The sword pierced her abdomen, the pain more blindingly severe than anything she had ever experienced. She tried to gasp for air, but the sensation was too intense. She looked up into the face of her killer, those piercing blue eyes filled with anguish, and for a brief moment was reminded of when she was once fond of them, fond of him. But that was a distant memory, a lifetime ago, and instead, her final moments as her life force left her were spent with hatred in her heart, her final thoughts a curse…
"Merlin!" she sat up gasping, tears streaming down her face. She ran her hands over her stomach, expecting the sticky dampness of blood and the stench of intestines, but found only her sweat beneath the smooth satin of her nightgown.
He'd killed her... It wasn't the first time he'd tried either. She shuddered in repulsion at the memory of choking as the poison ran through her veins.
She got out of bed and poured some wine to calm her nerves. It wasn't real, she kept telling herself. It was just a dream. But how long had she slept? It felt like years. She'd lived an entire other life in her dreams. One where she was a sorceress, she had a sister, she was Uther's daughter, Arthur's enemy, Merlin's enemy. Merlin… no, Emrys… her destiny and her doom.
She was still shivering at the memory of her death at his hands, that tortured look in his eyes as he killed her. That couldn't be though, she tried convincing herself. Merlin wouldn't hurt her, and he certainly wasn't a powerful sorcerer. He was just a nice young man, Arthur's devoted servant, and he was her friend, a kind and loyal one at that.
But in her dream, it was she who was disloyal, to Uther, to Arthur, to take her place as Queen. How absurd. Why should she want that? If she wanted to be Queen of Camelot, she would have pushed for betrothal to Arthur all these years. She poured herself another goblet of wine.
The idea of marriage to Arthur had always made her ill though, no matter how many times it was suggested by members of the court. She loved Arthur, she had to admit, but like an annoying little brother, which, if her dreams told it true, may be the actual nature of their relationship. Even if it wasn't true, Arthur was arrogant and obnoxious and she couldn't imagine being married to someone who thought himself her better, even if it meant being crowned Queen.
Did she really want to be Queen though? She searched herself for the blinding ambition she'd harbored in her dream, but felt no desire for power over Camelot. The only power she wanted to wield was over herself and her life, which felt desperately out of her grasp.
It hardly mattered. She didn't know how much longer she could deny that she had magic, a reality that felt just as terrifying in its uncertainty as her dream was in its destruction. In her dream, Merlin sent her to the Druids to learn, but it only got them killed. What he didn't tell her, however, is that he has magic. She paced around the room in the dark, too frightened to find candles to burn. Was it true? Was any of it true?
She couldn't chance that it was just a nightmare. She certainly didn't want her life to end as it had in the dream. She didn't want to live her life as in the dream, either. Angry, afraid, full of hatred, although she often cycles through those emotions at present. She feels a lot of resentment for Uther, she always has. But she knows he loves her, and despite it all, she loves him in return. She had almost lost herself after he'd killed Gwen's father, and had cruelly chained her and locked her in the dungeons. She had wanted him dead, but ultimately, when given the opportunity, she couldn't go through with it. But no matter how she feels about Uther, she can't imagine wanting to kill Arthur and take his birth right. She just wants Camelot to be a better place, safe for those who possess magic. Safe for her.
Her mind kept going back to the dream. How can she know if the dream was prophetic? She had to know for sure, she had to find out what was true, if any of it, and what may have been her imagination.
The sun had yet to rise but she looked at the sky from her window, and realized the castle would awaken soon. She had but an hour at most. She decided the first thing to do would be to confirm the existence of a certain beast within the bowels of the castle, another seer who could confirm her dreams. The dragon. She quickly dressed herself, and walked the corridors until she found the correct passage.
As she descended the steps, she realized someone already had audience with the dragon: Merlin.
"She's not a witch! She's my friend!" she heard Merlin exclaim.
"She cannot be trusted," the dragon grumbled.
"What makes you say that?" Merlin asked.
"It would be better if the Witch..."
"Stop calling her that!"
"It would be better if the Witch never knew the true extent of her powers."
"You're wrong. I know her. She has a good heart," Merlin said, the pain in his voice evident.
"You failed to heed my advice in the past and it brought grave consequences."
"I won't abandon her," he said, stubbornly.
"I will not give you the help you seek. If you pursue this course of action, you do so alone."
Merlin said no more, and turned to leave after the dragon left. He yelped in surprise as he found Morgana waiting for him on the stairs.
