Shelter from the Storm

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This takes place at the same time as the previous 2 chapters. Zoe is 4.

Chapter Twenty-nine ~ Cupid's Folly

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Stephanie

I walked into the bonds office on a sunny February morning and playfully announced, "Agent Plum reporting for scumbag duty! And bringing gifts! Happy Valentine's Day!"

I set the pink box of Dunkin Donuts and go-tray of coffees on Connie's desk.

Lula looked up from Star magazine. "You in a good mood today. You musta got some...oh. You brought the kid."

Zoë was with me this morning but I figured I had childcare covered.

Connie screwed the cap back onto her Valentine red nail polish and gingerly opened the box of donuts. "Hi, Zoë!"

''Hi, Ms Connie.'' Zoë gave the ladies her million watt smile and everyone sighed. Zoë is relentlessly adorable since she looks just like her daddy.

Lula came over. "What's new with the little assassin? She on the job today?'' She jerked her head at Zoë. "Don't she have school?"

Zoë looked up at Lula. "No, I'm home because I'm pretending to be sick," cough, cough. "See? I got a cough."

"You ain't supposed to admit you're faking, little girl."

"I am a princess! Not Little Girl or an ass!"

"Hunh..." Lula looked at me.

"She's not sick, there's no school. The teachers have some sort of planning day."

''She comin' with us?''

''No. I promised Ranger I wouldn't bring Zoë on the job."

"Too bad.''

"...So if you have any files for me, Con, I'll just drop her off at my mom's on the way to...wherever."

Connie had finally maneuvered the donut box open and we all peered in.

"Oooh. All them donuts is pink or red! Like it's a birthday or something," sighed Lula. The pastries had pink or red frosting and pink or red glitter sprinkles and tiny red heart candy confetti. Very cute.

I told Lula, "They're on special this week at Dunkin Donuts. It's Valentine's Day, remember?"

"Daddy gave me this for my Valentine! I looooove him!" Zoë displayed her new bat stuffy. It was made of cuddly black velvet plush and it had little black beady eyes, black satin wings. In its little bat hands it held a tiny red heart that said, Daddy Loves Me.

We all went, Aaaaw.

I handed a plain [but pink!] cake donut to Zoë along with a small box of juice. She stuck her beloved little furry bat toy under her arm and took her treats over to the Naugahyde sofa.

''Wait!'' I yelled. I'm becoming my mother, I thought, as I ran over with the canister of disinfectant Wet Ones and wiped the old couch down.

"Cooties, mommy?"

''Not anymore, sweetie.''

"Good, cos Batty don't want cooties."

Zoë climbed up on the sofa and I turned back to Connie, ''So? Files?''

''I have a new one for you, Steph. Justin Simmons." She handed me a file. Simmons was twenty-four years old, blond curls, blue eyes, and cherubic smile even on his mug shot.

"Gee, he doesn't look like trouble..." I bit into my pink Boston crème and turned the page. "Indecent exposure?"

"Mommy, what's...?"

''Um...''

''I'll explain, Steph," intervened Lula.

''Lula...'' I started to tell Lula I didn't want her explaining the facts of life...or skips—to Zoë.

Lula got on her rhino face and told me, ''Don't worry, I speak their language. Kids "get" me."

Oh, geez.

Lula told Zoë, "It's when some person of the male persuasion has droopy jeans, little girl."

"Oh. Uncle Anthony wears droopy jeans. And his belly button shows and he has a diamond in it! And sometimes daddy wears droopy jeans too. But not a diamond in his belly button."

We all pictured that for a moment in respectfully awed silence, then, "This guy's jeans drooped too much," Lula told Zoë.

"Oh. Did he have a diamond?''

"Probably not."

I finished reading the file. "Any intell, Connie?"

Connie started on a red-frosted cruller. "Lucky for you I know where Simmons is working now. Victoria's Secret has a Cupid promotion going on, women get to sit on Cupid's lap and tell him what they want for Valentine's Day. And Simmons is playing Cupid there in the store. At the mall. He's kinda like an X-rated Santa in a diaper and little red wings."

"I'd like red wings, mommy.''

"So anyway some idiot boyfriend came into the store to meet his sweetie, he saw her sitting on Cupid's lap and went ballistic. Cupid ran out the back of the shop, into the general storage area. Just as he ducked behind some old moldy gingerbread house leftover from Au Bon Pain's Christmas display, the boyfriend caught Cupid—well, Justin, by his little white Cupid undies. The undies tore off in the scuffle and when the rent-a-cops finally arrived, there was Cupid wearing only his little red glitter wings and trying to hide his," glance at Zoë, "assets behind his little red glitter bow and arrow."

"A red glitter bow and arrows would be awesome, too, mommy."

"Mmm...''

"So mall security arrested him, Vinnie of course bonded him right out...probably thought they were soul mates or something."

''Yeah, if ducks shopped at Victoria's Secret,'' muttered Lula.

''Simmons didn't show up in court. When I got him on his cell he said he was back working at the Victoria's Secret gig and he'd check in after Valentine's Day. Unless he gets a job being the Easter Bunny...so there ya go. A trip to the mall."

Zoë climbed down from the couch and came over to the desk.

I looked at Lula. She had pink glitter sprinkles from her éclair scattered across her ginormous chest which was today encased in red tiger stripe lycra.

''You ready?''

Lula nodded. ''Let's roll!''

''We'll just drop Zoë off at my mom's on the way." I dialed my parents' number—no answer. I called Valerie, who listened for about five seconds and then yelled, ''We all have stomach flu, Steph!" The phone clattered and I heard her yelling, ''Albert! Get out of the bathroom, I am coming in!"

Eeew. I sighed.

''She could stay here with me,'' offered Connie.

Zoë reached up on tiptoes and took a handful of pencils out of Connie's World's Best Lay mug with the big red kissy lips. And she began shoving them into Connie's electric pencil sharpener. A loud high-pitched grinding noise filled the bonds office.

We all cringed and from behind his closed office door, Vinnie yelled, ''What the fuck!"

Zoë shoved in a red Sharpie pen. The squeal ratcheted up a few teeth-curling notches.

The pen exploded red ink everywhere and then the sharpener jammed and died. Zoë tugged on the pen and said, ''Ooops."

Connie sighed. "Or maybe not." Connie now had red Sharpie freckles all over her face.

I grabbed the file and Zoë's hand. "C'mon, baby! You're gonna spend Valentine's Day with your daddy!"

''Yay!"

the end