Chapter 13: London and Becoming Closer
Every morning, after John had breakfast with his mother, he walked to the post office, and by afternoon, his love would receive his letter in London. Every afternoon, the post was delivered to the mill, and John opened a letter from his Margaret. Such pleasure they both felt in the freedom to write to each other and to express their love for each other.
This afternoon, when Williams delivered the post to him, John opened his letter from his Margaret and lifted the envelope to his nose to inhale Margaret's scent. Lavender and roses, and he made a mental note to order her wedding bouquet in London this weekend when he was in London.
She wrote:
My dearest John,
Have I ever told you how handsome you are to me? You have the most beautiful blue eyes, but my favorite thing about you is your smile. You do not give it often, but it is brilliant when you do. I always feel like I am being gifted with something precious when you smile at me. I hope I will see it even more often when I am your wife. I will endeavor to give you many reasons to smile.
I find myself so distracted when I begin thinking of you that Cousin Edith gets annoyed with me. Just yesterday, she was making a list of all that we needed to purchase for my trousseau, and I was so lost in my memories of the way I feel when you hold me, that I did not hear a word she said.
Very soon, my love, we will make memories together every day, and after so long without any hope of seeing you again, I find I must pinch myself to believe that I will be your wife. Very soon, you will be my John.
I can hardly wait to see you tomorrow night, my love.
I am forever your Margaret.
John reread her note several times, and then tucked it in his pocket. His mill workers noticed that he touched his coat pocket often throughout the day, and they gossiped among themselves that it was about time the stern mill master had finally decided to marry. Many of the mill workers knew Miss Margaret and thought well of her.
Fanny's carriage arrived in the mill yard to have tea with their mother, and he walked to the house to join them for a few minutes.
"Fanny, it is good to see you," John said before kissing her cheek.
She quipped, "I have waited for years for you to say that John," and she kissed his cheek in return.
"I have always loved you, Fanny," John replied, "But I must admit that I am more aware of it these days. Maybe it's because I am so happy now."
"Watson and I are looking forward to going to London with you tomorrow. I am excited to see how a London wedding is planned, especially one on such short notice."
John assured her that Margaret had been keeping him apprised of the progress and all would be ready for their special day.
Fanny asked, "Are the two of you exchanging letters often, John?"
He smiled and said, "Every day. I write to her each night, and then walk to the post office each morning before going to the mill. Every afternoon, the postman delivers her letters to me. It is the highlight of my day."
Fanny smiled at her brother and said, "Johnny, you are a romantic man. Who would have ever known it?"
'I did not know myself as I have never been inspired to write a woman a letter before. Margaret is the first woman I have ever loved, and the only one I will ever love." John patted his coat pocket and said, "Her letters mean the world to me."
Hannah just sat back and listened to her children speak, and she felt a pang of jealousy at how easily John and Fanny conversed. John was so open with his sister, whereas he was guarded with her.
Fanny turned to her mother and said, "Mother, I will send the carriage for you tomorrow after lunch to come and stay at the house this weekend. While you are there, please let me know if your room suits you since I have had it redone."
Hannah stiffened, and felt affronted anew that she was to move to the Watson's after John's marriage. She listened as John and Fanny talked of all the work being done at the Ridley Street house.
Her ears perked up when John mentioned that he would move to the Ridley House next weekend. He wanted to be settled in before leaving for the wedding.
"Mother, that means that after next week, the mill house will no longer be a home. The servants will move with me, with the exception of Jane who will move with you."
Hannah was distressed. She treasured every moment she spent with her son, and to know that he was moving to his new home was unwelcomed news.
Unaware of his mother's dismay, he kissed her check, told his sister he would see her tomorrow, and walked back to the mill.
Tomorrow, he will be able to hold his love. Until then, there was much work to be done, so he attacked his ledgers with renewed energy.
In London, the wedding plans were progressing nicely, and it was a special time for Margaret and Edith. There were numerous shopping trips that Margaret would have found hard to endure if it had not been for Edith's enthusiasm. The cousins knew that they would live their lives very differently after Margaret moved to Milton as John's wife, and there would be few visits between the two cousins.
Edith struggled to accept Margaret's choice because in her mind, Henry was a far superior husband for Margaret, but her cousin was clearly in love with Mr. Thornton, and there was nothing to be done about it but see that her cousin had a beautiful wedding.
In just two short weeks, Margaret would be married to her John. Sometimes she could hardly believe that they had finally come to understand at last, and now, they were to be married.
This evening, John, his sister and brother-in-law were arriving for the weekend and the house was being made ready for their guests. They would stay until Sunday afternoon before returning to Milton until time to return for the wedding.
