Disclaimer: Bad news guys. Turns out Cassie had her own army of demons waiting for my demons and...they lost so I didn't get the publishing rights. So, have fun reading this until I do! *rubs hands together evilly*
Okay, so first things first, thanks for all the reviews and adding my story to your favorites and/or story alert! Muchos gracias! I abosuletly love your reviews, so please continue to do so! To Imortalyobsessed, thank you very much for your comment, made my day (well, all of them but that's not the point). Also, to Night Wolf, to answer your question, I have an older sister and I have a younger brother (yes, it sucks being the middle child and most definitely have the middle child syndrome) I would have messaged both of you guys but you weren't signed in, so sorry if this embarrasses you. So, just to let you know, I worked my butt off on this chapter so I hope you guys enjoy the chapter (you better, or else I'll send my demons after you too =p). No, but really, I worked to get ahead and stayed up just to make this chapter, and I must say, I like the length of it (it's longer than the other one by a couple hundred words). Warning: This has some mild language in it.
Chapter 3: Say Hello to Goodbye
Jace's Point of View
I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair, locks of blonde hair spilling back onto my forehead. Taking a deep breath, I remembered Clary's face while she went down on the elevator while bracing myself. So shocked. Betrayed. And worst of all, anger mixed in with sadness.
I looked away, as if Clary really was there. However, I couldn't help but thinking about the last look she had given me. It hurt yet I deserved it. I deserved everything that had happened.
I glanced around my room and couldn't help but to notice the difference from what it was in the past. Before it looked like a regular room that any Shadowhunter could use if they had to stay at the Institution. It was white, with white bed sheets, no posters – there wasn't anything on the wall –, and very clean which was the exact opposite of Isabelle's room.
Now, it had pictures of me and Clary over the past few months – my eyes lingering on them before sharply turning away – us giggling and having fun, her mug that proved that the Cup was hidden in a tarot card and last but not least, her sketchpad. Shit, I mentally cursed. What the hell am I suppose to do about this? I could tell Izzy to give it back to her…
I stopped thinking about Clary. Izzy basically couldn't wait to get her hands on me and strangle me to death. She saw how Clary was and after me coming after her…well, she put two and two together and now refused to so much even look at me. I guess I deserved that too. I sighed and leaned back against the headboard, closing my eyes and replayed what happened.
I was sitting on the bench in the garden, the only place where I could think. I thought about the last few days and the way I was acting to her. Now, all that was left was the break up with her. I didn't want to; trying to buy as much time as possible, but even I can't avoid the inevitable.
As if on cue, I felt a light breeze, coming from behind me. It was the door. I forced myself to relax – maybe it wasn't Clary. Oh, who am I kidding? I asked myself. No one ever came here besides Hodge and he's dead. Now, only Clary and I come here. I prayed that she would think that I'm thinking and wouldn't bother me.
Of course, it didn't happen. I basically had the worst luck in the history of the universe. I heard her, well not really – felt her presence was more like it – coming towards me.
When she sat down, I didn't move until she rested her hand on top of mine. I tensed, and almost recoiled away from her. I won't – can't – touch her. I wasn't worthy enough. Naturally, she tried to reassure me, probably noticing my reaction. She knew me better than myself. She saw through my playboy badass mask.
And now, I had to leave her. She reached up her hand, cupping me left cheek. "What's wrong Jace?" she asked, concern evident in her voice. I couldn't help it, I flinched back. I couldn't touch her or vice versa. It was going to make it so much harder. And her saying my name didn't exactly help. The way it rolled of her tongue, her voice saying it as if I was the best thing that ever happened to her…I dimly realized that she dropped her hand.
"Jace?" she asked again. Hell, I thought. Whatis it with the universe? Finally noticing that her hand was on top of mine, I took mine away, even though my body and heart protested. I laced my own hands together, trying to forget how they felt in Clary's just a few moments ago. I pressed them hard together, hurting myself on purpose. The physical pain will – temporarily – distract me from the emotional pain.
I finally looked at Clary, letting no emotion escape my face. "I'm fine," I said, trying to keep all emotions out of my voice and purposefully avoiding saying her name. Apparently, saying that I'm fine didn't stop Clary from trying to put a comforting hand on my shoulder. I glared at her, trying to force myself to be angry at her when she did nothing at all while shrugging her hand off. I still couldn't bear her touch.
Trying to give her one last chance, to propone the inevitable I said painfully so, "Just please, leave me alone, Clary." I hoped that saying her name might make something click in her brain. I desperately wanted her to leave, I couldn't do this. I just can't.
I saw her face searching mine, trying to find cracks in my mask that only she could read. After I realized that Clary can read almost any emotion at all in my face despite me trying to hide it, I just gave her a blank look, but I could tell that something – I'm not sure how big or small – clicked.
