"Fuck you mosquitoes!" I go all Light Saber on a mosquito on my arm, slapping it with a rolled up map.
Chou giggles, and cuddled on to my arm. "You're so funny, Maka-kun. That's why I love you!"
The hosts planned a camping trip for the summer, and we've hiked for hours! Of course, since Haruhi wouldn't go without me, and Chou was practically a mosquito that automatically had to be with me everywhere; we're all here.
Since neither Haruhi nor I had any clothes that would fit Chou, considering her breasts were far larger than ours, we had to go shopping. Oh lord, how terrifying it was, you wouldn't believe.
"Alright, lets head into Forever 21, that's where all the girly crap is at." I said, looking down at a map of stores.
"Are you kidding me? That's the most expensive store in this mall…" Haruhi muttered in despair. "Then again, you have money piling on you."
That wasn't necessarily true, I just waited one million of my inheritance. "I guess, it is an international store. Let's just go to the Sales section."
I wasn't used to shopping, so this was awkward. "Alright, lets start by getting it a bra….they're peeking through the shirt…"
"Here!" I handed it the first bra I could find. "Go try it on in there!"
"Maka-kun will not go too?"
"I don't need a bra right now."
"But I want Maka-kun to be with me!"
"No!" I push her in, and quickly shut the curtains. "Hurry up and put those over the shoulder boulder holders on!"
After a few minutes, it opens the curtains. "Maka-kun~! How does it look on me?"
She gives me a happy smile, and pulls me inside. "What the-"
"Maka-kun~! Put the shirt on me~!
"You've got hands!"
She makes a pouty face, and wraps her hands around my neck. "Can we kiss Maka-kun?"
"No!" I push her back. Why am I referring to it as human being?
"Maka-kun doesn't like me?"
"Of course I don't! You're an appliance, it doesn't even matter."
She was quiet a moment, then returned to normal. "According to my system, Maka-kun has never been aroused by me not even once."
How the hell would she know… "Look, I don't think it'll be possible for me to be aroused by the female anatomy. I'm not like Haruhi…"
Of course Im not like Haruhi, if she was in this situation, she probably be nicer to Chou, and probably enjoy it. Damn her and her indifference in anatomy.
I sighed, and kept walking.
"Hi you guys~!" Honey-senpai greeted us at Kyoya's villa. It's been a while since I met the little guy, a year huh? Come t think of it, he's an adult now, and he still looks like a fourth grader.
"Honey-senpai!" Haruhi happily hugged him, I had the urge to as well, but I was already being hugged.
"Maka-kun, you look the same!"
No kidding. My body has the development span of a turtle; so does Haruhi, thank you very much.
"Honey-senpai, this is Chou Otonami, Maka-kun's cousin." The twins say, pointing towards Chou.
"How dare you address me like we're well acquainted!" Damn them. I sigh exhausted, throwing myself aback on the couch. This stupid crap hasn't even started and I'm already exhausted.
Everyone else takes a seat, Chou tries to sit on my lap, but legitimately fails.
"Honey-senpai why have you returned from Switzerland?" Haruhi asks, once we are all comfy by the chimney.
"I actually just finished a mission with Takashi, it sure was a tough one!" He says, munching on a large truffle.
"Is it the one about the Con-artist's new business?" Kyoya adds in.
"Yeah! You'll never guess! They attempting to smuggle illegal merchandise through Mexico, Takashi took them all out before they could get to Japan."
"That's stupid, why smuggle crap when you can sell them off the underground market?" I add in.
"That's what's strange, " Honey-senpai added. "They rip people off by asking for one million yen, claiming their product is worth it, but the minute you don't notice, they take it right back!"
"Good thing they were caught," Haruhi says. "What exactly do they smuggle?"
"Varying in things!"Honey-senpai replies. "From Ipads, to Karaoke systems, TV's, cars, persocoms, all things that anyone would want."
Or maybe a life-size sex doll? I glance at Chou, and she happily plays with my fingers under the table. Nah, I'm thinking too much. Could I actually been conned? By my brother? It's too impossible, my brother is too much of an idiot to be a con artist. Thinking about it now, Chou looks worth what I payed her, she blends in with all humans, who would con someone with something so well made?
"Chou-chan, do you want some hot chocolate?" Kaoru asked.
"Su-" I grab the cup before it reaches her fingers.
"Chou has diabetes, she needs to take a shot before she eats. Let's go Chou."
Chou follows me eagerly to the hallway. "Are we going to kiss?"
"Of course not! Listen Chou, can you eat food?" I ask.
She doesn't hesitate to respond. "It is not necessary for me to eat for nutrition like Maka-kun does, but I can eat if Maka-kun wants to me too. The food will be stored upon release."
That's a another way to put it. "I'll tell that to Haruhi next time she makes me eat Spicy Tofu…"
"Maka-kun! Let's kiss!" She wraps her arms around my neck. "We have not kissed once, it's unhealthy in our relationship."
What relationship?! You're just a sex doll that rapes the human! "Okay, no more of this fluffy seductive crap! From now on, when we are near those mofo's, don't act like we're dating! As a matter of fact, we aren't even! Do I have to lecture you about Anatomy for the hundredth time?"
She takes a second to process what I just said, then smiles like normal. "Very well, if that's what Maka-kun wishes, I'm okay with it. I will act more like a normal girl and finally arouse Maka-kun. Then we can finally have the best sex ever!"
"ugh. Just, Just shut up! F-fine, if that makes you stop." Hopefully she will eventually stop asking for the anatomically impossible.
She hugs me. "Okay! Maka-kun it's a promise!"
My god. When did I become a freaking sex victim?
Thanks for reading! :3 Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN OHSHC!