NON REVERSABLE EFFECTS

CH 4

"This is not my fault." I said once again, so much so that I lost count, and without much conviction.

Daniel didn't saw anything, the silence that filled Dr. Lee's lab taken over by the sound of a buzz-saw. I knew that it was my fault that this had happened; I shouldn't have touched the case and I shouldn't have picked up the bands. And even if I did do those, I should have put them back into the case because I should have known that Daniel was going to be pissed. I should have been packing the books on his shelf instead of touching things that I shouldn't and things that were unknown. But, I did have a gleam of knowledge of what they were and I had warned him.

"That isn't going to work," I finally told them, frustrated.

Lee shut off the saw. "Well, we could go without the limb."

I looked at him in shock. "You are not taking any limbs!" I exclaimed. "Look, all we have to do is determine the energy signature, insolate it, and then override it."

"Fine," Daniel said. Lieutenant Summers will stay her will you determine that Dr. Lee. I'll be in my office." he pulled his sleeve back down and strode from the room.

"Daniel," I yelled rushing after him. "You can't leave!"

He didn't listen or even glance back at me, and instead walked faster. Before I could catch up to him, he had already swiped his card and stepped into the elevator. I really ran fast now, afraid of what might happen if he got too far. "Daniel; the bands!" I screamed at him through the crack as the door slid close.

I don't know what floor he had pressed, but it was far enough away for the band to take effect. First, I my body started to tingle, like when your foot falls asleep. It emitted from the band around my wrist, spreading up my arm and then throughout my body. My legs slowly started to give out, my arms feeling like led and I sunk to the floor. I didn't have my radio and before I could try to call someone for help, my tongue went numb. And the next thing I knew, I was gone.

I opened my eyes slowly, averting my eyes as they came in contact with the bright light over head. I sighed, knowing where I was and seeing the navy-blue scent swirling in the air to my left.

"Colonel Mitchell," I greeted.

"How'd you know it was me?" he asked in surprise.

I rolled my head to the left to look at him. He was still in his green BDU's, sitting on the empty gurney next to mine, one leg crossed over the other, an open folder in his lap.

"I scented you," I said in monotone.

He gave me a whatever-you-say look.

"What happened?" I finally asked after a tick of awkward silence.

"Found you passed out in the hall; brought you here." he filled me in with O-so much information.

I glanced down at my wrist and found it empty. "How long was I out," I asked, slightly surprised; I didn't think that Dr. Lee would have gotten it done that quickly.

"More then a few hours,"

"What?" I exclaimed. Sitting up, I turned to him, panic causing anxiety to rise. "Daniel?"

"Oh, Jackson? He left," Mitchell turned a page in the folder on his lap.

"W-what?" my voice came out small. Could he really have been that angry at me as to not even say goodbye when he was going to a whole other Galaxy? I slid off the gurney; my booted feet hit the concrete floor with a clunk. It was hard to comprehend this, we had been like best friends, like family for the past three years - and he wouldn't even say goodbye?

"Lieutenant?" Mitchell asked in concern, setting the folder aside and standing up. "Are you alright?"

I didn't say anything, the answer obvious. I stared down at the floor, my vision blurred. As I walked like a zombie back to my quarters, not even trying to listen to what else Mitchell had to say. My heart, there was something in my heart. It was something that i hadn't felt for three years now, something that had been filled to the brim. But now it was draining, so slowly that I hadn't even noticed it. Because Daniel had still been here, because Jack was coming back in a little while.

When I got to my quarters, I didn't even turn the lights or changed my clothes. I just crawled under my bed in the corner and lay in the dark. My thoughts and my heart too muddled.

Everyone was leaving me; slowly but surely and today was the day that they were all gone. All my life, from the day I was born to the day that I had turned twenty-four, I had been alone. I had no family, no one wanted me. I was a loner, but I dealt with it, excepted it and survived it. I was freak, a weird-o. I had anger problems and emotional problems. That was the reason why I joined the Air Force, a reason and an excuse to be alone and to have no family - who would give a shit if I had died?

But when I came here, to the SGC, that had changed. I had made friends, good friends; friends that were like an adopted family to me. Friends who were like a father, brothers and a sister. My heart had never known this feeling before, but once it got a taste, it wanted it forever. My heart got used to it; a home, a family. So it didn't want to realize the fact that it was being taken away - I didn't want to realize that it was happening. But the shock, the shock of Daniel not even staying to say goodbye . . .

My body shook with suppressed sobs.

I knew that it was my fault, that I did this to myself, and that I deserved what was coming to me. But the shock of it actually happening hurt. I messed it all up, wrecked everything. I was a freak, a home wrecker. I wasn't even Human, I was a person who changed into a freaking animal for God's sake! I was bound to be alone, it was obvious the way I always screwed things up.

Tears leaked from eyes as I realized another thing; if Daniel had already left for Atlantis, than that meant that Jack had already left for Washington too.