"Milady," he stammered. "What are you…"
She looked at him with her haunting green eyes, her expression pained. "I needed to confirm that my dream was true. I thought I would start with seeing if the dragon was real."
"How much of that did you hear?" he asked, his jaw rigid in the torch light.
"Enough to know what I dreamed about tonight really is true," she frowned, fighting back tears.
Merlin looked at her with such compassion, she couldn't imagine him ever trying to do her harm. "I don't care what he says. I want to help you. The Druids, they can…"
"Merlin, no," she said with alarm, stopping him. "That will just get the Druids killed. No, I need to learn to control my magic in a way that it won't be discovered, and I can't endanger the Druids to do it. But, Merlin, I think you can help me with that yourself."
"H-how?" he asked, apprehensive.
"Because I know you have magic," she said firmly, now certain of what she'd seen in her dream. She grabbed his hand with her own.
He opened his mouth to deny it, but her eyes flashed gold as she touched him, and he felt her power course through his body.
He closed his eyes reveling in it, and when he opened them, his eyes had turned gold as well. He'd never felt anything like it.
"Morgana…" he said her name softly, almost prayer-like.
She looked up at him with desperation and pain in her once-again green eyes. "If my dream tells it true, and I think it does, you are the most powerful sorcerer in history. You're my destiny, and my doom."
"Morgana, I refuse to believe that," he said, shaking his head. In the firelight, she could see the despair on his face.
Good, you should feel this pain, she thought. "At one point in my dream, you poisoned me. You believed it was the only way to save Camelot, so you sacrificed me. I was used as a vessel for a dark spell, and only my death would lift the curse. I died in your arms, gasping for breath as you wept over me."
He looked devastated. "No, no, I couldn't make that choice, even to save Camelot, how could I," he said, agitated, running his hand over his face. "Who would place such dark magic on you? We can't let that happen. We can get you out of Camelot, somewhere safe."
"But I lived instead, tormented by your betrayal, desperate for revenge against Uther, against you, and hungry for power. Long story short, my dream ended with you plunging a sword into my belly," she said flatly.
"Never. Please don't think it true. I could never do that, not to you above all," he whispered, his eyes shutting in pain.
She knew he was sincere, but for how long would he remain so? "But you will do it, and it is something I need to prevent on my own. I need to change my fate. All of our fates. But, Merlin, can you help me? Can you help me control my magic so I won't be discovered? Uther will burn me the same as any other sorceress, the same as those he's rounding up now, if he finds out my true nature. And if I go to the Druids, unspeakable things will happen to them that I can never forgive Uther for enacting."
"He's more likely to burn me in your place, Milady," he grumbled.
"We won't let that happen. I don't want the dream to come true, not any of it. I don't want the hatred in my heart, I don't want us to be enemies. We're friends, Merlin. I want it to stay that way, I want to have a different future," she pleaded, her eyes wet with unshed tears.
"I want that too, Morgana. So much," he sighed. "My destiny is tied with Arthur's, to see him become Camelot's greatest king. He will unite Albion and bring magic back. That's the future I want to see come true."
She smiled bravely, despite her knowledge she would never be part of that future. "That would be a beautiful future, indeed. One I would much rather see."
"Come, Milady, we should get back before the castle awakens."
"When can we meet? Please, Merlin. I need you to teach me," she pleaded.
He frowned. "Let me talk to Gaius. He'll be furious you know about my magic, but he won't turn you away, not now. We have to help you control your power or it will be discovered."
She smiled brightly, her eyes glistening with tears. "I will send Gwen away early tonight and then come for my sleeping draught. We can talk then."
He nodded, the uncertainty still apparent on his face.
"Thank you, Merlin," she said, spontaneously hugging him. He seemed startled, but hugged her back. She lamented her painful dream, her face buried in his chest. "The dream was… just so awful. To have hated you, and to have you hate me, I'm tormented by the very thought. I don't know how I became that person, so full of hate and anger that I would turn against the people I love." She looked up at him with fierce determination. "But I refuse to become it. I will fight that future from ever coming true."
"I'll never let anything happen to you, I swear it," he said, sinking his fingers into her hair, his voice shaking.
She pulled away and looked at him with sadness in her eyes. "I believe you now, in this moment. But if there's ever a choice, I realize you'll choose Arthur over me. I'll try not to hate you should that time come, but I'll do my best to never give reason for that to happen."
She left him standing on those narrow steps to think.