"Jace," she said firmly. There she goes again with saying my name! "I'm not just going to leave you while you're distraught." If only she knew, I thought to myself.
"I'm fine," I snapped at her, meeting her gaze with hard eyes. "It's just that...," I trailed off.
"Just what?" she demanded. We always started out with this. I never went through it; all the times I had tried, I had failed.
Determination flared up in my chest, thinking that this was the best way for Clary. "I think we should see other people," I said calmly after taking a deep breath, saying words that I knew would crush her. But, I couldn't help my eyes tightening.
She jerked back, not crying just yet. Typical Clary, she doesn't like anyone see her cry and she's so strong. "What?" she asked. Why, I wondered, was she making this harder on herself? She heard me perfectly clearly –I was sure of that by the reaction on her face.
"I think we should break up," I repeated calmly. Knowing that my eyes would be her best way to reading me, I tried to focus on something else. The plants. The sun filtering through the windows. The-
"If this is something to protect me from, Jace, then it's stupid. What's there to protect me from? Valentine? My father is dead, for the love of the angel!" she rambled, clearly angry.
I said it as bluntly as I could. "I'm just not interested in you anymore." I noticed her blink.
"If you do this to me again, Jace," she warned me. I could tell she wanted to shove her finger at my face. "I'll never ever forgive you. You can't get away with breaking my heart twice." I could tell that she was close to tears now. It looked like she was trying really hard not to burst into tears right then and there.
"I'm sorry," I said as casually as I could. I felt a little relieved. This was the closest as I could to say sorry to her without telling her anything. I also felt a little better by finally getting this over with, not having to worry about doing it another time though, this was going to hurt a hell of a lot more later.
"If that's what you want," she whispered to me.
I felt like killing myself. I promised I would tear apart anyone who ever hurt her, but it was me doing this to her. I weakly wondered if it still applied to me. I wanted to laugh a cruel, soundless laugh but I couldn't. I felt my throat tightening. I just nodded, not trusting myself enough to speak and stared at the floor.
I heard her get up and hurry away. Trying to get away before she burst into tears, I grimly thought to myself. I just started to twiddle my thumbs until enough time passed for me to head back on downstairs after Clary left; I needed to give her space if I even dared to hope that she would somehow, impossibly forgive me. I hated not doing something, not being in action. Especially after what I just did, I need to kill some serious demon butt or else I was going to end up hurting someone else to hurt myself which, of course, is definitively not going to help.
I heard her pausing at the door before venomously saying, "I hope you're happy with your new girl." That did it, she knew nothing at all. How dare she accuse of that? I couldn't blame her though, not with my past. I should have known that it was going to come back and bite me in the ass one day. Karma's definitely a bitch; I use a bunch of girls and the one girl I actually liked…didn't it already get enough pain out of me?
I heard her racing down the stairs, and I angrily got up. I paused, knowing that I shouldn't – I should just let her go. But what Clary said popped back into my mind and I pounded down the stairs after her, keeping in mind that I shouldn't.
She got a head start, so I thought she was going to be gone by the time I got down there but she wasn't. I saw her in the elevator and I dimly realized that Iz was on the floor, like Clary pushed her and she landed on her ass. But Clary wouldn't push her, even if she was angry. She wouldn't take out her anger on other people like I would.
The elevator wasn't moving for one second and I could feel that I still had my poker face on. It groaned, signaling it was going to move, and I couldn't help but to spare one last glance at her. I nearly cringed away from her; I saw all the pain I caused her. The anger she had, at not only me but also herself. As if she did something wrong. But she didn't do anything wrong! What in the world was she thinking? I pondered.
After the elevator started moving down, I continued to look at the elevator but letting the poker face fall off. I couldn't tell if Clary saw or not and I doubted that she did. Why would she want to look at the douche like me?
.o.O.o.
After a while, I opened my eyes, sighing, knowing just how much pain I caused her. Knowing her, she was probably locked up in her room bawling her eyes out and here I was, locked up in my room, thinking about her crying. What kind of sick person was I?
It was a good thing I broke up with her. I just laid there in my bed, for who knows how long just thinking about Clary or trying not to think about her, which of course, was still me thinking about her since I was trying not to think about her. I don't even know if I'm making any sense anymore. Stupid alcohol…I thought, blaming it on the booze.
I cringed, feeling myself getting washed up into another memory that followed the one before; I couldn't stop replaying them in my head, over and over again.
"Jace?" Izzy whispered, fear bright in her eyes. When I didn't answer she pushed herself up off her ass and stared at me, resting her hands on her hips, her feet slightly apart from each other.
