comment about how it's weird that Snape looked at you for awhile and decided not to take points, and mentioned that people had seen you come out of his quarters almost once a day for the last week," before tapping his wand on the paper to erase it. Having read it as Draco wrote, Harry nodded at her as if to say he did the same.
"Ms. Granger!" Snape barked.
Looking up, she tried to hide the smirk she had been giving at reading what Draco put. "Yes, Professor Snape?" she asked in her best sweet voice. Judging by Draco's quite snort next to her, it was too sweet.
"I was wondering if you would care to pay attention, since we are starting a new potion today. It's a very difficult one, so if you believe you're not ready for it, you can leave the classroom," he said in his soft, but threatening, voice.
Taking a deep breath, Hermione smiled up at her professor. Using what she hoped to be a sultry voice, she said, "No, I'd prefer to stay Professor. I love when they're hard." She almost lost it when she saw Draco and Harry's frames shuddering from suppressed laughter, but she waited for the proverbial axe to fall.
To everyone else in the classroom, Snape's only change in feature was his one raised eyebrow. No one would guess that he was actually biting the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing.
"Well?" he barked at the rest of the class. "Get on with it! Everything is on page 439. And Ms. Granger, I'd like to see you after class."
Hiding her grin, Hermione responded with a "Yes, Professor" and set to work on the potion.
XXX
Snape waited for all the students to leave before warding the Potions classroom door. Many threw furtive glances at Hermione as they walked out.
"Nice work, Ms. Gr-Hermione. If you wanted them to start talking, you did a good job. That got around quite fast."
"Oh, it wasn't just me. Draco and Harry helped," she said. At his raised eyebrow, she explained their part. Unwillingly, Snape looked impressed.
"That worked quite well. The fact they both learned it so well as to perform it so softly in that amount of time is admirable, as is the fact they were able to keep it from me," he said, slightly disgruntled. "You'd better get to dinner. I wanted them to see me hold you back."
"After what those boys whispered all period, they probably figured you wanted to, uh, teach me a lesson," she laughed.
Snape chuckled slightly too, but stopped at stared at her in puzzlement. Hermione was messing the back part of her hair up while biting and sucking on her lower lip.
"What in the devil are you doing?" he asked, starting to chuckle once more.
Hermione started laughing and said, "I'm making it look like I got a good lesson! I can't go into dinner without looking as if I've had a good snog, and tried to hide it! After all, according to the rumors, I've been seen at least once a day for the last week." With that, she left the Potions classroom with a still chuckling Master leaning against his desk.