Note: Sorry for the delay. I'm adjusting to a new schedule.

Chapter Twenty-three: I Still…

They didn't talk in the hallway. Instead they tried to find a secluded place where it could be just the two of them. Speed wasn't looking forward to having this talk with Delko but it was inevitable so he figured it would be best to just get it done and over with. However, that didn't mean that he wanted everyone else in the lab to hear it. A few minutes after the interrogation he slipped into the silence of the locker room, Delko right behind him. He heard the door lock, allowing them more privacy. In an attempt to draw things out as long as he could Speed headed down one of the rows and sat on the bench. Delko followed him, traced his every step, his arms crossed over his chest. Instead of sitting he opted to stand in front of Speed, leaning back against someone's locker. For a while neither one of them said anything, not really knowing where to start.

Finally Speed couldn't take it anymore. "It's nothing serious, just a cut, not anything worth worrying about."

"Where did you get it?"

He closed his eyes, having known that would be coming. "When I left the lab last night I wanted to go for a walk around the block…just to clear my head and wake myself up a bit more." He paused and took a deep breath, his eyes remaining closed. "I turned this corner and was distracted by a bunch of teens in a car. They were being rowdy. This guy jumped me, slammed me back against a wall and held a gun…" He choked on the words, reliving the moment. He knew that the pain in his back wasn't really there but he couldn't be so sure about the pain in his chest. "He held a gun to my head and then he pointed it at my chest…"

"Speed…"

"He started talking, muttering about Hagen and how we should forget about him. All I could think about was that gun…"

Delko settled on the bench beside Speed, placing a hand on his knee in an attempt to offer comfort. "I'm sorry that I asked. But I was worried about you…after seeing you brought down by that migraine…the last thing you need is a blow to the head. Hell, you've had a shitty couple of months."

Speed smiled despite himself, looking at the floor. "Yeah."

"So….was that the guy, the one you were interrogating?"

"Yep, turned himself in this morning and I still don't understand why since he won't tell us anything," Speed grumbled.

"Nothing? So we still have no idea how Hagen is fairing or even where he is…?"

Speed shook his head. Silence settled over them once again. The ticking of a clock high up on the wall was the only thing that either one of them could hear. But it wasn't the sound of silence that bothered Speed. It was having Delko's hand on his knee that bothered him. At first he didn't even really register that it was there, his mind trying to chase away the images while attempted to ignore the pain in his chest. Now all he could focus on was the heat passing between them. He resisted the urge to let a shiver run down his spine. Despite himself he was beginning to think that all of Delko's advances were paying off. And that really got to him. There were things in his past that he didn't want to forget, feelings that he didn't want to relive. It took all the strength he had to resist reaching out to touch Delko in turn. He knew that if he allowed that to happen that things would progress and that could not happen.

It would not happen.

"Speed…"

"Eric…" He was dismayed to hear the fragile tone of his voice, barely more than a whisper.

Reaching out Delko cupped Speed's cheek in his hand, turning his head and forcing his friend to look at him. "I know that I keep telling you this but…I love you Speed. I'm always going to love you and…" He let the words die on his lips, afraid that if he said more that it would be the end of everything.

And that's when he slipped up. Speed let himself stare into Delko's brown eyes and felt himself getting swept away. He could feel the increased beating of his heart, the flush in his cheeks. He had to stop this before it could go any further but he couldn't bring himself to move, afraid that if he did he would shatter. It had been years since he felt like this and in that time he'd almost forgotten what is was like to let himself fall in love. For years he'd let the pain of memories control his every moves. That pain erased all the good that should have been there for him to remember. Now he couldn't find those moments, no matter how much he searched for them; all he could find was pain.

He resisted the urge to lean into Delko, to seek the comfort that he so desperately needed. Instead he closed his eyes and took hold of Delko's wrist, gently pulling his hand away. "Please…"

Delko manipulated things, taking Speed's hand in his, the grip firm. "I don't really understand why you feel like being so…" He couldn't think of the word he wanted. "Why are you so reluctant to let me love you, Speed? What are you afraid will happen?"

Speed opened his mouth to say something, a lie that he hoped would pacify his friend until the next time they were alone but he didn't have to worry. He was saved by the bell, someone knocking on the locked door to the locker room. In that instant the mood was shattered, the air lighter. A fraction of a second later he heard Calleigh calling out to them, something about them being needed for a crime scene. Another crime scene meant that someone's loved one had been taken from the world. It only served to remind him day after day the pain of his past. For the first time in the last few days he began to think that perhaps he should have gotten out of town. Why had he been foolish enough to return?

As he watched Delko walk toward the door he got the answer to his question. There were some things that he just couldn't leave behind.