On another girl, it might have just been a bitchy, mad, and just plain attitude but on Izzy…well, that meant trouble. She looked menacing in her stance, and if it was any boy other than me, they might have cringed and ran away, terrified of her. Shit, I mentally cursed. Even if she didn't scare the crap out of me – even though she sometimes did, not that I was ever going to admit that to her – I still was wary of her.
Great, I thought darkly. An angry dish with a side of pissed off. Perfect. Only my sarcasm kept me from launching into my explanation. I seriously had some dark humor.
"Jace," Izzy repeated, her voice hard and cold.
"Yes," I drawled out. I couldn't help but to try to hurt her to make punish myself. Which was only going to make it ten times worse. She glared at me in response.
"What was that?" she asked while gesturing to the elevator, trying to control her temper. At least she knew better than to say Clary's name.
"Nothing," I lied to her easily. Now that Clary was gone, I could basically lie to everyone at ease at again. The lies just came out effortlessly.
"Jace," she glowered at me.
"What?" I asked again, letting my irritation leak into my voice.
"This is for Clary," she spat, right before slapping me in the face. I stumbled back a couple steps before regaining my balance and raised a hand to my cheek, more from shock than pain that she would slap me. It didn't necessarily hurt that much but much more than the time Clary slapped me… except that was before she was training to be a Shadowhunter.
With that, Izzy spun on her heel and went into the corridor. Even though I had deserved it –and the Angel knows how much more – I couldn't help being the jerk that I am. "Yeah, defend her and not your brother that you knew for years!" I shouted after her.
Izzy stopped in her tracks, her back tensing. "At least," she spat out at me after whirling around, "that she was better to me than you ever were. Better to even you, more than you ever deserved. And now, you hurt her and expect me to be on your side when it was your entire fault?" She paused, letting her words sink in. "Days, weeks, months, years don't count. It's how you treat them during that time that counts. I'm sick of putting up with you."
Letting her words hang in the air, she spun on her heel once again, leaving me gaping after her. I could hear the words that she hadn't voiced about Clary after me not deserving her. 'Clary made you better, the best person you ever were. She made you truly happy. And now you let that go.' I could even picture her saying it, anger sharp in her blue eyes that would be like daggers of ice, not that they weren't already.
Okay, I admitted to myself. I guess I deserved that. Even if what I deserve is painful.
I stood in the hallway for a long time, just standing there replaying what Iz had said to me over and over. 'Days, weeks, months, years don't count. It's how you treat them during that time that counts. I'm sick of putting up with you'. I winced at the truth in those words. I had treated them horribly. I had treated them like shit although all they ever did was to care and love for me. I didn't even let them love me at first and it look twice as long for me to love them back.
Also, there were words that she hadn't added there either. 'Clary treated us better than you have ever in the years you knew us. We had turned her world upside down, yet she never acted like you did. Hell, she even saved us from Valentine. And she saved you'. Yup, that would fit perfectly after her last sentence.
Hell, everything she said – even the things that she hadn't said – was true. Every ounce of it. And that's what stuck a danger through my heart. I never realized – well, I did realize a little bit of the douche I was being – but never fully grasped it.
I sighed and opened my eyes again. As everything cleared into focus from having my eyes closed for a long time, I wondered about what I was going to do. I felt bad, and a part of me wished that I took back everything that I did, not only today, but the past few days too. To pretend that all this never happened.
I wondered how it was that I could even form a coherent thought and feel anything at all. After all the drinks I had…and now I was washed away in another flashback.
After I finally found it in me to move, I headed out of the Institution, not really knowing where I was heading; I just knew that I had to get away from the Institution. Far away from it. As I walked, I kept my hands balled up in my pockets and walked looking down – something I never did. It felt weird and unnatural.
I ignored the giggles I got from girls, not even bothering to give them a glance, much less flirt with them. I just kept walking, not caring where I went. Not like anyone would care anyways. That's not true, a reasonable voice in my mind spoke. Yeah sure, and no one asked you, I replied back to it, not listening to the voice in the least.
After some time, I finally looked up, shocked. Somehow, someway, I ended up going to the place where it all started. If by chance we never went here, or if she never had gone there that day, we probably would have never met. The Pandemonium Club. Even my sub-conscious mind thought about Clary. I sighed, unsure on what to do. Finally deciding, I headed in the club.
After I entered, I looked up, surprised to see it packed before I remembered that today was a Friday. Of course, I thought bitterly, people couldn't have a care in the world while I, on the other hand, have –
A girl approaching me broke me out of my thoughts. She approached my confidently, as if rejection wasn't in her book. She was beautiful, I had to admit. She had long straight platinum hair and bright sea green eyes set in an open face with high cheekbones. She wore a clingy black strapless dress that barely reached mid-thigh and from what I could see, it was backless. The dress set off hair, eyes and curves beautifully. She was wearing black high heels, not that she wasn't already tall. Dangling from her ears were huge sliver hoops and a flashy silvery bracelet that adorned her wrist.