Edith and Margaret were in Margaret's room going over what still needed to be done for the wedding. Edith was busy making a list when Dixon came in and said their guests had arrived.
Margaret quickly made her way downstairs with Edith following.
"John, you are here!" She took his hands in hers and squeezed them before turning to greet Mr. and Mrs. Watson.
Edith was introduced to the Watsons, and everyone went into the drawing room for some tea. Dinner would be served in a few hours, but there was time for a short visit before everyone had to go to their rooms to change for the evening.
Fanny Watson was taking in every detail of the elegant home. She preferred bright colors and much more ornamentation than the décor of this home, but it was beautiful, nonetheless. Margaret had been raised in wealth, and the contrast of this house to the Crampton house was nothing short of astonishing.
Captain Maxwell enjoyed talking about manufacturing with John and Mr. Watson and the time passed quickly. Aunt Shaw had taken to her room earlier with a headache, but would join them for dinner.
A servant showed Mr. and Mrs. Watson to their room. Edith and Maxwell tactfully gave John and Margaret a moment of privacy.
Margaret shut the door and when she turned around, John gathered her in his arms and held her close. 'I have missed you every moment we have been separated, my love. The highlight of my days has been when the post arrived at the mill with a letter from you."
Margaret snuggled closer in his arms and said, "I have lived for your letters as well, John."
Reluctantly, she pulled back and said, "Let me show you to your room, John. We both need to dress for dinner."
She walked him to the door of his room for the weekend, and he pulled her inside for a scorching kiss. She clung to him and kissed him back with more ardor than she knew she was capable of feeling.
Flustered, she turned to go to her room to get dressed for dinner before she completely lost control of her good sense.
Edith had stepped out of her room to check on her son when she saw Margaret and John enter his room.
After she dressed, Edith came to check on her cousin before going down herself. She helped Margaret arrange her hair and gave her some womanly advice. "Cousin, passion is a wonderful thing, but you mustn't show too much enthusiasm for the physical aspects of the marriage or he might lose respect for you."
Margaret asked, "Lose respect for me?
"Yes, it is not ladylike for a woman to enjoy the pleasures of the flesh in the same way as her husband. He might think you wanton, Margaret."
Margaret found that information confusing, and she did not understand it. Edith saw the confusion on her face and said, "For women, the physical aspect of marriage is one to be endured, my cousin. You must lie there and allow him to have his way with you so that you might bear him children."
"Thank you, Edith, and you have given me much to think about, but not now. Let's go downstairs."
Margaret was wearing a teal silk gown that John had never seen her in. Surely, she had no need for such a gown in Crampton. She was stunning, and his hungry eyes took in every detail of her appearance. He felt his desire for her wash over him. Two more weeks and she would be his at last.
Margaret greeted Fanny and Watson warmly, and the conversation between the ladies turned to the wedding. Fanny wanted to know everything in excruciating detail, and Margaret found herself casting her eyes toward John. He was standing with Captain Lennox and Mr. Watson.
He took her breath away! He was resplendent in his formal wear, and she felt her body respond to his nearness. Edith had told her such feelings were wanton, but she could not believe that any aspect of loving this wonderful man was wrong.
When dinner was announced, he was at her side to escort her in, and he laid his hand over the top of hers as she held his arm. He bent down and whispered to her, 'Margaret, you are so beautiful, and I find it hard to pay attention to anything being said because my senses are overwhelmed by your nearness."
Margaret smiled up at him, and said, "I feel the same in your presence, my love."
The dinner party was lively with much conversation and laughter. Aunt Shaw observed Margaret and John together, and she had to concede that they genuinely loved each other. She only hoped this marriage would bring her niece happiness. She could not imagine anyone wanting to live in that dirty and smokey town.
After dinner, the men retired to the study, and Edith led the women to the drawing room.
The men spent a half an hour discussing the cotton trade, and the women spoke of all the details for the wedding. Margaret was amused by Fanny's childlike adoration of all things London, and how she hung on to every word Edith said. She loved Edith as a sister, and very soon, Fanny would be her sister by marriage. She felt affection for her and gratitude to Fanny for helping to bring her and John together.
Edith entertained them all with her exquisite piano playing, and then she invited Fanny to play. While she did not have Edith's talent, she played with gusto and everyone enjoyed her performance.
Margaret was asked to play next, and much to John's surprise, she went to the piano and sat down. Without any music in front of her, she began to play a beautiful and haunting melody from memory. Since she had been back in London, she had practiced daily and had become quite good at playing the piano.
John vowed to move the grand piano at the mill house to the Ridley Street house next week. His Margaret would be able to continue to play at their home.
Finally, everyone retired for the night, and Aunt Shaw allowed the couple a few minutes on their own, but with the door open.
John stepped behind the open door, and opened his arms to her. She stepped in them and he kissed her hungrily. He pulled her closer and nuzzled her neck.
"Margaret, I dream of you at night, and all we will share once we are married."
She snuggled closer, but did not speak for a moment. She was confused at all Edith had said about how women were not to feel what she felt for John.
John asked, "What is wrong, my love?"
She looked up at him and said, "I do not understand all you make me feel. Sometimes, I feel like my body is not my own, the feelings are so foreign to me. I feel as if my body is on fire when you touch me, and when you kiss me. Surely, it is not right to feel such desire, and I am afraid you will think me wanton as you once did."
John took her face in his and said, "Margaret, I was a jealous fool to have ever allowed those thoughts. I can only hope you can forgive me. As far as those feelings you speak of being wrong, nothing can be farther from the truth. Once we are married, we can express them to each other without the restraint we must show now."
"If it makes you feel any better, I feel those same feelings and have since the first time you served me tea."
Margaret blushed, and said, "You surprise me, John. That you felt those feelings for me so long ago."
He explained, "I did, and after the Mill Master's Dinner, I was completely lost. Margaret, what we feel is quite normal for people in love. I have never experienced such deep feelings for anyone, Margaret. The fact that you find me attractive delights me. There is nothing wanton in desire when you are in love and plan to be married."
"I love you beyond all words, and I am anxiously awaiting our wedding night when we will speak in the language of lovers with our caresses and I intend to kiss you senseless. I will welcome my bold and passionate Margaret in our bed."
He pulled her back in his arms and tried to get his passion for her under control. All the talk of making love to her had inflamed him as much as her kisses had.
Unaware of how he was feeling, she kissed his neck and then pulled his lips to hers. She kissed him with all the love she felt for him.
After a few minutes, he pulled back from her and said, "We best get upstairs to our separate rooms, Margaret. I want to treat you with the respect you deserve, and I am on the edge of losing control."
He kissed her gently at her door, and walked to his room.
He closed the door with resolve and did his best to reign in his thoughts. He needed her, and he ached for her. Two more weeks, he kept telling himself, and they would share everything.
He washed and got ready for bed.
He climbed in and thought of all the pain he had caused her when he had seen her with Frederick at Outwood Station. She had suffered terribly because he had not believed her when she had tried to explain the circumstances to him. He had doubted her character and that wound was not yet healed for her.
He would do his best to never cause her pain again. He felt protective of her, and he knew he had done the right thing to buy them a home of their own. His mother, bitter as she was about their marriage, would have taken every opportunity to cast dispersion on Margaret's character with subtle barbs.
At some point, without revealing the truth, John would have to make his mother understand that Margaret was a woman of impeccable character. He knew that her attitude about Margaret was based in jealousy, and hadn't he himself misjudged Margaret because of jealousy himself?
Margaret was so beautiful, and so loving. He had noticed her affection for both Edith and Fanny tonight. He appreciated that his sister and Margaret would truly be family after the wedding.
He ran his hand over the empty side of the bed, and he knew that very soon, she would be lying there next to him. Wrapped in his arms, and well-loved by his kisses and caresses.
He closed his eyes to sleep and dreamed of her.
The rest of the weekend passed swiftly. John asked Maxwell to take him to a jewelry store to buy Margaret a wedding gift, and Watson went along to buy his wife a token of his love for her.
The ladies went to the modiste for Margaret's fitting and even Fanny found Margaret's wedding gown befitting for the bride. It was elegant and beautiful, and John would not be able to take his eyes off her.
After church and lunch on Sunday, the families had tea together one last time before the Milton guests had to leave. Fanny and Watson went ahead to the carriage that would take them to the train station, and John and Margaret were left to say goodbye in the foyer.
John took her in his arms, and whispered of his love for her, and then kissed her goodbye. She gave him a letter to read when he was alone, and he sadly took his leave.
The next time he came to London, it would be to make her his wife, at last.
That night when Margaret went to bed, she found a note tucked under her pillow,
My dearest love,
When I think of leaving you, it is almost too much to bear. How I long for you to be in Crampton still, just two miles away. I could come to see you every day.
Last night, I dreamed of you and the life we will have together. It will be everything beautiful, Margaret.
I love everything about you. I adore your bold and passionate nature, your affectionate manner with me and those you care for, your compassion for others and how you make me feel so treasured.
Two weeks my love, and then we will never have to be parted again.
All my love, Your John
Margaret closed her eyes and said, "Yes, my love, we will never be parted again."