As she reached up a hand to tuck her hair behind her ear, I couldn't help to notice a sliver ring that decorated her right index finger. When she finally approached me, she flashed me a smile and said, "Hey handsome," while resting her hand on my upper arm, tracing invisible patterns into it.
Pushing away all thoughts, I replied, "Hey beautiful." She blushed, a rosy tint to her otherwise pale face. As if she wasn't already used to compliments like this.
"How about," she whispered seductively, leaning closer to him, "we go somewhere a little more private?" She looked up from the pattern she was tracing on his arm and gazed at him through her lashes. Wow, I thought. This one moved fast; cut right to the chase. Some part of me was screaming at me to refuse, but another part, urged me on.
Meeting her gaze, I smirked. Giving her a half smile I replied, "Sure." Grinning at me, she towed me towards the storage room in the back, and I glanced at her back that had thick straps of criss-crosses pattern lacing down the otherwise bear-back that I had not notice before. The glance at the door brought a pang of memories as I went through it but before I could do anything, she shut the door behind her, leaning against it and grinning widely, as if she won some prize. Her smile was so dazzling, and for some odd reason, reminded me of Clary.
Pushing all thought of her out of my head, I stepped towards her; putting my hand behind the small of her waist, pressing her up against the wall. She looked like she was going to kiss me, her hand wrapping securely around my waist, but instead she tilted her head up, towards my left ear.
Her mouth stopped a centimeter away from his ear, and I could feel her breathing down on my ear, her breathe hot and heavy. Snaking her other arm around my head tightly, again like she was going to kiss me or do something seductive or even tease me, but instead, she whispered, "Got you," before pulling back, securing the already iron hold around my head and waist before pulling her head back slightly and grinned evilly.
So, my nack (as some of you call it) of having cliffhangers happened again! LOL, my bad =p If some of you are confused as to when this is happening, before, he it was late at night and he's remembering all this, and basically what he remembers is after everything happened. I didn't make it happening then instead of flashbacks...because, well I don't really know why. I just did, a writer's hunch I guess you could call it so I could write something this way and make it really cool. Like how he felt afterwards and keeping it going seemed...boring, so now, he can reflect on each memory and share his thoughts on it now too so you can like see the difference between what he had thought then and after his memory or flashback or whatever you wanna call it is over, see how he reflects upon it. I don't know, maybe I just like flashbacks, and I have another reason to doing this, which of course, you'll find out later but it wasn't...planned. I just thought of it and then realized 'hey, this could work'. This was insight to Jace's point of view and you got to find out how he felt, and right now, I know his reasons are little unclear, but they are going to get stronger and you'll realize more later. So, now both Clary and Jace are at cliffhangers, lol. But don't worry, I have the next two chapters sorta planned out and it should be out pretty fast. So enough of this talk (if you have any questions just PM me or write it in your review), I have something important to talk to you guys about. So, like I said earlier in the Prologue, this is my first fanfiction. So, I JUST found out about traffic, and found out I have a lot of viewers! The bad part, is that only a few of you guys are reviewing! Please review! If you don't like something or do, then you can tell me so I could change it or something! On the plus side, I'm really happy that a lot of you guys are reading my story! And, some from very far away countries since I live in the USA. So sorry about some spelling changes to those outside of the US like 'color' and 'colour' or however you spell it. So yeah...PLEASE REVIEW. Also, if you hadn't noticed, I got the title name while I was writing the chapter from the song Say Hello to Goodbye by Shontelle. Freaky thing was that it came back up as I'm writing this...I felt like it fit with the whole situation, so if some of you were wondering about it, there's your answer! Oh, speaking of names, I only got ONE person to tell me which title for my story they like better. I want some more opinions and I'm going to write a few more chapters before I decide so PLEASE tell me in your review or vote in my poll (which no one did...) The titles are: The City of Broken Hearts (The first one) or The City of Glass Hearts (new one, maybe you guys would understand why I picked this one after a couple more chapters?). I am giving you guys an option on this! Also, do you guys want me to put in songs that fit with the chapter? I will go back to the previous chapters and do you if you guys do want a song list, but in order to have it, you guys have to TELL me, so do so! And, I'm really sorry that this is a really long note...but the chapter was longer too so that makes up for it (I hope). Now, I'm going to shut up so you guys can review (looks hopeful and crosses fingers). Oh, and tell me about any mistakes and constructive criticism is welcome and yadi yadi ya!
P.S. You should check out the story that I'm beta-ing for! Her story is amazing! It's called You Should Have Stayed by CoolestxNerd. =)
***Reminder: This is set AFTER City of Glass. And don't forget to review!